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"Fun" Punishment for a young first time slave... - 9/4/2009 6:49:46 AM   
CougarStud


Posts: 105
Joined: 7/24/2009
Status: offline 		I have a young inexperienced slave girl flying in this Saturday night.  We have been talking on the phone for 4 months.  I was supposed to go to Wyoming this summer and meet but my life took a drastic turn and I did not make it and we have not met face to face yet.

When I first got into this lifestle it was all about the kinky sex.  Now sex is not my primary focus, I get much more of a charge out of taking control and the dynamics of an indepth relationship with a submissive girl.  This girl has agreed to come and live with me and abide by me and the way I live my life.  We have gone over everything so she knows what is expected of her and how I live my life.

As I got to know her I realized two things about her.  1) She is a spoiled child and her parents give her whatever she wants even though they are very finacially hurting.   2) All her ideas about bdsm were from watching and maturbating to Mistress Sondra & Mistress Aradia videos.  I slowly brought her along in doing chores around her house & an easy to follow exercise routine as well as some other tasks and texting me as soon as she completed them so she was focused on me all the time.  It must have worked because she is professing her undying love & desire to tend to all my needs.  She has also expressed over and over how horny she was to be with me and experience some of the sexual things we discussed. (I kept the sex stuff to a minimum in our phone conversation and just getting to know each other outside the sexual stuff)  prefering to train her on getting use to taking care of my more domestic needs.

This week she failed in a couple of areas and I told her  in advance that any screw ups in this last week before her arrival would be 24 hours of "no sex" for each offence, once I pick her up from the plane and that she has to remain in chastity the rest of the week.

...............of course I got the desired effect which was to inflame her sexual desires and she can't stop talking about sex!

So far she has made the following mistakes each of which holds a 24 hour ban on sexual satisfaction from me.

1)  Overslept when I told her to wake at 7am
2)  Missed her exercises one day
3)  Gave herself and orgasm without my permission

So we are up to 3 days of no sexual gratification for her when she arrives.

I could use this time to tease & torment her unmercifully and make her desire me all the more  or not to  be sexual at all and take the time to get to know each other and teach her her chores & duties.

What are the pro's & con's of each choice and if I was to do the torment & tease one, what sort of devious ways do you have to offer that I could use on her?


Thanks!  Debra


< Message edited by CougarStud -- 9/4/2009 6:55:50 AM >
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: "Fun" Punishment for a young first time s... - 9/4/2009 7:04:20 AM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline 		i always thought the purpose of punishment was corrective action and behavior modification. why would you associate this with something fun? if she has been disobedient and failed to do the things you've requested and you've already indicated what the consequences are, what's the question? you gave a directive and spelled out the terms. i can't fathom how changing your mind and making this a fun exercise would create the dynamic you're hoping for. if anything it would cause her to question your seriousness and ability to follow through on what you've stated.

porcelaine


_____________________________

His will; my fate.

(in reply to CougarStud)
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RE: "Fun" Punishment for a young first time s... - 9/4/2009 7:18:50 AM   
CougarStud


Posts: 105
Joined: 7/24/2009
Status: offline 		 
thank you porcelaine


I was just going to make her inability to have an orgasm fun for me is what I meant by fun punishment, she would still be denied an orgasm for the amount of time I said..


(in reply to porcelaine)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: "Fun" Punishment for a young first time s... - 9/4/2009 8:55:22 AM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		Heh... if she is anything like most women, orgasm is the icing on the cake.  Being teased and tomented for days on end even without the orgasm would work for me.  I don't believe in orgasm denial, but in this case she gets all the attention, play, fun, ect.. and only has to wait for the orgasm seems more than fair.  <g>   Funishment is a good description cause I would definitely learn that play is what I would get if I didn't pay attention to rules.

(in reply to CougarStud)
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RE: "Fun" Punishment for a young first time s... - 9/4/2009 9:01:43 AM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CougarStud

thank you porcelaine

I was just going to make her inability to have an orgasm fun for me is what I meant by fun punishment, she would still be denied an orgasm for the amount of time I said..



so when is it funishment and when is it punishment? have you differentiated the difference in your head? you might want to make sure she understands that as well. the idea behind punishment in itself would not be an enjoyable thing for either party.

i'm sorry, i'm having a hard time wrapping my mind around the idea you're getting pleasure out of her disobedience. if it wasn't a big deal and you wanted to make light of it, why correct her at all? color me clueless.

porcelaine


_____________________________

His will; my fate.

