"Honey, It took us three years to get to the point where you can slap me in the face."

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All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> "Honey, It took us three years to get to the point where you can slap me in the face."

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"Honey, It took us three years to get to the point... - 7/31/2009 10:28:45 PM

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So andi and I have been playing around with face slapping. The funny thing is it is far from what you would think about the act.

We play with the mind fuck first when I go, "Honey, I'm gunna slap you." Then I Smile real big and she giggles and then spend like 10 minutes flinching and giggling.

Then when I slap her it is NEVER full force, But it is more than a play slap.

Tonight I asked Caren if she wanted to try and she agreed to it but said she owuld rather not and that was when Andi looked at me and said "Honey it took us three years to get to the point where you can slap me, it's going to take her a little while."

This was Funny as hell to all of us but the point remains what have you come to find as being common place NOW but when you originally got into it it took a long time for you to find the comfort level you currently have?

Are there things that you find easy and expect right away that a few years ago would have been something you took very lightly and took a lot of time with?

Steel

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RE: "Honey, It took us three years to get to the p... - 8/1/2009 4:07:07 AM

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0-60 in one minute flat from the first meeting onward. We don't limit ourselves with what we want to try and when we want to try it.

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RE: "Honey, It took us three years to get to the p... - 8/1/2009 6:02:22 AM

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We've never had to work our way up to doing anything in particular. There are a few things on a personal level that never appealed to me or that I might have had some personal issues with (needle play comes to mind) that one day I woke up and they spoke to me and we did it. If I wake up tomorrow wanting to do something new we do it. There is no warm up other than whatever research I need to do on my own to learn about it. She is ready for anything and will do anything I ask of her without question.

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RE: "Honey, It took us three years to get to the p... - 8/1/2009 6:29:39 AM

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I do not do well with forwarning or long drawn out conditioning -- i am an instant gratification girl and that works with not only things i want but also decisions on his part or confronting new stuff. The new thing has to be many times introduced without warning then the details can be worked out later. And the actuality is usually a lot less than anything my mind comes up with.

Don't let me think about it or know its coming or such lol cause i will worry myself to death about it and in the end freak myself out.

angel

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RE: "Honey, It took us three years to get to the p... - 8/1/2009 7:59:19 AM

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Pole bondage. I love bondage as does he. But every damn time he tied me to a pole I had a panic attack. He'd drop it for six months and then same damn thing. Three years in he didn't tie my head, I didn't have any problems.

Three years to realize it isn't the pole, it's having my head immobilized that does it. I hate hair bondage also.

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RE: "Honey, It took us three years to get to the p... - 8/1/2009 8:00:02 AM

xiam

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quote:

ORIGINAL: barelynangel
....Don't let me think about it or know its coming or such lol cause i will worry myself to death about it and in the end freak myself out.

Yeah, angel, i am completely the same. As long as it's not in "hard limit territory", i'd much rather act first and discuss later.

To answer the original question, there are things that i had no interest in a a few years ago that turn me on like mad now. It hasn't been so much an issue of easing myself into it as it's been a matter of finding a person with whom i had the chemistry to make those things end up on the menu.

Steel, will you now be working up from "play slaps" to full slaps? Inquiring minds want to know! :)

(in reply to barelynangel)

RE: "Honey, It took us three years to get to the p... - 8/1/2009 8:31:21 AM

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I was thrown in at the deep end from the very start and I am happy that it happened that way.

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RE: "Honey, It took us three years to get to the p... - 8/1/2009 8:39:15 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah

So andi and I have been playing around with face slapping. The funny thing is it is far from what you would think about the act.

We play with the mind fuck first when I go, "Honey, I'm gunna slap you." Then I Smile real big and she giggles and then spend like 10 minutes flinching and giggling.

Then when I slap her it is NEVER full force, But it is more than a play slap.

Tonight I asked Caren if she wanted to try and she agreed to it but said she owuld rather not and that was when Andi looked at me and said "Honey it took us three years to get to the point where you can slap me, it's going to take her a little while."

This was Funny as hell to all of us but the point remains what have you come to find as being common place NOW but when you originally got into it it took a long time for you to find the comfort level you currently have?

Are there things that you find easy and expect right away that a few years ago would have been something you took very lightly and took a lot of time with?

Steel

It's upon me, on me, and in me before I've had a chance to figure out even what it is.

Member of the FFC

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(in reply to SteelofUtah)

RE: "Honey, It took us three years to get to the p... - 8/1/2009 8:44:44 AM

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Although there was a few kink things that I hadn't tried when I met the x, I would have done them in a heartbeat. Needles, electricity, wax.. all things I never tried but would have if he had introduced them, he went right in with electricity and it was great!
It took him a while to delve into other things, needles came in at about our 4th year, which coincidentally is when he also tried slapping. Needles worked. Slapping did not. I discovered how fast I can switch from sub and compliant to reverting to my kiss ass bouncer days of defend myself.
Somethings have less to do with limits then they do instinct.

