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can a switch be trusted - 2/23/2006 5:29:30 PM

2BeMarriedNOwned

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I have found that when listing, if I list as a switch, which I am very capeable to do. It seems that there is a lack of trust by the Mistress or Master. do u find the same????

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RE: can a switch be trusted - 2/23/2006 6:00:34 PM

LaMalinche

Posts: 2077
Joined: 10/20/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: 2BeMarriedNOwned

I have found that when listing, if I list as a switch, which I am very capeable to do. It seems that there is a lack of trust by the Mistress or Master. do u find the same????

No. Not really.

Lack of desire.

Worries about what it means for an individual.

Although I am curious as to what lack of trust you mean. As an individual? Nope. That you really are a switch? I have never personally encountered that.

Trusted to do or not do what?

Best,

LaMalinche

(in reply to 2BeMarriedNOwned)

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RE: can a switch be trusted - 2/23/2006 6:57:23 PM

fergus

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Why WOULDN'T one trust a switch?

People are capable of trust or distrust regardless of what they call tehmselves.

fergus

(in reply to LaMalinche)

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RE: can a switch be trusted - 2/23/2006 7:44:11 PM

theRose4U

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Hon the problem is this Do Me at all costs attitude of desperation that you post with. I'm all for finding our way but you literally change colors on a DAILY BASIS.

There is nothing inherrently wrong with Switches as most have the ability to morph themselves within what they choose the parameters of their current relationship to be.

The big issue is that you need to PICK A TEAM before you start knocking anyone elses choice.

(in reply to 2BeMarriedNOwned)

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RE: can a switch be trusted - 2/23/2006 7:47:17 PM

Slipstreme

Posts: 817
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I've found a lot of Masters/ Mistresses won't take on a Switch, because they are a Switch and not a submissive. A Switch also has a need to dominate, or in some cases when the interest is merely pain, to cause pain. A Dom who is Dom only has no use for another Dom, even that Dom is a sub most of the time. On the same token, a Sadist has no use for another Sadist. It is a masochist they desire. Many Doms, and Dom Sadists are looking for the yin to their yang, nothing more. Especially if these Doms are looking for a monogamous relationship. Honestly I think a Switch who decides to go under a Master and leave their dominant desires unfed, that they will eventually have to find another outlet. If there is none, the relationship may fail.

In my case, this Switch's only need to "submit" is simply a masochistic one. I need pain. I want pain. I am a Dominant Sadomasochist. I can't live with my masochism, just as I need to express my sadism, although masochism itself does not go well with being a Dominant.

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(in reply to fergus)

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RE: can a switch be trusted - 2/23/2006 7:48:36 PM

fergus

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quote:

ORIGINAL: theRose4U

Hon the problem is this Do Me at all costs attitude of desperation that you post with. I'm all for finding our way but you literally change colors on a DAILY BASIS.

There is nothing inherrently wrong with Switches as most have the ability to morph themselves within what they choose the parameters of their current relationship to be.

The big issue is that you need to PICK A TEAM before you start knocking anyone elses choice.

Thanks Rose, I was looking for a tactful way to say that ... and I could not have done better.

fergus

(in reply to theRose4U)

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RE: can a switch be trusted - 2/23/2006 8:33:58 PM

TicklishGoddess

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I think it'd be more lack of interest than lack of trust. If one likes to switch between being dominant and submissive, that's probably not going to hold a lot of appeal to a Master or Mistress who wants a straight-up slave or sub.

If I was interested in domming only, I doubt I'd be too keen on taking a sub who identifies as a switch. Not only would it have the potential for conflict, I would feel that I couldn't be a good Dom to them. To me, part of being a Dom or Mistress would include taking care of the the needs of my sub. If my sub was a switch and I was totally dominant, my sub's need to sometimes be dominant would not be met. I'm sure others might beg to differ or have different reasons, but that's how it would feel to me.

But bottom line, we all want and are interested in different things. What people want and the reasons they want it is their business, and they are not required to explain their interest or lack thereof to anyone else.
There doesn't even have to be a reason at all. I like blue. Why? I like it, that's why.
A Mistress doesn't want a switch. Why? Well, maybe she just doesn't want one.

(in reply to fergus)

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RE: can a switch be trusted - 2/23/2006 9:42:19 PM

Evanesce

Posts: 2325
Joined: 9/14/2005
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quote:

I have found that when listing, if I list as a switch, which I am very capeable to do. It seems that there is a lack of trust by the Mistress or Master. do u find the same????

