Young submission and its consequences

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Prinsexx -> Young submission and its consequences (8/9/2009 1:34:25 AM)
It's 5.30 pm. My daughter rings. She’s been at Ad’s. (He goes away with the Army in nine days time). Sh’e well kind of weird. Says: he asked me to play the Play Station mom. I didn’t want to. I hadn’t come all this way for that. So he’s kicked me out. I’m at the station and I have missed my train. I stuff most of a loaf. My logic is that it will absorb the pear cider. And drive to pick her up. Yet again. She has an IQ equivalent to mine. She’s likely also to be an extravert-intuitive-thinker-perceiver. Just like me. And despite all my efforts I cannot save her from being a submissive female. habitually she takes hour to dress. She will do anything Ads asks of her. She blames herself for everything that goes wrong. Longs to be his girl friend again instead of his friend. Answers the phone to his every call. Loves him so much there isn’t room in her head for anything or anyone else. And I cannot save her. So I get her home and she goes out again. To some do along the river. I know she is lying. 3.30 am this morning. She rings again. She says god mom you don't understand it's horrible. I shaking cut and bruised. He's dragged me along the pavement. The skin is missing from my elbows mom and I can't walk. I dunno what to do. and so on. I call a cab and pre-pay by credit card. And give that taxi her mobile so they can track her down. By the time she is home I realise she is in a worse stae than I thought. It's been a case of real bodily harm. Her phone rings. It's him. I swear to go I will call the Police I say and get him kicked off the Army programme if she answers him. He texts are you ok come back to me. She closes her door and rings him back. Then cries because he says ring me back in ten minutes but then he switches his phone off. It's abuse I know. But although I can bathe her cuts, hug her and calm her down I can't change her submissive nature. I see myself when I was young and knew no different.

Acer49 -> RE: Young submission and its consequences (8/9/2009 1:57:22 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Prinsexx It's 5.30 pm. My daughter rings. She’s been at Ad’s. (He goes away with the Army in nine days time). Sh’e well kind of weird. Says: he asked me to play the Play Station mom. I didn’t want to. I hadn’t come all this way for that. So he’s kicked me out. I’m at the station and I have missed my train. I stuff most of a loaf. My logic is that it will absorb the pear cider. And drive to pick her up. Yet again. She has an IQ equivalent to mine. She’s likely also to be an extravert-intuitive-thinker-perceiver. Just like me. And despite all my efforts I cannot save her from being a submissive female. habitually she takes hour to dress. She will do anything Ads asks of her. She blames herself for everything that goes wrong. Longs to be his girl friend again instead of his friend. Answers the phone to his every call. Loves him so much there isn’t room in her head for anything or anyone else. And I cannot save her. So I get her home and she goes out again. To some do along the river. I know she is lying. 3.30 am this morning. She rings again. She says god mom you don't understand it's horrible. I shaking cut and bruised. He's dragged me along the pavement. The skin is missing from my elbows mom and I can't walk. I dunno what to do. and so on. I call a cab and pre-pay by credit card. And give that taxi her mobile so they can track her down. By the time she is home I realise she is in a worse stae than I thought. It's been a case of real bodily harm. Her phone rings. It's him. I swear to go I will call the Police I say and get him kicked off the Army programme if she answers him. He texts are you ok come back to me. She closes her door and rings him back. Then cries because he says ring me back in ten minutes but then he switches his phone off. It's abuse I know. But although I can bathe her cuts, hug her and calm her down I can't change her submissive nature. I see myself when I was young and knew no different. I am truly sorry for the pain you both must endure because of that rabbid dog who needs to be caged and put down. but, I believe to be able to submit to the right one worthy of such, is a very beautiful and rewarding experience

SteelofUtah -> RE: Young submission and its consequences (8/9/2009 1:57:32 AM)
I do not see this as submissive my dear, I see that as Battered Wife Syndrome. I think she needs Therapy. What you described will eventually leave her DEAD. Steel

WyldHrt -> RE: Young submission and its consequences (8/9/2009 2:01:37 AM)
Oh, holy hell This has nothing to do with submission, and everything to do with an abusive relationship. Quit overidentifying, and quit trying to excuse this kind of crap as a consequence of being submissive. She's your daughter, Prinsexx. Knock off the excuses and get her some help, already.

