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After Care - 9/7/2009 5:10:03 AM

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Everyone who I have done scenes with in the past has been able to express their needs with regards to aftercare. However, this sub is new so I am not sure if there is a commonality when it comes to after care. I usually will wrap them in a blanket after laying them down. I keep some form of liquid in case they are thirsty. I usually lay with them and they usually just fall asleep. Is there anything else I might need for a new sub? all comments are appreciated

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RE: After Care - 9/7/2009 5:27:25 AM

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There is no right or wrong way, subs don't come out of a cookie cutter. If you haven't learned her well enough to 'read' what is needed then don't play beyond the level you are confident in doing so. The better you are at reading her the further you can take her knowing you can catch her and bring her back down in one piece.

I never count on them being able to verbalise those needs, especialy not prior or at the time. Cover the basics (Subbie blanket, lollys or chocolate, space out of the way where she can either be left but where you can keep an eye on her or where you can give a cuddle undisturbed, etc.) so they are their IF you need to use them but then follow your instincts, read her, learn to read her better in the process. Afterwards communication, whilst they maybe not be able to verbalise specifics YOU can direct the discussion to pick up more information, again improving your ability to read her.

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(in reply to Acer49)

RE: After Care - 9/7/2009 8:59:01 AM

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Something to consider, Sir, is your sub has expended alot of physical energy during the scene and there are alot of biochemical changes at play here. Changes that can affect her abillity to process everything emotionally and thus increase or decrease her ability to deal with any subdrop she may or may not have in the days to follow. Make sure you offer her something to eat or drink -in small, frequent amounts, mind you-that will help raise her glucose levels slowly. Some carbs and natural sugars are usually best as they arent't likely to raise her blood sugar too fast, too high and set her up for the resulting crash. Should you desire, some OTC pain relievers taken before her adrenilene level drops can also be helpful to keep muscle soreness from being too bad. Unless you WANT her to have that to serve your purposes. Hope this helps.

dove

(in reply to RavenMuse)

RE: After Care - 9/7/2009 9:35:24 AM

PlayfulWhenUsed

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Acer49

Everyone who I have done scenes with in the past has been able to express their needs with regards to aftercare. However, this sub is new so I am not sure if there is a commonality when it comes to after care. I usually will wrap them in a blanket after laying them down. I keep some form of liquid in case they are thirsty. I usually lay with them and they usually just fall asleep. Is there anything else I might need for a new sub? all comments are appreciated

Ohmygod gatoraid. Or orange juice.
hmmmmmm
a new car?

(in reply to Acer49)

RE: After Care - 9/7/2009 9:42:33 AM

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Sometimes i just need held til i come back down, other times left entirely alone.

He can tell by my body language which. Ok me not letting go of him might kind of give the hint which i need. lol

Apart from that we always make sure there's a pint of water in the room incase i need it, forget food. Food is for when im functioning again, and then im able to get my own.

(in reply to Acer49)

RE: After Care - 9/7/2009 12:58:46 PM

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Joined: 8/16/2009
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All the people above had offered some wonderful insights. From my own experience, with new subs no one really know what to expect from a scene. Don't go too deep for the first few times, and my advise is don't leave them alone after. Some subs are OK with dom leaving them alone to recover, but before you're sure about it, better stick with them. You also need to be careful with their emotional state. because we're dealing with strong biochemical reaction here, probably the strongest any sub would ever encounter in his/her life. I've seen people burst into tears for no reason and can't stop; I have heard of people getting flash back of their past bad experience, and feeling resentful towards their current dom. Although those are rather extreme examples, and it's very unlike to happen with you. but it's till better to get prepared for such situation. you could choose not to play with that particular person afterwards, but for the time being, it is your responsibility to take care of the sub, because she's in no condition to take care of herself.

That's the danger we all face as subs... sigh.... Can we drag ourselves out of that situation, sure, I've done it, so have countless others. Do I want to repeat that experience, definitely not.

Also, I want to mention the sub drop, which could happen hours or days after a scene. Subs might have a strong emotional drop, depression, even desperation. Sub drop happens to almost every sub at least once. And it is a horrible feeling, things could get a lot worse if they don't have their doms to be there for them. Some people believe when the scene is over, the responsibility of a dom is over. But I believe taking care of the sub drop is part of the dom's responsibility, just like it is subs responsibility to be there for doms when they have a dom drop (YES, dom drops DO happen).

< Message edited by SilentSpark -- 9/7/2009 1:08:48 PM >

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RE: After Care - 9/7/2009 5:36:06 PM

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I can't speak for anyone but myself, but I like to have sips of water and to then just cuddle, cuddle, and cuddle until I calm down and/or go to sleep for awhile in His arms. Subspace takes an incredible amount of physical and emotional energy out of me and it takes time to come back down to earth.

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(in reply to Acer49)

RE: After Care - 9/7/2009 5:44:59 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SilentSpark

Also, I want to mention the sub drop, which could happen hours or days after a scene. Subs might have a strong emotional drop, depression, even desperation. Sub drop happens to almost every sub at least once.

Odd, I never experienced anything like this. Guess I lucked out? :)

I don't have anything to add to the advice that's been given except a tongue-in-cheek comment. Don't get all cold and impatient an hour after it ends because you have to catch a flight out of town (the happened to a friend of mine once--the icy bastard was very special to her, but she wasn't special to him).

