Good Manners (Full Version)

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Afrodizzy -> Good Manners (7/25/2009 10:20:37 AM)

Decency and Respect .... a question to members of this community. Partly for me to be more informed and maybe get a pulse on the general consensus.

In the community we do not judge the methods or the preferences of others, to each their own joys, pleasures. desires, fetishes. We keep an open mind and we each have our own ways. I as an example don't start my first approach to a sub / slave with "Hey slut" or "whore" or bitch. I don't ask to be called Sir or ask for naked pictures or a web cam session right out of the gate. This makes me no less of a true Dominant, no less controlling, no less demanding when I do get into a stage where we have started playing or if someone is under consideration.It is more important for me to get to know the prospect, understand clearly their wants, needs, goals, desires and then when a level of comfort and understanding has been reached we can progress to other matters. That is my personal preference and by no means is it the right one, to each their own, no wrongs, no rights, just different.

This brings me to my point of decency and respect not only for oneself but for others. I am a straight Male Dominant, I sometimes get approached by men and based on those principles of decency and respect, I would respond and say thanks for the mail but
I'm only into women and by doing such, the matter is closed. In the same light, when one starts a conversation and for whatever reason you decide that it is not what you seek, let that person know, you may not even have to give a reason beyond, "it is not what I'm looking for" or " Im taking another approach" I know that many of the members here are overwhelmed with e-mail and other approaches, by all means ignore the ones that don't interest you or that don' t meet your criteria but when you do engage even at the highest level, close out that engagement if you are moving on.

My question; No matter how Dominant or sub or switch or whatever we are, no matter how hard we play, if its sadism, humiliation, masochism or any of the different forms of lifestyles or schools of thought. In the end of the day, can we ask that in the same manner that we do not pass judgement, that we at least respect the general codes of decency and etiquette as we embrace this lifestyle?

On Point, Or am I smoking something?



Sunnyfey -> RE: Good Manners (7/25/2009 10:22:06 AM)

*looks bashful as she just let all her friends know exactly how loud she burped, like 2 minutes ago*



GreedyTop -> RE: Good Manners (7/25/2009 10:23:42 AM)

We can ask.  but you'll find that there are the same kinds of people with their own behaviors, attitudes, etc here in the *ahem* community as there are in vanilla settings.  People are people.



LaTigresse -> RE: Good Manners (7/25/2009 10:23:52 AM)

Basically..........no.

If you do a search, there have been many variations on this subject discussed over and over.

There is no "this community".

No one owes you or I, anything.

What you and I do, reflects on us as individuals, not some imaginary community.

Behave in a manner that reflects how you want others to treat you.



LillyoftheVally -> RE: Good Manners (7/25/2009 10:25:11 AM)

Welcome to the boards.

Though many people do think like you, not all do, but then maybe what we need to look at is the idea of 'lifestyle' or 'community'. Basically on sites or munches or events or whatever there is one common trait, humanness. The thing is some people are decent and respectful some aren't. There isnt a contract to sign to become part of the group, there aren't clear rules or definitions on what we should be (ok so TOS and that lot but you are talking more about personal politeness)

The problem is that if you are going to live and let live you have to let others have a different approach, or else you will get a sore head from all the bashing against a brick wall.



TurboJugend -> RE: Good Manners (7/25/2009 10:31:26 AM)

quote:

I sometimes get approached by men and based on those principles of decency and respect, I would respond and say thanks for the mail but


just keep doing that. I prefer decency also, but we can't change the world..so lets ignore what we don't like.



Afrodizzy -> RE: Good Manners (7/25/2009 10:40:04 AM)

Thank you all for the input.
It seems to have been an incorrect assumption to refer to this site as a community, please accept my apology for that first of all.

Mostly the guidance that I take is that politeness, though preferred, is not expected and that I should not let the things that I can not change bother me.

I agree on all points, it helps with my perspective.

A wonderful day to all.

J



Lockit -> RE: Good Manners (7/25/2009 10:47:14 AM)

I guess I will just have to be outside the community because I am going to judge certain things and will hold true to what I believe and if someone is doing something I feel is dangerous, they have that right, but I have the right to judge it. It is how I act upon judging something that might matter.

Expecting something from other's who are basic stranger's to us doesn't work or my email box wouldn't be filled with nonsense from people I consider and judge as having no respect... for themselves or those they email. I can get pissy or roll my eye's and even complain once in a while, but that changes nothing except my mood if I allow it. (Which I am guilty of sometimes! lol) They are going to do what they do no matter what I think about it and I shall do what it is that I do no matter what they think about it.

A viscious cycle I dare say... but one of life and people. It is what it is.



CatdeMedici -> RE: Good Manners (7/25/2009 11:07:27 AM)

No, we cannot because this life is made of human beings who judge every minute of every day, it is only those who truly don't judge who will never judge and show Me one human being who does not judge something.



DesFIP -> RE: Good Manners (7/25/2009 11:13:27 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Afrodizzy
In the community we do not judge the methods or the preferences of others,


We don't? Since when?

We aren't a community in the true sense of the word, people banded together to achieve a common goal. But my experience even in a community that is tight knit is that people will judge each other, choices, goals, methods. If you don't believe that's true, go attend any PTA meeting and see people argue and dislike each other.

