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RE: "I'm Submissive DAMNIT!!!" - 7/15/2009 4:42:26 PM

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Fast reply but have read the responses...
I am talking about my relationship dynamic to a dominant/Master NOT my relationship to the rest of the world.
I'm sure I simply would not be allowed to get food out the check out if I crawled on my hands and knees, begged the checkout girl to take my credit card or kissed the boots of the security man.
Get real.

< Message edited by Prinsexx -- 7/15/2009 4:43:11 PM >

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RE: "I'm Submissive DAMNIT!!!" - 7/15/2009 5:34:25 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah
What do you think about this situation?

Have you ever come across it before?

Do you think it's just Fantasy Bullshit or do you think there is a Valid Power Dynamic in which she is submissive and yet very dominating in the relationship?

What do I think about it? Do I think it's just "fantasy bullshit?" First of all, it really doesn't matter what any of us think. If it's what works for them, why would it be any kind of "bullshit," let alone the "fantasy" kind? If it's THEIR dynamic, it IS valid, no matter what any of us think. I'm surprised no one else has said this........luci

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(in reply to SteelofUtah)

RE: a voice of reason - 7/15/2009 5:37:42 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah
Again mine is not to claim who is and who isn’t Weal or Twue, mine is a Curiosity of how the dynamic actually works and perhaps what I am missing, because otherwise what I see is a couple who likes kink and wants to call it Master/slave and if that is the case I also don’t find anything wrong with that it is just different from what I do.

And That’s Okay too.

Maybe asking them would give you a clearer idea of how it works, hmmm? And as far as the second statement I highlighted, so what if they like the kink and want to call it whatever they so choose? SO WHAT? As you said, it's not wrong and it's OK. Why does it even matter? I understand that you're not saying they're fake or not real or whatever, but I just don't understand why it matters what they call it and how they operate. If it works for them, so be it right?

luci

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(in reply to SteelofUtah)

RE: a voice of reason - 7/15/2009 6:30:43 PM

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This is my take.. I am a submissive, but I am NOT a SLAVE! In my everyday life, my kids, my job, etc... I have to have control.. when it comes to the house in itself too.. but no matter what, my husband always has veto power and I abide by it.

In the bedroom I like to submit (but not willingly).. I want to fight and lose.. because i want to be dominated by a strong male. I want to fee the domination and the consecuenses of fighting it. Not sure if this explain anything but it is the way it works for us. I DO NOT CONSIDER MYSELF a DOM in any way, but most people assume right of the bat that I am the dominant and he is the submissive just because he is quite and relaxed. He will not humiliate me in public (a respect thing), but I always know who is in charge and it is not me

(in reply to slaveluci)

RE: a voice of reason - 7/15/2009 7:07:30 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SlaveCat1969
I am a submissive, but I am NOT a SLAVE!

Perhaps I am confused but you say you aren't a slave but your name begins with that very word.

I don't think this discussion is so much about slavery versus submission as the intricacies of dynamics within real, living, breathing relationships rather than idealized or stylized ones.
Davan

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RE: "I'm Submissive DAMNIT!!!" - 7/15/2009 7:15:55 PM

Mistressbinature

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah

I made new friends here in this Religious Mormon Mecca.

They moved in above us.

They are like us......... Kinda.

Last Night after listening to them tell us about their Non-Dynamic (Too long a story and not quite on point for the story so I'll just leave it out for now) she made very strong willed comments and then said "You're talking to a submissive"

Now this wouldn't be so strange expect for the fact that her manners, her words, and the relationship between them most obviously shows her as being the Dominant side of the relationship.

She did not Identify as a Switch she Identified as a Sub.

Have you ever come across the person who likes the idea of what a sub means to them but thier actions don't quite gel with the Idea of a Power Dynamic as we most often see them represented.

If I were to see them at a munch I would have pegged her a Domme and him her loving a dedicated submissive but I am informed it is actually the other way around.

What do you think about this situation?

Have you ever come across it before?

Do you think it's just Fantasy Bullshit or do you think there is a Valid Power Dynamic in which she is submissive and yet very dominating in the relationship?

Steel

Just because the sub in qestion was less than subserviant in a certain situation, does not mean she is not submissive. It is no different for the captains of industry who are deemed dominant in their professional life, yet who crawl to their Mistress. Are they Dom or are they sub?

(in reply to SteelofUtah)

RE: a voice of reason - 7/15/2009 8:20:26 PM

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quote:

Her demeanor isn’t that she is puffing up or defending or trying to assert that I am a submissive I am just not YOUR submissive but rather she was saying things about how she is submissive but then the interactions between the two show that there is the sideways thing going on. I suspected that he was feeling guilty that she is currently supporting him and thus he is trying to be as good to her as he can but it just came off as he was the submissive one and she the Dominant.

Mind you I am not calling them Fakes or that they are somehow not Twue Lifestylers but it is important to me to state I was confused at the dynamic and wondered is anyone else had ever come across it.

