Enki -> RE: Do Masters play harder then Mistresses?? (8/26/2004 1:23:06 PM)
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My experience has been that you cannot qualify an "extreme" or a "gentle" Dom based on gender. Although I agree it seems to be the case, I'm not convinced female Doms are more sadistic. I think we just hear about that more. For example, consider two strait Doms, one female and one male, who are both very extreme in their play. One paddles submissive boys til they are raw, the other paddles submissive girls until they are raw. Merely from the point of view of our modern day dogma, the former is a lot more widely acceptable than the latter. If I were a Dom into extreme sadism with female subs, I wouldn't go around advertising it. It's unfortunate that due to the tumor of domestic abuse in this country people are so reactionary, but if the price to pay for the cops busting some -abusive- wretch is that an extreme Dom needs to keep his head down I think that's a fair price. As for the actual matter of qualifying levels of sadism, I'd say that "how extreme" is largely a function of the motivation for that Dom's participation in BDSM. There are philosophical reasons as well as emotional reasons. I'll probably cut crosswise on the nerves of some here, but a large proportion of Dom's I've met in my life were abused at some point in their development, and I've seen trends in how that early abuse relates to their style of BDSM. The same can be said for subs, but that's an entirely different topic. As well, many Doms take their domination as a refined manner of research into the human psyche. One of the most sadistic I've ever met was a highly "well adjusted", successful, popular person in his vanilla life. He spoke of the theory behind domination, pain, and human will with an almost clinical detachment. All in all, there really are no hard and fast rules to the BDSM culture. If you're trying to figure this out for guidance in choosing a Dom, I'd say you're sore out of luck in measuring sadism by gender.
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