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Would you rather and why? - 3/3/2006 11:56:34 AM   
yourMissTress


Posts: 1665
Joined: 6/14/2005
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		Would you rather find someone that matches your criteria? Or make someone fit?



_____________________________

Tress


"If you have to tell people that you are a lady, you are not." My Grandmother
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RE: Would you rather and why? - 3/3/2006 12:18:59 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Being true to the spirit of the question: I would rather find someone who fits my criteria for being a good, stable person.

That being said, in every single healthy relationship, everyone fits into eachother. Whether they MADE eachother fit or not, changes happen, shifts occur, it's simply how relationships work.

And really, going into a relationship thinking "I've got to change that" or "He'll change once we..." never works out well. While I do look at my partners and think of things they need to progress on, if the essential elements were not already there, I wouldn't be there.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to yourMissTress)
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RE: Would you rather and why? - 3/3/2006 12:25:43 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

Would you rather find someone that matches your criteria? Or make someone fit?


Preformed works for me. If I wanna make something fit, I'll buy a lump of clay.

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to yourMissTress)
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RE: Would you rather and why? - 3/3/2006 12:31:33 PM   
slavejali


Posts: 2918
Status: offline 		Had a chuckle over the "preformed" comment....agree its too much hard work to try to make someone fit you, and a task that may be fruitless in its result.


(in reply to BitaTruble)
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RE: Would you rather and why? - 3/3/2006 1:33:11 PM   
MHOO314


Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: yourMissTress

Would you rather find someone that matches your criteria? Or make someone fit?




I looked for one that fit and I wasn't going to stop until I did--good news is I found him, with a lifetime left.

_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor


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RE: Would you rather and why? - 3/3/2006 1:36:07 PM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: yourMissTress

Would you rather find someone that matches your criteria? Or make someone fit?




Criteria.

I have to "make" husband, students, other faculty do stuff all the time. I sure as heck don't need it in a sub/bottom/slave.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

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RE: Would you rather and why? - 3/3/2006 1:41:00 PM   
HoosierScorpio


Posts: 164
Status: offline 		I have come across allot who fit my criteria and my interest or what I am looking for. Because they get so swamped with hits that they get over whelm and it is hard to make the first contact. I also know every thing else will come into play over time as we spend more time together.

< Message edited by HoosierScorpio -- 3/3/2006 1:43:45 PM >

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RE: Would you rather and why? - 3/3/2006 1:46:53 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		I'd rather find someone very close to matching my criteria. I do not want a perfect match. I want to learn and grow from differences, and I'm the type of person who finds differences interesting. As long as there aren't too many. I can't imagine finding someone and then having to mold them into someone they aren't, just to suit me. How can that possibly work? It's best to find someone close to a good match and go from there.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

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RE: Would you rather and why? - 3/3/2006 1:49:14 PM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline 		I've not got my criteria that narrowly set as to be unrealistic, not looking for some lil' miss perfect, so yes I'm looking for someone who already fits. Not going to stop till I find her either

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to HoosierScorpio)
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RE: Would you rather and why? - 3/3/2006 2:13:50 PM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: yourMissTress

Would you rather find someone that matches your criteria? Or make someone fit?




I would perfer someone in between. There is absolutly nothing wrong with compromise.

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.


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RE: Would you rather and why? - 3/3/2006 2:22:13 PM   
MrDiscipline44


Posts: 1776
Joined: 1/5/2005
Status: offline 		Interesting question, Tress. I keep my criteria flexible. I already have a life partner so what I'm looking for isn't about finding the love of my life. It's about finding a slave to make my life and her life (my partners) easier while fulfilling the slaves need to serve someone that will, in the least, appreciate them. I expect them in turn to be "moldable" as well because, as I see it, no ones perfect. Not even myself.

_____________________________

If you love somebody, you have to be willing to break them.

Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach.

Have you slapped your slave today?

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RE: Would you rather and why? - 3/3/2006 2:23:14 PM   
artglfr


Posts: 235
Joined: 4/8/2005
Status: offline 		I liked the "preformed" opinion also but I enjoy both as long as the mindset is there we have something to build on.

(in reply to IrishMist)
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RE: Would you rather and why? - 3/3/2006 2:30:09 PM   
Evanesce


Posts: 2325
Joined: 9/14/2005
Status: offline
quote:

Would you rather find someone that matches your criteria? Or make someone fit?


I would prefer they match as closely as possible. Trying to make someone conform to what I want just doesn't work, and it's exhausting trying to make a slave do something or behave in a way they don't want to do. I'd much rather wait for the right fit.

_____________________________

Denise

Give a slave what he truly needs, and he will do what you want.

