Got your Dom hat on?

Got your Dom hat on? (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive

Message

LadyHexx -> Got your Dom hat on? (6/23/2009 4:12:14 PM)
Ok, so I will go into a bit of back story here, My current and I were being blackmailed by his mother for me to leave him "or else". When we presented a united front against her, she called him over for a "talk" and now he's all brainwashed into thinking he is a Dom, which is TEARING our relationship apart. I know he is a sub, he loved doing it, loved making me happy, and loved his life when he was submitting to me, he said so on 1000's of occasions. However, now after his mother brainwashed him into beleving that submitting to someone is "abuse" our relationship is really on the rocks. Im super worried about this, and wondering, who is going to win here? His mom or me? He already said that he picks me over her, buuuuuut, is still wearing his Dom hat. Im getting really sick of entertaining this whole notion, and Im tempted to just pack it in and fuck off... Do you all ever get your Dom hats on, and if so, is it worth it for me to stay until he snaps out of this shit?

windchymes -> RE: Got your Dom hat on? (6/23/2009 4:16:17 PM)
I'd say that if his mother has that much power over him to "brainwash" him in a conversation, then you'd be better off finding someone better suited to you. Sounds like Mommy is the dom here and she's got him bound up in apron strings.

LadyHexx -> RE: Got your Dom hat on? (6/23/2009 4:24:11 PM)
She used the one thing to get to him that she knew he would bow down to. His family. She lied to him, and said all his family would disown him if he ever subbed again. He's been getting better at cutting the strings, even told her to fuck off once, which is good, but...this damage has already been done, and I dont know if he will ever be the person I fell for again. Heres the huge piss off though, His mom is a fucking sub! She is very out and proud of it, and yet she does this? Im hoping and praying that he will snap out of this sooner or later, because, beleve me, the guy is just not a Dom, he's horrid at it, and getting laughed at for trying. (He doesent know that, because I dont want him to get hurt though) Wow sorry, my thoughts are super disjointed arent they?

Lockit -> RE: Got your Dom hat on? (6/23/2009 4:25:59 PM)
I don't do mother's and son's like that. Been there, done that. The only way it works is if the son is adult enough to stand for what he believe's in and many do not. Mine did, but the damage was already done by the time he did. I will never walk that road again. Controlling mothers tend to use guilt and shame in controlling adult um's and if the adult um doesn't have the common sense to be true to themselves or their adult life... then mama is going to win, one way or another. I took the game right out of it and made it so it wasn't a win, but still she played it that way and he responded that way until I had no respect for either of them. It is hard to say what you should do. Only you know what you can handle and the whole situation. I feel for you, I really do... but until he stands up and is a grown up to her, there really isn't much I can see that can be done. He is not only struggling with a mama issue, but maybe a submissive issue as well and for some reason may think it is wrong to be submissive. As for me and my house... all mama's will be respected but I am the only mama in my house and other's need to stay in their own house.

LadyHexx -> RE: Got your Dom hat on? (6/23/2009 4:33:43 PM)
I just dont know how to change his mind. How do you bring someone back from thinking this is wrong? I want to wait, but Im so tired of it. Just dont know how much wait is in me anymore. I dont want to have to leave this relationship, because of everything I've put into it so far, its not worth it to leave without a fight, but how the hell do I start the fight, what are some good talking points / links / etc. ?

LadyHexx -> RE: Got your Dom hat on? (6/23/2009 4:36:03 PM)
I will also say, he still does what he is told, without question, and is a generaly submissive person, in mannerisims and actions. This is how I know he is not a Dom, and never will be. Its like he's one of those girls who pretends to be BI just to impress someone.

Lockit -> RE: Got your Dom hat on? (6/23/2009 4:39:35 PM)
Honey if it had worked for me, I might have some answers for you, but it didn't work for me. I didn't find one way that worked because it wasn't my issue... it was his. Until he is able to see that emotional blackmail isn't okay to use against his adult choices and happiness, I am not sure there is anything you can do. It is very painful and you mourn for what you had, but now cannot see because he isn't able to make a choice between what you shared and losing his family. That's the bottom line.

vodkasipper -> RE: Got your Dom hat on? (6/23/2009 4:48:26 PM)
Sometimes those corny cliches get it right... If you love him let him go. If he comes back he's yours, if not... well you know He needs to think he's a Dom because mommy said so. When he comes back to reality, he'll want to come back to you. By then though, who knows, you may have found a better sub; one that submits to you and not to mommy.

