Kink aware psychologist/psychiatrist for couple in NYC area

Kink aware psychologist/psychiatrist for couple in NYC area (Full Version)

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RUaPhdStudent -> Kink aware psychologist/psychiatrist for couple in NYC area (10/11/2009 12:06:25 PM)
any recommendations for: psychologist, psychiatrist, or mental health professional who is kink aware in the nyc area? issue thread: http://www.collarchat.com/m_2845284/mpage_1/key_/tm.htm#2845428

mnottertail -> RE: Kink aware psychologist/psychiatrist for couple in NYC area (10/11/2009 1:02:52 PM)
go look at the KAP site. Kink Aware Professionals.

DesFIP -> RE: Kink aware psychologist/psychiatrist for couple in NYC area (10/14/2009 5:59:34 AM)
She needs a sexual abuse professional. That's the issue at hand. And you're denying it, ignoring it with the same effect ignoring the presence of an elephant in the living room results in - a load of shit to deal with.

samboct -> RE: Kink aware psychologist/psychiatrist for couple in NYC area (10/14/2009 6:36:53 AM)
Couples therapy rarely works. And I'd take a good therapist over a kink aware therapist- it's irrelevant. Suggestion- if she was making progress with her existing shrink- why does she need anybody else? Sounds like you need a decent shrink as well, but that's independent of your wife's needs. Sam

RUaPhdStudent -> RE: Kink aware psychologist/psychiatrist for couple in NYC area (10/14/2009 6:57:26 AM)
She needs a new "shrink" because her old therapist no longer practices. We were looking for someone who specializes in all of depression, in-relationship manipulation, sexual abuse, and general relationship health issues. Neither me nor my s/o wanted see more than one therapist. We have now find someone, a Board Certified Doctor of Psychology. This someone meets all of our above requirements, and further works in a group that accepts our insurance and has a hypnotist specialist on staff. "Couples therapy rarely works. And I'd take a good therapist over a kink aware therapist- it's irrelevant." This is very blatantly wrong; these things matter very much. We've done therapy together once before and had a horrible experience. The psychiatrist visibly got angry at me when discussing issues of our sex life, and after further details threatened to have my s/o committed if she doesn't stop being submissive during sexual encounters (even if they were, in my s/o's words, extremely positive sexual encounters...which was the vast majority). Even ignoring our sex lives entirely, couples therapy is necessary to allow me to better internally handle my s/o's depression and, in the long term, better help her in recovering from it. Same goes for her abuse.

lovingpet -> RE: Kink aware psychologist/psychiatrist for couple in NYC area (10/14/2009 1:55:22 PM)
I have to agree that a professional being kink aware is very important. I wouldn't want the focus of my treatment to wind up being trying to deprogram that which I do not find wrong. As a matter of fact, it might well end in a malpractice case if someone tried to overstep their bounds. It is unfortunate that mental health professionals often can't manage to be just that....professionals. As for the rest, it is going to be a long search. If I may suggest, there are more kink aware professionals than post on the KAP site. If you have connections in your local bdsm community, you will more than likely unearth several such professionals. It is not uncommon at all for them to remain low key for the purpose of remaining reputable in the eyes of the general public. Ask around a little and see what you can find out. Some will also help via other means to fill a gap if they are not local. Phone and IM sessions are some options, though not a permanent fix. How much crisis is she in at this point? Can you afford the time to look and be choosey? If not, then start with just getting her some help while you continue the search for the right professional. Go with the pragmatic now and work on finding someone more ideal. I wish you all the best! I know these things are not easy. lovingpet

WolvenFury -> RE: Kink aware psychologist/psychiatrist for couple in NYC area (10/20/2009 10:02:21 PM)
I know that this is about five days after the last post, but I wanted to comment that it is VERY important to find a psychological/psychiatric professional who is at the very least aware of and somewhat open to the idea of the BDSM community. It is a fundamental impairment against the efficacy of therapy if you are not completely open and honest with your professional, and especially with therapy you will only get true benefit from professional help if it goes both ways: you must find someone you trust and can be open with 100% of the time, and in turn you must be receptive to that professional's input even if it goes against your own personal feelings on the subject IF IT IS A PROFESSIONAL WHO YOU TRUST WHO IS RENDERING YOUR CARE IN YOUR BEST INTERESTS. I cannot possibly emphasize the importance of finding a professional who you can trust who will act in the interest of resolving your issues while avoiding their own personal bias as much as humanly possible.

