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RE: Why I prefer men over women - 9/10/2009 10:02:49 AM

porcelaine

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SomethingCatchy

I realize there are a lot of bisexual or more open people than I am, but for those who only stick with one gender why do YOU do it? Is it as simple as no attraction to the other or is there another reason?

i sincerely enjoy relating with a man. i like the difference and feel it adds a unique balance to us. i don't think one can generalize about women and it is very difficult to do so if you haven't had intimate relations with them that are carnally oriented. i have and found they come in all flavors. no pun intended.

but even then i simply had no desire to yield to them. in fact i never did. but i was more than happy to take control. whereas with men i feel the opposite. unless i encounter a sweet boy that activates my inner sadist. of course it could be cock addiction as well. toys are fine but the real thing is much better. i'd be hard pressed to give that up for anyone.

it isn't that i can't be intimate with a woman. but i simply haven't found that she provides anything in that capacity that i cannot get from a man. he is my preference.

porcelaine

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Post #: 21

RE: Why I prefer men over women - 9/10/2009 10:14:57 AM

yummee

Posts: 111
Joined: 5/31/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SomethingCatchy

When I am interested in finding a submissive partner, and I'm not in a 'battle of the switching' I am only interested in male submissives. I am a straight female, so people would assume that this is what I would want, but I'm not necessarily looking for a straight partner to also engage in sexual play with either.

This morning when the dog woke me up too early, I just randomly landed on this subject to think about. I wondered why I never look for female submissives. I wouldn't care if she's straight or gay, just like I don't care if my males are straight or gay. It also doesn't have anything to do with the revulsion I have to the idea of lesbian sex, even though that does pop up in my head as something I'd have to cover to make it clear it won't happen.

My reason is that the women I've encountered in daily life and the submissives I've been around while in groups and going to munches have been predominantly rude, bitchy, pushy, and just plain annoying. Men can also be those things, but I don't take it so personally. When a woman acts like a child, I feel like she's trying to undermine women everywhere who have been fighting hard to be taken seriously in their lives. I expect people who are adults to act like adults instead of throwing temper tantrums. If a man did that, he'd get slapped with 'crazy' and women would avoid him if they were smart. If a woman does it, men still want to have sex with her.

If I am looking for a dominant, the same applies. I try to tone down the judgement, but I'm very harsh on my own gender because I have high expectations. I would be looking for a very long time if I were open to a female dominant rather than a male one. I realize there are tons of female dominants out there who are good people, but they would have to fit all the other requirements I would need if I were looking for a dominant partner.

So that's my reason that I am not interested in a females. I find the female body beautiful, but I dislike the general attitudes that come with it.

I realize there are a lot of bisexual or more open people than I am, but for those who only stick with one gender why do YOU do it? Is it as simple as no attraction to the other or is there another reason?

Crap. Apparently I'm shallow. I generally prefer men because they are the ones who have the penises (peni?).

Respectfully,

amy

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(in reply to SomethingCatchy)

Post #: 22

RE: Why I prefer men over women - 9/10/2009 10:27:11 AM

shadowowl

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though this isnt' very BDSM releated I have noticed working in an office enviroment that women are much more bitchy to each other then to males or tha males are to each other or to females. I realy can't explain why and it's not an opinion it's the way it is and anyone that has ever worked in an office would probably agree that women are less likely to get alone with each other then any other combination. I think in general women are more submissive to men and men are more submissive to women not figuring in sexual orintation into the mix. I know I am far less submissive to a male then to a female given a random encounter but there are also other factors that come into play based on first impressions i can be rather "bitchy" and if so I will be more so to a female then to a male I can't really explain why but even if the male comes accross as a total asshole I wont be as "bitchy" as if the female came accross the same way. Perhaps cause I will be much more threatened and defensive by someone that has the potential to make me submit as opposed to a male that could be nothing more then a play partner or friend at best.
I'd be curious if there are any actual pyscological social experiements done about this in vanila world or bdsm. ;)

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Post #: 23

RE: Why I prefer men over women - 9/10/2009 11:05:52 AM

allthatjaz

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I would always prefer to Dominate a female than a male for the simple reason that I can be more intimate with her. As someone who has a partner, I don't think he would be too happy if I got intimate with a male sub and because I find Dominating sexually exciting the female will always be my first choice.
I also find that Dominating a female seems more realistic because my physical strength is not that of a man. I can probably overpower a woman, especially one more dainty than myself but I can't overpower a man.
I could never be a lesbian because other than sex and Domination I don't want to have a relationship with a woman and yet in company I feel more comfortable with a bunch of women than a bunch of men.
I have female friends that seem to get intimidated by other women and yet are ultimately very comfortable with most men. I find this a little baffling but perhaps I am more at ease because I have known other womens bodies intimately.