(in reply to CougarStud)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: "Fun" Punishment for a young first time s... - 9/4/2009 9:09:58 AM   
Acer49


Posts: 1434
Joined: 8/7/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CougarStud

I have a young inexperienced slave girl flying in this Saturday night.  We have been talking on the phone for 4 months.  I was supposed to go to Wyoming this summer and meet but my life took a drastic turn and I did not make it and we have not met face to face yet.

When I first got into this lifestle it was all about the kinky sex.  Now sex is not my primary focus, I get much more of a charge out of taking control and the dynamics of an indepth relationship with a submissive girl.  This girl has agreed to come and live with me and abide by me and the way I live my life.  We have gone over everything so she knows what is expected of her and how I live my life.

As I got to know her I realized two things about her.  1) She is a spoiled child and her parents give her whatever she wants even though they are very finacially hurting.   2) All her ideas about bdsm were from watching and maturbating to Mistress Sondra & Mistress Aradia videos.  I slowly brought her along in doing chores around her house & an easy to follow exercise routine as well as some other tasks and texting me as soon as she completed them so she was focused on me all the time.  It must have worked because she is professing her undying love & desire to tend to all my needs.  She has also expressed over and over how horny she was to be with me and experience some of the sexual things we discussed. (I kept the sex stuff to a minimum in our phone conversation and just getting to know each other outside the sexual stuff)  prefering to train her on getting use to taking care of my more domestic needs.

This week she failed in a couple of areas and I told her  in advance that any screw ups in this last week before her arrival would be 24 hours of "no sex" for each offence, once I pick her up from the plane and that she has to remain in chastity the rest of the week.

...............of course I got the desired effect which was to inflame her sexual desires and she can't stop talking about sex!

So far she has made the following mistakes each of which holds a 24 hour ban on sexual satisfaction from me.

1)  Overslept when I told her to wake at 7am
2)  Missed her exercises one day
3)  Gave herself and orgasm without my permission

So we are up to 3 days of no sexual gratification for her when she arrives.

I could use this time to tease & torment her unmercifully and make her desire me all the more  or not to  be sexual at all and take the time to get to know each other and teach her her chores & duties.

What are the pro's & con's of each choice and if I was to do the torment & tease one, what sort of devious ways do you have to offer that I could use on her?


Thanks!  Debra




I do not normally comment on how a Dominant handles, but since the OP is asking …

I do not believe that all infractions require punishment, but that is my personal opinion
Using the same punishment for all types of infractions is unwise and at some point, becomes ineffective. To say that an unconscious act deserves the same punishment as conscious one is a poor idea. I believe that a punishment needs to fit the crime, so to speak. I am sure that a more appropriate punishment for items one and two on the OP’s list can be found. Because, less face it, if the submissive is denied something then that denial is also required from Dominant. Should the Dominant be punished as well? Now since item three is a sexual infraction, denial of pleasure is quite appropriate.

There is a time and place for everything. I do not think having the submissive connect sex with punishment to be wise, furthermore I find it disturbing that a Dominant would find pleasure in a submissives failure or use it as an opportunity to amuse them. I believe punishments should be as quick as possible so that both the Dominant and submissive can focus on more enjoyable activities. I think the idea of spending the time to teach the submissive about the chores that will be required and spending time to learn about her is a wise choice.


_____________________________

Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself.
Harvey Fierstein

(in reply to CougarStud)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: "Fun" Punishment for a young first time s... - 9/4/2009 9:24:59 AM   
lovingpet


Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: porcelaine

i'm having a hard time wrapping my mind around the idea you're getting pleasure out of her disobedience.



I have to agree with this. My partner would be disappointed and even possibly hurt if I was disobedient. He would not take pleasure in correcting that disobedience either. It would be unpleasant task that he had to do in order to teach me his rules and my boundaries. There'd be nothing fun about it for either of us.

I think, if it were me, I would be having her spend some very long hard time thinking about what she has entered. I do not advocate ignoring, but she needs to be alone with her decision. She needs to think, write, wrestle with all these things. I suggest setting her up in a hotel with a journal and paper and maybe some toiletries. Nothing else. She may spend the first days or maybe a week there before entering your home (domain). Visit her with breakfast, lunch, and dinner checking any specific assignments you have given her. She is not there to play on the computer, go swimming, or anything else. Remove the phone and the TV cable for the duration of her stay. This time will allow her to settle and adjust as well as give you the insight into her that you are seeking. This is only a suggestion. I know it's a pricey way to go, so it may need some adaptation, but the point is she needs a very quick snap into reality and she needs to know you will do what is necessary to teach her what you expect.