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(in reply to SilentSpark)

RE: After Care - 9/7/2009 6:00:35 PM

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Hot tea, warm blanket and him adding his body warmth. I get really cold afterwards.
And food once I wake up.

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RE: After Care - 9/7/2009 6:06:25 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: CaringandReal

Odd, I never experienced anything like this. Guess I lucked out? :)

I don't have anything to add to the advice that's been given except a tongue-in-cheek comment. Don't get all cold and impatient an hour after it ends because you have to catch a flight out of town (the happened to a friend of mine once--the icy bastard was very special to her, but she wasn't special to him).

LOL, I guess you're lucky, so far~ It could happen to anyone, experienced or not. Even if you haven't had sub drop, i still strongly suggestion you do some research about it. So when you'd know what's going on with your if you encounter it in the future. Of course, that might never happen :)

(in reply to CaringandReal)

RE: After Care - 9/7/2009 6:11:01 PM

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The only thing I can say really is to just BE there for her. Food and water are good, or if shes like me and smoke and a dr.pepper, maybe some chocolate or salty food like chips. Just don't ignore her, don't go chat with your friends, this is not a time for you to hang out with your buddies. (I might be speaking from past personal experience here....)

< Message edited by Sunnyfey -- 9/7/2009 6:12:02 PM >

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RE: After Care - 9/7/2009 6:17:48 PM

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Water, chocolate, warmth, your arms, your attention, keep distractions to a minimum.

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RE: After Care - 9/8/2009 1:24:43 PM

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I just need to be cuddled. Maybe some water to drink but being held in his arms is all i need for a while.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to daintydimples)

RE: After Care - 9/8/2009 1:33:00 PM

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At our house aftercare is pretty simple. W/we all get in bed and snuggle, sometimes after smoking, sometimes after getting something to drink.....Steel is FANTASTIC about rubbing andi and i down with a rabbit fur after play, and i must say the feel of it on sore butt cheeks is phenomenal. No two times is ever the same. Sometimes W/we'll talk until who knows when in the morning (and when i have to be to work at five am it SUX but i love it anyway) and sometimes sleep takes everyone right away. More often than not however if anyone is up til whenever in the am talking it's me and andi. LOL. It just seems to work out that way, but we don't mind that Steel is sleeping soundly right after His head hits the pillow. imo most of the time it's not so much what you do for after care so much as the fact that you do SOMETHING. A sub needs to feel connected to their Dom after play. With your body on fire and every nerve ending standing straight up, you're in a vulnerable place regardless of if you're still up on cloud nine or not.

i've never had sub drop happen before? But then again i wasn't even aware something like that could happen. So thanks for the heads up there!!! i've gotten moody before, but....i'm just moody. LoL.

lil bit

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RE: After Care - 9/8/2009 5:15:01 PM

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From: St George Utah
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first, i would like to say that everyone here has given great advice, try them all with your new sub and find one that works. as lil bit said, the rabbit fur and cuddeling does just well for us.

my personal advice, if you don't want to go through all of the above suggestions, ask her/him what is something that is extremely comforting for them. maybe cuddeling, chocolates, fluids and talking. whatever they are used to for comfort.

good luck.

andi

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RE: After Care - 9/8/2009 9:31:24 PM

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you should have fresh towels and ice cream ready. sometimes i have sugar cookies ready too. and after a nap i make sure everyone gets a lollipop

(in reply to Acer49)

RE: After Care - 9/8/2009 11:18:13 PM

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after care eh... another spanking ;)

im kidding, it depends on the day, but yes cuddling is nice. so are baths if it left marks,

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RE: After Care - 9/9/2009 10:18:39 AM

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The option to use the bathroom without discussion is needed for me as well as time to freely express gratitude for the experience.
Sometimes, i needed pen and paper or something from my art supplies as that's when inspiration strikes--it's helped to ward off the dreaded drop. Perhaps because it was a symbolic gifting of my autonomy back to me. If i needed it, i could have it but it wasn't a requirement to use it.
As Sunnyfey said, not the time to wander off and chat with One's buddies. Also, not the time to go run errands or busy Oneself with things that One has stated should not be interrupted. Bad form!
This may be an odd way to look at it: watching what a sub does when they are under the weather can give clues as to what they might need for aftercare. Favorite pillow, journal and crayolas, crackers and sprite, a hug, a nap and encouraging words work wonders whether i've just been smacked repeatedly or if i have the latest flu going around.

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RE: After Care - 9/9/2009 2:50:11 PM

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I don't like to speak, so he's usually very attentive. then I kinda just like to be left alone, a lot of times I take a little snooze.

then usually a decent meal if I haven't eaten beforehand. if not, then a little something sweet to nibble, or some chocolate.

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Have you seen that girl in the corner?
I'd like to take her out of her chains
Cause if I had my way with you baby
I would be changing your life today.
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RE: After Care - 9/9/2009 7:03:41 PM

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i want to be close. there are times when being held suffices, others i want to be nurtured and have him whisper softly in my ear. recounting his delight and how much i mean to him. i don't mind talking, especially if there's tear shed. i'm generally quite open and at peace with my vulnerability. after i've settled i enjoy having a nice glass of wine together and drifting off to sleep in his arms.

porcelaine

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His will; my fate.

(in reply to Acer49)

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