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LDR - The start - 5/27/2009 11:14:35 PM

Posts: 372
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From: Berlin/Germany
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Long distance Relationship.

Distance is relative.

M. and me touched each other deeply.

Minnesota is far away from Berlin, Germany.

We are at the end of the first three weeks, have written and spoken.

There is a real possibility for a meeting in the flesh, because he is planning to visit Euroe and Potsdam, that part of his family
left for the USA.

Because i have much more experience with flesh to flesh contacts, i guess my question is, for those who started
like that, how did you proceed and what were the stones in the way.

I am not one for escapism, but most male submissives do not appeal to me, it is rare that i react, that is the reason
i am looking for advice.

Thank you for your insights

Ruth

And, yes, my dominant husband is well informed, i do not waste energy with secrets.

And, no, i am not an escapist.

PS And even if M. and me only find friendship, i would like to know what others have lived, because, maybe the next one interesting me in ten years time is living on Greenland.

< Message edited by ZenDragoness -- 5/27/2009 11:18:43 PM >

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RE: LDR - The start - 5/28/2009 1:59:11 AM

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I would say - take it slow. Treat it the same way as you might any other face to face meet. Try to forget the distance travelled. Think about you want after the meet beforehand. Good luck! enjoy!

(in reply to ZenDragoness)

RE: LDR - The start - 5/28/2009 2:16:29 AM

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From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

I think these sort of questions will resonate differently depending on much of your worldview. I've traveled literally across the globe to be with someone I'd met online and had it implode in my face.

The question, as always with these things, is whether the possibility for what could be is great enough to warrant superseding the practicalities. In my case, I usually go out of my way to overcome the practicalities because the intoxication and potential for something blossoming is of paramount life-importance to me. Sometimes this means I'm left in situations that could, in retrospect, be seen as hasty or insensible...but those are the gambles I'm willing to make. And, usually even in the situations where it all disintegrates, there is at least the lingering memory of a handful of moments when it was worth it that merit the attempt.

If:

(Quality of what it could potentially yield) + (Likelihood it will yield that result) / 2 > (Practical + emotional cost of making it happen)

...then go for it.

< Message edited by NihilusZero -- 5/28/2009 2:59:40 AM >

_____________________________

"I know it's all a game
I know they're all insane
I know it's all in vain
I know that I'm to blame."
~Siouxsie & the Banshees

NihilusZero.com

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(in reply to Whenready)

RE: LDR - The start - 5/28/2009 2:53:30 AM

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From: Berlin/Germany
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Whenready and NihilusZero,

thank you both for your answers in a very different way they resonated and cleared some of the fog (john carpenter) that clouded mind, soul and brain.

Even if nobody else is answering thanks to you both i am already much more at peace.

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aka Morgaine289

http://goldenerkern.blogspot.com/

(in reply to ZenDragoness)

RE: LDR - The start - 5/28/2009 3:17:06 AM

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quote:

he is planning to visit Euroe and Potsdam

Until I have dates and a routing number (and I have done this a lot, looove imported toys) it is all just talk.

(in reply to ZenDragoness)

RE: LDR - The start - 5/28/2009 6:06:04 AM

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I have to agree with Antipode, until you have that confirmation that yes, he's on his way, anything can happen. I know someone who was involved in a LDR and the other person kept promising to be up and move to them yet for 15 months, every time it came time to meet and for her to move, something happened. They never did meet up, after so much baloney and lies, it was called off. Yet I was able to arrange to be here within a few months of agreeing to be with Lumus', things worked out like a miracle for me to be here.

I have had extreme LDR experiences, one time I flew 2500 miles to meet someone who ended up standing me up for 3 days (best damned 3 days of the trip!) in Baltimore, MD, then when they finally showed, it was discovered that they were totally not what they'd told me. In came out that the pictures and cam time were the person's friend, who matched the description I'd been told, which was he was 6', Irish, black hair and blue eyes and the pictures supported that. Reality was he was a female, African-American about 3" shorter than me and much heavier than what she'd said. Needless to say, I was freaking out and all trust was lost - it ended the relationshiop. Then I met Lumus on here at CM and moved out to Him. Best risk I ever took, we'd been honest upfront, nothing was hid or kept back and look where we are now.

ZD, meeting obstacles is just like any relationship. Only in LDR's, you have to add in travel complications, costs and sometimes, Immigration. Handle them as they come up, just like any other obstacle in a relationship. Honest communication works wonders.

