RE: They need to keep their stupid "gifts"

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RE: They need to keep their stupid "gifts" - 7/18/2009 12:53:24 PM

Scotty306134

Posts: 172
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They work for dogs too! Ive had several dogs stop dead in their tracks as they were running, then turn and look directly at my truck.

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RE: They need to keep their stupid "gifts" - 7/18/2009 1:07:16 PM

omkfY

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Joined: 7/7/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: vasha

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

What is a deer whistle? Do I want one?

small plastic cones that go on a car bumper usually.. the pitch emitted while the vehicle is in motion will, theroticly at least, warn deer of the vehicle's presence.
do you want one? only you can say. altho they certianlly sell well in a lot of very rural areas

Most academics agree that they are not effective. But they would complete the look started by the empty bike rack...

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RE: They need to keep their stupid "gifts" - 7/18/2009 3:28:39 PM

TheLadyIsADomme

Posts: 89
Joined: 4/10/2009
From: Florida
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressEllen444

Just like some men expect something just for taking you to dinner, some subs do expect play for gifts, no matter they are not wanted/needed/requested.
I believe it is best to make a statement up front when something you did not expect is presented so there are no hard feelings and discomfort for anyone.
Now, if a sub is thoughtful and listens and presents something that has some meaning to me, no matter how slight, it will go a long way toward him receiving attention, but that is someone who has taken the time to get to know me, so we would be already playing or well on the way to establishing that connection. I never spend time with subs who I do not care for, so an unwanted gift would probably only be on a first or early meeting.
Feelings of any obligation is your choice and so is the resulting action(s).
Of course, things such as sports cars and luxury vacations may take a bit of difficulty to divorce any feelings of obligation, but I am sure with a little meditation I could find a way to work around that.

I am glad you mentioned this, because I wanted to bring it up as a slightly different part of the same topic. What about when you are meeting someone for the first time, for a meal, let's say. Do you let the sub pay? Do you split the check? Or do you pay? Would you consider this a gift, if he paid?
Warmly,
LD

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RE: They need to keep their stupid "gifts" - 7/18/2009 4:55:41 PM

LookieNoNookie

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

quote:

ORIGINAL: LookieNoNookie

As a male sub, I'm okay with gifts.

I don't have a website with a list like some Dommes....but I'll list my choices here...(send as is appropriate):

1) Car...lots of leather...deer whistles....and a bike rack. (I don't have a bike...but I may someday).

What is a deer whistle? Do I want one?

If you live near deer, and you're as much of a pussy as I am (as to anyone killing anything {other than my asshole neighbor}...then..)...yes

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RE: They need to keep their stupid "gifts" - 7/18/2009 4:56:57 PM

LookieNoNookie

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quote:

ORIGINAL: omkfY

quote:

ORIGINAL: vasha

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

What is a deer whistle? Do I want one?

small plastic cones that go on a car bumper usually.. the pitch emitted while the vehicle is in motion will, theroticly at least, warn deer of the vehicle's presence.
do you want one? only you can say. altho they certianlly sell well in a lot of very rural areas

Most academics agree that they are not effective. But they would complete the look started by the empty bike rack...

I'm all about the look.

< Message edited by LookieNoNookie -- 7/18/2009 4:57:21 PM >

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RE: They need to keep their stupid "gifts" - 7/18/2009 6:45:43 PM

PeonForHer

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quote:

TheLadyIsADommeORIGINAL: I am glad you mentioned this, because I wanted to bring it up as a slightly different part of the same topic. What about when you are meeting someone for the first time, for a meal, let's say. Do you let the sub pay? Do you split the check? Or do you pay? Would you consider this a gift, if he paid?
Warmly,
LD

I've seen threads on this matter and for me, the short answer is that it's too easy to over-think the answer. One needs to go with one's intuition. Put another way, if you overthink how you should tie your tie, it'll go wrong, IMO.

In the vanilla world, I think most men will expect to split the bill, or they'll assume that on the first date he'll pay. I'd imagine it's not usually different in the D/s world. Me, I'm the latter - I'll pick up the tab - but I'll watch for signs that she's uneasy about it. If she gives the tiniest hint, then we'll split the bill. Or she'll pay, if that's what she really wants (a few do).

I think, from the male's point of view, that's about the best way to handle it. Correspondingly, if he's pushy about paying the entire bill himself, I'd say, be pushy back and demand that you split it.

But in the end, if he sees paying the bill as paying 'for services later', he's an arse, and you don't need to feel guilty by straightening him out or indeed ditching him outright.

All's said and done though - rule one is the best, for me: go with that intuition.

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RE: They need to keep their stupid "gifts" - 7/19/2009 6:40:22 AM

aimeeok

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i had a MISSTRESS for a little while here in tulsa. i was planning to give her an afgahn that i croched, simply because she was willing to listen to me and b my friend. i just wanted to do it out of the goodness of my heart. sadly b4 i had the chance, life stuff happenedd and she is no longer my MISSTRESS and now im moving away anyway. but we r still friends and if she would take it, i would still give it to her. so see, not all slaves give gifts for the wrong reasons. :)

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RE: They need to keep their stupid "gifts" - 7/19/2009 12:22:30 PM

Lockit

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No not all give to get, you are correct. Like I said, some of the men who have been around lately have gifted me with their time and labor and we have had no difficulties in it all. Each situation has to be examined to see what it is and when I am in doubt, I talk to them about it, if I haven't already. But... I will only allow a certain amount of gifts or services from someone I am not in a relationship with. I simply am not one to take advantage of someone and wouldn't want to give the appearance of doing so... just in case. lol

I'm sorry things didn't work out for you there and hope that wherever you are moving, something wonderful happens!

