RE: How does a slave leave its Master? (Full Version)

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IrishMist -> RE: How does a slave leave its Master? (8/23/2009 12:07:15 PM)

quote:

So I would like to know if a slave girl has the same possibility, emotionnaly speaking, as a vanilla girl to leaver her master and rebuild her life with another guy?

Of course they do. In fact, it's really quite simple.

You pack your bags, and walk out the door. Nothing to it.

[8|]



OsideGirl -> RE: How does a slave leave its Master? (8/23/2009 12:51:58 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Falkenstein

 but for me, the question is rather the BDSM lifestyle contains elements that could reinforce the dependency to a point that free will is limited
The answer is...it depends on the person.

For me, then end of a D/s relationship wasn't any harder emotionally than any vanilla relationship that I've had. Matter of fact the hardest was the divorce of my vanilla husband.






Leiren -> RE: How does a slave leave its Master? (8/23/2009 5:37:49 PM)

FR:

My initial reaction is why would you use the word 'it' to describe a slave. Unless you're into objectification, that is.

My next instinct would be to refer you to the lyrics of an old Simon and Garfunkel song called 'Fifty Ways to Leave Your Lover".

Google the lyrics. They contain damned good advice for both vanilla types and kinky types.



Carmeldelight -> RE: How does a slave leave its Master? (8/24/2009 5:52:36 PM)

When i have left my dom...i have told then to "Kiss my ass and get booty juice drunk...I am out of here" 



mixielicous -> RE: How does a slave leave its Master? (8/25/2009 11:30:32 PM)

fast reply after 2nd read in this thread,

when I was a collared slave, my contract included a clause that provided means for either party to cease it. when LJ is working I will include the specifics. (there remains the last copy)

Does not mean I ever had the courage to do so, even when I knew the relationship called for it. I failed my Master because of this, and did not fulfill my contract.

Leaving a man you are devoted to is never easy.

Unless involved in Gor (which I know little about) or extremely hardcore M/s scenario (slave selling, seclusion, etc which I like to think does not happen), we are still people and simply just get up and go.

note* I am not implying Gor slaves are not people, I just do not see them as likely to leave a master when miserable when compared to a non gorean slave. whole nother world over there it is. IMHO.

edit to add contract excerpt:

"...Should either of us find that our aspirations are not being well served by this agreement, find this commitment too burdensome, or for any other reason wish to cancel, either may do so by verbal notification to the other, in keeping with the consensual nature of this agreement. We both understand that cancellation means a cessation of the control stated and implied within this agreement, not a termination of our relationship as friends and lovers. Upon cancellation, each of us agrees to offer to the other his or her reasons and to assess our new needs and situation openly and lovingly..."



beargonewild -> RE: How does a slave leave its Master? (8/26/2009 4:50:48 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: daintydimples

quote:

ORIGINAL: beargonewild

A relationship is a relationship is a relationship. If one or the other deem it necessary to leave then they are free to leave at any time. Just because it's a person identifies themself as slave or sub: that doesn't over-ride their ability to place one foot in front of the other and walk out that door and away from the failing(ed) relationship.


I agree.

I also agree that it can be quite difficult for a sub/slave to leave, just b/c of the power dynamics involved. Once you given power over to another, it takes an enormous force of will to do an about face and take that back. Most will only do this if they have very good reason. Even with a lot of motivation, many sub/slaves don't exactly walk out, they crawl (I know this was true of myself when I left a 20 year relationship). The important thing is, they move in the right direction for them.



You are quite right. Mine was a cut and dried reply which doesn't apply to all cases. There are some who do emotionally invest all they have withing themselves and that is a very difficult thing to just walk away from. been there and done that myself!



littleone35 -> RE: How does a slave leave its Master? (8/26/2009 8:06:37 AM)

It would be hard , but i is hard to leave an established relationship either BDSM or vanilla. Just because it is hard if the relatonship is not fullfilling each others needs anymore something has to be done. Things have to change sometimes that change is leaving to find somone who can fufill those needs. So yes they can leave and find happiness elsewhere.

Matt's littleone



Muirren -> RE: How does a slave leave its Master? (8/26/2009 8:29:22 AM)

I just walked and told them to have a nice life.



RealSub58 -> RE: How does a slave leave its Master? (8/26/2009 8:49:00 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Falkenstein

My problem is that submission is alien to me. My preffered poem in English (but then I know only few) is Invictus (William Ernest Henley), so I let you imagine how much away from a submissive I can be. But I am also a good listener.

Kinky regards


If submission is alien to you, then what you have written on your profile was NOT written by you.

Yes, dependency and co-dependency are very real emotionally unhealthy  types of relationships.

If you mean to foster such a relationship, consider yourself emotionally unhealthy. 



