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Engaging the 'girly' side - 8/26/2009 10:03:50 AM   
OttersSwim


Posts: 2860
Joined: 9/1/2008
Status: offline 		Okay so this should be a fun topic with a lot of opinions...here is what I am after.

Submissive Males - we are in subservient service to Dominant Women.  They are girls...and thus, they do girly things like plucking, primping, plumping, exfoliating, polishing, nipping, braiding, and 78 other words not normally found in common male diction.  So as a submissive male, how far do you go in engaging with those girly things that they do?  For example...

You just finished putting a hemi in a short-block V8 that you rebuilt with your own hands**...you wash up and go into your Lady's room where you find her sitting at her dressing table frowning.  When you inquire as you remove your shirt exposing rippling abs and bulging biceps, she states that she doesn't know what to do with her hair for tonight.   What feels better to you...for where you are now, and what you kow about yourself and your Lady...

You turn, putting your hands on her exposed shoulders and offer to put her hair into a french braid for the evening.
...or...
You turn, putting your hands on her exposed shoulders, and kiss her neck and head to the shower as that is just -not- something you know about, should ever know about, nor be expected to help with...just not you, nor your dynamic.
Dominant Ladies- Hi!  You are girls, and thus, you (most of you) perform some combination of girly things like I listed above.  And so how much interaction and participation do you desire from your boy in your girly things?  Would it like freak you out if he understood how to not only  rebuild a short-block V8**, but also put your hair into a french braid, do you makeup, or *gasp* organize your closet?  So...where do you come down on this...
Your hair is -not- cooperating today.  He comes in from working on his engine project and you watch as he removes his shirt, sweaty, glistening, rippling...your submissive male***.  He inquires what is the matter and you have the exchange - he just offered to french braid your hair...what is your reaction...

"God I fucking LOVE this man!"
...or...
You frown and say "Wait...what?  You want to do what?"

So that's it in a nutshell.  We males are not all of us Marlboro Men, and yet we are not all of us comfortable around those -girl things- that girls do.  BUT...we are in service to girls.  How much should we know, learn, and feel comfortable  doing for our Ladies down that road?  And Ladies, how much of that sort of service do -you- feel comfortable with us doing for you?

I suspect that the answers will be quite varied, and I hope it will be a fun discussion... 

** For the record, I read the words short-block V8 and Hemi in People once...no idea how/if they go together...

***For the record, this does not look like me...I am both glad and sad about that...a look into the freaky contradictory mind of a girlie boy...


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RE: Engaging the 'girly' side - 8/26/2009 10:27:24 AM   
atypicalsub


Posts: 284
Joined: 4/11/2008
From: an atypical sub
Status: offline 		The sort of scenerio you described above is not uncommon for me.  My business is doing home repairs.  I frequently come home cover in plaster, paint, or saw dust, do a quick shower and come out as her little domestic to make dinner etc.  My Domme is a black BBW who wears her hair in dread locks.  Before I came here I really wasn't aware of how great the difference between a white woman's hair and a black woman's hair.  I help her twist her dreads to keep them tights.  After she washes it I rub some bees wax in to help reset the dreads and blow it dry.  I have been learning how to give her a pedicure and paint her toe nails. 

While I don't identify as transgender I do have a pretty feminine body shape and many of the mannerism.  Mistress and I are still discussing where I fit into the spectrum.  I've never felt comfortable in the male world.  I have always related better to women than to men my own age.  I seem to frequently attract lesbian identified women as friend.  As a result I was doing girly things with friends long before I considered D/s as a lifestyle.  I have always loved to play with a woman's hair.  I can remember a girl I had a crush on in 5th grade.  It was all because she has flowing black hair so long that she sat on it.  I recall sitting in class and gazing at her back having fantasies about brushing out her hair.



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RE: Engaging the 'girly' side - 8/26/2009 10:45:55 AM   
seababy


Posts: 845
Joined: 6/20/2008
Status: offline 		That combination of skills is hot. Its the contrast I think that is appealing.
I would be interested to hear what different Dommes think.