Well, this is one of those things where guesses are going to be wild at best. I can tell you, though, that if you were to see Carol and I together you'd probably see a fair amount of "sideways" things going on also. Carol would gladly tell you that she's submissive then look over her shoulder and tell me to go fetch something from the kitchen. I'd need to know a lot more about what, exactly, sideways things you're seeing but I can attest to the fact that Carol's and my dynamic is far from pure.

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(in reply to SteelofUtah)

RE: a voice of reason - 7/15/2009 10:53:21 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveluci

quote:

ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah
Again mine is not to claim who is and who isn’t Weal or Twue, mine is a Curiosity of how the dynamic actually works and perhaps what I am missing, because otherwise what I see is a couple who likes kink and wants to call it Master/slave and if that is the case I also don’t find anything wrong with that it is just different from what I do.

And That’s Okay too.

Maybe asking them would give you a clearer idea of how it works, hmmm? And as far as the second statement I highlighted, so what if they like the kink and want to call it whatever they so choose? SO WHAT? As you said, it's not wrong and it's OK. Why does it even matter? I understand that you're not saying they're fake or not real or whatever, but I just don't understand why it matters what they call it and how they operate. If it works for them, so be it right?

luci

Yes luci, that is very true however the friendship is very new and asking things such as I have on this board to them directly could be somewhat crass.

I ask this question because I want to understand the mentality and that is what these boards are for. SO the reason I am asking is because I want to educate myself on something I don't currently fully understand as was hoping that the people on this site that are more experienced in it could elucidate the idea better for me.

Steel

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(in reply to slaveluci)

RE: a voice of reason - 7/15/2009 11:01:11 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DavanKael

quote:

ORIGINAL: SlaveCat1969
I am a submissive, but I am NOT a SLAVE!

Perhaps I am confused but you say you aren't a slave but your name begins with that very word.

40 points!

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RE: a voice of reason - 7/16/2009 2:19:12 AM

ChasingOblivion

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I can't speak to this couple's dynamic, but things aren't always as they seem. I am friends with a D/s couple (male Dominant, female submissive) that you would swear was the other way around if you met them. He is relatively quiet, reserved, and has some social anxiety in large groups, while she is very bubbly, animated, and could talk the ears off a rabbit. The way people behave in social situations isn't always a good indicator of their dynamic in private.

Speaking for myself, I am submissive, but I haven't always had the good fortune to be in situations where showing any sort of vulnerability was even remotely safe. I have never particularly wanted to be the big tough uber-bitch, but there have been times when I had no other choice because there was no one else to step in and rescue my ass. I do not now, nor have I ever WANTED to kick ass and take names. But if a situation arises where I HAVE to, I'm more than capable of putting on my big girl panties and dealing with it.
Capable, being the operative word, and I don't think that makes me any less submissive.

(in reply to NihilusZero)

RE: a voice of reason - 7/16/2009 2:38:31 AM

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Another fast reply but have read responses...
What about opening this up and incorporating the male gender?
How many assertive, powerful men who show up as strong leaders in the world, are in bliss when being subs in the bedroom?
How many male submissives would say this was a description of them?
Anything which questions a woman's power in the world (and the kitchen) is jus more bullshit about the power of women (IMO).

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RE: "I'm Submissive DAMNIT!!!" - 7/16/2009 3:11:54 AM

Posts: 1190
Joined: 12/1/2007
From: Alabama
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah

What do you think about this situation?

maybe he was just lazy. I can think of plenty of times where if someone saw me and the bride they'd think the relationship was the other way around.

"honey, do you want to go to the 'okeeffe exhibit or the zoo?"
"meh."
"we're going to the o'keeffe.'

"honey, have you decided on what you want: ossobuco or bison carpaccio?'
"meh"
"I'll get you the carpaccio."

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(in reply to SteelofUtah)

RE: "I'm Submissive DAMNIT!!!" - 7/16/2009 4:02:44 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: variation30

quote:

ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah

What do you think about this situation?

maybe he was just lazy. I can think of plenty of times where if someone saw me and the bride they'd think the relationship was the other way around.

"honey, do you want to go to the 'okeeffe exhibit or the zoo?"
"meh."
"we're going to the o'keeffe.'

"honey, have you decided on what you want: ossobuco or bison carpaccio?'
"meh"
"I'll get you the carpaccio."

Your dialogues made me smile.
Another IMO since I'm at it...
there's a misconception that being submissive is just about laying there and taking it....
it might look lazy but there's a great deal going on even when one is in chains and cannot move a muscle.....

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Free woman
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To my stalker:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LN2lP_7J7GI&feature=fvwrel

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RE: "I'm Submissive DAMNIT!!!" - 7/16/2009 5:11:46 AM

RCdc

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That's just personal perception.
It may seem to you that she is the dominant force, but that is just the external view of a relationship. You aren't inside it.

I don't believe it is up to anyone outside of a relationship to claim bullshitting or fantasy because then it just turns in on itself and their idea becomes the bullshitting and fantasy. This all comes back to the whole, submissives are meek and mild mythical stories that people get confused about.

