RE: The voices in my head.

RE: The voices in my head. (Full Version)

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sophia37 -> RE: The voices in my head. (6/17/2009 6:45:21 AM)
Anyway, what I had started out to say before I got off the track with my own funny was, your voices sound to me like waking dreams. The unconscious and the conscience have in some way overlapped. Its the two sides of everyone's nature. Yet most of us don't have it all at once. We have the inner part speak to us in dreams. That's how we can read whats happening in our own lives. To the point where our minds can predict our future. Do you dream Arpig? Or do the meds supress those as well?

camille65 -> RE: The voices in my head. (6/17/2009 8:44:32 AM)
Arpig. Your story made me cry. It isn't fair. It isn't fair that it is so hard to find the balance. I wish you well, I wish you happiness.

CallaFirestormBW -> RE: The voices in my head. (6/17/2009 8:54:41 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ThatDamnedPanda quote: So, what do you think guys? Does that make any sense, or is it more irrational thinking? This is going to be way off the wall, Arpig, and I'm not sure I can phrase it coherently. But I'll take a shot at it. Are you sure that what you're describing as low self-esteem is actually low self-esteem - or is it possible that it's just a matter of schizophrenics being more introspective than most other people, more given to self-examination and less inclined to hide behind the facade of self-delusions we all erect around ourselves to make us feel braver and more "normal"? I think that most of us build our self-esteem by convincing ourselves that we're really pretty special people, that on some level at least we're at the head of the class. Could it be perhaps that schizophrenics tend to see themselves more honestly than other people, and that just looks like low self-esteem? Is that possible, or am I just way off? Maybe if we all saw ourselves as honestly as schizophrenics do, if we all looked at ourselves as objectively as schizophrenics do, we'd all feel as though maybe we weren't really all that after all. For some reason, this particularly resonated with me this morning -- perhaps because I've just spent some time explaining to a friend of mine that I believe that most of the 'weirdos' in the world wouldn't be considered -nearly- as weird if they didn't feel compelled to explain/justify themselves to everyone... because inside our heads, all of us look pretty strange. Dame Calla

Arpig -> RE: The voices in my head. (6/17/2009 10:34:26 AM)
quote: Ok ok. We can joke can we not? We certainly can [:D]

Arpig -> RE: The voices in my head. (6/17/2009 10:35:30 AM)
quote: Do you dream Arpig? Or do the meds supress those as well? I dream. I rarely remember them, but the meds do not seem to have any effect on my dreams

Arpig -> RE: The voices in my head. (6/17/2009 10:36:35 AM)
Thanks Camille. It is difficult, but I am learning to cope, and hopefully I won't cause to much damage to those around me in the process

LookieNoNookie -> RE: The voices in my head. (6/17/2009 5:43:55 PM)
Okay....here's an interesting (I think anyway) question. Why is his name "Samas"? You (ultimately) named him. What up wit dat?

Arpig -> RE: The voices in my head. (6/17/2009 6:13:53 PM)
I haven't the slightest idea Lookie. I have always wondered why they all have foreign sounding names (Samas, Histael, Liston, Loran, Rayan, etc.) and then two of them are named Day and Night. I really couldn't tell you what's up with that, but I do agree, it is an interesting question, and I did ask them. The reason they gave is that they were speaking a different language, which was translated into my native language in my head. Their names didn't really mean anything, much in the same way as our names don't mean anything, and therefore they were not translatable. The exception being Day & Night, their names were the words in their language for "day" & "night", and therefore got translated in my mind. And none of them referred to him as Samas, they always referred to him as either Death, or the old man ( or some times "the old bastard"[;)], he wasn't the most popular entity). He told me his name used to be Samas, before he became Death.