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RE: Engaging the 'girly' side - 8/26/2009 10:57:04 AM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline 		I adore a male that has a balance between his fem and masculine side. I think it makes for a more well rounded and interesting individual. Of course I would want him to help with my hair because I'm all thumbs with that type of thing, however working on a car engine, that is something I can do.

Yes I need my girly boy, to help nuture the girly in me. I have a somewhat masculine personality (I'm told) and that sometimes makes people feel ill at ease, my boy appreciates it I appreciate his girly side, so we blend well together.

~Lashra

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RE: Engaging the 'girly' side - 8/26/2009 10:58:05 AM   
Toppingfrmbottom


Posts: 6528
Joined: 6/7/2009
Status: offline 		I would expect any boys or girls I wanted to be with in a topping capacity to know those kind of skills and know how to properly pamper and help out his or her lady.

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RE: Engaging the 'girly' side - 8/26/2009 11:07:05 AM   
ShaktiSama


Posts: 1674
Joined: 8/13/2007
Status: offline 		I enjoy having my hair brushed.  If Aidan knew how to french-braid or style my hair, I'm sure I'd enjoy that too.  Lord knows I expect him to know how to tie the laces of a boot or a corset!

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RE: Engaging the 'girly' side - 8/26/2009 11:10:51 AM   
aidan


Posts: 904
Joined: 5/28/2005
Status: offline 		Where's the option for those of us who didn't just walk out of some weird men's magazine and are willing to learn grooming techniques?

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RE: Engaging the 'girly' side - 8/26/2009 11:12:44 AM   
OttersSwim


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quote:

ORIGINAL: aidan

Where's the option for those of us who didn't just walk out of some weird men's magazine and are willing to learn grooming techniques?


LOL!  Okay, so my example was a bit over the top, but the point is still understood I think. 


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RE: Engaging the 'girly' side - 8/26/2009 11:13:31 AM   
daintydimples


Posts: 967
Joined: 7/6/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Toppingfrmbottom

I would expect any boys or girls I wanted to be with in a topping capacity to know those kind of skills and know how to properly pamper and help out his or her lady.


I might expect girls to have those skills; males are not going to have them unless they have had a fairly long term relationship with someone willing to teach them, or they are heavily into CD and taught themselves. This has been my experience. 

I personally love TGs and CDs and have had many mutual girly nights in which I did a lot of makeup and manicure/pedicure training. I think it's very easy for females to forget what all a male who wants to appear female has to learn. 


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RE: Engaging the 'girly' side - 8/26/2009 11:18:53 AM   
Toppingfrmbottom


Posts: 6528
Joined: 6/7/2009
Status: offline 		It might be rare, but if they didn't already know skills I'd expect then they can certainly learn them.:) They will be fairly lucky tho in that I don't do much with my hair other than brush it and put it in a pony tail, I'd be more interested in massage and manicures and pedicures and general pampering hehe.
quote:

ORIGINAL: daintydimples

quote:

ORIGINAL: Toppingfrmbottom

I would expect any boys or girls I wanted to be with in a topping capacity to know those kind of skills and know how to properly pamper and help out his or her lady.


I might expect girls to have those skills; males are not going to have them unless they have had a fairly long term relationship with someone willing to teach them, or they are heavily into CD and taught themselves. This has been my experience. 

I personally love TGs and CDs and have had many mutual girly nights in which I did a lot of makeup and manicure/pedicure training. I think it's very easy for females to forget what all a male who wants to appear female has to learn. 


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RE: Engaging the 'girly' side - 8/26/2009 11:20:16 AM   
darchChylde


Posts: 5279
Joined: 9/28/2006
From: Warm Springs, GA but i live in San Francisco.
Status: offline 		I wish I could braid even my own hair; hell, I never could get the knack of braiding cords or other simpler items than hair (i think it might have something to do with the crooked "double-jointed" shape of my fingers which kept me from effectively playing the piano, guitar or being able to learn the proper way to type).  On the other hand, I wouldn't mind having some more in the way of mechanical aptitude.  I can change a flat and call Triple A, I can work my way around the most basic of household repairs; but beyond that I'm just not apt.

