RE: How to get a sub or slave to perform a REALLY hard task, like to stop smoking or to lose weight?

RE: How to get a sub or slave to perform a REALLY hard task, like to stop smoking or to lose weight? (Full Version)

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CaringandReal -> RE: How to get a sub or slave to perform a REALLY hard task, like to stop smoking or to lose weight? (9/10/2009 3:00:00 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Blaakmaan But it seems to me, from the responses, that there is a serious disagreement on the question whether a Dom/Master should endeavor to change something fundamental about his/her sub/slave, like his/her weight, just because it would make the sub/slave more physically appealing to the Dom/Master. I don't think the disagreement is so much about whether the Dom/Master can require the sub/slave to lose weight for any reason--I think the general consensus is that he/she can--but whether or not he/she ought to do it. In purely practical terms, I think it would be much easier to find a sub/slave who is the weight I prefer, than it is to find a sub/slave who is not, and require her to lose weight until she is. If I were the dominant, I believe would find the opposite to be true: that it would be much easier to find a compatible sub or slave who perhaps had some bad or unhealthy habits or whose appearance was not ideal than to find one whose lack of habits I preferred and who also had the sort of personality I adored. I agree with Angel that it is all about chemistry. If you are a complex and, well, "picky" person when it comes to personality (I prefer to think of it as being a connoisseur ;) ), then it can be self-defeating to also expect everything else to be ideal, like their body or health or vices. You may luck out, I suppose, and get the best of both worlds. But if you don't, and it's starting to get late in the day of your life, and you felt as though you had to to choose one or the other, and you were looking for something permanent, if possible, then would you take an irritating or annoying or stupid personality in a gorgeous body or a sweet, wonderful, intelligent persoanlity in a not-so-perfect or healthy body? My reasoning would go, "the sweet one will probably be ameable to changing her vices or working with her handicap (if it wasn't something that was changable) and see the value of doing this. Will the shrew or the scold or the terminally vain or angry or compulsive liar or thick or (insert your bad personality trait here) equally see the value of changing an aspect of their personality that has been with them a very long time and that they might now view as an intergal part of who they are? Not nearly aslikely." I'd think that because consistent experience tells me that good personalities are very rare while good bodies are quite common.

barelynangel -> RE: How to get a sub or slave to perform a REALLY hard task. (9/10/2009 3:05:03 PM)
To me the ego of the Man is not a motivator for me, i am not a pleaser so i really could care less if his feelings are hurt if i don't make a result or he would be disappointed -- if he holds himself out as a "persuasion" and the prize rather than an authority to me, he will lose because he no longer has the control but has given it to me and well, i kinda suck at such a thing lol. However, if his MASTERY of me is strong enough, then his control and authority will be the simplicity of making the change because of obedience. All in all, it comes down to knowing the person -- i mean really know her and what makes her tick in your keeping -- within which you are attempting to change for whatever reason. For me - i am not a pleaser at all, i am not service oriented, a Man would not succeed in attempting to hold himself as a prize, he would succeed in simply recognizing i am there to obey and work through that because of the dynamic we exist in doesn't cater to him persuading or conjoling me to do things grins gives me too much room to manipulate to see how far i could go, its an expectations of obedience. Others seem to need to be conjoled or the concept of validating him by choosing HIM over the bad thing or they need him to be a prize for their success, which for a pleaser would probably work. Still others simply say let me do it my way and make the decisions and have the control this may work for a sub who works well under simply having a desire expressed and they produce a result. All in all, its not an easy thing to do and any Man who decides their sub/slave will change something for whatever reason, is taking on work. He has to be willing to do the work, pay the cost, and hope that the value achieved by the change wrought is higher than the cost he put into her. angel

WyldHrt -> RE: How to get a sub or slave to perform a REALLY hard task, like to stop smoking or to lose weight? (9/10/2009 4:35:51 PM)
quote: build up her self esteem to the point where she realizes she is worth the effort it takes to make a positive change. Quoted for truth. [:)]

subtopia -> RE: How to get a sub or slave to perform a REALLY hard task, like to stop smoking or to lose weight? (9/10/2009 5:27:25 PM)
i think when a person shows it is out of their true love for you that they want you to better yourself ,it becomes an easier task to accomplish.

