RE: Am I jaded?

RE: Am I jaded? (Full Version)

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Lockit -> RE: Am I jaded? (10/11/2009 7:43:00 PM)
I got my background on this person from a govermental site. I have a right to know if a preditor is entering my life. On this we will have to disagree.

blackpearl81 -> RE: Am I jaded? (10/11/2009 7:46:07 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Lockit Well, consider me ignorant because I am not going to try to understand that one by going to youtube and whatever. You can or decide not to explain it to me, in my ignorance.. your choice. I'll consider it for what it's worth... which means little to me at the moment becasue I don't understand what you are saying and flippant answer's won't get me anywhere. I will just have to not understand. Well then... allow me to be blunt: It's absolutely ludicrous that you think you have the right to request a background check just because of a few bad experiences. Jaded or not, that borders on paranoia, like porcelaine stated. Also, just like porcelaine stated, there's no gaurentee that anything will work out in the end, anyway. So here you are exposing your paranoia to someone (with the likely possibility that you'll "scare them off" so to speak), for something that may not amount to anything other than a handful of emails and several phone conversations. I'm a bit confused as to what you mean by "I have something to lose because I carry the vagina".. but meh. W/E. John Wayne Bobbit had more to.... oh wait. He did.. With that said, I guess I should congratulate you for your contribution to society for carrying around said vahjayjay?

blackpearl81 -> RE: Am I jaded? (10/11/2009 7:48:22 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Lockit I got my background on this person from a govermental site. I have a right to know if a preditor is entering my life. On this we will have to disagree. Sorry, but as my brit buddy Danny says: Bollocks. If a child predator was even remotely thinking about moving into your 'hood, you wouldn't need a background check. His name, DOB, address, crimes, etc would be plastered over every telephone pole, bulletin board, supermarket window, gas station, and car windshield in a 50 mile radius.

Lockit -> RE: Am I jaded? (10/11/2009 7:49:54 PM)
I disagree. When a man who has been in my life a short time starts stalking behavior, following me around saying he loves me, we are fated and damn the other women who rejected him because they should have accepted his love simply because he loved them... then I reserve the right to know what I am dealing with... from being on a site like CM and meeting all kinds of people... some great, some not so great. That incident changed me slightly in determining that if I am redflagged, I will see what is going on. I did one background and one reverse phone call to find out if what he was saying was true... I don't call that paranoid.

Lockit -> RE: Am I jaded? (10/11/2009 7:52:34 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: blackpearl81 quote: ORIGINAL: Lockit I got my background on this person from a govermental site. I have a right to know if a preditor is entering my life. On this we will have to disagree. Sorry, but as my brit buddy Danny says: Bollocks. If a child predator was even remotely thinking about moving into your 'hood, you wouldn't need a background check. His name, DOB, address, crimes, etc would be plastered over every telephone pole, bulletin board, supermarket window, gas station, and car windshield in a 50 mile radius. That isn't always the case. I have one right across the street from me and no one knew until recently. He has been here for over a year. I even had one email me and admitted to being a peditor which I give him credit for, but not around my young'ins.

blackpearl81 -> RE: Am I jaded? (10/11/2009 7:55:23 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Lockit I disagree. When a man who has been in my life a short time starts stalking behavior, following me around saying he loves me, we are fated and damn the other women who rejected him because they should have accepted his love simply because he loved them... then I reserve the right to know what I am dealing with... from being on a site like CM and meeting all kinds of people... some great, some not so great. That incident changed me slightly in determining that if I am redflagged, I will see what is going on. I did one background and one reverse phone call to find out if what he was saying was true... I don't call that paranoid. I disagree. It's the internet. It's retardedly easy to close an email account, open up a new one, close an old profile, create a new one. It's like GEICO: So easy, even a caveman can do it. Just because you refuse to do that, does not give you the right to pry into another persons background. Oh yeah, and just to clarify: He started his stalker-ish behavior first, THEN you decided to BG check him?

