Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: Shouldn't a submissive try to top from the bottom?


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Shouldn't a submissive try to top from the bottom? Page: <<   < prev  1 [2] 3 4   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: Shouldn't a submissive try to top from the bottom? - 5/26/2009 10:18:13 AM   
Fitznicely


Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/18/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: trappedinamuseum
Perhaps the tone of voice, or the timbre of the conversation also has something to do with it.


Absolutely! Nonverbal communication doesn't come across too well here, I guess.

_____________________________

I tell you this: No eternal reward will forgive us now for wasting the dawn
Proud Owner of Darkmoonkat. Such a good girl!

(in reply to trappedinamuseum)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Shouldn't a submissive try to top from the bottom? - 5/26/2009 10:20:04 AM   
trappedinamuseum


Posts: 5066
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Fitznicely


quote:

ORIGINAL: trappedinamuseum
Perhaps the tone of voice, or the timbre of the conversation also has something to do with it.


Absolutely! Nonverbal communication doesn't come across too well here, I guess.


Nor in texts or e-mails.  I find that is one of my greatest struggles - I misinterpret what he says quite often because of this.

_____________________________

"You're gonna catch a cold, from the ice inside you soul.
Don't come back for me.
Don't come back at all" - Jar of Hearts

(in reply to Fitznicely)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Shouldn't a submissive try to top from the bottom? - 5/26/2009 10:21:48 AM   
Fitznicely


Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/18/2006
Status: offline 		Much as I cringe at emoting in messages, sometimes it's just necessary

_____________________________

I tell you this: No eternal reward will forgive us now for wasting the dawn
Proud Owner of Darkmoonkat. Such a good girl!

(in reply to trappedinamuseum)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Shouldn't a submissive try to top from the bottom? - 5/26/2009 10:25:28 AM   
ACryFromTheSoul


Posts: 53
Joined: 10/21/2006
Status: offline 		oh hugs... your wonderful.

Trying to think of one that won't get the ball rolling in the other direction again. (eeek) 

I am talking about those little things a submissive does to just see if the dominant is still on top of things, still there, still active in the relationship mentally (things done unconsciously) .  I am not talking about deliberate actions, I am not talking about going against what he has asked of her (anything but)

it can be the tone she uses
it can be she might take more time then normal to do something (but still does it)
it might mean she looks around prior to doing something out of the ordinary in public

I am talking about the simple, little things... the things that don't affect the foundation. 

does that make sense...



(in reply to Fitznicely)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Shouldn't a submissive try to top from the bottom? - 5/26/2009 10:26:24 AM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline 		My thoughts are, that *topping from the bottom* can only occur if it's *allowed*. I can try to top as much as my little heart pleases, it won't alter the fact that he IS on top.......and I'll only get to top if he lets me ..which isn't topping from the bottom anyway.

I actually don't care in the least that I might be called a *brat or a *manipulator*, or just *out for fun and games*.. I'm going to try to have things the way I want because I'm selfish ............and I don't LIKE it when things aren't the way I want. I'm stuck with someone who *carries on regardless*.

agirl



(in reply to ACryFromTheSoul)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Shouldn't a submissive try to top from the bottom? - 5/26/2009 10:28:03 AM   
breatheasone


Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ACryFromTheSoul

let me clarify my view on toping from the bottom:

example.. I asked my ex if I could have 5 minutes to clean my car before he got in. He said sure. I then turned around and asked if I could have 10 minutes instead. He said don't nickle and dime me... you now have 3 minutes.

And while I was not consciously to manipulate him, the fact that he called me out on it... I broke out in an unexpected smile on my end almost to the point of giggling... as it was thank you, thank you, thank you... for putting your foot down.

Also, I am not talking about deliberate acts, or intentional ... I am talking about those little things that do not affect the  foundation of the relationship.

