RE: BOIZ, LEMME TELL YOU HOW IT'S DONE....THAT TIRED OLD TOPIC, "TRIBUTE"..... (Full Version)

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ElanSubdued -> RE: BOIZ, LEMME TELL YOU HOW IT'S DONE....THAT TIRED OLD TOPIC, "TRIBUTE"..... (8/13/2009 12:20:13 AM)

StoneFox,

quote:

Funny that you're one of the few who had something so negative to say about the OP... in five full pages of responses.  Obviously a lot of us saw the gesture behind the unspecified dollar amount.  He did lavish things for her as part of his love for her.  And yet... he ALSO gives of himself.


I'm not concerned about what he does.  It's the tactless presentation and judgments in the OP that got my goat.  Stuff like this:

--- ...I just had to share tonight's experience for those
--- Dommes who are bombarded by whiney, wimpy,
--- pathetic drips who have NO clue what it is to support
--- the kind of woman they long to serve.

and this:

--- ...and the rest of you whiney, petulant, selfish, self
--- absorbed limpdicks can sit up and take notice of
--- how a 'real man' pays tribute to his Domme!

and this:

(references ad nauseam to money gifts and non-liquid gifts)

Elan.



VanIsleKnight -> RE: BOIZ, LEMME TELL YOU HOW IT'S DONE....THAT TIRED OLD TOPIC, "TRIBUTE"..... (8/13/2009 12:24:02 AM)

I was going to say "to be fair, I made gold digger comments"

But that -was- in the original post, and I'll admit was a contributing factor to setting me off, initially.  Speaking with disrespect tends to earn disrespect and all that.

Oh!  Thought of another one.  Evening out tickets.  Movie, Cirque de Soleil, play, concert, whatever.

If you have kids organizing a babysitter and getting all of that set up helps too. :)


*edit More gift ideas! Don't prove me right!  I hate being right! D:



ElanSubdued -> RE: BOIZ, LEMME TELL YOU HOW IT'S DONE....THAT TIRED OLD TOPIC, "TRIBUTE"..... (8/13/2009 12:27:02 AM)

VanIsleKnight,

--- Speaking with disrespect tends to
--- earn disrespect and all that.

Indeed. :-)

--- Oh!  Thought of another one.  Evening
--- out tickets.  Movie, Cirque de Soleil,
--- play, concert, whatever.  If you have kids
--- organizing a babysitter and getting all of
--- that set up helps too. :) 

Good one!  Absolutely!

Elan.



Arillis -> RE: BOIZ, LEMME TELL YOU HOW IT'S DONE....THAT TIRED OLD TOPIC, "TRIBUTE"..... (8/13/2009 1:03:54 AM)

Ellen, the old adage “the cream rises to the top” once again evidences itself in your words. Elegance, intelligence, social grace, sophistication and a deeper understanding of the honor codes that lives within the male who will subject himself to the authority of a female leap from your words. No gift remains a gift when demanded upon.



StoneFox -> RE: BOIZ, LEMME TELL YOU HOW IT'S DONE....THAT TIRED OLD TOPIC, "TRIBUTE"..... (8/13/2009 1:52:32 AM)

Cirque Du Soleil is absolutely excellent. I've only been once so far but it left a lasting impression. There's also a dessert restaurant here in San Diego, aptly named Extraordinary Desserts which makes for an absolutely beautiful evening out (if all the snotty hipster staff can manage to can their attitudes for the evening, lol). Akasha said something about Joe Vanilla being appealing because at least he was willing to court. I think that's something I can say for myself...I NEED to be courted to give someone a chance. I like it when someone shows they're so into me that they really go out of their way to try and impress me. It screams "I think you're really special and I care about your happiness!"



GloriousMorning -> RE: BOIZ, LEMME TELL YOU HOW IT'S DONE....THAT TIRED OLD TOPIC, "TRIBUTE"..... (8/13/2009 7:26:29 AM)

Granted these aren't cars or vacations, but Ive been the recipient of many gifts, from clothes, to jewelry, and lots and lots of boots. However it still remains that the best and most valued gifts I have ever received, were those that were made with the very hands that presented them to me.