I get very antsy before meeting my partner face to face. He says my brat shows a little at those times. I am anxious and just get lost in the excitement. He doesn't get overly concerned with these things, nor did he tell me he would. I know that he understands my nerves and how I process things. Maybe it is similar for your girl, but only time can tell that. She may always get amped and slip up in her excitement just prior to meeting or playtime. How you choose to handle that is your decision alone, but whatever you decide, be sure to consistently follow through and don't change the rules midstream. If you determine another course is needed, communicate that to her with time for her to adjust accordingly. You can't decide it's no big deal and then come down hard. That leaves her caught off guard and is very unfair. At the same time, if an offense is a serious one, her begging and pleading shouldn't change the outcome. If she had a reason, even a good reason, still follow through. The reason being that she should have communicated that to you instead of taking matters into her own hands when she knew how important it was to you. These are certainly only my recommendations, but I do know how important consistency and fairness is in the area of REAL discipline.

lovingpet

(in reply to porcelaine)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: "Fun" Punishment for a young first time s... - 9/4/2009 9:25:30 AM   
CougarStud


Posts: 105
Joined: 7/24/2009
Status: offline 		I know the difference now thank you again. 

Missokyst, yes, you are right as well, it would be way to much pleasure for her.  I guess we will both have to suffer for her bad behavior since I was the one who picked this punishment. 

lovingpet, I think you are right about why she had so many goofs this week, she is young and amped up and I saw it happening as this week progressed.  I was thinking that this might bring her back down to earth and give us quiet time to reflect where we are going without the sex being a big huge focus in during the first few days of her arriving.  Then I got amped up and forgot why I picked this course of action.....lol.  Now I remember!

< Message edited by CougarStud -- 9/4/2009 9:30:07 AM >

(in reply to porcelaine)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: "Fun" Punishment for a young first time s... - 9/4/2009 9:37:09 AM   
lovingpet


Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline 		LOL!!!! Both of you are soooo excited! I wish you all the best in your fresh new journey! New love is so cool!

lovingpet

(in reply to CougarStud)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: "Fun" Punishment for a young first time s... - 9/4/2009 10:16:34 AM   
LanceHughes


Posts: 4737
Joined: 2/12/2004
Status: offline 		The teacher in me rises and says, "Positive reinforcement is much more effective than negative reinforcement."  In this instance, misbehavior has its consequences and those consequences must play out.

Part of what's wrong with teasing her, is that the boundaries are muddled.  In my view, her dis-allowed orgasm leads to 24 hours of no sex. PERIOD.  There is an element in her disobdience of  "I'll test his boundaries."  Especially since you made the one week restriction.  I am NOT saying she disobeyed consiously, but rather, she NEEDS to be reassured that your boundaries are firm.

Since it's hard for YOU to "give-up" the sex, I vote for the positive reinforcement method.  Use her "no sex" puishment periods to teach her, but with a twist - let her "earn" tokens or stars or whatever.  Maybe they can be cashed in for a hot bath when you have no other requirements for her OTHER THAN SHE TREAT HERSELF WELL.  Emphasis added - LOL!  Most Masters use Rule #1: "Protect the property" which, of course, includes keeping oneself healthy.  So this idea is kinda along those lines, but a little further.  I think that "Protect the property" INCLUDES keeping the property happy, so the token idea is somewhat sublimated to Rule #1.

I don't know all of your "contractual terms," so it's hard for me to know whether the idea of tokens would work for you, but I throw it out there for what it's worth.

As I typed that last, I thought, "what would be good tokens?"  I thought quarters and that gave me the following idea.... positively reinforce her with quarters that she can then use to buy YOU a gift - cologne, better cut of steak for dinner, a new BDSM toy - I really like that last idea - ties her positive behavior into better outcomes for you both.  And the BDSM toy could be your decision alone or mutual or whatever YOU are comfortable with.

Summary:

"You have misbehaved and have time that IS going to be put to good use."

Take it from there..... and congratulations!  "Sounds like you are on the right track," says the Old Guard <gay> Leatherman (with 25 plus years in the scene.)

< Message edited by LanceHughes -- 9/4/2009 10:21:20 AM >

(in reply to lovingpet)
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RE: "Fun" Punishment for a young first time s... - 9/4/2009 10:53:32 AM   
CougarStud


Posts: 105
Joined: 7/24/2009
Status: offline 		Thanks lovingpet, we are both giddy with excitement

LanceHughes, I love the idea of tokens! 