In my opinion that was NOT topping from the bottom. Please be aware that SOME "D" types use the "you are topping form the bottom" cry to bemoan the simplest things like the example you sighted. To be blunt, SOME "s" types get FALSELY accused of "topping from the bottom"


_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
Mike posts in black font
candy posts in pink font

(in reply to ACryFromTheSoul)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Shouldn't a submissive try to top from the bottom? - 5/26/2009 10:37:43 AM   
Fitznicely


Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/18/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ACryFromTheSoul

oh hugs... your wonderful.


*smiles and bows*
quote:


Trying to think of one that won't get the ball rolling in the other direction again. (eeek) 

I am talking about those little things a submissive does to just see if the dominant is still on top of things, still there, still active in the relationship mentally (things done unconsciously) .  I am not talking about deliberate actions, I am not talking about going against what he has asked of her (anything but)

it can be the tone she uses
it can be she might take more time then normal to do something (but still does it)
it might mean she looks around prior to doing something out of the ordinary in public

I am talking about the simple, little things... the things that don't affect the foundation. 

does that make sense...


This all comes firmly under the banner of cute, sweet and amusing

_____________________________

I tell you this: No eternal reward will forgive us now for wasting the dawn
Proud Owner of Darkmoonkat. Such a good girl!

(in reply to ACryFromTheSoul)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Shouldn't a submissive try to top from the bottom? - 5/26/2009 10:38:00 AM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ACryFromTheSoul

oh hugs... your wonderful.

Trying to think of one that won't get the ball rolling in the other direction again. (eeek) 

I am talking about those little things a submissive does to just see if the dominant is still on top of things, still there, still active in the relationship mentally (things done unconsciously) .  I am not talking about deliberate actions, I am not talking about going against what he has asked of her (anything but)

it can be the tone she uses
it can be she might take more time then normal to do something (but still does it)
it might mean she looks around prior to doing something out of the ordinary in public

I am talking about the simple, little things... the things that don't affect the foundation. 

does that make sense...





The only thing that would affect our relationship would be a total and utter refusal. Not one of those * I don't want to do this but I will, even though I'll hate you for a few hours* things.

If I refused to do something, then we ALREADY have lost the M/s relationship. TFTB would be the least of any concern. I can whine, I can whinge, I can try his patience in many ways , I can spit, I can fume , I can show-off, I can be ill-behaved.........but I cannot refuse AND and keep an M/s relationship.

agirl



(in reply to ACryFromTheSoul)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Shouldn't a submissive try to top from the bottom? - 5/26/2009 10:39:25 AM   
NihilusZero


Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		Obviously much of the issue would rest in the demeanor and intent behind this topping-from-the-bottom...but it's not something I'd find attractive under most of the presumptions you've outlined.

This is essentially an offshoot thread to a recent one started by DemonKia about how well "testing" is received (which strikes me as interesting as more people seem comfortable with the same premise made here, just being described in a different way). And while I argued, there, that such testing, when put into play at the beginning of the interaction phase between two people, can help uncover compatibilities, I made specific mention that such testing becomes an attempt at covert manipulation once the relationship has started.

Once a sub/slave is in a relationship with me, I would not tolerate for them to create scenarios so they can determine stuff  with subterfuge...things that, if they really needed to know, they should have ascertained before entering into a formal relationship with me.

A sub doing these things because she is whimsically playful and has no ulterior motive is one thing. A sub initiating these things becasuse they think they are charged with the task to temper/test/mold/maneuver my wishes and thoughts, on the other hand, would quickly get the boot from me.

Sure, we all learn things from the people closest to us in our lives...but I don't need those very people to be in my life (certainly not what should be an obedient sub/slave) presuming they are meant to take up the secret role of educating me on me through randomly fabricated scenarios meant to elicit my Dom reactions.


_____________________________

"I know it's all a game
I know they're all insane
I know it's all in vain
I know that I'm to blame."
~Siouxsie & the Banshees

NihilusZero.com

CM Sex God du Jour
CM Hall Monitor

(in reply to Fitznicely)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Shouldn't a submissive try to top from the bottom? - 5/26/2009 10:39:50 AM   
subangi


Posts: 544
Joined: 5/11/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ACryFromTheSoul

oh hugs... your wonderful.

