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"Dominant in bed" - 7/12/2009 3:09:10 PM

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I've been in a relationship with a wonderful man for the past five months, and we are not very sexually active as I'm waiting for marriage. He supports it 100%. The short story is, little by little, I've let my D/s desires out, and instead of running away, he says, "I'm dominant in bed". He's showed some interest in bondage, not as much in pain...point is, we've talked about it. Good for me, right? His issue is, he's apparently never expressed his dominance in ways other than intercourse and oral, which are both out for us. Basically, he doesn't know how to express it with me.

Has anyone been in his situation? I know we're not doomed to nothing sexual before we get married, so how did you handle it? What kinds of things did you incorporate into your relationship and how did you start?

RE: "Dominant in bed" - 7/12/2009 3:12:42 PM

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why is oral out?

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to flower2007)

RE: "Dominant in bed" - 7/12/2009 3:31:06 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: tazzygirl

why is oral out?

Yeah. More generally, what's in-bounds and what's out of bounds? Maybe he doesn't know how to express himself because he doesn't want to pass boundaries you have set... and even you don't know where those boundaries are.

Make a list of things you can do now. Make a list of things you can't do until marriage. I bet "put you to bed with a bright red ass" isn't something on the second list.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to tazzygirl)

RE: "Dominant in bed" - 7/12/2009 3:46:37 PM

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He does know our boundaries...we've talked a lot about them. I'm just not sure he knows how to incorporate the things we CAN do (and yes, we can do quite a bit).

(in reply to RedMagic1)

RE: "Dominant in bed" - 7/12/2009 3:55:12 PM

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Well hell. You get majorly into it, and see what happens.

Wear something skimpy, but not too revealing. (There has to be enough for him to rip it off later.) When he walks in the door, kneel at his feet and say in a sultry voice how glad you are to see your master. Take off his shoes for him, kissing his feet. Thank him for allowing you to do this. Massage his legs while he's fully clothed. Ask him if you may be allowed to kiss his crotch. (He'll say yes.) Kiss him there -- he is still fully clothed -- and thank him for allowing you to do that. Put a paddle or a crop between your teeth and place your head in his lap, looking up at him with big doe-eyes. Open your mouth, letting the paddle rest in his lap, and say, "Will you please beat your little slut, master?"

If that doesn't do something, I'll give you your money back.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to flower2007)

RE: "Dominant in bed" - 7/12/2009 4:12:47 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: flower2007

He does know our boundaries...we've talked a lot about them. I'm just not sure he knows how to incorporate the things we CAN do (and yes, we can do quite a bit).

Im confused. are you saying sexual contact is out or not? its hard to give advice with a sketchy list of what you cant do

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to flower2007)

RE: "Dominant in bed" - 7/13/2009 3:27:12 AM

ranja

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Joined: 11/1/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

Well hell. You get majorly into it, and see what happens.

Wear something skimpy, but not too revealing. (There has to be enough for him to rip it off later.) When he walks in the door, kneel at his feet and say in a sultry voice how glad you are to see your master. Take off his shoes for him, kissing his feet. Thank him for allowing you to do this. Massage his legs while he's fully clothed. Ask him if you may be allowed to kiss his crotch. (He'll say yes.) Kiss him there -- he is still fully clothed -- and thank him for allowing you to do that. Put a paddle or a crop between your teeth and place your head in his lap, looking up at him with big doe-eyes. Open your mouth, letting the paddle rest in his lap, and say, "Will you please beat your little slut, master?"

If that doesn't do something, I'll give you your money back.

yeah yeah yeah that's what these boards should be for, lovely Red
if that doesn't work...i would reconsider getting married really...if that is an option even...

(in reply to RedMagic1)

RE: "Dominant in bed" - 7/13/2009 4:32:28 AM

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From: Quietville
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quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

Well hell. You get majorly into it, and see what happens.

Wear something skimpy, but not too revealing. (There has to be enough for him to rip it off later.) When he walks in the door, kneel at his feet and say in a sultry voice how glad you are to see your master. Take off his shoes for him, kissing his feet. Thank him for allowing you to do this. Massage his legs while he's fully clothed. Ask him if you may be allowed to kiss his crotch. (He'll say yes.) Kiss him there -- he is still fully clothed -- and thank him for allowing you to do that. Put a paddle or a crop between your teeth and place your head in his lap, looking up at him with big doe-eyes. Open your mouth, letting the paddle rest in his lap, and say, "Will you please beat your little slut, master?"

*blinkblink*

:::::THUD:::::

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(in reply to RedMagic1)

RE: "Dominant in bed" - 7/13/2009 4:39:10 AM

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quote:

...Has anyone been in his situation?...

personally,no...this slave never witheld sexual intimacy in a relationship in exchange for a marriage.

quote:

...he's apparently never expressed his dominance in ways other than intercourse and oral, which are both out for us. Basically, he doesn't know how to express it with me...

if he is only dominant in bed, and you don't go to bed together because you are waiting for marriage, why are you expecting dominance from him at all?

