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RE: a voice of reason - 7/19/2009 3:10:50 AM

Sunnyfey

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I know a particular dynamic just as you describe in the OP. She runs his life, runs over him, tells him exactly what to do all the time, is spoiled ect.....I havent ever seen her be punished.

I know, I used to live with them

*shakes head* it works for them, but call a spade a spade, shes the masochistic top, he's the sadistic bottom.

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RE: a voice of reason - 7/19/2009 4:10:43 AM

adrian28

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I just wish I knew why it works. I couldn't and wouldn't put up with it.

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RE: a voice of reason - 7/19/2009 11:20:05 AM

vixenmoon

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If it's very blatant, I might consider if they just haven't heard any labels other than sub or slave. Bottom, masochist, kinkster, fettishest. Really though... It's not my relationship, I really don't care. Who am I to tell them who they are?

A lot of people accuse me of not being submissive because of my demeanor. I enjoy debate. I get passionate. I have an oppinion, and can occasionally be quite vocal about it.

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RE: "I'm Submissive DAMNIT!!!" - 7/19/2009 3:37:26 PM

hardbodysub

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I guess he's on top when they go to bed. That makes him the dominant one.

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RE: "I'm Submissive DAMNIT!!!" - 7/19/2009 4:04:44 PM

SteelofUtah

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Update part two.

It is odd when things finally come into focus how you missed something and now as it it seen in focus you wonder how you never saw it before.

This morning we were informed she bought him a bus ticket and he is being sent up north as she can no longer deal with being responsible for someone who is supposed to be the one in control, the questions asked was "How can I submit to someone who can't be responsible enough to see that we are struggeling and is too good to keep the job I got them because they aren't in charge."

She just couldn't see him in a domiant role after finally spending time together.

7 years online relationship only survived 3 months in the real time world.

It is sad because it was obvious that she was serioulsy hurt over the whole ordeal.

Thank you for all of your comments.

Steel

< Message edited by SteelofUtah -- 7/19/2009 4:05:28 PM >

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RE: "I'm Submissive DAMNIT!!!" - 7/19/2009 4:40:40 PM

LilKittenSub

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People who feel the need to peg people in the lifestyle one way or the other based on casual, usually vanilla, interactions drive me nuts, no offense to the OP. I met with a Dominant couple once who, after only having an hour long dinner with me, told me that I was not a submissive and that they wanted to teach me to be Dominant, simply because I am outspoken and strong willed in public situations.

I'm a submissive through and through, but I do feel the need to have a balance in my life. If I am dealing with vanilla situations, or bystanders who are not a part of the life that I live in private, I am generally taken as a very dominant personality, always in control of my situation, and usually doing my damndest to keep my surroundings under control as well. Do I always like it this way? Of course not, but my life as it stands right now and my situation call for it.

Meanwhile, when I am with a Dominant(not in public) that I have accepted and who accepts me as their sub, I am very very different. Some of us prefer not to live in a full time power dynamic for one reason or another. I feel the need to keep this part of my life largely under-wraps for the sake of family and job security, and expect that my Dominant, when in public and around family with me and friends who are not a part of the lifestyle, should be able to treat me as an equal without reprecussions for my behaviors in those situations later.

Just because you are a submissive does not mean that you have to constantly be meek and subserviant in all situations.

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RE: "I'm Submissive DAMNIT!!!" - 7/19/2009 4:48:32 PM

SteelofUtah

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And I would ask why you associate being sebmissive with being meek and subservient all the time.

My andi is very outspoken and speaks her mind all the time our dynamic does not dictate her actions in that matter, however there is always an obvious diference of power to my side and it is obvious to anyone who witnesses it.

The Problem I had with the couple in question is that She Identifies SUB and he Identifies DOM and both said they wanted a power based dynamic and that they loved one another and yet there was really no sign of any form of power dynamic between them and now I know why, things weren't as wonderful as either of them presented to the whole.