_____________________________

"I have sold my soul to the devil for You, will You still love me when I am soiled, stained and souless in my love for You?
Or is this the beginning of the end?"
Proud member of the Clan Scarlett O'Hair

(in reply to antipode)

RE: LDR - The start - 5/28/2009 6:33:33 AM

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From: Berlin/Germany
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Antipode and Rainfire, thank you for your warning words.

_____________________________

aka Morgaine289

http://goldenerkern.blogspot.com/

(in reply to ZenDragoness)

RE: LDR - The start - 5/28/2009 7:42:12 AM

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Joined: 1/5/2009
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No prob, it was kinda funny after the first experience because I ended up telling people "no live cam, no proof of gender, no go." I got to the point where I was telling people "whip it out on cam, baby and show me yer a man". Remarkably, no one ever told me to go get stuffed.

_____________________________

"I have sold my soul to the devil for You, will You still love me when I am soiled, stained and souless in my love for You?
Or is this the beginning of the end?"
Proud member of the Clan Scarlett O'Hair

(in reply to ZenDragoness)

RE: LDR - The start - 5/28/2009 10:37:05 AM

Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
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leeme get this straight 5 feet away from YOU is someone that YOU determined to spend the rest of your life with. You willing to risk that for some moron that lives a $1,5000 visas work permits <and all the other bull shit involved> plane ride away.

UH my advice rethink your motives and get you head examined, cuz you have gone completely bonkers. any more questions???

BadOne

_____________________________

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

According to SwithNSpanky
We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

(in reply to Rainfire)

RE: LDR - The start - 5/28/2009 10:49:27 AM

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ZenDragoness

Long distance Relationship.

Distance is relative.

M. and me touched each other deeply.

Minnesota is far away from Berlin, Germany.

We are at the end of the first three weeks, have written and spoken.

There is a real possibility for a meeting in the flesh, because he is planning to visit Euroe and Potsdam, that part of his family
left for the USA.

Because i have much more experience with flesh to flesh contacts, i guess my question is, for those who started
like that, how did you proceed and what were the stones in the way.

I am not one for escapism, but most male submissives do not appeal to me, it is rare that i react, that is the reason
i am looking for advice.

Thank you for your insights

Ruth

And, yes, my dominant husband is well informed, i do not waste energy with secrets.

And, no, i am not an escapist.

PS And even if M. and me only find friendship, i would like to know what others have lived, because, maybe the next one interesting me in ten years time is living on Greenland.

quote:

I just do not take anyone seriously enough until they actually show up. Until then, there is no relationship. Online people can disappear from the face of the earth without causing the least little bump on my road of life.

< Message edited by LaTigresse -- 5/28/2009 10:51:21 AM >

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to ZenDragoness)

RE: LDR - The start - 5/28/2009 11:31:24 AM

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Joined: 1/5/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

leeme get this straight 5 feet away from YOU is someone that YOU determined to spend the rest of your life with. You willing to risk that for some moron that lives a $1,5000 visas work permits <and all the other bull shit involved> plane ride away.

UH my advice rethink your motives and get you head examined, cuz you have gone completely bonkers. any more questions???

BadOne

Is this directed at me, SB or the OP? Because if it's me, I think you mis-read my post. I wasn't involved with anyone when I moved here.

Just checking.....

_____________________________

"I have sold my soul to the devil for You, will You still love me when I am soiled, stained and souless in my love for You?
Or is this the beginning of the end?"
Proud member of the Clan Scarlett O'Hair

(in reply to SailingBum)

RE: LDR - The start - 5/28/2009 11:56:34 AM

Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline

to the OP

_____________________________

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

According to SwithNSpanky
We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

(in reply to Rainfire)

RE: LDR - The start - 5/28/2009 12:32:36 PM

Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

leeme get this straight 5 feet away from YOU is someone that YOU determined to spend the rest of your life with. You willing to risk that for some moron that lives a $1,5000 visas work permits <and all the other bull shit involved> plane ride away.

UH my advice rethink your motives and get you head examined, cuz you have gone completely bonkers. any more questions???

BadOne

Either your reading comprehension is in need of retuning or you've fabricated a make-believe person to whom this commentary must apply...because it makes no sense as relevant to anything the OP has mentioned.

_____________________________

"I know it's all a game
I know they're all insane
I know it's all in vain
I know that I'm to blame."
~Siouxsie & the Banshees

NihilusZero.com

CM Sex God du Jour
CM Hall Monitor

(in reply to SailingBum)

RE: LDR - The start - 5/28/2009 12:35:53 PM

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Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
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Sailing Bum is referring to the OP's "Dominant Husband", aka the person she vowed to spend her life with.

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[page 23 girl]

(in reply to NihilusZero)

RE: LDR - The start - 5/28/2009 12:41:23 PM

Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

Sailing Bum is referring to the OP's "Dominant Husband", aka the person she vowed to spend her life with.