(in reply to SteelofUtah)

RE: "Honey, It took us three years to get to the p... - 8/1/2009 9:06:35 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: xiam

Steel, will you now be working up from "play slaps" to full slaps? Inquiring minds want to know! :)

I honestly doubt it.

What is enjoyable about it right now is the giggles and the laughing and if I hauled off and full force palm slapped her I doubt it would be fun anymore.

That and I really have no desire to make it about pain right now I like the mind fuck and I think that is where it will stay.

That being said, who really knows what the future brings.

Steel

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Just Steel
Resident Therapeutic Metallurgist
The Steel Warm-Up © ™
For the Uber Posters
Thanks for the Grammatical support : ) ~ Term

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RE: "Honey, It took us three years to get to the p... - 8/1/2009 9:07:36 AM

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I am still relatively new. But, like Maria, I have been thrown in way over my head. I like it that way. If my partner lets me have time to chew on the new thing, it is because he is enjoying my growing anxiety/anticipation. We are to the point where I have more or less given him a blank check to do with me what makes him happy. He knows my history, my cravings, fears, all of it. I trust him enough to know he has no intention of harming me and will do everything to safeguard me in scary places. That's all I need.

lovingpet

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RE: "Honey, It took us three years to get to the p... - 8/1/2009 9:16:50 AM

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Face slapping is different. It's quite personal, and I am sure would trigger a negative reaction in many subs. The psychological reasons for this are too numerous to mention. But a person' s face is who they are in many ways. (You can tell a lot about a person from their face).

I think it's how you can tell if someone is really into you, if they don't need face time (kissing), no matter how good the sex is, they are not into YOU.

As always, just my opinion.

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RE: "Honey, It took us three years to get to the p... - 8/1/2009 10:24:43 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah
Are there things that you find easy and expect right away that a few years ago would have been something you took very lightly and took a lot of time with?

*laughs and laughs* OK, I just couldn't pass this by. Given my situation, the answer to this would be...

Uh, yeah... pretty much my entire life qualifies in that category right now. As the vanilla guy who didn't even know BDSM existed for real, pretty much everything I do with Caro nowadays is like this. I routinely walk around the house amused at the fact that "this ridiculous way to run a marriage" actually works.

Actually Steel, I'm pleased to see a post about PROGRESSION rather than end state. All too often I feel like there is so much focus given to end state on these boards that people miss the fact that there is a path that needs to be walked to get from here to there.

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I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to SteelofUtah)

RE: "Honey, It took us three years to get to the p... - 8/1/2009 11:30:32 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

quote:

ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah
Are there things that you find easy and expect right away that a few years ago would have been something you took very lightly and took a lot of time with?

*laughs and laughs* OK, I just couldn't pass this by. Given my situation, the answer to this would be...

Uh, yeah... pretty much my entire life qualifies in that category right now. As the vanilla guy who didn't even know BDSM existed for real, pretty much everything I do with Carol nowadays is like this. I routinely walk around the house amused at the fact that "this ridiculous way to run a marriage" actually works.

Actually Steel, I'm pleased to see a post about PROGRESSION rather than end state. All too often I feel like there is so much focus given to end state on these boards that people miss the fact that there is a path that needs to be walked to get from here to there.

Looking at my sig line attributed to Jeff and grinning. :>

The idea of progression, Steel, strikes me as reasonable. I am unsure how long a particular thing would take, though, as once I decide I am 'willing', well much willingness goes along with it as an inherent part of me. That said, simply learning a person's general 'rhythm' and way of relating within the Universe, for me, gives greater comforts and would decrease anxiety.

As to face slapping specifically, I addressed that with a partner with whom D/s stuff was relevant. He asked about limits. I told him I'd mull over anything additional to what I'd already stated. Face slapping popped into my head and got me a puzzled response when it was brought up. I have wicked-bad TMJ and getting popped in the face struck me as potentially damaging (Now that I'm doing martial arts, I suppose that argument becomes moot) but I also told him I though it would piss me off to be popped in the face; I would interpret it was a disrespect I think.

Regardless, sure, I think things progress across time not only within the context of a relationship but with the individual(s).
And, btw, congratulations on yours and andi's new relationship. :>
Davan

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RE: "Honey, It took us three years to get to the p... - 8/1/2009 5:59:56 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: daintydimples

Face slapping is different. It's quite personal, and I am sure would trigger a negative reaction in many subs. The psychological reasons for this are too numerous to mention. But a person' s face is who they are in many ways. (You can tell a lot about a person from their face).

