LaTigresse
Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
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Such wonderful moms here!!
First to address the hyperactivity and violence. Knowing what I know now, I would start with a journal. The focus of that journal would be food and beverage intake, sleep patterns, play, physical activities, external stimuli (like people visiting, going places, activities like television, etc) and the short person's mood and behaviour. See if any patterns emerge. Then I would try omitting food groups, aside from the obvious sugar I would focus more on, dairy, wheat and corn. Three things that are often culprits.
My grandsons have always been HUGELY active. Always climbing things they shouldn't, like kitchen cabinets or entertainment centers, since before they could even walk. Let me tell you, walking into a kitchen and seeing a 1 1/2 yo hanging from the very top of a top kitchen cabinet, will make your heart jump into your throat. Child proofing took on a whole new meaning for my son and his ex. They had to pad lock away the knives and wrap a cable around the stove with a lock to keep someone from climbing up and turning it on. The fridge also had a padlock installed. Getting ready to cook a meal was a production. The additional locks on doors going outside were definitely not code, but necessary.
Now the oldest that caused the most trouble as described above, at age 6, is the quietest. Though not inactive by any stretch of the imagination, he can sit and watch a movie or favourite programme no problem. The youngest, age 5, is the most hyper. He cannot even sit still on the sofa to watch a movie he begged to watch. He is also much more prone to violence and misbehaving. I have found, when I have them, several things that help a lot. Lots of fresh fruits and veggies, something they love and don't get enough of otherwise. No fast food, period. A lot of fun physical activity, then quiet and more focused stuff like painting or clay. Then back to more wild crazy physical stuff, even if it is challenging them to racing out to the pasture gate and back. Making it fun, how fast can they do it. Maybe a walk down to look for coyotes at the coyote house (an old shed the neighbour drug down by the creek, that they think is the coyote house because there are always tracks around it) looking for frogs in the creek, checking out gross dead animal parts and bugs......boy stuff yanno. Then more quiet time, maybe even a nap. I also make them drink water, something they will not do much of if left to their own devices. Always a bath before bed and some quiet snuggly time when it is bedtime.
The oldest is very managable now, but the youngest still bounces off the walls. I know he simply just cannot sit still much of the time. The running and hiking gives those muscles the activity they are asking for and the evening bath helps set the stage for sleep. He used to sleep like a whirling dervish but that is much better now. Another thing I noticed with both boys, especially Mr Dervish, is that the more involved his brain is, the more controlled and calm his body is. The television usually does not stimulate his brain enough to calm his body. Even walking somewhere, he can be crazy, flailing his arms and tripping over his feet. Jumping on and off the grocery cart and hurting himself. BUT, give him a task, something to think about that interests him and the body gets more controlled also.
My own kids biggest problems came at a later age, 10 through teens and early twenties. ADD for my son, and with my daughter, so many diagnosis I cannot even remember them all. Too many meds that caused too many problems. Too many trips in and out of mental lock up. Drugs, alchohol. Suicide attempts. Jail, and by the grace of god (a judge that saw something few did) a near miss with prison. I hated going to visit my son, talking on a phone through thick glass, seeing him in that orange jumpsuit, knowing the kind of people he was sharing his space with, for a year. I hated visiting my daughter in a mental hospital, knowing what she had been doing to herself, that she wanted the pain of living to just stop so badly she was willing to die for it.
Now, I look at my kids, ages 28 and 30, and the wonderful human beings they are, where they are in their lives, what fantastic parents they are.......and I find it so hard to believe what they've been through. Not only do I love them, I like them, AND I respect them. I enjoy being with them. They are two of my most favourite people in the world, and not just because they are my kids. Spending a day, like last Saturday, with them, with their SO's and with my grandchildren. Laughing and just being together, celebrating a 1 yo's birthday. Nothing fancy or special to anyone looking on. No store bought cake but a mess of a thing my daughter baked. No grand party. Burnt brats and burgers, that tasted of lighter fluid, cooked by a grill moron. But it was a wonderful day full of everything I could have asked for with all the people I love most in the world.
I guess I just want to tell those of you still going through the hell of raising them, there is light at the end, even when it seems the darkest. Days like I had on Saturday make days like those spent crying and exhausted, hiding in the chapel at that hospital, after seeing my daughter strapped down, 4 floors up. Or in the car after seeing my son in jail.........well those days feel almost like they happened to other people. The shadow of them remains, enough so to remind all of us to remain viligant, to never go there again. To not take where we are now for granted. But the agony of them is only a faded memory.
Keep being the fantastic mothers you are.........mothers amaze me.
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My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!
Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!
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RE: Parents of special needs kids - 
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. Then he announced he did not want to. I told him he did not have to, but he would not go outside. The next thing i know a very heavy antique Maple chair is flying towards me. This is typical. His level of frustration (i do not think it is anger) is so sudden and intense and violent. 
Somehow, I don't see Lumus letting me do that to Mr. Smarties, tempting as it is.
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