Gifts don't need to be expensive to give joy, even giving some one a cupcake is a "sweet" enough gesture to show that some one cares. I find gifts in the small things. Little kisses and "i love you's", following through with promises and commitments, offering assistance/service, phone calls, and lil notes tucked into books.. these things mean way more to me than money could buy.



undergroundsea -> RE: BOIZ, LEMME TELL YOU HOW IT'S DONE....THAT TIRED OLD TOPIC, "TRIBUTE"..... (8/13/2009 12:59:50 PM)

I find this thread thought provoking.

I think TexasMaam wanted to share the pride she was feeling about her sub.

I think Elan's point has some merit and the choice of words may have had an unintended effect. The title in caps and some of the language in the thread did not resonate well with me. While the description speaks of generosity of spirit, it is overshadowed by material references. I think a different choice of words would have delivered a different message. What if the thread was titled: He Cherishes me So? And what if instead of the negative talk, there was simply talk of happiness the OP felt?

I think Aakasha's point also has merit that because of the preponderance of users, each side is becoming cautious and sometimes the caution might be overdone.

Venatrix raises a good point about generosity of spirit bringing about generosity of spirit. In my opinion, the caution that is there against a faceless entity lessens when that entity takes a face. The caution about being used is less when one meets another in person, and a social relationship evolves organically.

I align most with reciprocating sincerity or spirit. How much sincerity I give to someone is tied to how much I perceive this person to give to me. I am willing to take the first steps but signs of narcissism turn me off and slow me down. From prior times I know that TexasMaam is in a long established relationship with Manthings and I do not direct this comment at her. Instead, I am thinking of a personal experience where I began to regulate how much I was willing to bend backwards based on what I observed.

Food for thought: what are some ways women here express their fondness or sincerity towards the men in their relationship?

Cheers,

Sea



undergroundsea -> RE: BOIZ, LEMME TELL YOU HOW IT'S DONE....THAT TIRED OLD TOPIC, "TRIBUTE"..... (8/13/2009 1:13:19 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: cloudboy
Cadillac sub


Imagining what would happen if a sub made a post about what he considers a cadillac domme and told dommes that that is how it is done provides additional perspective to this thread.

Cheers,

Sea



cloudboy -> RE: BOIZ, LEMME TELL YOU HOW IT'S DONE....THAT TIRED OLD TOPIC, "TRIBUTE"..... (8/13/2009 2:28:12 PM)

TM always pens a good post and tells a great story. I never feel she's penning bullshit or grabbing for attention. Her past stories about a bull whip caused me to curl up the fetal position after reading them. Her childhood tales are fascinating. I tend to see her as a kind of positive Ayn Rand figure, not overly full of herself or excessive in blaming the victim, but who wants others to utilize their gifts and talents to succeed.

Although on the surface she seems to be aiming critical comments at limp-dick, whiney malesubs -- I feel that the undertone of her implied criticism spreads farther to whiners in general.

Its a thin line between pride and bragging, but also implied in her posting on this thread were references to times not so great -- mistakes made, misfortune, etc. Rather than being defeated by these probably painful wrong turns, she's found bountiful happiness -- a kind of BDSM American Dream. In a way, she kind of fell into her current situation -- which certainly belies the tag of gold digger. In her case, I think she was just digging one more hole and it turned out to be a gusher.

Frankly, too, I was a little disappointed in her post -- for it lacked any references to yachting, cases of Dom Perigon, or private jets. Without these "must have's," I remained unmoved -- and my imagination was not properly stirred. Without the golden butt plug, I get disappointed in a Femdom's stories of submissive devotion.



StoneFox -> RE: BOIZ, LEMME TELL YOU HOW IT'S DONE....THAT TIRED OLD TOPIC, "TRIBUTE"..... (8/13/2009 2:47:52 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: cloudboy

Frankly, too, I was a little disappointed in her post -- for it lacked any references to yachting, cases of Dom Perigon, or private jets. Without these "must have's," I remained unmoved -- and my imagination was not properly stirred. Without the golden butt plug, I get disappointed in a Femdom's stories of submissive devotion.


Heh! Cute ;P



PeonForHer -> RE: BOIZ, LEMME TELL YOU HOW IT'S DONE....THAT TIRED OLD TOPIC, "TRIBUTE"..... (8/13/2009 2:48:14 PM)

Food for thought: what are some ways women here express their fondness or sincerity towards the men in their relationship?
 