(in reply to flower2007)

RE: "Dominant in bed" - 7/13/2009 7:09:11 AM

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Joined: 2/9/2006
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quote:

f he is only dominant in bed, and you don't go to bed together because you are waiting for marriage, why are you expecting dominance from him at all?

This is it in a nutshell. He is Dominant ONLY in bed, so what further do you expect from him OP? If you expect Dominance outside of the bedroom that is something he will have to either discover within himself in time or pretend as best he can for you.

You do not want someone who pretends to be Dominant trust me on this, I own a male sub who did that FOR the submissive women in his previous relationships and none of them worked out. You cannot pretend to be something that you are not for very long without your unhappiness showing through.

~Lashra

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

RE: "Dominant in bed" - 7/13/2009 8:47:00 AM

Esinn

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quote:

ORIGINAL: tazzygirl

why is oral out?

Inquiring minds demand to know!

(in reply to tazzygirl)

RE: "Dominant in bed" - 7/13/2009 9:00:36 AM

Esinn

Posts: 886
Joined: 6/23/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

Well hell. You get majorly into it, and see what happens.

Wear something skimpy, but not too revealing. (There has to be enough for him to rip it off later.) When he walks in the door, kneel at his feet and say in a sultry voice how glad you are to see your master. Take off his shoes for him, kissing his feet. Thank him for allowing you to do this. Massage his legs while he's fully clothed. Ask him if you may be allowed to kiss his crotch. (He'll say yes.) Kiss him there -- he is still fully clothed -- and thank him for allowing you to do that. Put a paddle or a crop between your teeth and place your head in his lap, looking up at him with big doe-eyes. Open your mouth, letting the paddle rest in his lap, and say, "Will you please beat your little slut, master?"

If that doesn't do something, I'll give you your money back.

I second or third the nomination.

Although not necessary I would suggest being naked at least once or twice when you greet him at the door. This is in no way saying I do not agree with the ripping of one's clothes off - animalistic appeal I do love the suggestion.. However, considering the current economic situation there is no point in wasting good slutty clothes. Bruises and welts over time will repair themselves, shredded clothes contrary to popular belief will not. So, please take time when closely considering both options. Also remember switching things up is never a bad idea.

(in reply to RedMagic1)

RE: "Dominant in bed" - 7/13/2009 9:20:39 AM

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From: East Coast
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Took me a second to figure out why this all sounded rather familiar - then I did a search. The OP is the author of 'Which to Disclose First'.

NOW it makes sense.

I'm in agreement with Lashra. If bed is the only place he's dominant now, chances are good that is the only place he will ever BE dominant.

I see two possible outcomes: one or both of you being unhappy with unnatural/unfulfilled roles and hoping things improve After The Big Day or the two of you 'exchanging ideas' VERY loudly, still being unhappy with unnatural/unfulfilled roles and needing a divorce lawyer to sort it all out.

_____________________________

'Dont torture yourself, Gomez darling. That's my job' Morticia Addams

"The right data, filtered through an idiot, can yield a bad answer." einstien5201

(in reply to Esinn)

RE: "Dominant in bed" - 7/13/2009 12:49:51 PM

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Joined: 4/14/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MsFlutter

I'm in agreement with Lashra. If bed is the only place he's dominant now, chances are good that is the only place he will ever BE dominant.

Which is FINE. I just can't figure out why he hasn't expressed that yet.
But clearly I'm asking in the wrong place. Nevermind...

(in reply to MsFlutter)

RE: "Dominant in bed" - 7/13/2009 12:58:52 PM

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Joined: 5/10/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: flower2007
I just can't figure out why he hasn't expressed that yet.

Because having an opinion around you means you might verbally abuse him?

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to flower2007)

RE: "Dominant in bed" - 7/13/2009 12:59:37 PM

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Joined: 6/23/2009
Status: offline

"Wear something skimpy, but not too revealing. (There has to be enough for him to rip it off later.) When he walks in the door, kneel at his feet and say in a sultry voice how glad you are to see your master. Take off his shoes for him, kissing his feet. Thank him for allowing you to do this. Massage his legs while he's fully clothed. Ask him if you may be allowed to kiss his crotch. (He'll say yes.) Kiss him there -- he is still fully clothed -- and thank him for allowing you to do that. Put a paddle or a crop between your teeth and place your head in his lap, looking up at him with big doe-eyes. Open your mouth, letting the paddle rest in his lap, and say, "Will you please beat your little slut, master?" "

ROTFLMAO

oh Flower, you GOTTA do this.

then report back here on the results

(in reply to flower2007)

RE: "Dominant in bed" - 7/13/2009 2:09:52 PM

Posts: 11766
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quote:

ORIGINAL: flower2007

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsFlutter

I'm in agreement with Lashra. If bed is the only place he's dominant now, chances are good that is the only place he will ever BE dominant.

Which is FINE. I just can't figure out why he hasn't expressed that yet.
But clearly I'm asking in the wrong place. Nevermind...

didn't he tell you?
saying things like "I'm dominant in bed"...is kind of telling, isn't it?

(in reply to flower2007)

RE: "Dominant in bed" - 7/13/2009 2:29:42 PM

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Joined: 10/12/2007
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He is a sexual dominant. there is no sex... sorta answers that huh

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

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