DavanKael -> RE: How to get a sub or slave to perform a REALLY hard task, like to stop smoking or to lose weight? (9/10/2009 10:21:16 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Blaakmaan quote: ORIGINAL: DavanKael quote: ORIGINAL: Blaakmaan quote: ORIGINAL: DavanKael This speaks of a sort of micromanagement that does not appeal to me. While I would certainly be supportive, I would not desire to take charge of every little detail. In fact, I would find it pivotal for the s-type to manage his or her own details in that regard: 'give a man a fish... vs teach a man to fish..." and such. Support and guidance, yep. Micromanagemet, no. Davan Wow! Would you really call trying to get someone to stop smoking, or to lose weight (assuming they really would benefit from it), micromanagement? I would encourage you to re-read my post as you appear to have had a knee-jerk reaction and missed some important facets. Davan Do tell??? Well, I re-read your post. It said, in part: "This speaks of a sort of micromanagement that does not appeal to me. While I would be supportive, I would not desire to take charge of every little detail." So, what, exactly, did I miss? And what, precisely, makes my reply "knee jerk"? The entirety of your reply appeared knee-jerk, starting with "Wow". You also have been sniping at people who don't say what you want on the thread (MarcEsadrian as an example...he says many well-thought-out things, you'd be well-advised to actually read what he writes). Anyway, I said that I would not wish to micromanage behaviors of someone on a task as you noted, however I would be supportive. As an example: if one in my serivce desired to quit smoking, I would be supportive of that (Because I hate most cigarette smoke, though I do indulge in a clove cigarette myself on occasion). Would I make positive comments to that person, be supportive of their endeavor. Of course. Might I even give them a plan for said reduction and cessation: ex, going from 10-7-4-2-1-0 cigarettes per day in a given timeframe. Sure. Am I going to micromanage them and ration out the cigarettes to them, am I going to follow them around to ensure that they're doing what they're 'supposed to be', etc. Nope. Quite frankly, these areas are matters of self-mastery that I think anyone on either side of the kneel should be able to implement for their own reasons. Note my 'give a man a fish... vs teach a man to fish..." statement. The micromanagement on a continual basis makes them too dependent and potentially needy for what I would be comfortable with. I want a grown-up, a partner...regardless of the side of the kneel. Davan

califsue -> RE: How to get a sub or slave to perform a REALLY hard task, like to stop smoking or to lose weight? (9/11/2009 7:10:30 PM)
I would love the encouragement from the one who holds my mind as it would help in times when I may feel less than motivated. However, I would agree with some of the posts that most of it is internal, but taking an interest by having them keep a journal or reporting to you might help them.

TurboJugend -> RE: How to get a sub or slave to perform a REALLY hard task, like to stop smoking or to lose weight? (9/12/2009 3:44:34 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Blaakmaan quote: ORIGINAL: SassyBird People can only make positive changes in their life if they really want to do it. Not because someone tells them they have to. I understand that. But isn't it part of the Dom's/Master's "job" to help motivate the sub/slave to want to make those kinds of changes? To motivate is soemthing else then "force". We can motivate them , but they should want it themselfs to make it work. We can punish them over and over...but to what use..if they don't succeed. My previous slave wanted to loose weight and to stop smoking. We discussed the same issue. I was not 24/7 with her, so she should i it herself. I just motivate and checked the status. She succeeded because she wanted to.

Lashra -> RE: How to get a sub or slave to perform a REALLY hard task, like to stop smoking or to lose weight? (9/12/2009 4:17:23 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SassyBird People can only make positive changes in their life if they really want to do it. Not because someone tells them they have to. This is so very true, she may truly want to please you and attempt this. However with most people, unless it is something that they truly want to do for themselves, it will not last. She has to see that this will have a positive impact upon her health for the rest of her life, then perhaps she will stick to it. ~Lashra

maat -> RE: How to get a sub or slave to perform a REALLY hard task, like to stop smoking or to lose weight? (9/13/2009 12:48:33 PM)
Beeing a large woman myself who have strugeld with my weight for a long time i can agree with much of what has been said already. 1. it depends on the type of relationship that the two have. In fantasy i wuld have loved to be my Masters pygmalion. To be told to change, to be given steps, goals, and opertunity and basicaly just need to show up to be changed. Unfortunatly, i dont work like that and i cant change just becuse of him. If the relationship isent solid then bringing up something like weight, something that can be extreamly sensetive, can compleatly wereck the relationship. I knew my Master loved and accepted me for me, not for my body from the start. I knew that his motivation for me loosing weight was entierly for my own benifit. AND i already desired to lose weight for myself. 2. Motivation is the key. Some are motivated by the thought of just pleasing their Master. Not all of us work like that, specialy when it comes to the weight thing. As much as i whanted to chagne for my Master it was so much deaper than just me whanting to change. Be clear in why you whant her to lose weight and help find the positives around loosing weight such as health, maybe she is rewardorientated (i found out i wasent, pressents didnt do it for me). Maybe there is something she whants bad enough to work for. but dont conect the reward with the number on the scale. Reward action not result. The human body is a funny thing and eaven if i exercise i might not lose weight, i might eaven gain it. Reward the exercise, the healty eating, the good choises and the effort. Dont look at the number. 3, find out what works for her. If she cant live without carbs dont make her go on a no carb diet. If she is verry over weight making her run 30 minuts a day might not be the thing. Find activitys and foodplans spesificly for her. Get her exited about the actions. If you deside that exercise is the thing you will focus on give her the opertunity to find something that she enjoys doing cuz then she is more likely to do it. If its healty heating and she knows nothing about healthy eating then give her a chance to learn. Maybe there is a cooking class she can take to get her exited about it. 4. acceptance... Make shure she knows that your aproval is not bound up in how much weight she looses. She is right as she is, she is loved and treasuerd as she is but this is something that you whant the two of you to work on together becuse xxx. Eaven if she dosent lose a pound your relationship is not going to change. 5. acuntability. This realy worked for me, but i needed to get more from my Master. If you ask her to keep a food journal then coment on her journal. If you whant her to keep a exercise log then coment on it. If she had icecream ask why, To me, it was easyer to stop drinking soda if i knew i wuld hve to explain to my Master why i had soda eaven if i cant have it. It was always easyer to do something for him than it was to do something for me. Just cuz its bad for me wasent a good enough reason. The diet dom thing didnt work for us simply becuse i needed him to be stronger in it than he wanted. BUT he motevated me to whant to change and made me care enough about myself to finaly take charge of my weight problem. Eaven though our relationship ended about a month before i had my gastric bypass he has still been there for me and continues to be there for me. It was never about the weight, it was about making me care more for myself and the weight was a symptom of the larger problem.