Trying to think of one that won't get the ball rolling in the other direction again. (eeek) 

I am talking about those little things a submissive does to just see if the dominant is still on top of things, still there, still active in the relationship mentally (things done unconsciously) .  I am not talking about deliberate actions, I am not talking about going against what he has asked of her (anything but)

it can be the tone she uses
it can be she might take more time then normal to do something (but still does it)
it might mean she looks around prior to doing something out of the ordinary in public

I am talking about the simple, little things... the things that don't affect the foundation. 

does that make sense...



I think for most it is a round about fun way of getting a form of dominant acknowledgement for lack of a better term.  It is not meant to "top", or give disrespect.  One that usually ends up with both giving a grin, and a good feeling.

(in reply to ACryFromTheSoul)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Shouldn't a submissive try to top from the bottom? - 5/26/2009 10:40:57 AM   
oceanwinds


Posts: 530
Status: offline 		Hi OP
First of all I wanted to give you a little encouragement for just posting. A word can have so many meanings, that the transition can get lost easily. So please do not think yourself a failure and continue to post. Heck my words garble a lot:)

If i understand what you are saying, it sounds like you are testing your Dom. to see if he is acknowledges his position with you. I am not sure how long you been in this relationship, or what is going on that you might feel like testing, but perhaps reflecting on that might give you some insight.

Just a thought. Again thank you for being brave and posting on CM

_____________________________

I know where I came from and where I am today. I am forever grateful to all that touched my life. Thank you all and especially you, Goddess.

(in reply to breatheasone)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Shouldn't a submissive try to top from the bottom? - 5/26/2009 10:47:53 AM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ACryFromTheSoul

it can be the tone she uses
it can be she might take more time then normal to do something (but still does it)
it might mean she looks around prior to doing something out of the ordinary in public



....standard practise here on occasions. No *result* in mind, just expressing my disapproval.......LOL

agirl

(in reply to ACryFromTheSoul)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Shouldn't a submissive try to top from the bottom? - 5/26/2009 11:00:56 AM   
ACryFromTheSoul


Posts: 53
Joined: 10/21/2006
Status: offline 		thank you for the encouragement... soft smile

The question is a general question, but one that I find myself in at times. And I think the reason why I used the word topping from the bottom the way I did, is my ex used that term in reference to what I described.

I think there is an additional aspect also, that sometimes the phrases that I use while fine in normal conversation in work/with family/friends, might not be altogether great in a d/s relationship.

hugs





(in reply to oceanwinds)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Shouldn't a submissive try to top from the bottom? - 5/26/2009 11:04:10 AM   
ACryFromTheSoul


Posts: 53
Joined: 10/21/2006
Status: offline 		for you yes, for my ex not so much.

which might be one of the reasons why he is my ex. ... smile

(in reply to Fitznicely)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Shouldn't a submissive try to top from the bottom? - 5/26/2009 11:07:06 AM   
ACryFromTheSoul


Posts: 53
Joined: 10/21/2006
Status: offline
quote:

I think for most it is a round about fun way of getting a form of dominant acknowledgment for lack of a better term. It is not meant to "top", or give disrespect. One that usually ends up with both giving a grin, and a good feeling.



one would think that, but I don't seem find those particular dominants.

Hugs.

(in reply to subangi)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Shouldn't a submissive try to top from the bottom? - 5/26/2009 11:11:12 AM   
ACryFromTheSoul


Posts: 53
Joined: 10/21/2006
Status: offline 		Thank you, for everyone who took what started off as a horrible beginning , and helped me get it going in the right direction... smile

(whew )

(in reply to ACryFromTheSoul)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Shouldn't a submissive try to top from the bottom? - 5/26/2009 11:22:05 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone


In my opinion that was NOT topping from the bottom. Please be aware that SOME "D" types use the "you are topping form the bottom" cry to bemoan the simplest things like the example you sighted. To be blunt, SOME "s" types get FALSELY accused of "topping from the bottom"



On principle I agree with you from a logical point of view, having never experienced it or even seen it in any of the M/s dynamics I know.