Lack of trust in what context? I'm a switch. I'm also a collared slave, and my Master trusts me without question, regardless of situation or circumstance.

Perhaps what you're encountering is an unwillingness to take you on because you seem to change sides, depending on either A) what you think others want to hear, or B) what you think might get you laid. If you're inconsistent, people will learn quickly not to trust you.

Woohoo! I'm corrupted!

< Message edited by Evanesce -- 2/23/2006 9:43:37 PM >

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RE: can a switch be trusted - 2/23/2006 10:34:46 PM

RavenMuse

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Said it before but I guess it bears repeating..... why wouldn't I trust a switch? What matters is her relationship with me and if there is going to be one then it will be based on her submissive side because I can't switch. I'm poly so if she wants a pet of her own in order to express her own dominant side then that can quite easily be accomidated. Whats not to trust?

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(in reply to Evanesce)

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RE: can a switch be trusted - 2/24/2006 4:35:27 AM

Lashra

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Switches are just like anyone else, some you can trust some you cannot. It depends upon the individual. Most of my friends are switches and I trust them.

Lashra

(in reply to RavenMuse)

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RE: can a switch be trusted - 2/24/2006 6:23:55 AM

fastlane

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I wouldn't trust you as far as I could throw you!

No, let me switch my stance here....

I trust you, but would still like to throw you!

Damn, now I sound like a switch?

O.K., I"ll reserve my judgement to trust you, until you prove you are trustworthy, but continue to throw you around the room in the meantime......See, I'm not a switch!

Kevin

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RE: can a switch be trusted - 2/24/2006 8:58:21 AM

MHOO314

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quote:

ORIGINAL: 2BeMarriedNOwned

I have found that when listing, if I list as a switch, which I am very capeable to do. It seems that there is a lack of trust by the Mistress or Master. do u find the same????

I think it is not a matter of trust as we tend to think of it--but "trust" that if we start down the relationship road, you won't decide you want to Dom/me me---its like the Dom wanting to secretly submit to the Domme---many Dom/mes only won't start that road due to the potiential of the sub "switching" sides--

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Mistress Hathor

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RE: can a switch be trusted - 2/24/2006 8:59:45 AM

michaelGA

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quote:

can a switch be trusted

only if they spank themselves...LOL

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RE: can a switch be trusted - 2/24/2006 9:08:19 AM

Submotive

Posts: 440
Joined: 9/9/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: 2BeMarriedNOwned

I have found that when listing, if I list as a switch, which I am very capeable to do. It seems that there is a lack of trust by the Mistress or Master. do u find the same????

Posting as a switch is honest. i've experienced those posting as a Dom/Master, and then later learning they really like being submissive more. i couldn't help but feeling somewhat deceived and betrayed. It was a waste of my time and emotions.

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RE: can a switch be trusted - 2/26/2006 8:51:47 PM

TheEmber

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Well, now that is actually a bit of a perplexing question. The word 'Trust' has so many definitions and contexts to it that it alone makes the question one that requires a different answer for each connotation of the word.

Can you trust a switch to be submissive from start to finish? To be dominant from start to finish?

Obviously the answer is no for either question. They are a switch, after all. You can't trust a switch hitter in baseball to bat in the same position every time, now can you? That is WHY they are called a switch hitter, because they switch from hand to hand depending on the pitcher they are facing.

Being the dominant for a switch requires a universe of patience each and every second, simply because there is no true reason for a switch to stay submissive or dominant. It is both an active and subconscious choice to be either submissive or dominant. Frequently, stress has a role to play in the situation, or at least that has been my observation of the change of a switch from submissive to dominant, or vice versa.

Once you get down to it, it is an instinctive reaction to circumstances, just as being dominant is or being submissive is. To some extent, yes, there is choice, but for the most part, our nature dictates how we will react. Some people naturally prefer for others to have control over them to one extent or another. Some enjoy having that control over another. And some simply enjoy feasting off both ends of the cake, so to speak.

Do I understand why people are a switch?

Yes, for the most part I can at least grasp the basic concepts behind it.

Could I do it myself?

No. To me, allowing someone else to make my decisions for me, regardless of how minor they are, is somewhat repugnant to me. If others want to do things that way, then more power to them. I live no one else's life other than my own.

