RE: They need to keep their stupid "gifts"

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RE: They need to keep their stupid "gifts" - 8/3/2009 2:07:58 PM

ignoreme

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quote:

Personally, if I give a domme a present, I think she should at least slap my face as an expression of her gratitude. Good manners cost nothing, IMO.

Hah, yeah that's a good one :)

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RE: They need to keep their stupid "gifts" - 8/3/2009 2:36:25 PM

DavanKael

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PeonforHer said:
On a much more general point:
I think women see an awful lot of low sorts of things from men. Thus, they get cynical. On the other hand, they know that some men - a few, maybe - aren't like that. The last thing in the world women want to do is stamp on the feelings of good men. It'd be like kicking a diamond into the gutter.
It's a bastard, really. As I often think: I'm bloody glad I'm not a woman.

My thoughts:
It's difficult. It's weird. This really does seem like a bdsm version of the whole expectations for a dinner bill paid thing.
It can't be easy for men because different women have different rules. And, as a female, it's not easy either as, for example, a male paying for dinner strikes me as polite and rather old-school chivalrous (Acknowledging that I always attend a date prepared to pay my own way). Now, when a man pays for a meal and thinks it entitles him to 'tonsil hockey', a grope-fest, or otherwise, we have a problem. I have difficulty not attempting to rid a male of his testicles when he presumes to touch me without invitation and I'm not a tease, so I don't lead dates on.

I don't know. I guess all of this, for me, boils down to a consternation over the lack of straight-forward communication along with some people refusing to hear what is said. It is imprefect, at best.
Davan

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RE: They need to keep their stupid "gifts" - 8/3/2009 3:10:30 PM

PeonForHer

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There are certain things that can get difficult between women and men basically because the gender rules aren't as clear as they once were. My mother and the younger of my sisters use 'Ms' as their honorific and can't stand "Mrs" or "Miss". The older of my sisters snorts at all this as "political correctness". As for dinner on the first date - my policy is to buy, but watch closely for any sign that 'she' is uncomfortable with that. When all's said and done, the essence of good manners is making the other person feel comfortable, after all.

But I don't think any of that gets to why some men act like animals, to be honest. I do believe men generally know how they should act - or at least have a sense of it - but they just think 'to hell with it' and go ahead anyway.

(BTW - having been sort of thoughtful and sensitive in the last two paragraphs, Davan - would that earn me some premium tonsil-hockey later? Just wondering . . .

)

< Message edited by PeonForHer -- 8/3/2009 3:11:12 PM >

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RE: They need to keep their stupid "gifts" - 8/3/2009 6:36:40 PM

ignoreme

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Just got the idea into my mind of a domme rejecting my carefully picked gift, slapping me and simply crushing it under her heel in front of me, it would be an incredible humiliation

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RE: They need to keep their stupid "gifts" - 8/3/2009 11:53:36 PM

fadedshadow

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getting a gift for someone in hopes of a reward is a little selfish methinks

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RE: They need to keep their stupid "gifts" - 8/4/2009 2:30:01 AM

WyldHrt

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Female sub here, and seriously gift-inclined (a by-product of being crafty, perhaps). I often make things for the people who matter to me, both male and female, simply because I enjoy doing so and want to brighten someone's day. Others have been made to celebrate a b-day, wedding, anniversary, etc. It's pretty much my way of letting someone know that they are appreciated, as the words sometimes don't make it out of my mouth or through my keyboard. Such gifts are given with no expectations, let alone strings. Thanks give me a "warm fuzzy" if the recipient truly likes the gift, and I've been lucky in that department, lol.

That said, giving a so-called "gift" out of the blue and considering it some sort of "pay for play" is completely repugnant to me.

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RE: They need to keep their stupid "gifts" - 8/4/2009 8:08:20 AM

MsValentine

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I am a professional Domme as well as a lifestyle one and have always found the gift giving thing problematic.

In my PD life, I make sure people are well aware of the fee I charge but also that I expect no other gift or item brought especially anything expensive. Subs still do bring things but only a bunch of flowers or something small like a scented candle. Some subs have become great friends over the years and I am always very happy if they buy me flowers as I know them so well and feel they are friends first and clients second.

I never like to feel a sense of obligation to anyone particularly if it came via a present I had not asked for and may not even want. I like boundaries to be clear and hate some of the connotations accepting gifts seem to have. I would, in a lot of cases, far rather do without.

In my professional life, I have sometimes been presented with new canes or small useful items the sub themselves enjoys being used upon them. I have no problem with that as despite having a huge range of toys and equipment, there is always one or two things which I do not have. I am happy to even keep that item just for use with that sub if they prefer, so then it is not a gift but a place to keep their toys in between sessions.

I would feel extremely annoyed if a sub kept going on about or referring to something they had given as a gift. I would, if it irritated me sufficiently, feel it necessary to give the gift back explaining that gifts are just that and should not be used as bargaining tools. I would regard this as the height of impoliteness and indicative of a person with no understanding of what giving a true gift is all about.

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RE: They need to keep their stupid "gifts" - 8/4/2009 8:52:46 AM

poeticfreak

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

Gifts can be funny things. All too often people give them with expectations of reciprocation then get upset when they get nothing in return. I've had friends like that. Friends no longer.

To me, a gift is something freely given. The ONLY reciprocation I want, is for the person I gave it to, to enjoy it.

I don't think there is a good way to handle the first time. All you can do is not accept any more gifts, at least not from that person.

I don't want to be rude to someone. If they are clearly kind of hinting at play or in the process of thanking them they start posturing submissive and looking for me to react in kind, it's just awkward and uncomfortable. It feels like it's so obligatory sometimes. But like I said, I think so many subs believe that the ritual is in place - if you want a femdom to dominate you, you send her a gift and when she thank you, that's when the "scene" starts.

But I realize this is my own issue and problem, no one is making me feel anything, obviously. I'll just have to work through it.
Akasha

it could also just be their sub nature reasserting itself after having taken what could be considered a rather bold action

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RE: They need to keep their stupid "gifts" - 8/5/2009 10:16:41 AM

MistressRouge

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I receive gifts all the time, and no-one owns me.

I accept them with grace, and they usually ask my preferences anyway.

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RE: They need to keep their stupid "gifts" - 8/5/2009 11:43:08 AM

homedespot

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