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RE: what constitutes sex? - 3/5/2006 6:31:05 AM

JohnWarren

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Vancouver_cinful

quote:

ORIGINAL: wyldchyld2

i've ordered the book.... even paid extra for hurry-up-and-deliver-it-quickly too! LOL

thanks to cin and johnwarren for the recommendation!

So...I go back to check for John's post because I can't believe I didn't notice he posted...and I don't like to miss what he has to say...

Low and behold he says in a few words what took me a half a novel to say...That's why he's the published writer, and I'm the unpublished one. LOL

Glad you ordered the book! Should order The Loving Dominant too. (I'll say it because he won't!)

Cin

[blush] Now you're making me sound like I'm modest.

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Post #: 41

RE: what constitutes sex? - 3/5/2006 7:21:27 AM

MstrssPassion

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quote:

ORIGINAL: windchymes

My theory is that he does not view "making someone cum" as having sex. Some men view that as a technical victory, an accomplishment, as you said he called it, "finishing her off". Since his own penis and orgasm are not involved, to him, it's probably not "sex".

Not saying I agree, just suggesting how his mind might be working.

The is most likely the case.

What makes me go hmmm from the OP is:

quote:

so now, it's been brought to my attention while recently discussing toys in His toybag, that others He scenes with will not use my insertables.....

Were these insertables in their original packaging when they were first introduced to you? At any time I have played with an insertable I have used what they had or what I told them to purchase. If I made the purchase then I left the item with that person. What is the point of lugging around a dildo from one scene to the next if you are only going to use it on one person? (If you have a busy date book, them things can get really heavy

)

quote:

wyldchyld2
so my question isn't about His and my sceneing or trust... this is truly just a curiosity of semantics!

i know i should have been drinking coffee instead of typing!! :) so my question is:

what constitutes sex?

If it is the semantics that are screwing you up before coffee, asking a bunch of folks what they think constitutes sex is only going to make your head spin more... no amount of coffee will help after that.

You really need to ask this man that very question. You two need to be on the same page. You two need to be the one that communicate in a manner that you both fully understand what the other is saying. You say he is patient & understanding with you & recognizes that you are new & learning, then he shouldn't have a problem with taking the time to explain this so that you understand exactly what it means.

< Message edited by MstrssPassion -- 3/5/2006 7:28:29 AM >

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Post #: 42

RE: what constitutes sex? - 3/5/2006 9:01:49 AM

wyldchyld2

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MstrssPassion

quote:

ORIGINAL: windchymes

My theory is that he does not view "making someone cum" as having sex. Some men view that as a technical victory, an accomplishment, as you said he called it, "finishing her off". Since his own penis and orgasm are not involved, to him, it's probably not "sex".

Not saying I agree, just suggesting how his mind might be working.

The is most likely the case.

What makes me go hmmm from the OP is:

quote:

so now, it's been brought to my attention while recently discussing toys in His toybag, that others He scenes with will not use my insertables.....

Were these insertables in their original packaging when they were first introduced to you? At any time I have played with an insertable I have used what they had or what I told them to purchase. If I made the purchase then I left the item with that person. What is the point of lugging around a dildo from one scene to the next if you are only going to use it on one person? (If you have a busy date book, them things can get really heavy )

quote:

wyldchyld2
so my question isn't about His and my sceneing or trust... this is truly just a curiosity of semantics!

i know i should have been drinking coffee instead of typing!! :) so my question is:

what constitutes sex?

If it is the semantics that are screwing you up before coffee, asking a bunch of folks what they think constitutes sex is only going to make your head spin more... no amount of coffee will help after that.

