Are you married to your Dom(me)/sub/slave?

Are you married to your Dom(me)/sub/slave? (Full Version)

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Goddess2002 -> Are you married to your Dom(me)/sub/slave? (7/10/2009 2:54:42 PM)
Those of you who are married to your Dom, Domme, sub, or slave, how do you work out the dynamic? Did you draw up a contract of sorts(perhaps a sort of pre-nup) before the nupitals? Did you have your BDSM dynamic before you married, or did it develop afterwards? Could anyone offer any potential complications with this type of arrangements? Thanks in advance!

CaringandReal -> RE: Are you married to your Dom(me)/sub/slave? (7/10/2009 3:09:21 PM)
This probably isn't too helpful but here goes. I was married to my former master. He said after a couple of years of cohabitation, "there are distinct tax advantages to filing married." I said Ok. That was it. It changed the dynamic not one whit. He still told me what to do. I still said Ok. (shrug) We came from different generations and cultural mileus but in both, marriage was not looked upon as a condition to aspire to.

Mercnbeth -> RE: Are you married to your Dom(me)/sub/slave? (7/10/2009 3:32:42 PM)
quote: ...Those of you who are married to your Dom, Domme, sub, or slave, how do you work out the dynamic?... by not absorbing the behavior that is perceived as a cultural norm of husband/wife (a relationship of equals)...we kept the aspects of ceremony, a huge party, another reason to celebrate a milestone and benefits come tax time and at the car rental counter. quote: ...Did you draw up a contract of sorts(perhaps a sort of pre-nup) before the nupitals?... we drew up a contract for our primary relationship to each other as Master/slave...not for the marriage, which is secondary. quote: ...Did you have your BDSM dynamic before you married, or did it develop afterwards?... 3 years before we married, we agreed to be Master/slave.

leadership527 -> RE: Are you married to your Dom(me)/sub/slave? (7/10/2009 3:48:16 PM)
I have to wonder how useful this will be since relationships are all so unique but sure, I'll answer. Carol & I were a couple for about 12 years before the collaring.. married for about 10 of those. We were totally vanilla that entire time. The various BDSM dynamics have only crept in in the last two years or so. For us, this hasn't been any sort of complication. It's just a new way in which we interract with each other. We didn't negotiate a contract exactly, she suggested "bedroom sub", I countered with "full on 24x7 slave", she said, "OK." She hasn't stopped being my wife, or friend, or anything else for that matter. She's just taken on a new role in our relationship -- no complications.

AlexandraLynch -> RE: Are you married to your Dom(me)/sub/slave? (7/10/2009 3:56:54 PM)
My husband and I are co-Dominants. We've each somewhat bottomed for the other as being the most trustworthy partner we could imagine to explore with, discovered that while we each like certain games, neither of us are submissive by nature. I wouldn't do something he really didn't like, but neither would he do something that I really didn't like. We've been together twenty years, married fifteen of those, and only really started messing round with power exchange and all the other stuff in the last two years.

BeachMystress -> RE: Are you married to your Dom(me)/sub/slave? (7/10/2009 4:48:05 PM)
We're a 24/7 TPE couple. Our dynamic was established while we were dating (we met in a dungeon.) Marriage has slightly modified it, but the basis remains the same.

CatdeMedici -> RE: Are you married to your Dom(me)/sub/slave? (7/10/2009 5:53:08 PM)
No and though I may be committed to death, I will never marry.

DiurnalVampire -> RE: Are you married to your Dom(me)/sub/slave? (7/10/2009 5:58:01 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Goddess2002 Those of you who are married to your Dom, Domme, sub, or slave, how do you work out the dynamic? Did you draw up a contract of sorts(perhaps a sort of pre-nup) before the nupitals? Did you have your BDSM dynamic before you married, or did it develop afterwards? Could anyone offer any potential complications with this type of arrangements? Fox and I are getting married in October and we expect our relationship then to be exactly like it is now. We dont see a reason to change just because we are legally recognized as a couple now. There will be no contract, we dont see a point. We had our dynamic about since the day we met, and it has had 2 years to grow, as well as almost 1 living together to get used to that change pre-marriage. The potential complication is one a lot of couples fall into... I cant hurt him/her, I love them. Or, once married they fall into the standard accepted situations for couples rather than staying true to their original relationships, which then usually causes the dynamic to fall to the wayside. DV

pixidustpet -> RE: Are you married to your Dom(me)/sub/slave? (7/10/2009 6:59:46 PM)
i've lived with TheEngineer for a year, married nearly 7 months now, we've known each other about 10 years. the only thing that has changed is his vengeful glee in reminding me WHO wears the Ring Of Power (his wedding ring). we still play as much as my body will stand (right now not much) and we still are very happy with one another, and i still summon the laundry faerie on a regular basis. [;)] kitten