I would be more suspect of the 'perfect' dynamic should it be placed on a plate to me because one single way only exists for individuals, not a collective.

the.dark.

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(in reply to SteelofUtah)

RE: "I'm Submissive DAMNIT!!!" - 7/16/2009 5:43:55 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveluci

quote:

ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah
What do you think about this situation?

Have you ever come across it before?

Do you think it's just Fantasy Bullshit or do you think there is a Valid Power Dynamic in which she is submissive and yet very dominating in the relationship?

What do I think about it? Do I think it's just "fantasy bullshit?" First of all, it really doesn't matter what any of us think. If it's what works for them, why would it be any kind of "bullshit," let alone the "fantasy" kind? If it's THEIR dynamic, it IS valid, no matter what any of us think. I'm surprised no one else has said this........luci

Actually I did!

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RE: a voice of reason - 7/16/2009 9:27:50 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: NihilusZero

quote:

ORIGINAL: DavanKael

quote:

ORIGINAL: SlaveCat1969
I am a submissive, but I am NOT a SLAVE!

Perhaps I am confused but you say you aren't a slave but your name begins with that very word.

40 points!

Oooh, cool! :> I am at 140 now, right? Want to be sure I have the correct count before I add it to my sig.
E-mailed ya on the other side yesterday.
Davan

_____________________________

May you live as long as you wish & love as long as you live
-Robert A Heinlein

It's about the person & the bond,not the bondage
-Me

Waiting is

170NZ (Aka:Sex God Du Jour) pts

Jesus,I've ALWAYS been a deviant
-Leadership527,Jeff

(in reply to NihilusZero)

RE: a voice of reason - 7/18/2009 6:54:07 PM

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Update!

So my view of things was not completely unfounded. Apparently they dynamic is on hold for a multitude of reasons and most recently that dynamic took on her telling him that she was going to do things regardless of if he liked it or not and when he attempted to set a presidence she told him she wasn't ready for a power dynamic right now.

So here is where I get confused. I am not used to this kind of connection. They are together they are dating they are living together and she Identifies as a sub (Adamantly) and he identifies as a Dom although I do not see it much in their interactions. I just can't comprehend the idea that they would be as connected physically as they are (By living together, and by being intament with one another, this is known because our bedroom is below theirs) and both wanting a dynamic but apparently not with one another.

I fear their relatioship is coming to an end and this sucks, I was getting used to having people we can talk and be ourselves around withouot having to get dirty looks or questions about certain rituals of ours.

Does anyone here have any experience with a sub Dom Couple that don't want to have a Power Dynamic between themselves?

Steel

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RE: a voice of reason - 7/18/2009 8:27:20 PM

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I know quite a few married couples that are dom and sub, but not to each other. That always confuses me a bit because my relationships have always had ds within them, even my current x partner still feels a bit of that.
As for her being not ready to be in a power dynamic with him.. well I can see that. If he is currently unemployed and she is supporting him, it is difficult to put someone in power when you hold all the cards.
Kyst

quote:

ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah

Update!

So my view of things was not completely unfounded. Apparently they dynamic is on hold for a multitude of reasons and most recently that dynamic took on her telling him that she was going to do things regardless of if he liked it or not and when he attempted to set a presidence she told him she wasn't ready for a power dynamic right now.

So here is where I get confused. I am not used to this kind of connection. They are together they are dating they are living together and she Identifies as a sub (Adamantly) and he identifies as a Dom although I do not see it much in their interactions. I just can't comprehend the idea that they would be as connected physically as they are (By living together, and by being intament with one another, this is known because our bedroom is below theirs) and both wanting a dynamic but apparently not with one another.

I fear their relatioship is coming to an end and this sucks, I was getting used to having people we can talk and be ourselves around withouot having to get dirty looks or questions about certain rituals of ours.

Does anyone here have any experience with a sub Dom Couple that don't want to have a Power Dynamic between themselves?

Steel

(in reply to SteelofUtah)

RE: a voice of reason - 7/18/2009 8:32:46 PM

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Misso, and this was what I thought as well.

What set me in this line of questioning is that from the outside it seems so very different.

The way it seems to me is that either one she isn't submissive in reality at all, she just likes the online world she discovered it in and that nothing that he does will change that or two she is in a relationship with someone she cannot respect as a Dominant. I was just hoping to get a different perspective.

Steel

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(in reply to Missokyst)

RE: a voice of reason - 7/19/2009 12:37:09 AM

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Joined: 6/15/2009
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quote:

Have you ever come across the person who likes the idea of what a sub means to them but thier actions don't quite gel with the Idea of a Power Dynamic as we most often see them represented.

When I own a girl..I give her lots of space. SHe can say what she wants and how she wants. She knows what I think and what rules are set. If it is ok with me..then she can say......untill she reaches the border..then I act.
Till that moment they may look Dominant.
Most of my slaves/subs had jobs were they managed people....and by times...it was hard to recoqnize what they are with me. To me they responded completely different then to others.
They serve only 1...not the world.

(in reply to Toppingfrmbottom)

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