Beyond that; judging is what people do. I will go so far as to say it is one of the things that makes us human. Having the ability to decide what is and isn't right, and deciding that morality makes us interfere in another's decisions. That after all is what law is.

As far as getting everyone to agree on what is polite and mannerly, which would need to be done before we all agreed to follow such rules - good luck.

If you send me mail and I don't want contact with you, then accept the fact that no answer is an answer. It's no different than if you were to send me one of those pre-approved credit card offers. It isn't rude for me to toss it on sight because I didn't ask you for it. In the same way, I didn't ask you to send me mail so it isn't rude if I delete it read or unread.

Yeah, you're a guy, you send out tons of mail to women and don't get any response. Deal with it because this is the accepted behavior on all dating sites.



LillyoftheVally -> RE: Good Manners (7/25/2009 11:24:10 AM)

Off topic, Lockit I love the pic



sweetsub1957 -> RE: Good Manners (7/25/2009 11:24:44 AM)

 I don't think anyone owes us anything, but I try to be decent and respectful toward others.  It would be nice if others were the same toward me, but it doesn't always work that way.   People are people & people aren't perfect.  If someone else's activities repulse me I don't judge them, I will just not include those activities in my life.  To each their own.

And well, a lot of people say there is no community, so I prefer to call it a subculture, and I'm sure there are some who will disagree with that too.  In case anyone's interested, I've looked up the definitions of the two at http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/

com·mu·ni·ty 
Pronunciation: \kə-ˈmyü-nə-tē\
Function: noun
1: a unified body of individuals: as a: state, commonwealth b: the people with common interests living in a particular area ; broadly : the area itself <the problems of a large community> c: an interacting population of various kinds of individuals (as species) in a common location d: a group of people with a common characteristic or interest living together within a larger society <a community of retired persons> e: a group linked by a common policy f: a body of persons or nations having a common history or common social, economic, and political interests <the international community> g: a body of persons of common and especially professional interests scattered through a larger society <the academic community> 2: society at large3 a: joint ownership or participation <community of goods> b: common character : likeness <community of interests> c: social activity : fellowship d: a social state or condition.
 
sub·cul·ture
Pronunciation: \ˈsəb-ˌkəl-chər\
Function: noun
1 a: a culture (as of bacteria) derived from another culture b: an act or instance of producing a subculture2: an ethnic, regional, economic, or social group exhibiting characteristic patterns of behavior sufficient to distinguish it from others within an embracing culture or society <a criminal subculture> 

~edited for spacing~



naughtysubK -> RE: Good Manners (7/25/2009 11:54:06 AM)

I am not saying the OP would ever be so rude,  but there are may instances where a submissive woman has replied to a cmail with a simple thanks but no thanks sort of reply,  and has received in return a verbally abusive message.  Either "you are a FAKE" or " you are too f-ing ugly/fat/old/etc for me anyway"  or something along those lines.  




DarkSteven -> RE: Good Manners (7/25/2009 11:58:13 AM)

Whenever I contact a woman on cm that I do not know, I assume that she will not contact me back.  I don't concern myself with why, because I don't have the time to worry about that.

Sometimes I get surprised and she responds.



lally2 -> RE: Good Manners (7/25/2009 12:28:31 PM)

as my grandma said 'do as you would be done by'.  i try to remember that and that basic manners cost nothing.  i often get emails back from people ive gently said no to, thanking me for at least replying.  personally i feel that if someone has made the effort to read my profile and pays me the compliment of spending time writing to me then they deserve some sort of response.

i honestly dont see the need for rudeness when someone makes a polite enquiry over a public profile that, lets face it, is there for the soul purpose of attracting attention.

i used to hate being whistled at until a friend pointed out that surely it was better to be whistled at than ignored or not noticed.  so when someone 'whistles' at you on here then it should be seen as a compliment i think, not an invasion of unwanted attention - thats just nuts.

im obviously on my own here, but i do feel like this is a community.  ive made alot of great friends here, people i deeply care about and i believe they care about me.  i enjoy reading their posts and cmails and i care about how they are.



MasterSlaveLA -> RE: Good Manners (7/25/2009 12:36:17 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Afrodizzy
In the community we do not judge the methods or the preferences of others... <snip> On Point, Or am I smoking something?



Go read a few more threads, noob... yes, you're smoking something. [;)]  Judgements and high-school cliques run amok.

Enjoy your time here.


(Edited to add wink to be clear humor was the intent)



TurboJugend -> RE: Good Manners (7/25/2009 12:53:01 PM)

wel well.....and you talk about high school?  calling someone a noob..lol isn't that very highschool also



MasterSlaveLA -> RE: Good Manners (7/25/2009 12:59:36 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: TurboJugend



It's called humor, dork.  Buy a sense of humor... they're on sale at K-Mart.  There's no kumbyya community and it was in jest to the "smoking something" crack.




TurboJugend -> RE: Good Manners (7/25/2009 1:01:09 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterSlaveLA

quote:

ORIGINAL: TurboJugend



It's called humor, dork.  Buy a sense of humor... they're on sale at K-Mart.




lol
the only funny thing is your behaviour



MasterSlaveLA -> RE: Good Manners (7/25/2009 1:05:27 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: TurboJugend


No, you're actually proving my point quite nicely... nothin' better to do than ASSUME you know what others are thinking and then make snap judgements.  Very "high school", Gumby.  Now back to your scheduled fart-lighting and giggling.




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