Doing manicures and pedicures is mostly out as well, as my hands shake (mildly but constantly) and the shaking becomes more pronounced the more detail oriented a task is (it can take me forever to thread a needle, and I'd be afraid of blinding a lady trying to apply eyeliner for her).  Unfortunately, my skills are less directly practical; involving interacting with people and making them feel comfortable and at ease.

I don't shirk from tasks set before me, but much of what are called manly or girly skills are well beyond my kin in one way or the other.  Still, I wouldn't mind learning more.

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if only to keep me to herself.

I'm a male dominant switch whose experienced as a poly sub to a dominant woman
.
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Proud Owner and Protector of chyldeschylde.

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RE: Engaging the 'girly' side - 8/26/2009 12:39:17 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		My sub knows how to do everything from coloring My hair to giving Me a pedicure.  Not because he enjoys those activities himself, but because he is in service to Me.  They were skills he had to acquire (to some extent) just like any other service that might separate Me from another Dominant.  Such as not cooking meals that include onions (I'm allergic) or knowing that I don't drink coffee.  It's no different than lacing My corset or putting on My boots.  It's not engaging in a girly side.  

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RE: Engaging the 'girly' side - 8/26/2009 1:21:33 PM   
SciFiGal


Posts: 9
Joined: 6/22/2006
From: San Diego, CA
Status: offline 		I am not very attracted to feminine males, though so many of my lady friends (kinky or not) indeed are! I like my men to be manly, and the partners I choose reflect that. My long-time bf is in a high level corporate management position (though he's not yet even 30), and my regular sub is a firefighter (albeit a mild-mannered one).

I'd say this is a case-by-case sort of thing. Like I said, tons of women like more feminine guys. I have a poly friend who loves to dress her husband and her playmates up in her own clothes. As for me, I don't think I would like men to do many girlie things for me. One fellow gave me a pedicure once, and it was "okay." I usually go to a luxury spa, ask for the same woman every time and she does amazing nail art. So ultimately, I decided I would rather pay for a pro job lol.

I have never thought to have a sub brush my hair or do my hair, as I tend to keep my hair very low maintenance. I am glad I ran into this thread though. You ask some good questions, and I think I may try a few things with my regular sub. I don't think I'd be averse to his brushing my hair. That might be cute.

All in all though, I think it depends on what domme you end up with. Some may be like me, where we prefer you be more like a man. Some may be more like lots of the women I know who love guys who can get in touch with their feminine side (especially in a helpful way). :-D

< Message edited by SciFiGal -- 8/26/2009 1:25:38 PM >

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RE: Engaging the 'girly' side - 8/26/2009 1:22:01 PM   
OttersSwim


Posts: 2860
Joined: 9/1/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

My sub knows how to do everything from coloring My hair to giving Me a pedicure.  Not because he enjoys those activities himself, but because he is in service to Me.  They were skills he had to acquire (to some extent) just like any other service that might separate Me from another Dominant.  Such as not cooking meals that include onions (I'm allergic) or knowing that I don't drink coffee.  It's no different than lacing My corset or putting on My boots.  It's not engaging in a girly side.  


LadyP, succinct reply as always and right on the mark for how you have shown that you and yours all relate.      I think I see the distinction you are trying to make about "engagement", but at least it is interaction with you being female the the things that surround it - things that most males don't really deal with.  I see it as more interaction than a male in a marriage or relationship would get (that does not include a D/s dynamic) - it is at least "interactive" with the fact that you are female and aiding you in maintaining your person, attire, etc.; and can go (as I tend to do) into more complete "engagement". 

I got to thinking that a lot of guys might find that daunting, if not objectionable as it might bump up against their sense of themselves as males.  I also wondered if that would affect any of the Ladies who are looking for more of the Marlboro Man type of sub male and if that would impact the dynamic in how they interacted around the girly aspects of serving a Lady. 