It would be nice to see a thread on that theme.  Admittedly, I have, once, seen one such thread in the year since I've been using BDSM forums - either here or on FL (I can't remember which).  For me, it's got the point where I'm entirely used to looking at a thread that seems at first at least neutral - then I read on, sometimes comment, only later to think, "Ah right.  Another 'Aren't malesubs shits?' thread". 

I think it's a damned shame that this thread, purportedly about one great sub, was largely about exactly the same theme.  It's as though one compliment about a malesub can only properly be balanced if it's accompanied by a hundred scathing put-downs of other malesubs.  The irony is that the 'bad subs' won't care, nor, in all likelihood, will even read these put-downs. 

If - and I do now say "if" - I ever get together with a femdom, it'll be with one who does like, respect, and even (at least occasionally) adore me - as I will her.  But:  Heresy - a femdom 'adoring' a malesub!  Will she evidence that adoration with fabulous, expensive gifts?  Does it really fucking matter to me? 

Hmmm.  A thread I've yet to see, ever, anywhere - one by a malesub, complaining about how his domme fails to give him expensive presents. 



pyroaquatic -> RE: BOIZ, LEMME TELL YOU HOW IT'S DONE....THAT TIRED OLD TOPIC, "TRIBUTE"..... (8/13/2009 3:20:44 PM)

Give me a string and I can be entertained for hours. Literally.

and the string does not have to even be that long.



LadyPact -> RE: BOIZ, LEMME TELL YOU HOW IT'S DONE....THAT TIRED OLD TOPIC, "TRIBUTE"..... (8/13/2009 3:28:11 PM)

The joke I was going to tell would just be sooooooo wrong.



pyroaquatic -> RE: BOIZ, LEMME TELL YOU HOW IT'S DONE....THAT TIRED OLD TOPIC, "TRIBUTE"..... (8/13/2009 3:33:31 PM)

replace 'string' with 'penis'?



Venatrix -> RE: BOIZ, LEMME TELL YOU HOW IT'S DONE....THAT TIRED OLD TOPIC, "TRIBUTE"..... (8/13/2009 3:38:56 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: pyroaquatic

Give me a string and I can be entertained for hours. Literally.

and the string does not have to even be that long.



Yeah, you and my cat.



LaTigresse -> RE: BOIZ, LEMME TELL YOU HOW IT'S DONE....THAT TIRED OLD TOPIC, "TRIBUTE"..... (8/13/2009 3:39:03 PM)

Using fast reply.......

Just to toss a thought out there. In my time here at Collarme reading the forums. I've read oodles of threads about the financial aspects of the female dominant, male s-type, dynamic. There are ALWAYS, a consistent few males that make it a point to jump in and beat to death, their distaste for this type of thing. Over and over and over and over and........

Now, given the fact that I haven't got even a dead horse in this race, my point of view is purely observational and yet coming from a woman. Think about that.

IF.......I was in the market for a male s type, the constant blathering on and on, from otherwise, decent seeming guys, would turn me off them completely. And here are the reasons.

#1. It's negative. No matter how you word your debate guys, it does begin to be, just negative whining and I effing HATE  constant negativity. Just get over the fact that it exists and focus on the positive things M/s or D/s means to YOU.

#2. It really does make you look like a cheap ass. I know I don't expect anyone to tribute me, or buy me cases of Dom, caskets of gold jewelry or a mansion on the Rivera, but I do think that some generousity of the pocket reflects generousity of the soul. Regardless of how broke you are, if you cannot afford more than the occasional card, your just being a tightass. And that is unflattering. Seriously. Even if it is some discount florist flowers or dinner at her favourite diner because that is all you can afford, showing that she is important enough to you, to make the effort, will go an awful long way. Especially if you genuinely prove you expect nothing in return. Trust me, the return can end up being be better than you ever imagined.

Just start thinking of this like vanilla dating with a better (for you) POTENTIAL relationship.

The above sentence is the key. Just because a woman is dominant and the guy is submissive doesn't mean you can ask for guarantees before any sort of investment of any sort. When I talk of investment, I mean time also. Quit thinking that, just because you show up and are the person you promised you would be, your still going to get something out of it. Quit thinking that, because you buy her dinner or bring her flowers, your going to get your kinky jollies.

