Winning Her Over

Join Our Community

Collarchat.com

Home Login Search

Winning Her Over

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> Winning Her Over

Page: [1]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

Winning Her Over - 2/14/2006 8:07:18 PM

Perenti

Posts: 4
Joined: 11/21/2005
Status: offline

I'm in a casual, even part-time relationship with a submissive woman. My experiences in the BDSM world are from a brief flirtation with it more that thirty years ago, through knowing a married couple who were involved in the life. In between that time and the present, I was in a competely vanilla marriage and it seems any, if not all, of the feelings, even instincts that I may have had for BDSM have been eroded away in my memory.

My problem is that I have very strong feelings for the sub I am seeing, however, I know my lack of ability as a Dom is going to hamper any advancement in our relationship. I know she is actively seeking a Dom or Master and has been for several years, and while she has told me her feelings for me are growing stronger all the time, I know that if I don't "lift my game", I'm going to lose her to someone with more experience and ability than I have.

The only thing that is a positive about all of this is the fact we have both been very honest and open about our feelings and hopes and knowing how she feels has given me enough hope to make a definite effort to win her for my own. The biggest problem I have is about twenty years of vanilla type behaviour and thinking and all the big and little restrictions and obstacles that this mindset brings with it. In short, I need some solid advice from some Doms and Masters out there, to help me get over this problem and win the heart, mind, spirit and body of this sweet little sub. Can you help?

Profile

Post #: 1

RE: Winning Her Over - 2/14/2006 8:26:39 PM

Littlepita

Posts: 1430
Joined: 10/6/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Perenti

In short, I need some solid advice from some Doms and Masters out there, to help me get over this problem and win the heart, mind, spirit and body of this sweet little sub. Can you help?

No, I can't give you any advice. I just want to encourage you to read all you can on being a Dom and ask lots of questions like you are now. Also keep up the honest communication with your sub.

My Sir and I are new to this lifestyle too. We fell in love with each other and are willing to learn and grow together. We both have concerns about failing each other and know we will make mistakes. But that is life. If she really wants you, she will be with you as you learn to be the best Dom you can be for her.

_____________________________

“I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.” – Anais Nin

(in reply to Perenti)

Profile

Post #: 2

RE: Winning Her Over - 2/14/2006 8:34:21 PM

FangsNfeet

Posts: 3758
Joined: 12/3/2004
Status: offline

Well, you're calling yourself a Dom so it's time to start acting like one.

You know your needs and you know her needs. Since you want her then it's time to tie her up, spank her, collar her, and tell her that she's yours. If she argues, duct tape or a gag can be used to silence her as you the bring out a belt. Just do what you have to do to have her except your terms. After all, If I'm reading you correctly, it seems to be what she has already hinted to you.

_____________________________

I'm Godzilla and you're Japan

(in reply to Perenti)

Profile

Post #: 3

RE: Winning Her Over - 2/14/2006 8:43:41 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

Keep being honest and open. Take a few risks here and there, but stay true to yourself. Ask HER for advice and ideas.

If she doesn't like you how you are and how you progress then it's just not a good match. Time and experimenting will bring you to your balance. Pushing yourself falsely just to win a prize will only burn you out, and build false expectations.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Perenti)

Profile

Post #: 4

RE: Winning Her Over - 2/14/2006 8:45:54 PM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

I would have to agree with LA, it's time to sit down, and discuss the situation. You may be closer to goals than you realize. And if not.....get to work.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Profile

Post #: 5

RE: Winning Her Over - 2/15/2006 2:59:47 AM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

Don't try and be someone you are not. There is no magic pill to take the place of experience so you can't offer her that. However if there is real feelings developing between you then that should be enough to let the pair of you learn together. Get involved with the local scene together, read together, have her suggest things to try that will help build the experience (But you are the Dom, suggestions are fine, but you still have to be the one in control)

If that isn't enough, then you maybe not as compatable as it first appeared.

(in reply to Perenti)

Profile

Post #: 6

RE: Winning Her Over - 2/15/2006 5:43:03 AM

DelRey

Posts: 314
Joined: 12/3/2005
Status: offline

Your doing the right thing. You can't be someone or somthing thing your not. that would be a pretender.

Stay honest with her and more importantly true to your feelings. If you are not feeling right about what she needs face it and remain true even if that means this relationship may not be the end all to be all.

Sounds like your a great guy, don't wreck it.

(in reply to Perenti)

Profile

Post #: 7

RE: Winning Her Over - 2/15/2006 11:39:35 AM

fastlane

Posts: 2159
Joined: 5/26/2005
Status: offline

Tell yourself this ten times each day as you stare into the mirror before brushing your teeth "I am a Dom, Damnit, I am a Dom!"

Then trust and follow your instincts. You are a Dom, Damnit!

Peace, Kevin

_____________________________

Just because it hurts, doesn't necessarily make it a bad thing.

(in reply to DelRey)

Profile

Post #: 8

RE: Winning Her Over - 2/15/2006 2:52:20 PM

HouseofBear

Posts: 1280
Joined: 2/9/2005
Status: offline

One of the basics of this lifestyle is open, honest communication. Sit down and talk to her. If she is interested in pursuing it, then perhaps a good idea might be for you to find someone to mentor you, or the both of you. There is nothing wrong with the two of you growing together.

Bear and Ursa

(in reply to fastlane)

Profile

Post #: 9