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LDR d/s ideas - 2/19/2006 5:08:41 PM

SardonicMistress

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Joined: 2/19/2006
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I have recently found the slave of my dreams. Unfortunatly, she lives in another state and it will be several weeks until I can bring her here. I've never felt that the internet or even the phone are ideal mediums for d/s to work, but for a short time that is all we have to work with. As this is my first full time (or will be full time) d/s relastionship where I am on the 'd' end, I feel that I should ask for the advice of others that have experience with LDR d/s for ideas on how to maintain that control from afar. So far, so good, but it's impossible of course to know exactly what she is doing all of the time. I trust her and do not believe she is lying to me, at all, but I have no concrete way of knowing that she is kneeling when she says she is, etc. Any suggestion will be appreciated!-- SardonicMistress

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RE: LDR d/s ideas - 2/19/2006 5:18:07 PM

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Joined: 4/19/2005
From: Texas
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Greetings..~smiles~

"I trust her and do not believe she is lying to me, at all, but I have no concrete way of knowing that she is kneeling when she says she is,"

If you truely have that trust in your sub Ma'am..the need for concrete evidence should not be a factor.

For your personal viewing enjoyment of those things though..webcams are wonderful, and relatively inexpensive.

If you are not already using this..then in addition to your sub just kneeling for a certain amount of time..have her afterwards write in mail to you everything that went on in her head while she was kneeling..switch it up from time to time from just free thoughts to giving her something specific to ponder on while kneeling, and then write about.

Best of Luck to you both

starshine
Happy slave of Master Delvin

(in reply to SardonicMistress)

RE: LDR d/s ideas - 2/19/2006 5:21:01 PM

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From: Pennsylvania
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Why not request some "assignments" from her? Q & A's or have her write in a journal or blog (you can check the entries and post comments for feedback). It doesn't have to be all about cyber kneeling. You can maintain closeness in other ways.

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RE: LDR d/s ideas - 2/19/2006 5:33:53 PM

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Joined: 11/17/2004
From: Washington, DC Metro Area
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When i was on the cyber side of a relationship, my Master had me write papers, take pictures (that was just as cams were coming into play (pardon the pun), and neither one of us had the technical know how to install one..lol. i did have to write him morning and evening, i did research on collars, "old guard", Gor slave positions (even though we weren't Gor), and all manner of things. If there was anything physical he had to trust me when i said the project was done. Back then it honestly never occured to me not to do "whatever" or to lie. If it was something i couldn't do, we'd work it out with words, our hearts and our minds. i'm glad Your cyber time will be limited. It does admittedly make a relationship dificult at times, but when You consider the alternative -- never having even met, much less the future y'all hope to have...cyber isn't so bad after all.

Good luck and many blessings to you both...

jimini

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by A. Nin

When your heart speaks take good notes.

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RE: LDR d/s ideas - 2/19/2006 11:31:08 PM

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I would say that trust is obviously first and formost. A couple ideas come to mind that would might help her remember at all times that you are in control:

-have her email you each time she leaves the house with where she is going and with whom, then email again when she returns. Depending on how much contact you have and what your dynamic is you might also require her to ask permission before leaving the house

-you could have her email you with what she is wearing every day

-she could do a daily diary that she emails to you before she goes to bed, recounting her day and incuding her thoughts and feelings

If she does fail to do something properly she will probably be feeling guilty about it but may be reluctant to tell you. It might be helpful to let her know that while you expect her to do everything you say and that you trust her that you understand she is human and if she does fail to do something properly you want to know about it, she may be punished but it will be with the purpose of helping to do better next time.

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RE: LDR d/s ideas - 2/19/2006 11:33:46 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: devotedsub4one
Depending on how much contact you have and what your dynamic is you might also require her to ask permission before leaving the house

I can't see that as being practical with anyone who actually has a life.

But then, it's the people who have active lives offline who rarely get into cyber based relationships in the first place so it might work perfectly for them.

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RE: LDR d/s ideas - 2/20/2006 12:48:45 AM

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From: New England
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See her in the flesh as soon as possible, and don't get sucked into being obligated to "perform" for your submissive over the phone. You are in control; you talk when you wish. I suggest making that very clear early on.

Enjoy explorative conversation and get to know each other. Voice interaction alone can be extremely powerful as it is only a voice you have, and forces one to focus on inference, accent, and suggestion; it's very much like a direct feed into one's mind. it can be quite interesting.

How do you know they are kneeling or disrobing when they say they are, or that they are not really making a goofy face and extending you the middle finger at any given time? You don't. I guess in the end it's a matter of good judgment and trust. But again—don't spend too much time in long distance land. Get her pretty little face in front you as soon as you may.