(in reply to Submotive)

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RE: can a switch be trusted - 2/26/2006 11:38:59 PM

ownedgirlie

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i have never viewed a switch as a "flip flopper" as your post seems to indicate. my thought is, a switch expresses his/her submissive side by submitting to his/her Dominant...and expresses his/her dominant side by domming another person. The dominating of another would have no impact on the submission he/she feels toward his/her own Dominant. Right?

By the way, Ember, i haven't smoked in years and damn if your pic doesn't make a cigarette look good lol.

(in reply to TheEmber)

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RE: can a switch be trusted - 2/27/2006 11:31:01 AM

MissA

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

i have never viewed a switch as a "flip flopper" as your post seems to indicate. my thought is, a switch expresses his/her submissive side by submitting to his/her Dominant...and expresses his/her dominant side by domming another person. The dominating of another would have no impact on the submission he/she feels toward his/her own Dominant. Right?

Well put girlie and my thoughts exactly. I don't see a switch as indecisive/greedy as they're often portrayed. I see them as having two parts to their person which both need fulfillment and nurturing. As a switch you are not either submissive to everyone or Dominant to everyone - you are still submissive to one/some and Dominant to one/some. As with anything in this lifestyle the definitions and degrees vary greatly. Some lean more toward one side or the other and perhaps that's where the confusion comes in for non-switches.

Personally I am submissive to my Husband and to date I have found only 1 or 2 more people that I truly feel submissive in their presence. Therefore I feel Dominant/neutral to others I meet. Sure, I'll bottom for some if I'm interested or my Husband has an interest in it but I very rarely feel submissive to them. IMO It's no different than someone who identifies as Dominant but will bottom to satisfy masochistic needs.

~Ms. A~

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RE: can a switch be trusted - 2/28/2006 3:10:15 AM

SimplyV

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MissA

Personally I am submissive to my Husband and to date I have found only 1 or 2 more people that I truly feel submissive in their presence. Therefore I feel Dominant/neutral to others I meet. Sure, I'll bottom for some if I'm interested or my Husband has an interest in it but I very rarely feel submissive to them. IMO It's no different than someone who identifies as Dominant but will bottom to satisfy masochistic needs.

~Ms. A~

This is how I am as well. There are very very few who inspire me to submit to them. I too often feel Dominant/neutral to nearly everyone else.

I didn't get TheEmber's whole "switch hitter" remark.. maybe thats just because I'm not a baseball fan? But it seemed to me .. to say that you can't trust a switch to be in the proper role.. Dom or sub during the entire relationship. Which I think is a bunch of crap. I guess I got the idea that he thinks if he lets down his "dom guard" for a minute that the switch will turn the tables. Its not the way I've ever worked, but whatever.

You can trust a switch as much as you can trust a Dom/me or a sub. Honesty is honesty. Each Switch should know what they're capable of, and be able to voice it to their partner... whether that be that they're comfortable with casual play sessions or want a 24/7 TPE or that they just want to learn and experiment. Its not a matter of Dominant, Switch, or submissive, but a matter of being honest.. with yourself and your partner... and no one has the patent on being honest.

(in reply to MissA)

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RE: can a switch be trusted - 3/23/2006 7:14:25 PM

maliia

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I don't mind listing that I'm a switch because I want to be honest and also keep my options open. I might meet a cute slave or a wonderful owner. I dunno. I'm 80% submissive and I was hesitant to explore my domme side really until more recently I guess just because I tried to make myself fit in that submissive/slave slot without thinking that maybe only part of me fits there and another part fits somewhere else. I think if you're a switch and you pretend to be something else because of a perceived trust issue, that's where the lack of trust comes in because in the least you're lying to yourself and maybe even lying to others too about your true self. Either someone will accept you as you are or not. If not, why bother with them.

maliia
maliia.com

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(in reply to SimplyV)

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RE: can a switch be trusted - 3/24/2006 6:34:19 AM

janiceleeinsc

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I know several Switches that you can trust. Trust is not the issue. I know from my own experience as a Dom Switch, I won't turn over total control to another Dom. At some point, I will take control back.
I enjoy both sides, but have my limits as to what I will take. It will take a very strong Dom to be able to get me into total submission. They are out there. They are hard to find.

Respectfully,

Mistress_Jan

(in reply to TicklishGoddess)

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