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Gay V. Female Domination? - 8/17/2009 8:02:52 AM

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On a post below, the OP compared homosexuality with female domination. That wasn't really the point of his post, but I thought it was an interesting comparison because they are both alternative sexualities.

He got some pretty hostile and irrelevant responses, so I hope that doesn't happen here.

It's an interesting question. Do you think female domination has many similarities to homosexuality?

Please, no gay bashing.

RE: Gay V. Female Domination? - 8/17/2009 8:04:06 AM

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Only if the femdom is involved sexually with a femsub.

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RE: Gay V. Female Domination? - 8/17/2009 8:07:33 AM

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But I mean, what about the fact that they're both kind of underground? Homosexuality has partly come out; femdom still seems to be mostly underground, they each have distinct practices, etc.

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RE: Gay V. Female Domination? - 8/17/2009 8:14:16 AM

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That's more about BDSM and less about gender, though. I've topped a gay man before a couple of times, and other women several times, but haven't felt outright dominant toward them.

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RE: Gay V. Female Domination? - 8/17/2009 8:16:41 AM

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yikes, zinc... you live in LA, you're gay, and still think homosexuality is underground? LOL Been down Santa Monica in West LA lately?

(teasing)

Seriously, I think I kinda get what you're saying.. that there's a certain level of similar closeting. That may be, but there are at least two places for pro-doms/pro-subs in the LA area, so I think that the femdom thing isnt as closeted as it was even 10 yrs ago.

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RE: Gay V. Female Domination? - 8/17/2009 8:42:38 AM

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Oh, Los Angeles is fine. But there are certain areas of the country where coming out about being gay has some serious consequences. You can do it, and you'll be protected by the law, but certain people will disown any association with you, and some would actually do whatever violence to you they thought they could get away with.

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RE: Gay V. Female Domination? - 8/17/2009 8:44:15 AM

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I don't believe female led dynamics are underground at all.

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RE: Gay V. Female Domination? - 8/17/2009 8:54:19 AM

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Using fast reply.......

I think it's all how a person looks at it. I know a lot of non BDSM/kink relationships that are, at the core, female led.

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RE: Gay V. Female Domination? - 8/17/2009 10:19:47 AM

MistressMelissa

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I'm not sure if underground is the right term and I believe geography plays a role. Being "out" (gay or BDSM) in Indiana can and does carry consequences in life here. Likewise, male domination, female submission is the "norm" and more socially/religiously accepted. The whole "wife submit to your husband" thing. One of the largest BDSM groups in the state is oriented toward male domination and until recently female dominants could not join and they still are not allowed to hold office by the groups by-laws. It's their group and thus their choice, I don't have issue with that, but it does make a statement. As a rule, female dominants are not treated with the same respect male dominants are. Many of the male dominants have expressed the opinion that female dominants are just "bitches", "slaves that where hurt and now they claim dominant to prevent being hurt" and "spoiled women that just want to have their way". These are all things that I've been told at various munches and events. Even by female subs/slaves, I've been told that they do not respect most female dominants. The gay leathermen I know tend to keep to themselves at events and play in their rooms instead of the public dungeons, as "not to offend the sensibilities of the straights".

From personal experience, I can tell you that most male slaves tend to be more sexually oriented than the females. I believe most (not all) "male slaves" are just looking for a fantasy release to balance the power demands of their careers and thus find it more convenient to buy a service. With males I get messages like "I'll be in town on the XXXX can I get a session?" Never got one of these from a female. I also get messages from males asking about fees to come play. Never got one of these from a female. I do get invites from Dommes to attend "tribute nights". I've never expressed an interest in this to anyone. In fact I've spoken against such events. They all assume that as a female dominant, I'll accept tribute. Note: According to the laws of Indiana, if I touch someones genitals and receive any gift, tribute or payment of any kind, its called prostitution.

Thank you for this thread and discussion.

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RE: Gay V. Female Domination? - 8/17/2009 2:37:12 PM

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i like geeky boys and bossy girls, i had to step out of both closets at one point,
there are aton of paralels, "sleeping with a guy makes you weak, leting the woman take charge is weak"
depending on area and who you talk to you cant get more acseptance or judgement from either one

due to the life i have lived i find it much easyier to be in a relationship with a female dom over a male, iv dealt with a few pycho alpha males and so a male dominant is alot more difficult for me to deal with.

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RE: Gay V. Female Domination? - 8/17/2009 2:48:50 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: zincpuppy

But I mean, what about the fact that they're both kind of underground? Homosexuality has partly come out; femdom still seems to be mostly underground, they each have distinct practices, etc.

Well, okay, but a lot of other sexual practices and preferences are at least partly "underground" too. So why compare homosexuality specifically to femdom and not to maledom, or polyamory, or shoe fetishes, or a lot of other things that (to my regret) are still difficult to bring up around Grandma's dining room table?