Now, where the difference lies, is vanilla women rarely demand you bring them a gift. Well, guess what guys, your not dating vanilla. You've already determined you want a certain type of woman and you are going to have to decide if the lady you ask out, is worth putting forth a little extra effort than the vanilla lady that works in your grocery store, or doctor's office. Well, look at it this way. You are paying to get past one hurdle, answering the question "Is she kinky or not?".

Seriously, look at the issue however you want. Have whatever opinions you want, of those that demand and expect something material. If you hate it, pass them by. No one is forcing you to chase after her. Certainly not her. And that my friend is the key, these women do not back you into a corner and demand you be their money slave. You are chasing them. Figure out what works for you and just let the rest roll off your back. Let it fucking go!

It will make you look MUCH more attractive to the dominant women that don't expect cash or jewels but a genuine, generous hearted, submissive/slave, man.



Venatrix -> RE: BOIZ, LEMME TELL YOU HOW IT'S DONE....THAT TIRED OLD TOPIC, "TRIBUTE"..... (8/13/2009 3:45:23 PM)

Now, you are goddess material.



GoDolphins -> RE: BOIZ, LEMME TELL YOU HOW IT'S DONE....THAT TIRED OLD TOPIC, "TRIBUTE"..... (8/13/2009 5:11:00 PM)

This has raised a few questions for me, namely, about why tribute is expected from male subs to female dommes by so many people.  Is it because they are subs, or because they are men?  I ask this because:

1. If it is because they are subs, are the same dynamics in play when you have a male dom and a female sub?  That would seem to be the norm there too.  I can't say I've ever heard either way there.

2. If it is because they are men, that raises a lot of questions about gender roles in relationships, like the prevailing idea in society that men are still supposed to pay for dates and meals and things like that in vanilla relationships apparently extending to BDSM relationships as well.  I suppose that would also mean that male doms would be buying the stuff for female subs as well.

Now if the male subs are buying this stuff solely out of the goodness of their hearts we have another situation altogether.  I can't say I've read all 6 pages of this discussion or most of the stuff written on here in general, but I have been here long enough to know at least a small minority of dommes do seem to expect the male sub to be paying for all the restraints and floggers and other things used in play. 



funnyegg -> RE: BOIZ, LEMME TELL YOU HOW IT'S DONE....THAT TIRED OLD TOPIC, "TRIBUTE"..... (8/13/2009 5:55:18 PM)

Okay, thank you for the advice.

We now know that some Domme's are only interested in cash cow's.

If you ain't loaded.
I ain't interested.



PeonForHer -> RE: BOIZ, LEMME TELL YOU HOW IT'S DONE....THAT TIRED OLD TOPIC, "TRIBUTE"..... (8/13/2009 6:11:43 PM)

Now, where the difference lies, is vanilla women rarely demand you bring them a gift. Well, guess what guys, your not dating vanilla. I know I don't expect anyone to tribute me, or buy me cases of Dom, caskets of gold jewelry or a mansion on the Rivera, but I do think that some generousity of the pocket reflects generousity of the soul.

For my own part:  Yes, actually, I am dating vanilla.  I want a real woman and a partner.  Or at least, I would continue to date vanilla rather than date someone who believes that generosity of the pocket reflects generosity of the soul.  This I find ugly.  I don't want to go with an ugly woman.  I don't want to find ways to make myself more attractive to her.  I don't want to impress her in any way at all.  In short: I don't want her.

Figure out what works for you and just let the rest roll off your back. Let it fucking go! 

I noted your 'FR'.  However, again for my part, the wallet or purse doesn't come into love between two people.  What I will, however, 'let fucking go' is my kink rather than enter into a relationship that depends in any way at all on prostitutism. 

You are chasing them.
 
Because of the disproportion between malesubs and femdoms?  No.  The proportion of submales rather than 'do-mes' amongst self-identifying 'submales' is small, and the proportion of those who actually want partnerships is smaller still.  But that's a minor point.  For me, the disparity is irrelevant because any woman who's prepared to use that disproportion to her advantage will, again, look ugly to me.

God. What would I rather have, a woman who loves me in the way I want to be loved, or a woman who gives me my kink?  Jeez, La T.  Maybe that pitch would work on some other male subs.  But it was a very bad pitch if it was aimed at me or anyone like me.  On the other hand, I know exactly the sort of man whose eyes will light up at seeing the line "some generousity of the pocket reflects generousity of the soul".



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