NorthernGent -> RE: Young submission and its consequences (8/9/2009 2:13:56 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Prinsexx She’s likely also to be an extravert-intuitive-thinker-perceiver. She habitually she takes hour to dress. She will do anything Ads asks of her. She blames herself for everything that goes wrong. Longs to be his girl friend again instead of his friend. Answers the phone to his every call. Loves him so much there isn’t room in her head for anything or anyone else. It doesn't necessarily follow that someone who allows herself to be brow-beaten is the result of a submissive personality. Perhaps she lacks the skills/confidence/steel/maturity etc to make sure she gets what she wants and no less. We're all a bit daft when we're young - it can't be any other way - though there are degrees of daft. quote: ORIGINAL: Prinsexx He's dragged me along the pavement. The skin is missing from my elbows mom and I can't walk. I dunno what to do. and so on. The idiot wants locking up. 1) Ring the police and have him locked up. 2) Do not see this as the inevitable conclusion from an innate character. 3) Cruel to be kind. You need to find a way to have her take a look at herself in the mirror and develop a bit of steel - by whatever means necessary. Every problem has a solution.

Prinsexx -> RE: Young submission and its consequences (8/9/2009 2:19:53 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah I do not see this as submissive my dear, I see that as Battered Wife Syndrome. I think she needs Therapy. What you described will eventually leave her DEAD. Steel Submission is not a syndrome except when it is not understood. And thjerapy, therapy, therapy... a sure sugn of failing times when mother snad families cannot be the remedy. She is far too intelligent for any therapist believe me. She just happens to be submissive. Innately.

HeavansKeeper -> RE: Young submission and its consequences (8/9/2009 2:21:47 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah I do not see this as submissive my dear, I see that as Battered Wife Syndrome. I think she needs Therapy. What you described will eventually leave her DEAD. Steel QFT. That's Quoted For Truth. I wouldn't... Couldn't... say it any other way.

Prinsexx -> RE: Young submission and its consequences (8/9/2009 2:25:38 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NorthernGent The idiot wants locking up. 1) Ring the police and have him locked up. 2) Do not see this as the inevitable conclusion from an innate character. 3) Cruel to be kind. You need to find a way to have her take a look at herself in the mirror and develop a bit of steel - by whatever means necessary. Every problem has a solution. He's away in the Army in a few days time. I hope they knock holy crap out of him. If I go to the police his Army career will be over before it's begun. He will get a caution and naught else. And the entire cycle will start again. And she will feel betrayed. It will set a rift between us forever. I see myself in her when I was so young.

mydestiny2043 -> RE: Young submission and its consequences (8/9/2009 2:26:43 AM)
quote: I realise she is in a worse stae than I thought. It's been a case of real bodily harm. That would not only make me very angry,but very scared for her life,and I have to go along with what others are telling you that isn't submission it's outright abuse and I don't know anything but what you've written here and to me it sounds like it has escalated and he is doing more damage if that is the case and it continues one of the next times will be you at the morgue to claim your child.Do what you gotta do to save your child from him herself or both.YHes she'll probably lash out at you and blame you he's gone.but she'll be alive to do it.

NorthernGent -> RE: Young submission and its consequences (8/9/2009 2:48:24 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Prinsexx He's away in the Army in a few days time. I hope they knock holy crap out of him. If I go to the police his Army career will be over before it's begun. He will get a caution and naught else. And the entire cycle will start again. And she will feel betrayed. It will set a rift between us forever. I see myself in her when I was so young. To stand aside is a dangerous road to go down. There is of course such a thing as people learning for themselves and learning the hard way; the problem with this is not everyone learns the lesson. I wouldn't necessarily say she's going to end up dead as other posters have mentioned - plenty of people have been in abusive relationships and lived to tell the tale - but I think it's fair to say that things will get worse. And how do these abusive relationships end? Usually with some authority or another stepping in to put an end to it. It's blatantly not a nice situation to be in and anything you do could have intended and unintended consequences. But that's the situation you're in and you've no option other than to make the best of it. Were you to make a decision based on facts rather than emotions it may help. You can have him stopped as there's such a thing as restraining orders. You can have her friends talk with her - someone who she'll listen to. Yeah it may cause a rift but assuming she's as intelligent as you say then she may understand deep down that the relationship is destructive and as her Mother you're left with no choice other than to intervene. Basically you're talking of your daughter's welfare - if she can't manage it for herself then I'd say you're left with no choice other than to step in - regardless of whether or not this will cause a rift. And what if you don't step in and the worst happens? I'm sure you'd feel far worse than the result of any rift.

WyldHrt -> RE: Young submission and its consequences (8/9/2009 2:49:39 AM)
quote: And thjerapy, therapy, therapy... a sure sugn of failing times when mother snad families cannot be the remedy. So DO it already! What are you standing around wringing your hands on here for? quote: She is far too intelligent for any therapist believe me. She just happens to be submissive. Innately Bullshit, she's an abused woman. Suck it up and get her some help.