TreasureKY -> RE: Are you married to your Dom(me)/sub/slave? (7/10/2009 7:23:17 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Goddess2002 Those of you who are married to your Dom, Domme, sub, or slave, how do you work out the dynamic? Did you draw up a contract of sorts(perhaps a sort of pre-nup) before the nupitals? Did you have your BDSM dynamic before you married, or did it develop afterwards? Could anyone offer any potential complications with this type of arrangements? Thanks in advance! Though not married, Firm and I have been together for three years... this past year living together. We met here in the forums and from the time we decided to be in a relationship together, I have always been submissive to him. If we were ever to marry, our relationship would not change. We don't have any kind of contract... we've not needed it up to now, so I don't see why we'd need one if we were to marry.

hardbodysub -> RE: Are you married to your Dom(me)/sub/slave? (7/10/2009 7:36:41 PM)
quote: "there are distinct tax advantages to filing married." Funny, I've always heard the opposite.

kallisto -> RE: Are you married to your Dom(me)/sub/slave? (7/10/2009 7:41:17 PM)
The only time I got married, we were in a D/s relationship before we got married. Didn't change our relationship when we got married. He very simply wanted to make sure the ums were taken care of should anything happen to him and it did. He passed away when they were all small. He was looking out for what was his. Made the "legalities" of our relationship much easier (as others have saiid). But the foundation of our relationship was started and built up as D/s, not as husband and wife.

sirsholly -> RE: Are you married to your Dom(me)/sub/slave? (7/11/2009 4:12:41 AM)
Our relationship, both D/s and vanilla, was established within the first year of meeting. Marriage was just the next step in our commitment.

janiebelle -> RE: Are you married to your Dom(me)/sub/slave? (7/11/2009 4:34:37 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DiurnalVampire The potential complication is one a lot of couples fall into... I cant hurt him/her, I love them. Or, once married they fall into the standard accepted situations for couples rather than staying true to their original relationships, which then usually causes the dynamic to fall to the wayside. DV DV makes a great point here. My last relationship changed significantly once my dom became my husband. At times it seemed like once we were married, this man who had been quite comfortable taking the control in all aspects of life became complacent and didn't care to work on the D/s dynamic outside of the bedroom. And it led to a lot of resentment on my part. It sounds trite, but feelings of "you're not the man you used to be" undermined a formerly healthy relationship. j

Rainfire -> RE: Are you married to your Dom(me)/sub/slave? (7/11/2009 5:52:15 AM)
Did you draw up a contract of sorts(perhaps a sort of pre-nup) before the nupitals? No, no contract or pre-nup, though there was much discussions and conversations about what was expected on both sides. Did you have your BDSM dynamic before you married, or did it develop afterwards? Before the marriage, we met here on the CM forums. I knew He owned me long before marriage was discussed. Could anyone offer any potential complications with this type of arrangements? As a couple of others have mentioned, I think complacency could be an issue. Routine and lack of communication, because it could be "assumed" that such and thus is recognized and accepted when one partner may have changed their mind and not mentioned it. Things change as do minds and memories, which might not get discussed if they slip through the cracks. Marriage is another part of our relationship. The only things that changed when we got married was my last name and then immigration. We'll discover the tax benefits (or losses) next year. [:)]

slaveluci -> RE: Are you married to your Dom(me)/sub/slave? (7/11/2009 6:12:15 AM)
We had the M/s dynamic from the beginning. We married two years later. No contracts necessary. luci

pompeii -> RE: Are you married to your Dom(me)/sub/slave? (7/11/2009 6:15:20 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: hardbodysub quote: "there are distinct tax advantages to filing married." Funny, I've always heard the opposite. I'm not an accountant but I think the "marriage penalty" mainly applies only if both partners have income (i.e., the tax on your last dollars is much higher for combined income than for a single income) ... otherwise it's an advantage to be "married filing jointly". Of course, another marriage-tax "advantage" is when one dies, the estate can pass tax free to the spouse ...

ranja -> RE: Are you married to your Dom(me)/sub/slave? (7/11/2009 8:51:13 AM)
We got married to make sure the legal thing was right... pension, insurance, be officially recognised as next of kin... there was an ex and i had relocated... it was important for us, especially me, to have offical papers... i was extremely greatful that he took me as his wife. Our marriage bond feels so good to me... i do not care much about rings or collars (although i love bits of jewelry just for prettiness) but my offical status is who i am; His wife. He is Dominant and i have been submissive to Him from the start but kink did not really get into it till much later.

DesFIP -> RE: Are you married to your Dom(me)/sub/slave? (7/11/2009 12:08:20 PM)
We've talked about it, not ready yet either of us. The only contract we would do would be pre-nups to protect financial assets that ought to go to our separate kids.

whiteslavebitch -> RE: Are you married to your Dom(me)/sub/slave? (7/11/2009 1:52:54 PM)
No, I'm not married to MasterK, nor will I ever be. We both prefer it that way. After I finally ended my 23 year marriage, I decided I never wanted to get married again. I feel more of a committment to MasterK as a collared slave than I ever did while I was married.

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