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would like some feedback please - 6/30/2009 12:40:44 PM

poeticfreak

Posts: 80
Joined: 6/1/2008
Status: offline

i've just posted my first journal entry and thought i'd copy it here in order to find out if i'm alone in my thinking or if others share a similar philosophy. i welcome any and all comments and thoughts on this matter, and am happy to answer any questions you may have about my way of thinking. so here it is

well i've decided to do a bit of clarifying to save us all a bit of time and let you know more about me. yes i'm a submissive, no i'm not a masochist. i always try to be polite and respectful but i don't believe anyone is better than me simply because they happen to be a dom/me, the only one who is superior to me is the one i serve(not currently serving anyone). i'm looking for a relationship with real intimacy, i'm not really interested in being just a toy or a way to kill some time. i don't believe two people can just fall into the role of domme and sub just because they bear those respective titles, there should be a getting to know you period to see if there is a meeting of the minds and of the hearts. i'm sure some of you feel that i'm not a real sub since i'm not willing to bow down and take orders from anyone who cares to give them, but i just don't see attraction in being with the first person to decide i might be useful or entertaining to have around

Post #: 1

RE: would like some feedback please - 6/30/2009 12:48:07 PM

Born2BMasochist

Posts: 42
Joined: 6/19/2009
Status: offline

I think it sounds open and honest. I believe that is the only way to get what you are looking for on this site anyways. There are too many that will read that and complain, but all that means is you two are not compatible, then you have the ones that dont even read it at all and state somehow you two are meant to be together. Take the search very slowly and be very cautious, and you do not have to submit to anyone unless you are sure this is what you want. IMO it does not make you a bad submissive.

(in reply to poeticfreak)

Post #: 2

RE: would like some feedback please - 7/1/2009 6:23:37 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

It's rather negative. Instead of "I don't feel the attraction of ..." why not rewrite it in a more positive outlook. Express it as "there must be an attraction between us, for me to feel your pull" or some such thing.

You don't need to say "I don't want to be just a toy" when you've already said you want a full relationship. Make it all positive.

But to have a full relationship, you need to add stuff about yourself that isn't BDSM related. There must be more to you than wanting a gentle Mistress. Do you like hiking, watching old movies? Are you a person who enjoys tossing quotes from favorite books back and forth? That kind of stuff. What isa important to you? What are you passionate about? Write about that. Because most of life is vanilla, you had best be compatible in those ways.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to Born2BMasochist)

Post #: 3

RE: would like some feedback please - 7/1/2009 6:43:05 AM

pompeii

Posts: 934
Joined: 1/4/2007
From: Silicon Valley, San Jose, California
Status: offline

It sounds like you're posting an ad in the discussion forums.

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 4

RE: would like some feedback please - 7/1/2009 6:47:50 AM

peppermint

Posts: 5172
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline

Just a word of warning here. Those that should read your paragraph will never see it. They are busy sending out their copy and pasted one liners to the greatest number of submissives possible. You can't expect them to take precious time to read a profile or a journal entry. So do not expect the amout of stupid mail you get to be reduced by your journal entry.

(in reply to poeticfreak)

Post #: 5

RE: would like some feedback please - 7/1/2009 6:49:51 AM

CarrieO

Posts: 2432
Joined: 1/27/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: pompeii

It sounds like you're posting an ad in the discussion forums.

I was thinking the same thing.

_____________________________

"No matter what happens in the kitchen, never apologize"~Julia Child~

(in reply to pompeii)

Post #: 6

RE: would like some feedback please - 7/1/2009 6:58:21 AM

Prinsexx

Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: poeticfreak

i've just posted my first journal entry and thought i'd copy it here in order to find out if i'm alone in my thinking or if others share a similar philosophy. i welcome any and all comments and thoughts on this matter, and am happy to answer any questions you may have about my way of thinking. so here it is

well i've decided to do a bit of clarifying to save us all a bit of time and let you know more about me. yes i'm a submissive, no i'm not a masochist. i always try to be polite and respectful but i don't believe anyone is better than me simply because they happen to be a dom/me, the only one who is superior to me is the one i serve(not currently serving anyone). i'm looking for a relationship with real intimacy, i'm not really interested in being just a toy or a way to kill some time. i don't believe two people can just fall into the role of domme and sub just because they bear those respective titles, there should be a getting to know you period to see if there is a meeting of the minds and of the hearts. i'm sure some of you feel that i'm not a real sub since i'm not willing to bow down and take orders from anyone who cares to give them, but i just don't see attraction in being with the first person to decide i might be useful or entertaining to have around

i love posting in my journal here and i like it when it is read and responded to.

_____________________________

Owner of asterion

Metawhore.... the sound of a metaphore when gagged
Free woman
Resident thread finisher
To my stalker:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LN2lP_7J7GI&feature=fvwrel

(in reply to poeticfreak)

Post #: 7

RE: would like some feedback please - 7/1/2009 4:02:43 PM

poeticfreak

Posts: 80
Joined: 6/1/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CarrieO

quote:

ORIGINAL: pompeii

It sounds like you're posting an ad in the discussion forums.

