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CallaFirestormBW -> RE: Master/slave questions (7/25/2009 8:01:11 AM)
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quote:
So why do some people people find it necessary to insult or put down people who need that particular thrill of complete power or complete powerlessness?
I think that, in general, it's because we're insecure. The future is an unknown, and -nobody- wants to be wrong or make a mistake, and so they have to try to regulate popular opinion so that, if things go south, the problem results from someone else's issue.
Me, I adore authority and those who yield up every drop of the authority that regulates their lives for me to use as I see fit, and make no bones whatsoever of really enjoying that sense of comprehensive control. I like being able to say "Because I said so", and knowing it will -stick-. I don't need it all the time, which is why, most of the time, management of day-to-day and even larger things are delegated... and I'm fortunate that I've had people around me who grasp that, when I want to be a bossy wench, nothing salves my soul like bossing someone around at a near-molecular level, and when I'm busy and every pot is boiling on the fire and there -is- no back burner, they are -good- at picking up and going on without my intimate meddling.
At the same time, sometimes, when things are rocky for servant on an individual basis, some of those who have served us have really -needed- to know that someone was in control to the level where, no matter how minuscule, they would be taken care of. I tend, having been a midwife, to think of it like a mental/control version of swaddling a newborn because the outer world is just too big and comfort comes from small, close places and tight control. I wouldn't enjoy being in a relationship where this kind of deep management was the day-to-day expectation, though, and I've also been pretty fortunate to have people who were comfortable with either not being tied to it being -me- needing to micromanage or who were comfortably self-directed as a general rule.
I think =any= relationship is a give and take, and sometimes, we need more, sometimes we need less (regardless of what it is), and sometimes we can -give- more and sometimes less -- and sometimes, need and availability conflict, and that's just the nature of the beast. CAD (or TPE or whatever you want to call it) and hierarchy really show their best value, though, for me, when everything is about to go into the crapper -- because that is the time when having -one- person at the helm is what has kept our House from disintegrating under our feet... which has been good for all of us. Whether I or any of the Keepers act on the options of CAD on a day-to-day basis is really dependent on what the day brings, but the -capacity- to make use of that comprehensive control is what enables the Keepers of our household to grab control of that helm when everything is going to hell in a handbasket, and it doesn't really matter to me what -other- people think about it. What is most important is that this is what works for -us-. Whether someone else thinks that we are -weak- or -posers- or whatever is less relevant, to me, than whether or not I can keep my family functional if a crisis rocks us to the core.
Dame Calla
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