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Post #: 24

RE: Why I prefer men over women - 9/10/2009 11:24:30 AM

LaTigresse

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Using fast reply...........

I really try to avoid putting characteristics in broad gender terms. I know there are things that I feel, and have voiced, that are traits that "most" or "many" of one or the other share. BUT, I also know that some of the most **insert trait here** have been of both genders. I know some really horrid and bitchy, yes straight also, men. Granted they usually convey it differently but it's there. Hell, just reading some of the political discussions on here give proof to that.

One thing that annoys the hell out of me is gender assumption and slack. In many eyes, if a man stands up for himself, he's being "a man!". If a woman does the same thing, with the same tone and approach, she is being a bitch. I see it all the time when discussions of women in power come up. There of course, there is the reverse. Just create a thread and ask hetro s-type females how they would feel if they found out their male D/M type ever submitted! I guarantee you will get much stronger negative comments than you would in asking male s-types the same question about their female D or M type.

For friendship, I have no preference, as long as males don't try to wiggle their way into my drawers. To work with, I prefer men, most of the time. Relationships, depends upon the type. Occasionally a man will appeal to me in a totally vanilla sexual/companionship way, very rare, but it exists. For an s-type, only women for me. Unless it is a male with zero sex drive and zero kink drive........only about serving the way I want to be served........... I am pretty sure that doesn't exist so.......women only for that. Even then, I am pretty picky.

< Message edited by LaTigresse -- 9/10/2009 11:26:09 AM >

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Post #: 25

RE: Why I prefer men over women - 9/10/2009 11:39:29 AM

Missokyst

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To the OP: It is your attitude. Women are perceived as bitches who may simply be assertive. Being assertive is a desirable trait in a male, but when it is seen in a woman, suddenly they are bitches. Now me.. I have been thought of as a bitch for asserting myself into creating a new group. But I am far from bitchy, or assertive. I just see a need and make sure it is met. If a man says "Don't touch that." It is seen as a asserting is rights. If a woman says "Don't touch that." She is being a controlling bitch.

That said I do prefer men over women. I am not attracted to women at all. I enjoy the way men think and the fact that I get that mindset more than I do of my own sex. Women are more likely to be huggy which I cannot tolerate unless I really like you. If a man hugs me he better be close to me, but as a rule most men I meet casually are not huggy and I appreciate the distance.

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Post #: 26

RE: Why I prefer men over women - 9/10/2009 12:03:47 PM

CreativeDominant

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For me, it depends on the context: When I am dealing with a submissive, I prefer women submissives. That is for several reasons...I've been straight all my life and have only recently considered the idea of heteroflexibility and where it fits into my head. So far, not fitting all that well except in a very strictly defined...by me...manner. Sooooooooo...since domination of a submissive excites me and I am straight, I prefer that the person I am dominating be a woman. In the context of friendship, I have female friends and I have male friends. One on one, I prefer being with my women friends for the most part. More than one...give me my male friends any day. I've found in my own little world that the "pecking" order is already established within the male circle whereas it seems that every time I get together with more than one female, there is a certain amount of time set establishing the "hen" order and it can become wearisome. In the workplace, I would rather work with other men. I had 3 women working for me at one time and it just got bitchy-nasty sometimes. I've never experienced this when working with men, not even when I was in the service with a whole lot of guys working and living together. When things came up, one fight usually settled it. I've yet to see that be true in a group of women. When it comes to spending time with other dominants, I really have no preference...oddly enough, I've met as many of the male dominant "uber" types as I have of the "secretly hates men" bitch femdominants. My preference is to not spend time with either of these types.

(in reply to SomethingCatchy)

Post #: 27

RE: Why I prefer men over women - 9/10/2009 12:31:24 PM

DesFIP

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Joined: 11/25/2007
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Why do you expect women to adhere to a higher standard? People are people, no one sex or gender has cornered the market on stupid or short sightedness. If you judged men by the same standards you judged women, you would rule out the entire human race.

