RE: Opinions,please, on ethical behavior

RE: Opinions,please, on ethical behavior (Full Version)

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Lostkitten3 -> RE: Opinions,please, on ethical behavior (7/29/2009 7:52:18 AM)
It seems this is where we diverge in our thinking. I believe the feelings of jealousy are normal and healthy. A good indicator that needs are not being met and conversations need to be had. I think trying to avoid, or pretend jealousy doesn't exist, is the demise of most poly relationships. Since it is entirely possible to have poly relationships in which everyone has knowledge of everyone else's actions, and intentions and jealousy often doesn't arise in those situations, it seems to me feelings of jealousy is often a healthy indicator for inappropriate behavior, or bad intentions. As to morals versus ethics http://www.philosophyblog.com.au/ethics-vs-morality-the-distinction-between-ethics-and-morals/ try there. The words are often used interchangeably. Morals seem to be the more personal version whereas ethics are more of the societal norm to be followed. That said I believe the O.P. was looking for some backup, and some friendly advice to lighten her load of guilt at having snooped in his mail. I still contend that snooping is far better than staying in a bad relationship, one with sneaking and lying are "normal" behavior. Having half the board say "do what is right for you" is not particularly supportive, which is why I tend to stick my neck out and admit to unethical behavior, to make her feel more "normal" and less of a social pariah. She was worried and sad, and therefore should not be with a man that makes her feel that way. One that causes her to second guess her own feelings.

RCdc -> RE: Opinions,please, on ethical behavior (7/29/2009 9:13:56 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Lostkitten3 As to morals versus ethics http://www.philosophyblog.com.au/ethics-vs-morality-the-distinction-between-ethics-and-morals/ try there. The words are often used interchangeably. Morals seem to be the more personal version whereas ethics are more of the societal norm to be followed. Yes, people do use them interchangably. Incorrectly so. The op wanted opinions of ethics... which people gave. ' Do what is right for you' is an ethic and as much as you find it unhelpful, it's what people offered. And Jealousy isn't healthy automatically. the.dark.

couldbemage -> RE: Opinions,please, on ethical behavior (8/2/2009 3:23:35 PM)
I think the OP is hilarious. She told him she needed honesty, he said "no", then she got upset when he was dishonest. If I'd been him, I'd have laughed instead of offering lame excuses.

KCalli -> RE: Opinions,please, on ethical behavior (8/4/2009 4:54:06 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Lashra If you cannot trust him, how can you call him "Master"? Relationships are based on trust, it is the foundation and once it crumbles what do you have left? Dust...I would suggest some inner reflection as to whether you want to be with someone who is dishonest, dishonest with you AND the people he is toying with online. Sorry but I do not view this guy as a Dom or a Master, I see him as a player who uses the title to get what he wants for nothing. Good luck, ~Lashra Ma'am, I certainly agree. It is the element of trust that gives me my freedom. I trust Sir implicitly, and as the trust grows so does the bond. I trust him to care for me, my needs and desires, and it gives me total freedom to serve Sir with all of my heart, all that he desires. In that way honor and respect flows in both directions.

amaidiamond -> RE: Opinions,please, on ethical behavior (8/4/2009 5:17:12 PM)
I think that to be honest you are well out of it. I agree that reading the emails was unethical but i also know what it is like to be in that situation... I had an ex Dom, he admitted to mew that whilst I was on holiday he'd kissed someone else (we were mono) but that was it. Something didnt feel right, and she was very very wary of me when she saw me which i did not understand.... He left his phone in bed and i ended up being dishonest and taking a look - it turned out they had been sleeping and playing together for months and he had been lying to me the whole time. So like in your situation yes i was wrong to read but yes i was better off out of it. Good luck in your future, there are good honest men out there dia

MasterJustinXXX -> RE: Opinions,please, on ethical behavior (8/5/2009 10:32:42 AM)
Some Doms are clueless to a bond of trust that is the key element of being a good master. Without it there is no true bond at all...I wont collar a girl until she is completely ready to submit and trust is the key to this... http://www.pornvalleysluts.com http://www.clips4sale.com/store/9566

sweetsub1957 -> RE: Opinions,please, on ethical behavior (8/5/2009 11:32:26 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Lostkitten3 Sweetsub: Really? 14 years of not knowing he was a cheating lying dog? I am sorry. That is quite a waste of time. Perhaps reading his emails would have saved you some time and heartache. Aaaah. Maybe so. Except that, even had I tried, he was smart enough to not leave his account open so I had no idea if there even were any. Yes, I agree.....it was a total a waste of time being married to a lying dirtball, but I could not have lived with the self-imposed guilt I would feel. I was hurt.....I was pissed.....I was livid.....then, finally, I wanted to kick his ass for it before I finally got over the whole thing. But, now I am feeling no guilt, nor questioning my ethics.

Acer49 -> RE: Opinions,please, on ethical behavior (8/7/2009 1:03:39 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Goddess2002 Long story short: I spent last week with my Dom, and during my stay we shared his computer. He left his inbox on another kink site open on the screen,and yes, I read the messages. They were in plain view. The messages were all initiated by him to sub females. He told them he was free (i.e., uninvolved), and each message seemed to be a sincere attempt to recruit them as potential slaves. He told them he was looking for long term...when he has been telling me he wants ME for life for the past six months! When I asked him about why he lied in the messages (and lied to me...he told me I was the only sub he wanted) he basically said "I was playing online and had no intention of following through." I had told him before we began training that the only thing that would cause me to request being let go is dishonesty. I have to note that he never agreed to be honest...only that he would protect me and care for me. We had discussed play with others and had agreed that we would be open and mutually engage potential play partners. So,in my fury, I basically told him I wanted nothing more to do with him,and that I was releasing myself. His point was that he is a Dom, a KING, a Master, and has the right to do as he pleases without me questioning him. Of course now I am heartbroken. So...I am confused. Did I have a right to question him? I believe trust is THE key element within a BDSM dynamic, and I could never see myself accepting a permanent collar and becoming a slave to a Master I don't trust. Does a Master have an absolute right to do as he pleases? Part of me believes that he left the messages open on purpose to prove the point that yes,he CAN do anything he wants, and as a sub, I have to like it. Any input would be appreciated. Thanks. Not only did you have a right, but an obligationDoes he have a right to do as he pleases, up point. Individuals who feel they need to prove their dominance are not deserving of a title of Master but rather slime ball of the month. The fact that he was leading those profiles on was totally inexcuseable and shows him as ethically void

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