(in reply to LanceHughes)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: "Fun" Punishment for a young first time s... - 9/4/2009 1:47:27 PM   
lovingpet


Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline 		Hey, I just had a thought! Oh, hush people, it happens once in a blue moon! LOL

She owned up to having done these things despite you being so far apart it will take a plane ride to unite you? I think this is cause for great celebration! Her misbehavior may be disappointing, but her integrity to admit to it and take the consequences is admirable. You would have never known differently had she not told you. Do go through with the punishment, but reward her for her honesty! It is wonderful seeing people actually being good human beings!

lovingpet

(in reply to CougarStud)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: "Fun" Punishment for a young first time s... - 9/4/2009 1:53:41 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CougarStud

 
thank you porcelaine


I was just going to make her inability to have an orgasm fun for me is what I meant by fun punishment, she would still be denied an orgasm for the amount of time I said..




Get water ballons, and fill your refridgerator with them, tie her to a post and have your laughs....have her manually and orally stimulate you until her face and arms fall off.

Do it about 4 oclock in the morning............

or just punch her dead in the goddamn face.

Ron



_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to CougarStud)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: "Fun" Punishment for a young first time s... - 9/4/2009 2:00:47 PM   
CougarStud


Posts: 105
Joined: 7/24/2009
Status: offline 		she has been running every day for 30 minutes (some walking as needed)
she quit sleeping till 9 or 10am and has been waking pretty regularly at 7-7:30am
she does 10 minutes of calistenics in a combination I told her every day
she does 300 crunches 2-3x a week
she walks an hour almost every day
she texts me everytime she eats something

Sure there have been some major screw ups but this is a pampered baby of the family and she has been able to do as she pleases all her life with no consiquences. she is willing to come to me and make major changes in her life, along with the ones she has been doing all this month at home so she can see if she wants what I have to offer and can live the way I live. 

I am very proud of her and her hard work!

Unfortuanatly her list of screw-ups is way longer!       lol......she needs lots of training!

< Message edited by CougarStud -- 9/4/2009 2:03:42 PM >

(in reply to lovingpet)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: "Fun" Punishment for a young first time s... - 9/4/2009 2:00:48 PM   
LanceHughes


Posts: 4737
Joined: 2/12/2004
Status: offline 		I'm going to just ignore Montana Otter Tail (guess I didn't) and agree with lovingpet.  Your new girl could get her first three tokens because she WAS honest.  How's that for positive reinforcement?

(in reply to mnottertail)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: "Fun" Punishment for a young first time s... - 9/4/2009 2:13:20 PM   
windchymes


Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail


quote:

ORIGINAL: CougarStud


thank you porcelaine


I was just going to make her inability to have an orgasm fun for me is what I meant by fun punishment, she would still be denied an orgasm for the amount of time I said..




Get water ballons, and fill your refridgerator with them, tie her to a post and have your laughs....have her manually and orally stimulate you until her face and arms fall off.

Do it about 4 oclock in the morning............

or just punch her dead in the goddamn face.

Ron




As a young inexperienced slave girl who is flying in on Saturday.....you're starting to scare me.....

_____________________________

You know it's going to be a GOOD blow job when she puts a Breathe Right strip on first.

Pick-up artists and garbage men should trade names.

(in reply to mnottertail)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: "Fun" Punishment for a young first time s... - 9/4/2009 2:13:42 PM   
Toppingfrmbottom


Posts: 6528
Joined: 6/7/2009
Status: offline 		Personally, My x told me if I was to tired to be up by a certain time then I could go to bed earlier,  the one time I told him 8 am was to early to be up and I was to tired,and if I complained or said but but but....... it just got earlier than what it was.  Perhaps instituting an earlier bed time would be a good punishment for not being up by the time you were supposed to be up.



(in reply to LanceHughes)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: "Fun" Punishment for a young first time s... - 9/4/2009 2:14:27 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		Montana, as in MT? We need sombody to throw you in some frame of reference, vis a vis the continental united states.

LOL,
Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to LanceHughes)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: "Fun" Punishment for a young first time s... - 9/4/2009 2:55:11 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: windchymes


As a young inexperienced slave girl who is flying in on Saturday.....you're starting to scare me.....


Do not concern yourself overmuch, nothing much will fall off.

R

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to windchymes)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: "Fun" Punishment for a young first time s... - 9/4/2009 5:05:37 PM   
softness


Posts: 2918
Joined: 8/1/2006
From: Leeds, UK
Status: offline 		Punishment - actual punishment rather than "funishment" - really shouldn't be approached in fun IMHO. It is going to send her *very* mixed signals.

poor behaviour = punishment which pleases my dominant
poor behaviour = pleasing my dominant

See where this is going?

_____________________________

proudly wearing the blue collar of consideration to DK Leather, Leatherdykeuk, and LeatherEagle of the UK KRueL Leather Family

veritas, respectus honorque in corio





(in reply to mnottertail)
Profile   Post #: 20
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