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Post #: 28

RE: Why I prefer men over women - 9/10/2009 1:15:40 PM

SomethingCatchy

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quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

A woman acts a certain way and the OP takes it personally? Perhaps, the OP is getting "bitchy" because they are responding to her Bitchy behavior? If she takes it personally from women, perhaps the women are reacting to her and taking it personally also?

Just a thought.

Oh dear god can we please have a decent conversation without complete strangers assuming I'm 'bitchy'? Yes I do complain, just like other women, and I'm sick and tired of starting threads I'm interested in to only get BITCHED AT rather than have conversations about the topic.

I explained why I take it personally. If it still doesn't make sense, I will explain it more.

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Post #: 29

RE: Why I prefer men over women - 9/10/2009 1:18:17 PM

stella41b

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I'm transgendered, I'm staying out of this discussion but have got to admit it's quite amusing to watch.

Don't let me stop you.

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Post #: 30

RE: Why I prefer men over women - 9/10/2009 1:21:22 PM

SomethingCatchy

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quote:

ORIGINAL: daintydimples

I'm a highly opinionated female who can be pushy and bitchy ...er make that switchy. That I assert myself in most human exchanges does not mean I can't be very submissive in the right power dynamic. Like most submissives, I'm not submissive towards everyone I encounter.

Perhaps the OP views fem subs as pushy and bitchy b/c she has unrealistic expectations for how they should behave.

I expect all adult females to act like adults and not indulge in 'Holywood' drama like you see on TV. Back stabbing, complaining about the smallest things, and just being mean to each other is not what adults do. Generally, the women I've been around have acted that way.

I believe this REGARDLESS of orientation or sexuality. If a man wanted to be come a woman, I'd still expect 'her' to act like an adult.

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Everyone is gay for Joseph Gordon-Levitt.

Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard. Be evil.

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Post #: 31

RE: Why I prefer men over women - 9/10/2009 2:15:48 PM

CallaFirestormBW

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You know -- over the years, I've had a bit of experience with submissive individuals of both end-genders, and quite a few variations in between... and, in general, those experiences have been good, regardless of gender. Of course, I'm nit-picky early on, and really pretty clear about what I expect... and also pretty insistent about understanding what the submissive individual expects out of the deal, too. I've had a few "do-me" subs across the genders... and you know what... I accepted them as the bottoms they were, and we had a -hoot-. I've also had comprehensive-authority-dynamic servants across the genders who have been amazing, giving, and truly yielding individuals. I've had the pleasure of meeting people in my travels who spread across the spectrum of submission, and I find that, as long as I accept the person for who xhe is, and our dynamic develops within that context, I have absolutely no problem with behavioral issues. It's only when, for whatever reason, the other person and I haven't gotten a good grasp on what we're trying to shape, and aren't working on shaping the same thing that we end up in trouble -- again, regardless of gender. If I'm trying to shape a house servant and the other person is trying to shape a singletail top... well... we're not going to make a good connection and someone is going to be miserable, right?

I don't think gender has anything to do with it. I think -bias- has everything to do with functionality, and that bias is something we have to truly -want- to get rid of. It sounds to me like the OP likes men. There is -nothing- wrong with that at all. If she doesn't want a female submissive, then she shouldn't have to justify, to anyone (even to herself) that decision, and come up with fanciful theories about why a female wouldn't work. Just accept that males trip the trigger, and be forthright about that without any need to apologize.

Dame Calla

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Post #: 32

RE: Why I prefer men over women - 9/10/2009 2:27:59 PM

daintydimples

Posts: 967
Joined: 7/6/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: allthatjaz

I would always prefer to Dominate a female than a male for the simple reason that I can be more intimate with her. As someone who has a partner, I don't think he would be too happy if I got intimate with a male sub and because I find Dominating sexually exciting the female will always be my first choice.
I also find that Dominating a female seems more realistic because my physical strength is not that of a man. I can probably overpower a woman, especially one more dainty than myself but I can't overpower a man.
I could never be a lesbian because other than sex and Domination I don't want to have a relationship with a woman and yet in company I feel more comfortable with a bunch of women than a bunch of men.
I have female friends that seem to get intimidated by other women and yet are ultimately very comfortable with most men. I find this a little baffling but perhaps I am more at ease because I have known other womens bodies intimately.

