dreamerdreaming
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quote:
ORIGINAL: ACryFromTheSoul
Why is it the accepted norm that bottom/submissive/slaves should not try to top from the bottom?
I have always hated this hard and fast rule, or the assumption of a rule that seems to state that if one tops from the bottom they are automatically labeled as a brat, a manipulator or someone out for fun and games and little else.
Yet what happens if the complete opposite were true, what if topping from the bottom in a limited degree was good for the submissive and the relationship as a whole? (Especially at the start of that relationship)
Taking in consideration, the extraordinary amount of individuals who add the title of dominant, master ect to their names without the understanding, knowledge or experience behind it, wouldn’t trying to top from the bottom help the submissive uncover the character of the man she has decided to submit to as well as that of her own?
A general gist of the information I believe can be gathered by a submissive:
That the dominant can spot – toping from the bottom
He might be as smart and/or smarter than she is
She starts to learn how he handles toping from the bottom
She can see how he reacts
His patience level
His temperament (ie does he anger/frustrate easily)
That he has a stronger will then she does
That he is not a push over
She can start to feel safe
She can start to feel secure
She can start to build a comfort zone
She can start to feel contained
She can start to realize who is in control
She can start to realize that she is losing the control
(I have kept this in a positive light yet each of these could also be found to be lacking both in the dominant and in submissive herself)
While I am not endorsing trying to top from the bottom in the long run, as that hinders the growth process of the relationship. I disagree with the concept that a submissive should not at least try to top from the bottom simply for the reason that it allows both parties to start to realize their roles in the relationship, and for a submissive to start learning her place.
Thoughts?
ACryFromTheSoul,
The sub you are describing in your OP is very frightened and insecure. Safety is a big concern for such a person. They didn't get that way overnight. So a lot of time and patience would be needed, in order for a dom to bring such a fearful sub to a place of feeling truly safe and secure with them.
A much better way of going about the process would be for the sub to just lay it all out in the beginning, instead of playing games. To just communicate frankly about the high level of fear and insecurity they feel, and ask for whatever help they need from the dom, to help them overcome it.
This approach would save time because with open, honest communication instead of game playing, trust can grow. Confessing one's deep fear is a step toward building trust. The sub who is brave enough to allow themselves to be vulnerable and let the dom see what is really going on inside them, is advancing the dom a good measure of trust and knowledge from which to build. The sub who hides away their fears and uses manipulation to try to address them is at a high risk of being kicked to the curb in record time.
Doms don't like being jerked around, and any self-respecting dom won't put up with it. A sub will need to advance the dom a healthy amount of trust to begin with, or the dom won't have a chance to earn more. Without trust, the relationship cannot grow and flourish. It will stagnate, and die away.
All of the above applies to any relationship, of course- not just D/s. Anybody would run screaming away from someone who hides away inside themselves while they play a bunch of head games on others.
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RE: Shouldn't a submissive try to top from the bottom? - 
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