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RE: Gay V. Female Domination? - 8/17/2009 4:43:27 PM

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I wouldn't know, I"ve never been "underground" about who I am. Most people after talking to me for a while can tell that I am Dominant. It is just who I am and not something that I can turn off/on.

I really have never hidden my nature in my relationships I never saw a reason do to so . Either people accept me for who I am or they can get away from me, that is all there is to it.

Some women do hide the fact that they are Dominant because soceity has told them that being dominant is a bad thing for a woman. So they hide it and are miserable (at least the ones who have spoken to me about it). Personally, I'd rather not be miserable. So I will just be me out in the open for all to see.

~Lashra

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RE: Gay V. Female Domination? - 8/18/2009 7:02:19 AM

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Hi Lashra. Thank you for your response on the other post I started. It's ironic that I may actually get a clearer answer of that post on this one.

I am also, in general, "out" about being a sub male. I don't wear it on my sleeve, but if people asked me about it, not only would I not deny it, but my attitude would be like if they asked me if I was a genius.

"uh, yes, I 'reluctantly admit to that." I don't hide who I am.

But society doesn't really see it that way. If you're "really" a MAN then by golly you're dominant with your woman. If friends/family knew that not only do I like being submissive to females, I actually would like a mate/marriage based on such an arrangement, they would certainly look at me differently.

These are pretty sophisticated, and very well educated (everybody in my family has at least a Master's degree) people. No, they wouldn't think I was "sick," but they would think (to varying degrees) I was, well, less of a man than they had previously thought. They would consider my affection harmless, funny, and kind of sad.

< Message edited by lilboycaught -- 8/18/2009 7:03:28 AM >

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RE: Gay V. Female Domination? - 8/18/2009 7:17:44 AM

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Depends.

No silly, not those.

It depends on the size of her Manolo Blahniks.

chia* (the pet)

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RE: Gay V. Female Domination? - 8/18/2009 7:32:16 AM

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Only in that it's considered an alternative lifestyle. I am inspired by the gays to live openly. I wear my stainless steel chain and lock proudly. I pull Ms. Mlicious in her rickshaw in public on a regular. And I am not shy about her using the buggy whip. Why should we be scared? If the gays can be open, so can we. Actually, there is a lot of overlap. Lots of gays are in this life too.
Lilboy, you might be surprised. I get huge compliments when people see me serving Ms. M. A lot of people really dig it.

< Message edited by slavekal -- 8/18/2009 7:34:13 AM >

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RE: Gay V. Female Domination? - 8/18/2009 9:22:12 AM

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But you have to ask yourself, do you really care what they think? The bias toward female led relationships is rather like that directed towards the gays. Its core is based upon fear and ignorance. All sorts of misconceptions swirl and fester regarding different lifestyles (orientations etc). Is a man less of a man because he choses to love another man? No he is not, he is being himself regardless of what society dictates that he should be. The same principle applies to a submissive male in a female led relationship.

To my way of thinking anyone who goes against the grain and lives their life as they believe that they should is the stronger person. Because they aren't bending over and being what society dictates that they should be.

There comes a time when people must be brought out of the dark ages and not allowed to wallow in fear and ignorance anymore. That time I believe is now. We are gradually moving forward and evolving. I admit there are elements at work which are trying to take us back to those dark ages and I hope everyday that modern, progressive thinking will keep its momentum and project us into a brighter future.

~Lashra

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RE: Gay V. Female Domination? - 8/18/2009 10:22:10 AM

LillyoftheVally

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quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

Only if the femdom is involved sexually with a femsub.

Quite

Firstly I don't think female led relationships are more underground than male led, I don't even think homosexuality is...oh look graham nortan is on the telly again

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RE: Gay V. Female Domination? - 8/18/2009 4:17:19 PM

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To anyone who is informed and aware of the lifestyle, M/m and F/m are not surprising. They do share the little "m", though... That's a similarity. (That said, gay BDSM just as easily refers to F/f [itself a form of a Fem-dom relationship]).

Technically, if a submissive is stripped of their sexual orientation and simple views women and men as different people, there is no difference between M/m and F/m...

Which is considered more taboo to the mainstream? I'd wager M/m. That doesn't push it underground, though. (The idea of a whipped man and a bossy wife "excuses" F/m.

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RE: Gay V. Female Domination? - 8/18/2009 7:05:54 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: zincpuppy
It's an interesting question. Do you think female domination has many similarities to homosexuality?

No.

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RE: Gay V. Female Domination? - 8/18/2009 7:10:18 PM

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I didn't know my dominance was alternative sexuality... damn... now I must charge more!

What has somebody been feeding the rabbits is what I wanna know!

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