What I was unable to see what that the relationship was so rocky I mean I knew it was stressed but I did not think it was at the stage that she was having him pack his shit and leave.

I do not think being strong is alien to being submissive however I think if you want to call it SUMBISSIVE and yet there is NO power Dynamic in place that can be seen I wonder how a relationship like that works.

You mistake that I am trying to define what is and what isn't this or that, what I am trying to do is understand a dynamic that is so alien to me.

Steel

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RE: "I'm Submissive DAMNIT!!!" - 7/19/2009 4:55:09 PM

LilKittenSub

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The point I was trying to present is that you sounded an awful lot in your firt post like you were judging a book by it's cover, so to speak. Everyone's power dynamic is different. You never know, even if they hadn't worked out, it may have always seemed that way to people who weren't with them 24/7. My ex and I were very much that way in public, but when at home, even if we were doing something so simple as cleaning up and/or preparing a meal, we behaved very differently.

I've been without net for a few days and am trying to catch up on a lot of threads I normally follow regularly when I stumbled across this one, so I admit I didn't read every single post, just the first page or so, so I didn't see the one you posted last(before mine) until after I'd posted it.

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RE: "I'm Submissive DAMNIT!!!" - 7/19/2009 5:17:27 PM

Bearlee

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Dang...seven years online! Okay, seems to me THAT would be hard to overcome; no? How, on earth, does one undo all that role-play and make it real?

THAT would be why I would want to meet and make it alive and well...sooner than later.

but, that's just me. I realize some have other opinions and beliefs.

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RE: "I'm Submissive DAMNIT!!!" - 7/19/2009 6:41:26 PM

hardbodysub

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Gee, seems like neither one of the was really cut out to fit their roles.

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RE: "I'm Submissive DAMNIT!!!" - 7/20/2009 4:12:08 AM

CelticPrince

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah

I made new friends here in this Religious Mormon Mecca.

They moved in above us.

They are like us......... Kinda.

Last Night after listening to them tell us about their Non-Dynamic (Too long a story and not quite on point for the story so I'll just leave it out for now) she made very strong willed comments and then said "You're talking to a submissive"

Now this wouldn't be so strange expect for the fact that her manners, her words, and the relationship between them most obviously shows her as being the Dominant side of the relationship.

She did not Identify as a Switch she Identified as a Sub.

Have you ever come across the person who likes the idea of what a sub means to them but thier actions don't quite gel with the Idea of a Power Dynamic as we most often see them represented.

If I were to see them at a munch I would have pegged her a Domme and him her loving a dedicated submissive but I am informed it is actually the other way around.

What do you think about this situation?

Have you ever come across it before?

Do you think it's just Fantasy Bullshit or do you think there is a Valid Power Dynamic in which she is submissive and yet very dominating in the relationship?

Steel

quote:

I made new friends here in this Religious Mormon Mecca.

They moved in above us.

They are like us......... Kinda.

Last Night after listening to them tell us about their Non-Dynamic (Too long a story and not quite on point for the story so I'll just leave it out for now) she made very strong willed comments and then said "You're talking to a submissive"

Now this wouldn't be so strange expect for the fact that her manners, her words, and the relationship between them most obviously shows her as being the Dominant side of the relationship.

She did not Identify as a Switch she Identified as a Sub.

Have you ever come across the person who likes the idea of what a sub means to them but thier actions don't quite gel with the Idea of a Power Dynamic as we most often see them represented.

If I were to see them at a munch I would have pegged her a Domme and him her loving a dedicated submissive but I am informed it is actually the other way around.

What do you think about this situation?

Have you ever come across it before?

Do you think it's just Fantasy Bullshit or do you think there is a Valid Power Dynamic in which she is submissive and yet very dominating in the relationship?

Steel

Steel,

Are they Mormon! If so her position is dictated by her ascending to adulthood. She may very well be a strong willeded "bitch" but her faith insists she is of the submissive part of the couple/unit. She has to say it even if she does not believe it.

CP

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