(in reply to SardonicMistress)

RE: LDR d/s ideas - 2/20/2006 1:00:02 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: devotedsub4one

I would say that trust is obviously first and formost. A couple ideas come to mind that would might help her remember at all times that you are in control:

-have her email you each time she leaves the house with where she is going and with whom, then email again when she returns. Depending on how much contact you have and what your dynamic is you might also require her to ask permission before leaving the house

-you could have her email you with what she is wearing every day

-she could do a daily diary that she emails to you before she goes to bed, recounting her day and incuding her thoughts and feelings

If she does fail to do something properly she will probably be feeling guilty about it but may be reluctant to tell you. It might be helpful to let her know that while you expect her to do everything you say and that you trust her that you understand she is human and if she does fail to do something properly you want to know about it, she may be punished but it will be with the purpose of helping to do better next time.

quote:

-have her email you each time she leaves the house with where she is going and with whom, then email again when she returns. Depending on how much contact you have and what your dynamic is you might also require her to ask permission before leaving the house

-you could have her email you with what she is wearing every day

-she could do a daily diary that she emails to you before she goes to bed, recounting her day and incuding her thoughts and feelings

wonderful suggestions!!

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(in reply to devotedsub4one)

RE: LDR d/s ideas - 2/20/2006 4:17:56 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: amayos

See her in the flesh as soon as possible, and don't get sucked into being obligated to "perform" for your submissive over the phone. You are in control; you talk when you wish. I suggest making that very clear early on.

Enjoy explorative conversation and get to know each other. Voice interaction alone can be extremely powerful as it is only a voice you have, and forces one to focus on inference, accent, and suggestion; it's very much like a direct feed into one's mind. it can be quite interesting.

How do you know they are kneeling or disrobing when they say they are, or that they are not really making a goofy face and extending you the middle finger at any given time? You don't. I guess in the end it's a matter of good judgment and trust. But again—don't spend too much time in long distance land. Get her pretty little face in front you as soon as you may.

I agree with amayos, I am involved in an LDR and he is on the other side of the country---but I use My voice as a controller, I call when I please--usually in the middle of his night ( that's the sadist in Me--LOL)---I command as I please--yesterday when he signed on he had a command--as he said " Yes Maam that kept me focused"--it keeps them focused and off balance--I also insist that every Saturday night, he wears the leather collar I left with him--he loves that ( although he wears a "collar" daily)--and I at times send him to go put it on and wear it while we chat for more depth--W/we do not have a webcam so I trust that he does what I ask--but because he loves Me and needs Me--I know he does--the more I strengthen, the more he offers in return in the way of asking Me--letting Me know what he does, where he goes---etc. It isn't ideal by any means--- but until he gets here--it is what we have--

One other thing I have said we would do, is written letters, old fashioned letter writing---it takes the computer element away and makes him think about writing to Me as I do to him...good luck and as amayos says, "get her there with all due haste!"

< Message edited by MHOO314 -- 2/20/2006 4:18:46 AM >

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RE: LDR d/s ideas - 2/20/2006 12:06:56 PM

Posts: 174
Joined: 10/3/2005
From: Oshawa
Status: offline

cams are wonderfull things i am hoping to get my sound card working right so that i can do voice chat with my madam and using the cam is wonderfull it's not enough for only the sub to have a cam the dom should have one as well some might ask why well this allows the sub to learn the doms facial expressionsand see when they are happy some dommes make faces when they are in a certain moodthis will allow the sub will learn them it also is nice when i do something good and madam has a huge smile on her face and she looks streght into the cam so i know i made her smile

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i am a strong person and will not be pushed around which makes my submission a special gift that few are going to receave

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RE: LDR d/s ideas - 2/20/2006 12:25:29 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: starshineowned

Greetings..~smiles~

"I trust her and do not believe she is lying to me, at all, but I have no concrete way of knowing that she is kneeling when she says she is,"

If you truely have that trust in your sub Ma'am..the need for concrete evidence should not be a factor.

For your personal viewing enjoyment of those things though..webcams are wonderful, and relatively inexpensive.

If you are not already using this..then in addition to your sub just kneeling for a certain amount of time..have her afterwards write in mail to you everything that went on in her head while she was kneeling..switch it up from time to time from just free thoughts to giving her something specific to ponder on while kneeling, and then write about.

Best of Luck to you both

starshine
Happy slave of Master Delvin

Starshineowned, I wanted to tell you that I like your new photo. Spring must be in the air, lots of new photos recently <s>

As far as the OP, before I met my pup I asked him to keep me informed through email what was happening in his life. Not just sexual but everything. It kept the line of communication open as well as gave us something to talk about during our online chats. I would suggest also the web cam, if you arent using it already. I am a bit concerned when you say you trust her, but have no concrete way of telling if she is kneeling when she says she is. If you trust her, why is that an issue? You would trust that she is doing exactly what she says she is, and not worry about getting "proof" of it.