LillyoftheVally -> RE: Young submission and its consequences (8/9/2009 3:00:35 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Prinsexx Submission is not a syndrome except when it is not understood. And thjerapy, therapy, therapy... a sure sugn of failing times when mother snad families cannot be the remedy. She is far too intelligent for any therapist believe me. She just happens to be submissive. Innately. Prins, to me it sounds like you are almost sanctioning this as inevitable and it is not, also just because you are submissive does not mean that she is. Indeed 99% of teenage girls are just like you said when they fall in love, it is dramatic, they will do anything for them and they seem unable to draw the line. My sister who is now pretty dominant in relationships had a boyfriend who did precisely what you just said. This guy needs to be arrested, it was assault, she needs you to draw the line for her because she is not. Also being too intelligent for therapy is a cop out! It reminds me of a friend of mine who told her child he was too young to read and so he refused to learn. If you tell a child what will and wont work for them if they look up to you they will internalise it as truth. I am not even sure she needs therapy though to be honest but I do think that if you do not act and get the police involved you will be contributing to it I don't want to be horrible here but I really think what you are doing is not good for your child.

WyldHrt -> RE: Young submission and its consequences (8/9/2009 3:07:05 AM)
Have I told you lately that I love you, LOV? [:D] Very well said, and much more politically correct than my crabby ass managed, LOL!

DesFIP -> RE: Young submission and its consequences (8/9/2009 3:15:46 AM)
You make excuses for her because if she gets some help and fixes her issues, then you won't have any excuse to not fix yours. She learned this at her mother's knee. You get into unhealthy relationships repeatedly and accept inappropriate behavior "because you're submissive'. There are lots of us who are submissive but do not accept such behavior. Get some help and get her some help. Break the cycle in both generations.

RCdc -> RE: Young submission and its consequences (8/9/2009 3:15:46 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Prinsexx It's abuse I know. But although I can bathe her cuts, hug her and calm her down I can't change her submissive nature. I see myself when I was young and knew no different. I am so not turning from this to call bullshit Prin. Age, mentality, orientation is NOT an excuse for accepting abuse. This is NOT a thing to do with submission at all. I was in a Ds relationship when young with a man who used abuse as an excuse. He hit me once out of anger and I walked out. Don't blame submission or age for your daughters inability to see sense. And as a parent it your responsibility to interfere. She would not have come to you if she didn't... even if she does protest it. the.dark.

Kalista07 -> RE: Young submission and its consequences (8/9/2009 3:35:18 AM)
Wow...Prin...i'm just kind of amazed and saddened at your blatant hypocrisy here... How many times have you told us all on here you don't need therapy because you are a therapist? How many times have you excused away your poor choices in men by saying you are a submissive and therefore have that desire to be treated that way? How many times have you put yourself in situations to be harmed only to be back here not willing to go into therapy or unwilling to do the work to see what got ou into that situation in the first place? i'm really sorry your daughter is going through this. Am i shocked? No...The cycle of violence generally spans many generations and does not normally break on it's on.. i find it particularly troublesome that someone who has continuously portrayed themselves as a therapist on here would correlate the need for therapy to level of intelligence. In regard to allowing the 'man' to just enter the army without notifiying anyone....i suppose that's your right... i can not speak for him in particular.. i do know others however where their abuse and hatred of women was only driven deeper and more violent after their involvement with the military. i hope you will be able to lay your pride aside and do what's best for your daughter and be the example she needs you to be. Get help for yourself and do for her what she can not do for herself. Kali

Prinsexx -> RE: Young submission and its consequences (8/9/2009 3:57:22 AM)
Thank you JonnieBoy for the mail and the call. You are the only one that is making sense on this one.

LillyoftheVally -> RE: Young submission and its consequences (8/9/2009 3:58:30 AM)
Oh what is the point. Good luck Prins

WyldHrt -> RE: Young submission and its consequences (8/9/2009 4:00:07 AM)
Dunno what you said, Jonnie, but I trust that it was helpful and therefore I thank you, too.

Prinsexx -> RE: Young submission and its consequences (8/9/2009 4:04:27 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark quote: ORIGINAL: Prinsexx It's abuse I know. But although I can bathe her cuts, hug her and calm her down I can't change her submissive nature. I see myself when I was young and knew no different. I am so not turning from this to call bullshit Prin. Age, mentality, orientation is NOT an excuse for accepting abuse. This is NOT a thing to do with submission at all. I was in a Ds relationship when young with a man who used abuse as an excuse. He hit me once out of anger and I walked out. Don't blame submission or age for your daughters inability to see sense. And as a parent it your responsibility to interfere. She would not have come to you if she didn't... even if she does protest it. the.dark. No I know you would not call bullshit. I'm her mother. And I know her. She's a prick tease and provokes him. She uses her beauty and her submission to get what she wants and she thought she could manipulate him. There's a flip side to every coin. And the side of this that no one seems to want to address is that women abuse too. I'm not saying she deserved to get dragged along the pavement or beaten the way she did. But on the eve of going away in the army, having turned his life around the way he has, he didn't deserve some slut of a prick tease following him around the streets last night. I'm surprised I can see it so clearly from both sides. But I can.

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