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RE: Engaging the 'girly' side - 8/26/2009 1:25:45 PM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ShaktiSama

I enjoy having my hair brushed.  If Aidan knew how to french-braid or style my hair, I'm sure I'd enjoy that too.  Lord knows I expect him to know how to tie the laces of a boot or a corset!


okay the hair brush did it for me. especially the heavy silver ones. *le purr*

porcelaine


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RE: Engaging the 'girly' side - 8/26/2009 1:26:19 PM   
darchChylde


Posts: 5279
Joined: 9/28/2006
From: Warm Springs, GA but i live in San Francisco.
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SciFiGal

I have never thought to have a sub brush my hair or do my hair, as I tend to keep my hair very low maintenance. I am glad I ran into this thread though. You ask some good questions, and I think I may try a few things with my regular sub. I don't think I'd be averse to his brushing my hair. That might be cute.




Honestly, I don't see anything inherently girlie about brushing a woman's hair.  Nor do I find it a particularly submissive act.  I consider it to be a loving act of a sensual nature not necessary to be constrained by gender or what side of the slash one is on.

_____________________________

I'm the man your mother warned you about...
if only to keep me to herself.

I'm a male dominant switch whose experienced as a poly sub to a dominant woman
.
Where the fuck do I post?

Proud Owner and Protector of chyldeschylde.

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RE: Engaging the 'girly' side - 8/26/2009 1:27:36 PM   
Reigna


Posts: 334
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline 		As a matter of fact, my crossdressing sub spent last weekend tearing down and rebuilding a car engine. That was after he'd spent a couple of weekends tearing down and rebuilding the carburetors on a couple of motorcycles. More routinely, he keeps my fleet of gasoline-powered gardening tools purring. He's also dogsbody-around-the-property guy in addition to being internal combustion guy.

Once he's cleaned the crap out from under his fingernails, he can transform himself into a creditable masseuse and pedicurist, although he doesn't really care for either role and feels punished when put into either. He doesn't have the first clue how to do hair, and is an absolute oaf with makeup. I'm fine with that, as I don't like being fussed with. And the idea of letting him anywhere near me when my hair's being colored gives me the screaming meemies.

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RE: Engaging the 'girly' side - 8/26/2009 1:45:27 PM   
SciFiGal


Posts: 9
Joined: 6/22/2006
From: San Diego, CA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: darchChylde
Honestly, I don't see anything inherently girlie about brushing a woman's hair.  Nor do I find it a particularly submissive act.  I consider it to be a loving act of a sensual nature not necessary to be constrained by gender or what side of the slash one is on.


Fair point. My sub plays with my hair and massages my head until I nearly explode and have to vigorously scratch myself all over because the goosebumps have overwhelmed me lol. I love that, and it makes me feel very loved. I think the hair brushing would be no different. A different sort of doting caress.


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RE: Engaging the 'girly' side - 8/26/2009 1:58:00 PM   
Eivarden


Posts: 101
Joined: 4/15/2009
Status: offline 		Simply put, I have interest in the allot of the things girls do, but since I don't know who I will meet, and what they will tolerate, I have not tried to learn anything past basic male behavior.
(More than willing to learn, as I'm slightly interested as is.)

But if I was in that situation, (Most of which would never happen. Me with ripped abs? Pfft, I'd hate myself.) I would LIKE to chose;

(C) Both.

But until I know how to do anything past a basic braid, It could only be;

(D) First comfort her, like in (B), But then ask what options she was thinking about, and talk about them, and try to encourage her into which ever decision she likes. (But I'm always a fan of basic pony tail, or leaving the hair down. Anything else is just done for flavor when bored with the usual IMO.)

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RE: Engaging the 'girly' side - 8/26/2009 2:21:03 PM   
Scotty306134


Posts: 172
Joined: 5/16/2004
Status: offline 		I love helping Mistress with Her hair, espescially after working on our car or my truck. It gives me chance to relax after washing up. It even helps to clean those hard to reach spots around the fingernails. Scotty

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