Lockit -> RE: Am I jaded? (10/11/2009 7:56:37 PM)
Yes...he started the stalking and crazy behavior and then I checked him out. Not before that.

blackpearl81 -> RE: Am I jaded? (10/11/2009 8:04:55 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Lockit Yes...he started the stalking and crazy behavior and then I checked him out. Not before that. Thought so, which just proved my point. You had no right to take it to an extreme like that. You already saw his behavior firsthand. The smart thing to do would have been to cut bait, delete w/e email address you used to sign up for whatever site he was stalking you on, delete your profile, and create a new one. But no. You decided to take it a step further by doing the BG check after the fact - an unneccesary step in this case, because you already saw his behavior - so you're going to tell me you're 100% in the right? Sorr This is why I think BG checks should ONLY be accessible by law enforcement, gov't agencies, and businesses. NOT to the general public. I'm surprised that someone can't be sued for performing an unncessary BG check. Maybe than can. Off to google I go.

Lockit -> RE: Am I jaded? (10/11/2009 8:09:07 PM)
Bullshit... I don't believe I should have to delete my profile because of some ass hole with a criminal history. I do have a right to check someone out when they have been showing unlawful behavior and the government provides this service depending on what state you are in. So take your beef on the availability of that to them. I will live my life the way I deem proper. That's just the way of it and I really don't care if you approve or not.

porcelaine -> RE: Am I jaded? (10/11/2009 8:09:47 PM)
there's an old saying. when something hurts, stop doing things to incite the pain. if conversing in this manner is going to lead to measures such as these being undertaken, the remedy is easy. meeting people through other avenues that would allow one to get acquainted face to face could alleviate a lot. even then it is still a numbers game and nothing is ever fail safe. predators are not always convicted felons either. parents are faced with tough decisions in the dating market, particularly when it comes to inviting outsiders into their lives and the lives of their children. we each must determine what we're comfortable living with. while i can sympathize with the situation and such and the experiences you've had thus far, they have nothing to do with the new people conversing with you. the past doesn't always repeat itself, and in the best and worst of circumstances culpability on both sides always exists. we seek to learn in our experiences what we could have done differently to secure a better outcome. it is merely a hypothesis founded on hindsight but at the very least it is something to go on next time. while i haven't stood where you're standing, i have been on the receiving end of another person's attachment to the past. it is a horrible feeling to be scrutinized for crimes you've never committed. even more so when your interest in the other party is sincere and honest. no one wishes to be judged or made to feel as if they are guilty before proving their innocence. justification does not change the effect the magnifying glass will have. it has to be very difficult living in this manner. the tower erected for protection has an uncanny way of becoming ones jail. porcelaine

blackpearl81 -> RE: Am I jaded? (10/11/2009 8:18:06 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Lockit Bullshit... I don't believe I should have to delete my profile because of some ass hole with a criminal history. I do have a right to check someone out when they have been showing unlawful behavior and the government provides this service depending on what state you are in. So take your beef on the availability of that to them. I will live my life the way I deem proper. That's just the way of it and I really don't care if you approve or not. "I dont believe I should have to delete my profile because of some asshole with a criminal history....." Well... you're either part of the solution, or part of the problem. Given your refusal to do something ridiculously easy, like create a new profile/email, it's pretty well defined what part of the line you fall on. You don't care? Congrats. Yup. You have the right to run the BG check.....and this guy has the right to sue you for "false light".

Lockit -> RE: Am I jaded? (10/11/2009 8:21:39 PM)
I do not live as a victim. I am not in the wrong to have a profile and keep it becasue some idiot decides to behave badly. I believe you face the problem head on and you stand your ground or the bad guy gains the victory. There is a time to stand and a time to run. It was not a time I was willing to run. There is no defaming of charactor when it is a legal and governmental site that provides this information as public information. So I utilized it.... fuck me silly.

blackpearl81 -> RE: Am I jaded? (10/11/2009 8:26:01 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Lockit I do not live as a victim. I am not in the wrong to have a profile and keep it becasue some idiot decides to behave badly. I believe you face the problem head on and you stand your ground or the bad guy gains the victory. There is a time to stand and a time to run. It was not a time I was willing to run. There is no defaming of charactor when it is a legal and governmental site that provides this information as public information. So I utilized it.... fuck me silly. False light ≠ defamation Nice try though.