Loki45 -> RE: The voices in my head. (6/17/2009 6:54:07 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: bluefireeyez While I don't have Schizophrenia, I do have Major Depressive Disorder and as I describe it two tracks in my mind. On the one hand, I will run a continous dialogue/thought process with myself. On the other, I will try to have conversations and/or go to classes. It does make it extremely hard to concentrate on the external world, expecially when the thoughts of death creep in. I have some experience with things like this. Mine wasn't called major depressive disorder, though. It was...dsthymic (sp?) disorder and a schitzo-typal personality trait. Through my own research, I think much of it stems from an increasing bought with OCD....at least that's what 'my' research leads me to think. I once told a friend of mine that there will likely never be a time in my life when I can't picture a hand putting a gun in my mouth. It's not that I'm suicidal. Far from it. However, as I am told, occasionally times of GREAT stress send my mind to 'that place.' Suicidal ideation is what they called it. But in my honest opinion, those shrinks were fucked in the head. Basically they asked me questions like this: "Do you ever think of suicide?" And my reply was something along the lines of "I can think of anything if you ask me to. I've seen 'scenes' in movies where someone has killed themselves, and I have an amazing memory, thus I can picture myself in that situation." I still think they just didn't get my answer. Anyway.... I recently did a search on OCD and the various forms and was blown away by the variety of symptoms it can display. Anything from a need to wash your hands multiple times to complete sexual confusion. The latter leads to depression because the person tends to doubt/be unhappy with who they are or who they think they are. In extreme cases, it is described as the person "thinking" they have gender dysphoria and thus should 'change genders' but they really don't. They are just confused by how their brain interprets things. (Make sense?) In another thread, someone said "you have issues." Obviously, my reply is "Nope, I have full subscriptions." Another potential symptom for OCD people (which I know I have) is 'bad thoughts.' To explain exactly what that means.....it's kinda like the OP's voices. I don't hear the voices...I see the event happening. I see the car of a friend or loved one being in an accident and totalled. I see me driving down and a car hits me head on. The problem is kinda two-fold. First, the thoughts themselves. Obviously they aren't pleasant, but alone they're kinda like a 'visual worry.' I worry about what might happen, so my brain puts it "On screen" to borrow a Star Trek reference. The second problem with those 'bad thoughts' is the mistake belief that by having them, I have the capicity to somehow 'cause' them. Sort of a....I think it therefore it will happen. I've also got the lovely hand-washing thing. And I've noticed it's gotten worse as I have gotten older. Sure, as any OCD person can, I can really make a great case for WHY I need to wash my hands. But I really am just doing it because I'm not trying not to. If I really exert my willpower, I can avoid it, either by grouping many actions that would require a wash together, thus washing only once, or by just realizing that the thing I just touched isn't nearly as dirty as I think it is. It's not easy. If I am focused on other things, I have been known to wash my hands several times an hour or less. Speaking of willpower, that brings me back to the 'bad thoughts.' Sure, OCD folks can get meds. But my problem with the meds I've tried are they either feel like they are doing nothing, or they have made me rather zombified. My research into OCD (as well as some past conversations with others) shows that some are able to overcome their symptoms through willpower. So, being a fan of superheroes like Superman, the Green Lantern, etc, I exert my willpower through them. To sum up, should a thought pop into my head of a friend or love one's car being in a wreck, I will re-picture the same scene, with a Green or Blue "force field" (ala Green Lantern) around their car, thus making them invulnerable. It makes it a lot easier to watch such a scene when I know the outcome won't be bad.

Arpig -> RE: The voices in my head. (6/17/2009 7:04:16 PM)
quote: I once told a friend of mine that there will likely never be a time in my life when I can't picture a hand putting a gun in my mouth. It's not that I'm suicidal. Far from it. However, as I am told, occasionally times of GREAT stress send my mind to 'that place.' Suicidal ideation is what they called it. I can relate to this, I have been told so many times to hang myself from the swingset in the park across the road, that I can no longer look at it without picturing myself hanging from it. quote: Sure, OCD folks can get meds. But my problem with the meds I've tried are they either feel like they are doing nothing, or they have made me rather zombified. I hear ya on that one Bro, I hear ya. quote: My research into OCD (as well as some past conversations with others) shows that some are able to overcome their symptoms through willpower. So, being a fan of superheroes like Superman, the Green Lantern, etc, I exert my willpower through them. To sum up, should a thought pop into my head of a friend or love one's car being in a wreck, I will re-picture the same scene, with a Green or Blue "force field" (ala Green Lantern) around their car, thus making them invulnerable. It makes it a lot easier to watch such a scene when I know the outcome won't be bad. I think that is brilliant!! your mind is palying tricks on you? Well play a trick on it right back!! Like Loki I do a lot of reading on mental issues (though I admit I haven't done any on OCD), and something I noticed, is that in attempting to find ways to cope, many seem to adopt the attitude that their mind is sort of an adversary, to be guarded against and to be outmaneuvered. Do you, Loki & bluefireeyez, find yourself doing this? I find I do to a degree, but I have not yet come to the point of totally distrusting my mind yet.