You really need to ask this man that very question. You two need to be on the same page. You two need to be the one that communicate in a manner that you both fully understand what the other is saying. You say he is patient & understanding with you & recognizes that you are new & learning, then he shouldn't have a problem with taking the time to explain this so that you understand exactly what it means.

the insertables were new... W/we purchased them together...

actually asking this question in here has resulted in the very responses i sought in posting such a broad question.... in LIFE when unfamiliar situations/circumstances arise, it's very typical of me to pick others' brains. NOT to sway my opinion or thinking, but rather to help me process my thoughts.....asking and receiving responses provides me perspectives i may not have considered... or ... this may help me clarify and/or solidify my own thoughts... or ... this may help me to readjust my thinking.... or... this may simply be something i find interesting to know.... this query was certainly not made to show me the "right" or "wrong" answer, but to simply read O/other's thoughts...which, as i've stated before, i've found helpful and interesting....

and W/we do continue to talk about everything!..... He wants, i discovered early on, for me to express my self and to share my thoughts, feelings, and reactions with Him....

and in preparation for an effective amount of coffee to allow me to process with minimal head spins, these replies, i've hooked up the trusty ole' coffee IV!! LOL

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Post #: 43

RE: what constitutes sex? - 3/5/2006 9:28:10 AM

MstrssPassion

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I can completely understand what you mean by picking other people's brain & not to change your opinion or form your opinion, but more along the lines of substantiating your own ideas.

It sounds as though you got a great man. I wish the best for you & that your discovery be the best one can experience.

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Post #: 44

RE: what constitutes sex? - 3/5/2006 3:20:40 PM

Vancouver_cinful

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quote:

ORIGINAL: JohnWarren

[blush] Now you're making me sound like I'm modest.

Only when it suits the greater good, I'm sure.

Cin <~ should put away the cheeky grin before she gets in trouble

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Post #: 45

RE: what constitutes sex? - 3/5/2006 7:22:36 PM

bettaknots

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Just to add a statment Into this discussion from the monicas Lewinski incident. (Please excuse any mispellings or grammar errors.) I am no lawyer but here is the statment.
"Every first year law student knows the difference between a falsehood and a lie."
I am not law student and to me there is no real difference they both coer the same commandment. If your not sure of what your agreed upon it is up to you to find out before an incedent happens. Clarification alleviates misunderstandings.

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Post #: 46

RE: what constitutes sex? - 3/5/2006 7:50:41 PM

wyldchyld2

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yep bettaknots... that's sort of what i was thinking! it is MY responsibility as much as possible to learn as much as possible..... and with some of this stuff naivete' has no place! lol

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Post #: 47

RE: what constitutes sex? - 3/5/2006 10:23:27 PM

Alumbrado

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetDommes

Legally in Indiana, sex is any penitration past the outer labia ... doesn't even have to make it into the vagina, doesn't have to be a body part (as translated from the definition of rape in 2001).

Going by a strict legal definition, there also has to be an intent, as well as the physical act.

To draw an extreme example, let's say there is a fire, and in helping a female get out of a window in the burning house, my hand or leg or other body part accidentally gets caught between her legs, and some slight penetration occurs in all of the wrestling of her body to safety.

Has she been raped? Did we have sex?

Well, no, not legally. No mens rea intent.

In the case of the OP, we aren't talking legalistic niceties so much, but we should probably also factor in the intent, and not rely so much on mechanical absolutes like penetration or arousal, etc.

And as others have pointed out, if it is going to make someone feel badly, forget about the semantics, and talk out beforehand in great detail what is and isn't going to cross a line, instead of relying on nebulous definitions like 'no sex'.

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Post #: 48

RE: what constitutes sex? - 3/6/2006 3:16:07 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx

I am not a 'Clintonite'

If it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck and looks like a duck...

you may want to look for some orange sauce to serve it with...

(imnsho)

Yeppppppp..........sounds like sex to me lol..........just because one or even both of the parties involved aren't cumming, does not mean it isn't sex, either......

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Post #: 49

RE: what constitutes sex? - 3/6/2006 3:29:33 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen68

If anyone orgasms...that's sex
If there's penetration by an object or any body part...that's sex

My definitions of course.

What if two people are lying in bed, naked, one has the others cock in their hand, upppp and dowwwwn......then the doorbell goes off......strokus interruptus........that, to me, is still sex.

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Post #: 50

RE: what constitutes sex? - 3/6/2006 5:05:09 AM

wyldchyld2

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quote:

talk out beforehand in great detail what is and isn't going to cross a line, instead of relying on nebulous definitions like 'no sex'.

exactly! and it's all about the details, isn't it??? and i discovered the nebulousness of a definition i had in my head.... LOL and so, the learning continues!

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Post #: 51