"There's never a hero in a battle of ego." - Big & Rich


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RE: Would you rather and why? - 3/3/2006 2:38:41 PM   
PlayfulOne


Posts: 1047
Status: offline 		It is easier when they fit, when you start making them fit there is a bigger chance, (I think) for things to not work out.

Someone emailed us a couple of days ago, there were 5 or 6 things on our profile listed under lives for or loves, that were listed for them as Hard Limits. Looking at that we would have to completely redfine their limits to make something work. Sometimes you have to look and ask, "is there really a point in trying to make a fit?"

K

< Message edited by PlayfulOne -- 3/3/2006 2:39:45 PM >

(in reply to artglfr)
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RE: Would you rather and why? - 3/3/2006 5:32:09 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		From a slave's perspective, i can only say that apparently i fit my Master's criteria for having the heart and will and desire. Much of the other things he wanted, he molded, but i certainly would not have considered myself a "lump", nor would he. He was willing to work to develop me to meet what he wanted, and i was willing to do the work to get there. Had he wanted a ready made slave, we would not be so fortunate as to be together now. So, perhaps there is a grey area - someone who meets the fundamental criteria, where the rest can be molded...


(in reply to yourMissTress)
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RE: Would you rather and why? - 3/3/2006 5:32:34 PM   
Submotive


Posts: 440
Joined: 9/9/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: yourMissTress

Would you rather find someone that matches your criteria? Or make someone fit?



Personally, i don't know if there is any such thing as really making someone fit. We are who we are. Would i be happier alone being who i am rather than attempting to be someone i'm not in order not to be alone? Yes, but it's not my preferance.

_____________________________

Owned by Scotch Master

i would rather continue alone than be permitted to show only parts of myself to my Beloved.

If you're not living as you would like to today, when are you going to start?

(in reply to yourMissTress)
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RE: Would you rather and why? - 3/3/2006 5:41:55 PM   
angelic


Posts: 1807
Joined: 1/24/2005
Status: offline 		Since i have no idea what my criteria is.. LOL i am going to pick 'fit'. However, for me i want that heartstopping, breathtaking... connection. Yyou know, the one where Yyou think about Tthem and get all gooshie inside... Yyou can't wait to get home cuz maybe Tthey will have sent Yyou an e-mail or better yet, maybe Tthey'll call... The feeling when He says "be at xyz in 20 mins"... and your heart starts racing and you get all gooshie inside...... then panic because you only have 20 mins to get ready... *sigh*... lol ok sorry i went off on a tangent...

*snaps back to reality*

_____________________________

~....and once you have tasted flight, you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been and there you long to return.~ -- Leonardo de Vinci


(in reply to Submotive)
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RE: Would you rather and why? - 3/3/2006 6:37:26 PM   
Slipstreme


Posts: 817
Joined: 1/1/2006
Status: offline 		I'd prefer that my partner fit my criteria, however I do know that to expect it to happen completely is to live alone for the rest of your life in heartbreak after heartbreak. So I tend to compromise a bit, and see where we can work from there.

_____________________________

Living the Dichotomy

Painslut? How about "Endorphin Junkie"?

For information about "the furry thing" please check out my profile journal entry for: 1/17/2006

Alpha of a leather family of four. Master to the slave z.

(in reply to angelic)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Would you rather and why? - 3/3/2006 6:48:03 PM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		Finding some one who fits exactly my chriteria would be ideal in an ideal world. There is one huge word which I work with when dealing with people. C-O-M-P-R-O-M-I-S-E. in all aspects of my multi-facited life, there are two components. The first is the hard core non negotiable areas. Then there is the larger flexable area, and it is within this flexable area that I am happy to make some compromises. By doing so, it allows me to look at someone who is adaptable enough and trainable enough to become what i want. E.G. I find a suitable sub who fits my requirement for needle play and shibari and who will accept that in a house collar will be trained as a Gorean kijira. It is entirely possible that in time the non Gorean sub will read and ask to be allowed to be collared as a kajira in training, thus meeting my initial specifications. I also like to see what each new person in my life, brings to the table.

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to yourMissTress)
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RE: Would you rather and why? - 3/3/2006 7:54:01 PM   
Cloudz


Posts: 836
Joined: 9/13/2005
Status: offline 		Well...criteria to me includes core values and beliefs. If you are not comfortable with things spiritual, then my Buddhist beliefs may make you uncomfortable. If you do not believe that laughter is as important to daily life as worship, then my frequent bouts of amusement will be intolerable. If you do not believe that above all, never attempt to take away's one's dignity..then we have little to talk about.

If indeed we share similar thoughts about respecting our fellow humans, the plants and animals we share our word with...then the other things can be taught. You can learn to please me, to pleasure me, and to amuse me. These things I will enjoy teaching you.

_____________________________

Enjoy the Journey,
~Cloudz

"Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain."


(in reply to yourMissTress)
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