What you do say however goes to validate my views of a clear and concise set of protocols for a dynamic which allows a slave (or sub) to draw the Master/Mistress's attention to something they have missed or that needs to be dealt with. Personally I give a slave the latitude to approach with such information I am lacking, reminders or even a suggestion of a better way to do something. This needs to be done respectfully and if I tell them to wait and approach me again when I have finished doing what ever it is I am busy with, he or she batter have a jolly good reason for persisting in trying to draw my attention to what ever it is they need to tell me. .. I value good staff/slaves and expect them to be alert and bring to my attention I may have forgotten or that needs my personal attention. This makes for a far better home and no micromanagement is needs with such gems..


_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to breatheasone)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Shouldn't a submissive try to top from the bottom? - 5/26/2009 12:01:06 PM   
oceanwinds


Posts: 530
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ACryFromTheSoul

thank you for the encouragement... soft smile

The question is a general question, but one that I find myself in at times. And I think the reason why I used the word topping from the bottom the way I did, is my ex used that term in reference to what I described.

I think there is an additional aspect also, that sometimes the phrases that I use while fine in normal conversation in work/with family/friends, might not be altogether great in a d/s relationship.

hugs







Oh been there , done that, and i am sure to repeat that again:)

hang in there sweetie

_____________________________

I know where I came from and where I am today. I am forever grateful to all that touched my life. Thank you all and especially you, Goddess.

(in reply to ACryFromTheSoul)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Shouldn't a submissive try to top from the bottom? - 5/26/2009 12:01:37 PM   
NihilusZero


Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ACryFromTheSoul

I am talking about those little things a submissive does to just see if the dominant is still on top of things, still there, still active in the relationship mentally (things done unconsciously) .  I am not talking about deliberate actions, I am not talking about going against what he has asked of her (anything but)

Unless someone is having trouble controlling themselves in the simplest of senses, how does a sub do something "just to see" and have it not be "deliberate"?

quote:

ORIGINAL: ACryFromTheSoul

it can be the tone she uses

This seems deliberate to me.

quote:

ORIGINAL: ACryFromTheSoul

it can be she might take more time then normal to do something (but still does it)

Again, deliberate. And irreverent for the sake of...what? Seeing the reaction to irreverence?

quote:

ORIGINAL: ACryFromTheSoul

it might mean she looks around prior to doing something out of the ordinary in public

Confused by this one. Too vague.

quote:

ORIGINAL: ACryFromTheSoul

I am talking about the simple, little things... the things that don't affect the foundation. 

You can't answer the question at the very same time you are requesting people's views on it. What you are asking is if these things would "affect the foundation" (and why). If you have marginalized them to where they do not already, then we're talking in circles, essentially asking:

"Would it upset you if your sub did something that wouldn't upset you?"

For me, some of the antics you've described would affect the foundation.


_____________________________

"I know it's all a game
I know they're all insane
I know it's all in vain
I know that I'm to blame."
~Siouxsie & the Banshees

NihilusZero.com

CM Sex God du Jour
CM Hall Monitor

(in reply to ACryFromTheSoul)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Shouldn't a submissive try to top from the bottom? - 5/26/2009 12:14:43 PM   
NihilusZero


Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NihilusZero

You can't answer the question at the very same time you are requesting people's views on it. What you are asking is if these things would "affect the foundation" (and why).

...which got me thinking that this thread is, then, an ironic and subtle example of that very type of deliberate (or not) TFTB.


_____________________________

"I know it's all a game
I know they're all insane
I know it's all in vain
I know that I'm to blame."
~Siouxsie & the Banshees

NihilusZero.com

CM Sex God du Jour
CM Hall Monitor

(in reply to NihilusZero)
Profile   Post #: 40
Page:   <<   < prev  1 [2] 3 4   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Shouldn't a submissive try to top from the bottom? Page: <<   < prev  1 [2] 3 4   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.094