Good luck to you both :)

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RE: LDR d/s ideas - 2/20/2006 1:08:14 PM

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I sit here and read what you are asking... My thoughts bring questions... What do you think is D/s? What kind of connection do you have?

It is my thoughts that we connect with individuals in 4 possible dynamics.... Physical, Emotional, Intellectual and Spirtual. Not all relationships will have a connection in each of the 4 dynamics and in each dynamic the depth and breath of the connection will vary. Understanding the connections you have with your partner(s) helps to form the dyanmics of D/s. The connection to me is the bounds that keep you together... the d/s dynamics is the behaviors or the interactions that occur between the two of you. Understanding the connection you have help to understand what is the best D/s interaction to focus on and foster.

I am in a LDR relationship with my girl kyra. I can appreciate the difficulty of having such a relationship. However, I can appreciate that such a relationship can work if one has realistic expecations of what can be done and can't be done. Attempting to engage in activities that can't be substained are really just setting the relationship up for failure. I would also say that if your connection is based soley on physical.. it will be a recipe of failure in a LDR relationship. For obviously, physical Touch will not occur when you want it or how you want it. In my relationship with kyra there is a very much intellectual and emotional connection as well as a physical one. When we are apart, alot of focus of the interactions are to enhance and validate those connections. When we are together, we are very physical. But, I don't allow it to be the only connection that is being focused on. I am slowly being on the spiritual side of things.... for thou that connection exists.. it is likely the hardest and most vague of the connections. But, in my opinion, it might be the most poweful of the four. As kyra performs a ritual here and there while we are apart. It starts to speak to the spirtual connection between us. It's a slow growing process. That is the last thing I would have to say.... Don't Rush it! Take your time. Don't introduce a whole bunch of behaviors/interaction dynamics at once. What has occurred thus far has flowed rather naturally. So, let it continue to be a natural flow. When one interaction is introduced and it is occuring comfortalbly and naturally, introduce another one. and just continue to build on it.

good luck

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Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to SardonicMistress)

RE: LDR d/s ideas - 2/21/2006 4:37:00 AM

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Joined: 10/3/2005
From: Oshawa
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vary good post knight i like ready posts from you and your girls

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i am a strong person and will not be pushed around which makes my submission a special gift that few are going to receave

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RE: LDR d/s ideas - 2/21/2006 5:40:28 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AlderTheKitty

vary good post knight i like ready posts from you and your girls

Thank you.

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Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to AlderTheKitty)

RE: LDR d/s ideas - 2/21/2006 4:01:23 PM

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Joined: 1/1/2004
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In truth, I was just about to give you a GREAT game I've played time and time again with long distance subs/slaves that each has loved... But then I read your profile.

No, I don't think any person advocating "venom" to another simply because they are a "Dom" is one I care to assist -- especially one who identifies herself as a "new" Domme (i.e., one who COULD use assistance from all, including us supposedly horrible Dom types).

(in reply to KnightofMists)

RE: LDR d/s ideas - 2/21/2006 4:15:24 PM

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as someone who has just resolved a LDR as of December, all i can say is more power to You and i hope that this works out.

LDRs are not ideal relationships and are a bit of a sensitive issue with me. i have thus far limited myself to searching for something closer and it's a royal pain. i don't think i am strong enough to deal with another one.

the logic of LDRs escapes me. why do people do it? why not search closer to home? i'm begining to think it's like a safety blanket for those in the lifestyle. being able to spout orders from afar without the risk of commitment or contact.

even if there is a connection, there's no guaruntee of any meetings, as real life or some other reason pops up to inhibit any meetings...that's where the waiting game comes in. this will put a strain on any LDRs.

< Message edited by michaelGA -- 2/21/2006 4:18:24 PM >

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RE: LDR d/s ideas - 2/21/2006 7:46:47 PM

Laura

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Joined: 6/22/2004
From: Ontario, Canada
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I guess it depends on which one of you needs or wants the exercies in submission. Do you need to feel you really are in control or does she need to feel controlled? Is all this to please you or her?

I usually found long distance submission was really all for the sub and I got very little out of it. I could come up with plenty of ideas but after awhile I didn't care that much and the whole thing became a chore. I don't get into the topping from the bottom thing but I do think the Domme should be getting equal pleasure and if she isn't she is doing something wrong.

My best suggestion for a long distance thing would be for the sub to do most of the work on this. Have her write stories/ essays about what she likes and what she hopes for when you are together. This way she is serving you and you will know what she expects, feels and has experienced.

(in reply to michaelGA)

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