Lockit -> RE: Am I jaded? (10/11/2009 8:29:59 PM)
LOL.. how is what I said false light? I did not defame the man.. I checked his background out when he was acting unlawfully to see what I might be dealing with. It was a legal site, a governmental site that stated he was these things and I read it. Big f'in deal. lol

DrkJourney -> RE: Am I jaded? (10/11/2009 8:35:09 PM)
Forgive me if I'm misunderstanding this conversation. But by background check does that mean you are only checking their criminal history? I don't see the harm in that, employers do it all the time. Now if she was hiring a private detective to find out personal info, then I might have a problem. And she did wait until he started acting in a strange way. To me seems like she was giving him a chance. Checking to see if this was criminal behavior or just him going through a bad time in his life. Which I think is kind of nice to give him some consideration....because I would've given him any consideration...I am indeed jaded and I would've just told him thanks but no thanks, would've have given him a chance at all. You check to see if someone has a criminal history, if the answer is no, no big deal, if they do, then she should know. It's just a tool for protection. I have nothing to hide, so wouldn't bother me, and if I did have a criminal history it would be the first thing I'd tell them, before things progressed because they have a right to make the decision of who they want in their lives. Seems like more and more the criminals get all the consideration and justice, and it's the innocent people of society that have to make all the allowances and changes. From changing profiles to putting bars and alarms on your home....we are more in prison than they are. oh well, maybe I"m getting this all wrong...just my opinion any way

blackpearl81 -> RE: Am I jaded? (10/11/2009 8:37:40 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Lockit LOL.. how is what I said false light? I did not defame the man.. I checked his background out when he was acting unlawfully to see what I might be dealing with. It was a legal site, a governmental site that stated he was these things and I read it. Big f'in deal. lol Lets see... how is what you said "false light"? Hows this: You publicly said that he was accused of "....Stalking of numerous women, domestic abuse, alcohol problems, etc.. " That right there could cause harm to his mental/emotional well being, (due to you revealing that you found this info from said BG check) which is EXACTLY what "false light" breach of privacy protects. This is EXACTLY why I'm against some random fuckstick running a BG check on me. I don't have to worry about a prospective employer (be it gov't, law enforcement, or Wal-Mart) plastering whatever info that's found in my BG check on a public forum, unlike some people I know. Not only that, but the guy you're talking about, could find that your statements are "highly offensive" which, again, is something "false light" breach of privacy protects. So, to recap: I said he could possibly sue you for "false light" breach of privacy. You brought up defamation. The two are different. "False light" refers to harm done to a persons emotional/mental well being. "defamation" refers to harm done to a person reputation.

Lockit -> RE: Am I jaded? (10/11/2009 8:42:29 PM)
LOL... I did not mention a name and you do not know who he is. He could be one of many hundreds that have emailed me and have been on this site. I only repeated here what the government approved of in releasing that information to the public. I told the man that I had checked him out and he left me alone after that. I really don't think I care much about what he thinks of that... but he is more than free to sue me. lol I think I am about done with this arguement. We will have to disagree.

DrkJourney -> RE: Am I jaded? (10/11/2009 8:43:27 PM)
Guess that all could be true, except for the fact that she didn't mention his name. She could be talking about anyone....I know I don't know who he is by anything she said. edited to add: oops, guess we were typing at the same time..lol

Lockit -> RE: Am I jaded? (10/11/2009 8:46:12 PM)
Well besides that... it isn't defaming anyone if it is true and public information for anyone who looks into public information.

blackpearl81 -> RE: Am I jaded? (10/11/2009 8:49:32 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DrkJourney Guess that all could be true, except for the fact that she didn't mention his name. She could be talking about anyone....I know I don't know who he is by anything she said. edited to add: oops, guess we were typing at the same time..lol Thats all well and good. But if that guy came here and saw her post about what she found in his BG check, he could very well sue for false light. From what I can see, she already filled 3 requirements for a false light lawsuit 1. She made a publication - a forum post. 3. It could be seen as placing him in an unfavorable light 4. could it be found highly offensive - possibly, if the guy took offense to what she posted. Only thing thats missing is malice. Personally, I don't care. She's already shown her self to be a whack job. Posting info that was disclosed to her via a background check? You can NOT tell me someone can't sue for that.

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