Which is funny since I don't recall where the OP mentioned anything about her relationship that would be "at risk" by seeing what progresses with this sub from overseas. Secondly, I don't see where the postulated visit would be costing the OP any money (travel or otherwise) as she clearly stated the possibility being that he would be traveling to her.

As far as the use of terms such as "bonkers" and "moron", I don't see where they apply anywhere other than as apt descriptors of the post they were written in.

< Message edited by NihilusZero -- 5/28/2009 12:42:07 PM >

_____________________________

"I know it's all a game
I know they're all insane
I know it's all in vain
I know that I'm to blame."
~Siouxsie & the Banshees

NihilusZero.com

CM Sex God du Jour
CM Hall Monitor

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

RE: LDR - The start - 5/28/2009 1:02:27 PM

Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: NihilusZero

quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

leeme get this straight 5 feet away from YOU is someone that YOU determined to spend the rest of your life with. You willing to risk that for some moron that lives a $1,5000 visas work permits <and all the other bull shit involved> plane ride away.

UH my advice rethink your motives and get you head examined, cuz you have gone completely bonkers. any more questions???

BadOne

Either your reading comprehension is in need of retuning or you've fabricated a make-believe person to whom this commentary must apply...because it makes no sense as relevant to anything the OP has mentioned.

Why is it everybody got it but you???

BadOne

_____________________________

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

According to SwithNSpanky
We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

(in reply to NihilusZero)

RE: LDR - The start - 5/28/2009 1:27:39 PM

Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

Why is it everybody got it but you???

BadOne

Got what? Your introduction of a disguised pseudo-cynical wit into a thread whose mood was one of emotional disclosure and helpful assistance? So...your answer to the critique of your irrelevant commentary is essentially: "jk lol!!!1"?

_____________________________

"I know it's all a game
I know they're all insane
I know it's all in vain
I know that I'm to blame."
~Siouxsie & the Banshees

NihilusZero.com

CM Sex God du Jour
CM Hall Monitor

(in reply to SailingBum)

RE: LDR - The start - 5/28/2009 2:12:17 PM

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: NihilusZero

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

Sailing Bum is referring to the OP's "Dominant Husband", aka the person she vowed to spend her life with.

Which is funny since I don't recall where the OP mentioned anything about her relationship that would be "at risk" by seeing what progresses with this sub from overseas. Secondly, I don't see where the postulated visit would be costing the OP any money (travel or otherwise) as she clearly stated the possibility being that he would be traveling to her.

As far as the use of terms such as "bonkers" and "moron", I don't see where they apply anywhere other than as apt descriptors of the post they were written in.

I can't say a thing about THAT, only that it's the typical Sailing Bum method of communication. My earlier clarification does NOT indicate agreement with him!

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

(in reply to NihilusZero)

RE: LDR - The start - 5/28/2009 2:35:06 PM

Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

I can't say a thing about THAT, only that it's the typical Sailing Bum method of communication. My earlier clarification does NOT indicate agreement with him!

I had a flash of those warnings they show before movies: "The views expressed in this presentation are the views of the speaker and do not necessarily reflect the views or policies of...

_____________________________

"I know it's all a game
I know they're all insane
I know it's all in vain
I know that I'm to blame."
~Siouxsie & the Banshees

NihilusZero.com

CM Sex God du Jour
CM Hall Monitor

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

RE: LDR - The start - 5/28/2009 2:42:34 PM

Posts: 575
Joined: 6/19/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum
Why is it everybody got it but you???

Not everyone else got it. For example, I think you've made a terrible decision by mocking her pursuit of another partner/friend/whatever just because she's got a primary.

On the original subject, I've had a few LDR's translate to full time situations... some have been good, some bad, but I don't regret any of them. Hell, my best friend and I started as a LDR, transitioned to living together, broke up, had a long distance friendship, and ended up living together again, just as friends. As for how to get it to work... know the other person. For example, I'm the type of person who thinks "I'll call you at five" means five, not ten after, or even five after. And if someone doesn't call at the time they say, I might not mention it... but it gets to me. Over time, those things can be a relationship killer... unless you know that, and can defuse the situation by saying "I don't hate you- I was two minutes late because I saw a shiny piece of tinfoil" or whatever else.

That's the only advice on the subject I've got.

_____________________________

It frightens me, the awful truth of how sweet life can be.
- Bob Dylan

Proper capitalization is the difference between "I had to help my Uncle Jack off a horse" and "I had to help my uncle jack off a horse."

(in reply to SailingBum)

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