This is why I love dominating males twice my size. I am five feet tall, if you could see my wrists, you 'd laugh at me. There is a serious limit to how strong someone my size and frame is ever going to get. (Not that I have come close to achieving that, I don't need to, my domme side is just naturally vicious. )

What floats my boat is the mental domination it takes to dom someone twice my size. Now that's a rush.

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Post #: 33

RE: Why I prefer men over women - 9/10/2009 3:29:35 PM

Roguescharm

Posts: 82
Joined: 12/5/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: shadowowl

though this isnt' very BDSM releated I have noticed working in an office enviroment that women are much more bitchy to each other then to males or tha males are to each other or to females. I realy can't explain why and it's not an opinion it's the way it is and anyone that has ever worked in an office would probably agree that women are less likely to get alone with each other then any other combination. I think in general women are more submissive to men and men are more submissive to women not figuring in sexual orintation into the mix. I know I am far less submissive to a male then to a female given a random encounter but there are also other factors that come into play based on first impressions i can be rather "bitchy" and if so I will be more so to a female then to a male I can't really explain why but even if the male comes accross as a total asshole I wont be as "bitchy" as if the female came accross the same way. Perhaps cause I will be much more threatened and defensive by someone that has the potential to make me submit as opposed to a male that could be nothing more then a play partner or friend at best.
I'd be curious if there are any actual pyscological social experiements done about this in vanila world or bdsm. ;)

I strongly disagree with the bolded statement above. I work in an office that has more women than men and for the most part everybody gets along well. Sure there's a few irritating people, but I wouldn't go as far as to call them bitchy, they're just idiots. And they aren't all women either.

I keep seeing people online talking about how terrible it is to work in a mostly female environment but I just don't see it where I work.

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Post #: 34

RE: Why I prefer men over women - 9/10/2009 3:52:56 PM

Bearlee

Posts: 2311
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From: South Central CO
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You know...I didn't used to like women very much either. But the oddest thing happened; as I grew older, I grew to like ME a lot better. As I learned to appreciate myself and enjoy my own company, I found I also began to enjoy the friendship and company of women, too.

Just sayin...

b

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Post #: 35

RE: Why I prefer men over women - 9/10/2009 4:09:25 PM

quietlycontent

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I think the point that you illustrate well here is that 99% of d/s relationships are simple role play sex games. A d/s relationship is about more than sex. Submissiveness or dominance are just a part of our psyche, probably some long forgotten instinct from our pre historic past. To me submission is quite natural, but not because i feel inferior or less of a man, but because it is part of me, and submission brings me contentment. And being content in life is all i really want.

< Message edited by quietlycontent -- 9/10/2009 4:10:15 PM >

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Post #: 36

RE: Why I prefer men over women - 9/10/2009 4:32:02 PM

MsFlutter

Posts: 1305
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quote:

ORIGINAL: yummee

P.S. Do they make realistic strapons that pulse and squirt?

http://www.extremerestraints.com/realistic-dildos_40/peter-norths-ejaculating-realistic-penis_800.html

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Post #: 37

RE: Why I prefer men over women - 9/10/2009 4:46:16 PM

MsFlutter

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From: East Coast
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SomethingCatchy

...My reason is that the women I've encountered in daily life and the submissives I've been around while in groups and going to munches have been predominantly rude, bitchy, pushy, and just plain annoying...

Upon her departure from the from the National Women's Political Caucus, Shana Alexander summed it better than I ever could....

'The reason women are such crude, brutal and destructive combatants, I later decided, - the reason women fighters lack pace, grace, rhythm and mercy - is certainly not because we are subject to raging hormonal impulses as some men claim. I think that the hair-trigger female fury, the surge to leap for the jugular at the merest drop of the glove, the readiness to 'drop the bomb on Luxembourg' results from the lack of a female tradition of chivalry'

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Post #: 38

RE: Why I prefer men over women - 9/10/2009 5:20:57 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

I stick to one gender because I'm a hetero woman. I'm only attracted to men who happen to be dominant in personality becaause they make me weak in the knees and I think they're hot.

I find nothing at all attractive about women. I don't get all hot and bothered when I see a pretty gal. I don't get butterflies in my stomach. I don't feel much of anything at all for women.

< Message edited by littlewonder -- 9/10/2009 5:23:22 PM >

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Post #: 39

RE: Why I prefer men over women - 9/10/2009 5:25:45 PM

TNstepsout

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Joined: 8/3/2005
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Oh, I thought this was going to be about who should be on top.

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Post #: 40

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