girlygurl -> RE: Got your Dom hat on? (6/23/2009 5:00:20 PM)
I wish you luck in the relationship. I find it odd that there was a conversation with the mother about this subject but that's just me. If he's going to listen to what mommy says then I'm guessing he'll continue to do it. IMO there's no "winning" in this situation. If he decides to submit to you, and not have a relationship with the his mother/family, will he resent you later? I don't understand what his preference has to do with maintaining a relationship with his mother. It doesn't compute in my brain.

sweetsub1957 -> RE: Got your Dom hat on? (6/23/2009 5:00:47 PM)
LadyHexx, I cannot imagine ever putting a Dom hat on. It's just not in me. Before Sir, I used to play with a really good switch friend of mine every so often, and he liked me to Domme him sometimes. I so tried, I really did, but I also so sucked at it & we both knew it. hahaha I learned a long time ago, I have to be true to myself because I am the one who has to live with me 24/7. The only one in my totally vanilla family that knows I'm a sub is my sister & she's constantly putting me down for it. She keeps telling me I should have a more Dominant attitude (in a vanilla way of course). Bottom line? I don't give one shit what she thinks of that, and she's not going to make me change. If I let her push me into it, I'm letting her Domme me, and the only Dominant I have is Sir. hahaha

LadyHexx -> RE: Got your Dom hat on? (6/23/2009 5:08:42 PM)
Well, I guess all I can do is wait it out and see if the changes made are satisfactory. I was really hoping I wouldnt have to leave him, but that is starting to look like my only choice.

sweetsub1957 -> RE: Got your Dom hat on? (6/23/2009 5:17:54 PM)
Not everyone has the guts to stand up to mama or family when it comes to disagreements. All I can say is, maybe you'll be able to find someone who suits you better who isn't so easily confused?

LadyHexx -> RE: Got your Dom hat on? (6/23/2009 5:24:11 PM)
Its just such a piss off, because I took him from a vanilla virgin, to what he is, and put so much work into everything.

Mercnbeth -> RE: Got your Dom hat on? (6/23/2009 5:24:21 PM)
quote: Do you all ever get your Dom hats on... No. this slave doesn't have/own one.

RedMagic1 -> RE: Got your Dom hat on? (6/23/2009 5:28:40 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHexx Its just such a piss off, because I took him from a vanilla virgin, to what he is, and put so much work into everything. The irony is, Mom might be saying the same thing, especially if she thinks that all real men are Doms, just as some parents think they have failed if their son "turns" gay. This isn't a BDSM issue. It's a couples therapy issue. Unless he will commit more to you than to his mother about things like S-E-X, then your relationship will be incestuous and gross. If you want to fight for this relationship, you need professional help, not just posts from random pervs on a message board.

DarkSteven -> RE: Got your Dom hat on? (6/23/2009 5:36:09 PM)
Like it or not, you've got a poly situation with two women both fighting over control of a male sub. There's only one way out of it - contact his MIL and sit down with her. Ask her what her goal is with him. Tell her that you think he'd make a great sub - would she have any issues with that? If so, what? If you can get on the same page as her, everything will be clear sailing. Otherwise, you'll be fighting this same fight till she passes away. I realize that you don't like her, but she's the key to this whole thing. Is she widowed? I wonder if she's used to a certain degree of drama in her life, and is getting it through you two.

Lockit -> RE: Got your Dom hat on? (6/23/2009 5:37:54 PM)
While you are trying to bring him back to the submissive you once had... mom is trying to bring out his dom and you are aiding the situation by trying to train him to dom someone else. The guys brain should be pretty well scrambled with all that. He doesn't know if he is coming or going. Make up your mind what you want. I'm with Red here!

sweetsub1957 -> RE: Got your Dom hat on? (6/23/2009 5:38:38 PM)
That's true too. Some mothers are drama queens.

LadyPact -> RE: Got your Dom hat on? (6/23/2009 5:39:30 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHexx Do you all ever get your Dom hats on? Yes, but I call Mine a Master's Cap. LOL.

sweetsub1957 -> RE: Got your Dom hat on? (6/23/2009 5:44:05 PM)
Now I'm confused. Is this the same sub you're talking about in your post on the Ask a Mistress board.....he subs only to you, but you want to know about training him to be a Dom?

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.046875