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RE: They need to keep their stupid "gifts" - 7/20/2009 7:42:52 AM

MsStarlett

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Well... If any of you sub male types are just dying to send pressies... I wear a size 8 shoe and a size 12 in just about everything else. Of course jewelry is always the correct size. I'll happily give you my mailing addy.

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RE: They need to keep their stupid "gifts" - 7/20/2009 7:47:09 AM

LadyHibiscus

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Hey! If any of you are giving JEWELRY, keep me and LaT in mind, mmmkay?

Lookie, if deer whistles worked, they would give them to us free with our insurance policies... ask my mom about being nose to nose with a trophy buck, while she was IN her truck.

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RE: They need to keep their stupid "gifts" - 7/20/2009 8:14:49 AM

LdyyR

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Gifts! Someone's passing out gifts? I'll take an unending shopping spree for shoes, glorious shoes.

On a serious note, well on a more serious note, I make it, very clear, from the begining, whether he pays or not, that he should expect nothing beyond a face to face getting to you verbal exchange. If they expect anything more, that's on them. Could something more happen, of course, but because, it's likely it won't, they will have to be responsible for their own dejected feelings if they decided to think no meant maybe. One of the reasons for getting a good feel of the of the person you're about to meet.

Nothing worst than having to having to pull out the old whistle to attract attract a crowd.

< Message edited by LdyyR -- 7/20/2009 8:17:24 AM >

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RE: They need to keep their stupid "gifts" - 7/20/2009 2:51:22 PM

TheLadyIsADomme

Posts: 89
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From: Florida
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LdyyR

On a serious note, well on a more serious note, I make it, very clear, from the begining, whether he pays or not, that he should expect nothing beyond a face to face getting to you verbal exchange. If they expect anything more, that's on them. Could something more happen, of course, but because, it's likely it won't, they will have to be responsible for their own dejected feelings if they decided to think no meant maybe. One of the reasons for getting a good feel of the of the person you're about to meet.

I am the same way. I make it clear well beforehand that there will be at least one face to face meeting which will be a chance to see if there is any physical chemistry. Though the internet/chat/email has much to recommend it for breaking the ice, there is no way, in my opinion, to truly know if you click with someone without spending time together in person.

Thanks~
LD

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RE: They need to keep their stupid "gifts" - 7/20/2009 3:10:11 PM

cloudboy

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Better to stick to the guys who pay you straight fees, I agree. On the other hand, if the gift is particularly generous -- say a sports car, vacation getaway, or precious jewelry, it seems a tradeoff might be worth it.

< Message edited by cloudboy -- 7/20/2009 3:14:14 PM >

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RE: They need to keep their stupid "gifts" - 7/20/2009 3:35:25 PM

AAkasha

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quote:

ORIGINAL: cloudboy

Better to stick to the guys who pay you straight fees, I agree. On the other hand, if the gift is particularly generous -- say a sports car, vacation getaway, or precious jewelry, it seems a tradeoff might be worth it.

Thanks for the awesome plug! It's always nice to have more traffic.
And yes, I totally agree: Transactional stuff, up front and agreed upon, is TOTALLY FINE. It's when a sub sends a gift I did not ask for and then expects me to dominate him, that's horribly annoying. This thread has helped me realize that it's my own issue though - no one is making me feel anything. I am going to stop worrying about feeling obligated and just politely thank them and move on.

Akasha

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RE: They need to keep their stupid "gifts" - 7/20/2009 7:12:28 PM

crouchingtigress

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Take the gift, and take out a pair of sissors, then cut the air all around the gift, look dierectly in his eyes as you do this, wait for the quizziacl look or the question...

Then say "I am just making damn sure there are no strings attached with this gift before I open it.....Did I miss any?"

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RE: They need to keep their stupid "gifts" - 8/3/2009 5:14:41 AM

ignoreme

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I don't give gifts with the expectation of getting anything back. They are gifts, after all. If you think it gives you an obligation then that's the wrong mindset. My idea in giving it would be to do something for you, make my domme happy. And my nature makes me want to do things for my domme.

And yes a thank you would be nice but even that is not an obligation, if you don't like it or don't want it just throw it away...

< Message edited by ignoreme -- 8/3/2009 5:23:00 AM >

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RE: They need to keep their stupid "gifts" - 8/3/2009 6:08:18 AM

PeonForHer

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Personally, if I give a domme a present, I think she should at least slap my face as an expression of her gratitude. Good manners cost nothing, IMO.

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RE: They need to keep their stupid "gifts" - 8/3/2009 6:33:53 AM

MsStarlett

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My arm's not long enough, Peon. But you may consider yourself virtually slapped... over and over and over again. Gees! this is fun!

Actualy, I just got the best gift ever. My new boy came and played "Driving Miss Daisy" for me on Saturday afternoon and then slaved for almost 4 hours Sunday trying to help me get my play space cleaned up and equipped for Wall-e's visit. He even built me a new 'mini spanking bench.' We actually had a great deal of fun shopping... but working in my play house with no decent A/C in the humid southern heat, to make the place nicer for someone else to use, was quite exceptional service.

I greatly appreciate it. I'll have to do something extra nice for him next weekend.

Like let him paint the room in the nude!

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RE: They need to keep their stupid "gifts" - 8/3/2009 6:37:41 AM

lobodomslavery

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Ms Starlett, You have the right idea. As for Your fellow Dommes, i think they should never look a gift horse in the mouth. Laughs heartily. No pun intended
kevin

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RE: They need to keep their stupid "gifts" - 8/3/2009 7:59:41 AM

pyroaquatic

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I give gifts because I am appreciative of the time the Domme has spent with me.

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