Loki45 -> RE: The voices in my head. (6/17/2009 7:25:58 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Arpig I think that is brilliant!! your mind is palying tricks on you? Well play a trick on it right back!! Like Loki I do a lot of reading on mental issues (though I admit I haven't done any on OCD), and something I noticed, is that in attempting to find ways to cope, many seem to adopt the attitude that their mind is sort of an adversary, to be guarded against and to be outmaneuvered. Do you, Loki & bluefireeyez, find yourself doing this? I find I do to a degree, but I have not yet come to the point of totally distrusting my mind yet. No, my mind isn't an adversary to me. More like a movie screen playing what it wants to. It's kind of like all the dream talk they use in the Nightmare On Elm St. movies. You realize it's a dream and you pull into it what you need to protect yourself. My mind likes to watch disaster movies. I turn those disaster movies into superhero movies with me as the star. You've heard the expression "he's a hero in his own mind?" In my case it's true.

sophia37 -> RE: The voices in my head. (6/18/2009 6:14:16 AM)
I think the imagery you both describe is something we all experience. I most definitely experience flashes of entire events. Bad events for sure. And how I get around them is, I then take the images and re-imagine them, just not with a blue force field. I have put white force fields around things. So what I read here does not sound strange. And I have not been diagnosed with any "disorders". I just find this whole thread interesting because it seems to me like we all have these images and thoughts in our brains. We are wired to have them. We simply have them to higher or lower degrees.

Loki45 -> RE: The voices in my head. (6/18/2009 1:37:08 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sophia37 And I have not been diagnosed with any "disorders". Technically I have...as I posted above. The strange thing is I don't think I have what they think I have. The line of questioning they put me through was very vague and open-ended. Hence why I think the people I talked to were full of shit. This can be evidenced by when I read things in their report like "Frequently uses videogames to escape reality..." I'm like WTF? Millions of people play videogames and by their nature, they are an escape. That doesn't mean I'm trying to "escape reality" any more so than anyone else who engages in a hobby. Fuckin' quacks. However, that being said, I do think I have something they didn't diagnose me with -- an increasingly severe OCD. I mean hell, just google it or look it up on wikipedia....I did. Not only do I fit the textbook description of OCD, but the very nature of OCD can and does often lead to many other "symptoms" that can make it appear as though you have some sort of depressive disorder when in fact it's just OCD.

scifi1133 -> RE: The voices in my head. (6/18/2009 10:42:46 PM)
Oh crap I play video games all the time.....and in it im sniping people.....guess im escaping reality and I really want to kill people from a distance.

Arpig -> RE: The voices in my head. (6/18/2009 10:53:54 PM)
quote: guess im escaping reality and I really want to kill people from a distance. The bravery of being out of range

Loki45 -> RE: The voices in my head. (6/18/2009 11:02:33 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: scifi1133 Oh crap I play video games all the time.....and in it im sniping people.....guess im escaping reality and I really want to kill people from a distance. I've sniped in games, but I prefer the machine gun or grenade launcher. Lately, I've been killing zombies almost non-stop in my off time. I wonder what the quacks would say about that.

scifi1133 -> RE: The voices in my head. (6/18/2009 11:23:37 PM)
Well if you find out don't tell me. One of the mods I play is a zombie mod. And I like killing at a distance....after 10 kills in a row I get a c130 with a 40mm on it.....nice nice.

GreedyTop -> RE: The voices in my head. (6/19/2009 12:25:11 AM)
quote: I have some experience with things like this. Mine wasn't called major depressive disorder, though. It was...dsthymic (sp?) disorder I deal with this. I also deal with the suicidal ideation. NEVER would I commit suicide, but there are times, for instance, when I'm driving down the road and as I approach a bridge abutment think about what it would be like to just drive at full speed into it. It's even more common for me to think about traffic accidents where I'm crossing an intersection and someone runs a red light... ending in my fatality. I think the vehicular aspect comes from having spent the majority of my adult life as a professional driver....

scifi1133 -> RE: The voices in my head. (6/19/2009 12:38:59 AM)
You know I'm glad I hear about all this now AFTER you drove me around.

Loki45 -> RE: The voices in my head. (6/19/2009 12:40:01 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: GreedyTop I deal with this. I also deal with the suicidal ideation. NEVER would I commit suicide, but there are times, for instance, when I'm driving down the road and as I approach a bridge abutment think about what it would be like to just drive at full speed into it. It's even more common for me to think about traffic accidents where I'm crossing an intersection and someone runs a red light... ending in my fatality. I think the vehicular aspect comes from having spent the majority of my adult life as a professional driver.... Mine are of two varieties. I've had the driving ones. Though I tend toward the 'stunt' aspect....in other words wondering how far I'd make it off an overpass. The other variety are more like heroic visions. Seeing a crime in progress and stopping it, at the cost of my own life. Or a house fire that I charge into, pulling people to safety. Maybe I make it, maybe I don't. But if I'm there, we're gonna find out.

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