Falkenstein -> RE: How does a slave leave its Master? (8/26/2009 1:12:25 PM)

Let me clear these misunderstandings one for all:

The idea of me submitting is alien to me. Of course I love when a woman submits to me!

And no, I do not want her to become so dependent of me through the course of her training that she cannot leave me.
In the contrary, I want to be sure that such training will not impede on her independence.

This is the reason I ask "How does a slave leave its Master?". When I read "I just pack my bag and walk out", then I am relieved[;)]. When I read "slaves do not walk out the door, they crawl" I cringe.[:'(]

Is it clearer now?

Henry



Musicmystery -> RE: How does a slave leave its Master? (8/26/2009 3:59:18 PM)

Yes. You don't want a slave.



MasterSlaveLA -> RE: How does a slave leave its Master? (8/26/2009 4:59:21 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Falkenstein

So I would like to know if a slave girl has the same possibility, emotionnaly speaking, as a vanilla girl to leaver her master and rebuild her life with another guy?



Ummm, yeah.... of course a slave has the same rights as a 'nilla.  Well, that is if she hasn't signed a BDSM CONTRACT... because then she's totally at the mercy of her Master!!!  (I'm kidding, of course... just poking a bit of fun at the whole "contract" thingy).  LOL




mixielicous -> RE: How does a slave leave its Master? (8/26/2009 10:38:38 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterSlaveLA

quote:

ORIGINAL: Falkenstein

So I would like to know if a slave girl has the same possibility, emotionnaly speaking, as a vanilla girl to leaver her master and rebuild her life with another guy?



Ummm, yeah.... of course a slave has the same rights as a 'nilla.  Well, that is if she hasn't signed a BDSM CONTRACT... because then she's totally at the mercy of her Master!!!  (I'm kidding, of course... just poking a bit of fun at the whole "contract" thingy).  LOL




I guess as you get older in the lifestyle covering your tracks and ensuring your rights becomes easier to do without written word. There is nothing wrong with making sure you dont get yourself into a situation you cant handle and having something to back you up.

Its ok, Ive learned that even the most open minded people still judge you for something or other at the end of the day (kink, belief, execution or otherwise). yes, Im defensive.



Falkenstein -> RE: How does a slave leave its Master? (8/27/2009 12:58:39 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Musicmystery

Yes. You don't want a slave.


Musicmystery,

If one part of your definition of a slave implies directly or indirectly "the slaves do not walk out the door, they crawl" part, then you are bloody right!

Kinky regards

Henry



Leiren -> RE: How does a slave leave its Master? (8/27/2009 2:40:18 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

You pack your bags, and walk out the door. Nothing to it.

[8|]


Of course. Which brings me back to the lyrics of 50 Ways to Leave Your Lover:

http://www.sing365.com/music/lyric.nsf/50-Ways-To-Leave-Your-Lover-lyrics-Paul-Simon/EC7BDC207C7395D04825698A001079B4

[:)]



Falkenstein -> RE: How does a slave leave its Master? (8/27/2009 3:56:14 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: mixielicous

Does not mean I ever had the courage to do so, even when I knew the relationship called for it. I failed my Master because of this, and did not fulfill my contract.



Mixielicous,

from a distance, it looks to me that he failed you too ;-) or that nobody failed anybody, but that your trajectories were not convergent. Destiny is not paid to be nice, afterall.

Kinky regards

Henry




Falkenstein -> RE: How does a slave leave its Master? (8/27/2009 3:58:02 PM)

Leiren,

Indeed great lyrics. Thank you very much.

Kinky but Kind regards

Henry



trusting -> RE: How does a slave leave its Master? (8/27/2009 4:40:31 PM)

Personally... I feel that the slave girl is more willing to stick around. I will say that there has to be mutual respect no matter what happens in the relationship.

I left my Master and returned to my 'old' life after only one month... he had never learned to respect me through the years we spoke to one another and I simply walked away.



Leiren -> RE: How does a slave leave its Master? (8/27/2009 5:09:38 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Falkenstein

Leiren,

Indeed great lyrics. Thank you very much.

Kinky but Kind regards

Henry


Well, see, the thing with me is if someone is going to treat my as an 'it' as your OP suggested, I'll respond by saying that no slave or sub is an 'it'.

So the 50 Ways To Leave Your Lover works in either a vanilla or BDSM relationship. Maybe in a BDSM relationship, the 'dom' is not referred to as a 'lover', but the same principle works for me.

Good luck on holding onto your next sub /slave!



Falkenstein -> RE: How does a slave leave its Master? (8/28/2009 11:12:40 AM)

Leiren,

thank you very much for your wishes. Do you read your personal mail on collarme from time to time?

Kinky regards

Henry



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