I feel the same way. if it's face-slapping and it's play related, no problem...but hit me in anger, to shut me up, and you will see me react with all sorts of angry.

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RE: "Honey, It took us three years to get to the p... - 8/1/2009 6:17:08 PM

CallaFirestormBW

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I know not many people have to deal with this, but I suspect more than a few have something sort of similar. I went through a phase where the slightest touch would trigger pain cascades because of the autoimmune illness I have, and even though that has been quiescent for over 20 years, thanks to a very skilled MD/DHom who has worked with me and who is now teaching my beloved, I still panic unless I can -plan- for touch. Once I've planned for it, I'm ok, but I'm afraid to -relax-, because I'm afraid that if I don't carefully control my muscles, the pain will return one day and I won't be prepared.

It took nearly six years with my beloveds before I could relax enough to not stiffen up so much I would trigger a neuro reaction and end up in spasms during a simple, gentle massage. Because I am -very- particular about how, when, and where I am touched (not that I don't like hugs or whatever... but I like to be the one controlling -if- it happens, and how long it lasts and how close we touch...) just reaching the point where I could let one of them initiate a hug or intimate touch, or, more particularly, -surprise- me with a shoulder rub or a kiss from behind was -huge- for me... and it was a nightmare while I was training for my crop (though if I hadn't put myself through that, I might never have faced the dragon).

I can completely understand how something, especially something we're conditioned to thing we ought to avoid or fear, could take a bit of time to trust someone enough to let that be a part of daily living... and how it might be an interesting challenge, on both sides of the kneel, to work with, and I know that sometimes, it throws people who don't know us off.

Dame Calla

< Message edited by CallaFirestormBW -- 8/1/2009 6:19:22 PM >

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RE: "Honey, It took us three years to get to the p... - 8/1/2009 10:12:54 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: allthatjaz

I was thrown in at the deep end from the very start and I am happy that it happened that way.

same here. the "ease into it" approach does not work well with me...it leads to far too much anxiety and stress. the first 2 years of my slavery were the absolute hardest, my Master threw everything at me that he could...i endured things i never imagined possible...i questioned whether i had the strength for this life. but in retrospect i realized that he was so harsh and demanding in the beginning because he needed to know my potential, and he needed for me to see my own potential. He also needed for me to understand the depth of the commitment i had made, and what life as a slave could mean. it worked.

after the first 2 years, things calmed down to a more normal pace. now that we both know i can take it, there is no need for every day to be full of trials and hardship. so, this method has worked beautifully for us, but i understand others need the band-aid eased off bit by bit.

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RE: "Honey, It took us three years to get to the p... - 8/2/2009 11:26:14 AM

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Bleeding and things of that nature.
My pet has 'issues' with most types of fluid and for him to bleed is more difficult than the government balancing the budget.
*laughs*

Just recently he came to me with a small cut on his tongue after he accidentally bit it. It unsettled him that I licked the blood off of it and kissed him, but the fact that he even came to me with it was amazing.

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RE: "Honey, It took us three years to get to the p... - 8/2/2009 11:52:28 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: daddysprop247
after the first 2 years, things calmed down to a more normal pace. now that we both know i can take it, there is no need for every day to be full of trials and hardship. so, this method has worked beautifully for us, but i understand others need the band-aid eased off bit by bit.

I think that's a really astute comment. I'm very definitely a "rip the band-aid off" kind of person. If I'm getting into a cold pool, I just jump in. To me, the idea of inching in seems like a really good way to draw out the torture one cold inch at a time. Carol, on the other hand, is the exact opposite. An essential part of any good leadership is understanding those we lead and how they will react to various stimuli.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to daddysprop247)

RE: "Honey, It took us three years to get to the p... - 8/2/2009 1:14:12 PM

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My first experience with consensual face slapping was as a "stunt bottom" in a class. The original demo person got sick or something, and couldn't make it, and I was talking with the instructor (who I'd known for a while, but hadn't played with before). It was pretty much a "Sure, I'll give it a try" thing - I didn't like it when I'd been slapped a couple of times by other women unconsensually in the past, but it didn't have any huge triggers associated with it. I was surprised by how much I liked it, and it has been a regular element of play since. I think that sometimes, especially in the first BDSM-oriented relationship, it can take a long time to get to the point of trying new and more intense things. As both people get comfortable, they're more likely to try edgier things, if they bring a new person in, or break up and get involved with other people. Also, two people can have very different limits and interests and still be compatible with you. For me, easing into it (or any other new S/M activity) would involve going ahead and *doing* it (maybe talking about it first, maybe not) at a low intensity, and gradually increasing it, not going "I'm gonna getcha!" for 10 minutes before starting.

I'd think of that more as building anticipation/being silly.

(in reply to leadership527)

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