I was thinking the same thing.

after thinking about it i can see how it might look that way, but honestley that's not what i was trying to do. I was just trying to see if there were any like minds out there or if i was a minority, and maybe get a bit of advice. Feels like i've gotten some good pointers and i've tried to follow them, so thanks to everyone who responded

_____________________________

I have believed the best of every man. And find that to believe is enough to make a bad man show him at his best, or even a good man swings his lantern higher.- yeats

(in reply to CarrieO)

Post #: 8

RE: would like some feedback please - 7/2/2009 12:23:42 PM

sweetsub1957

Posts: 2201
Joined: 4/28/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: pompeii

It sounds like you're posting an ad in the discussion forums.

It does. That's just my two cents.

_____________________________

Member: Lance's Fag Hags.

"That's not just a chip on her shoulder, that's the whole potato!" ~Lady Angelika~

In lowering yourself to talking behind my back, you're perfectly positioned to kiss my ass.

An it harm none, do what ye wilt.

(in reply to pompeii)

Post #: 9

RE: would like some feedback please - 7/2/2009 12:52:29 PM

variation30

Posts: 1190
Joined: 12/1/2007
From: Alabama
Status: offline

" i'm sure some of you feel that i'm not a real sub since i'm not willing to bow down and take orders from anyone who cares to give them"

I'll give you feedback from my profile:

Too often do I hear men claim that a woman is not a 'real' slave or submissive because she will not cater to his every whim, even when they are absurdly dangerous and reckless. I would hope that you would be more than willing to suffer any indignities for me. If you are not, then I would not consider it a failing of you as a woman. If anything, it would lead me to attempt to better myself further so that I could inspire that level of obedience in you without having to resort to petty emotional or physical abuse (or at least abuse that is not asked for).

you'll find that most of the men who claim that women who don't immediately submit to them aren't real subs stay off of the forums and just surf profiles.

_____________________________

all the good ones are collared or lesbians.

or old.

(in reply to sweetsub1957)

Post #: 10

RE: would like some feedback please - 7/2/2009 1:19:06 PM

ranja

Posts: 2111
Joined: 11/1/2007
Status: offline

'but i just don't see attraction in being with the first person to decide i might be useful or entertaining to have around'

but you would see the attraction in being with the second or the third?
i think it all sounds a bit boring to be honest, but good luck...

(in reply to poeticfreak)

Post #: 11

RE: would like some feedback please - 7/2/2009 1:55:48 PM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Born2BMasochist

I think it sounds open and honest. I believe that is the only way to get what you are looking for on this site anyways. There are too many that will read that and complain, but all that means is you two are not compatible, then you have the ones that dont even read it at all and state somehow you two are meant to be together. Take the search very slowly and be very cautious, and you do not have to submit to anyone unless you are sure this is what you want. IMO it does not make you a bad submissive.

I concur. It is the sort of thing I'd like to see in the main body of a profile though.

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to Born2BMasochist)

Post #: 12

RE: would like some feedback please - 7/2/2009 3:06:47 PM

LovingMistress45

Posts: 271
Joined: 2/7/2009
Status: offline

I think it sounds fine. I agree with IB that it would be better in the main body of your profile. The only other comment is why don't you use proper capitalizaiton?

(in reply to IronBear)

Post #: 13

RE: would like some feedback please - 7/2/2009 3:29:14 PM

poeticfreak

Posts: 80
Joined: 6/1/2008
Status: offline

lack of capitalization and poor punctuation, they're just bad habits i have

_____________________________

I have believed the best of every man. And find that to believe is enough to make a bad man show him at his best, or even a good man swings his lantern higher.- yeats

(in reply to LovingMistress45)

Post #: 14

RE: would like some feedback please - 7/2/2009 10:58:55 PM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

Word processor old chap will help fix the lack of capitalization and poor punctuation. Develop a good habit of using a word processor or even the one attached to these forums to help until your memory picks up the clues and you start to use correct capitalization poor punctuation.

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to poeticfreak)

Post #: 15

RE: would like some feedback please - 7/3/2009 4:07:57 AM

eyesopened

Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline

You start out saying you want to clarify a few things and let the reader know more about you but then you don't provide a real insight into who you are, your personality, or anything that would attract anyone. It sounds more like a shield designed to repel those with whom you are not compatible.

Regardless of what you put in your profile or journal, you will be contacted by people with whom you are not compatible. Accept that, and move forward.

And also keep in mind that 99% of the submissive profiles state they are looking for a relationship (read: fall madly in love) and that they do not want to be a plaything. This will not set you apart from the hundreds of submissives seeking. A lot of Dominants are really sick and tired of hearing it. I know I would be. Again, the ones who send the "a real sub will meet me tonight at my motel and suck my dick" messages won't give a rat's behind what you write.

As others have pointed out, why not think and write in a positive tone instead of a negative one?

_____________________________

Proudly owned by InkedMaster. He is the one i obey, serve, honor and love.

No one is honored for what they've received. Honor is the reward for what has been given.

(in reply to poeticfreak)

Post #: 16

RE: would like some feedback please - 7/3/2009 5:56:47 AM

PsyVamp

Posts: 1026
Joined: 10/30/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: poeticfreak

lack of capitalization and poor punctuation, they're just bad habits i have

A quick word of caution, most of the Dommes on this forum will tell you that proper grammar and punctuation are important in written communication.
If you can't be bothered using proper capitalization and punctuation, how is a dominant to believe you have the time or the drive to give anything to the dynamic?

Good luck
Lady Jag

_____________________________

Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive. .
Could a blue screen of death constitute being defenestrated?
~Owner of wolf~ (one of them, anyway)

(in reply to poeticfreak)

Post #: 17

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