vinylchick42 -> RE: How to get a sub or slave to perform a REALLY hard task, like to stop smoking or to lose weight? (9/13/2009 10:08:43 PM)
my Dom didn't force me to do it. in my case it was to quit smoking. instead he guided me along the path reminding me of the health reasons. also, for my children's future, so that i being their mother will be around to raise them. he also told me he burried too many loved ones from their smoking addiction. so this is the reason he told me he would not be with someone who smoked because he can not go thru that again was a factor also. these are 3 good enough reasons for me to quit, so i did.

ishyB -> RE: How to get a sub or slave to perform a REALLY hard task, like to stop smoking or to lose weight? (9/14/2009 6:48:22 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Blaakmaan Has any Dominant/Master had any success with getting a sub/slave to perform a REALLY hard task--particularly, to stop smoking or to lose weight? [By the way, I'm talking about getting the sub/slave to do those things for her health, not to make her into a Barbie doll.] If you have had success in either or both of those areas, would you please share with me what you did, and how you did it? If you're a sub or a slave, and your Dominant/Master was able to help you to stop smoking or to lose weight, could you share what he/she did, and how he/she did it? Thanks to all who respond. Greetings, Master made me quit smoking and is currently making me loose 5-10 pounds (purely for aesthetic reasons so he's not in a hurry to force it). Smoking was relatively easy... I am simple not allowed to smoke. Most of my days are spend either in Master's or Mistress' (or their both) presents, so it would be easy to follow up on and notice if I did or did not smoke. I am not allowed to handle money without permission. The only time you'll ever find me in a store by myself is when ordered to go buy something by either Master or Mistress and then I am still expected to keep the ticket and account for every penny so even those times that I am not in their presents, I cannot smoke. Simple because I have no way of buying cigarettes... As to losing weight... I am not allowed to eat or drink anything without permission. Because of this, it is fairly easy for them to limit my intake of food and make me lose weight. I wish you well, ishy

VirginPotty -> RE: How to get a sub or slave to perform a REALLY hard task, like to stop smoking or to lose weight? (9/14/2009 9:14:10 AM)
quote: Second, just for the record, it's a hypothetical question, which doesn't mean I don't have a real interest in the responses. quote: could you share what he/she did, and how he/she did it? What part was "hypothetical"?

sweetgirlserves -> RE: How to get a sub or slave to perform a REALLY hard task, like to stop smoking or to lose weight? (9/14/2009 9:36:59 AM)
For me, if it was a real addiction, i would need something more terrible as a deterrent than the lure of the source of the addiction. For example, a severe ass beating for smoking... if the beating caused more misery than the cigarettes brought me joy, i would soon trade the joy to get rid of the misery. I know this is not a 'politically correct' answer, but for me, it is the truth. ~sgs

olderm4youngerf -> RE: How to get a sub or slave to perform a REALLY hard task, like to stop smoking or to lose weight? (9/14/2009 2:36:16 PM)
addiction is in imho a crock of bull.........nothing more than an excuse.................... "what is the maximum effective range of an excuse" answer= " ZERO" quote from my first seargeant known as TOP = short for top soldier Alcohol, drug, any "Addiction" only allows one to accept their fate as out of ones control. It is not. if it is not my choice then i can do it and not feel guilty for doing it. I control the mind and the body follows........... It always follows the mind ......It has no choice I am a hypnotist and I understand the power of the mind and how your outer world is a direct reflection of your thoughts. Have you ever seen surgery without anesthetic All things are possible to him that believe

DagnyT -> RE: How to get a sub or slave to perform a REALLY hard task, like to stop smoking or to lose weight? (9/15/2009 3:50:48 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: olderm4youngerf addiction is in imho a crock of bull........ Alcohol, drug, any "Addiction" only allows one to accept their fate as out of ones control. It is not. if it is not my choice then i can do it and not feel guilty for doing it.... So, out of curiosity, how do you explain withdrawal symptoms if addiction is a "crock of bull"?

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