DavanKael -> RE: Kink aware psychologist/psychiatrist for couple in NYC area (10/21/2009 3:06:12 PM)
In all likelihood, you will need a different counselor for yours and her individual work and the couples therapy. Davan

samboct -> RE: Kink aware psychologist/psychiatrist for couple in NYC area (10/21/2009 3:24:01 PM)
I agree with Wolvenfury- a good therapist does not let his/her biases enter. Its where the phrase "non-judgmental" entered the lexicon as a positive trait. For most of us, we pride ourselves on our good judgment. My concern is that a "kink aware" therapist has a different set of biases than kink unfriendly, but does not possess what is called "a neutral analytic stance." If a kink aware therapist is as neutral as anybody else- fine, but I'd be concerned if that was a selling point. If a shrink has a problem with kink-that's a lousy shrink. Unfortunately, given the parlous state of mental health today, there are probably more lousy shrinks than good ones. The best trained shrinks are analysts- and most of them are not young. ""Couples therapy rarely works. And I'd take a good therapist over a kink aware therapist- it's irrelevant." This is very blatantly wrong; these things matter very much. We've done therapy together once before and had a horrible experience. The psychiatrist visibly got angry at me when discussing issues of our sex life, and after further details threatened to have my s/o committed if she doesn't stop being submissive during sexual encounters (even if they were, in my s/o's words, extremely positive sexual encounters...which was the vast majority)." Seems to me that we agree here. A shrink should not get angry with a patient- that's not a neutral stance. And I'm not sure why people view mental health treatment differently than any other health treatment. If you're wife is diagnosed with cancer, do you need to be in the examining room with her? Yes, you're supposed to be supportive, but there's a difference between being supportive and allowing your own concerns to intrude on her therapy. Hence my comment that couples therapy rarely works. You each have your own issues to work on- where's the synergy? Sam

RUaPhdStudent -> RE: Kink aware psychologist/psychiatrist for couple in NYC area (10/21/2009 7:57:38 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DavanKael In all likelihood, you will need a different counselor for yours and her individual work and the couples therapy. Davan Thats the plan, hence going to a support group rather than an individual therapist.

DavanKael -> RE: Kink aware psychologist/psychiatrist for couple in NYC area (10/21/2009 8:14:28 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RUaPhdStudent quote: ORIGINAL: DavanKael In all likelihood, you will need a different counselor for yours and her individual work and the couples therapy. Davan Thats the plan, hence going to a support group rather than an individual therapist. Support groups are most often run by volunteers who are para-professionals or lay-people and even if run by a professional, they're an adjunct. You need real therapy based on the limited information given with possibly a support group. Davan

RUaPhdStudent -> RE: Kink aware psychologist/psychiatrist for couple in NYC area (10/22/2009 12:55:29 PM)
This is our last response in this thread. We're going to a mental health professionals group; as in a group of mental health professionals operating under one roof. This is what we meant by "support group."

DavanKael -> RE: Kink aware psychologist/psychiatrist for couple in NYC area (10/22/2009 4:35:16 PM)
You used the term erroneously. I hope that your wife is not further impeded by your need to be right. Davan

RUaPhdStudent -> RE: Kink aware psychologist/psychiatrist for couple in NYC area (10/23/2009 10:36:35 PM)
For the record, the post you responded to was made by the wife. We hope your future endeavors are not impeded by your need to nitpick! Sincerely, the wife.

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