"Schrodinger’s Rapist" and meeting people online (Full Version)

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flowerchicknz -> "Schrodinger’s Rapist" and meeting people online (10/17/2009 3:13:58 AM)

This is dedicated to all the people (of both sexes) who send non stop emails to others and wonder why they don't get a response.

I hope they get some insight, into how things look on the other side of the screen.

http://kateharding.net/2009/10/08/guest-blogger-starling-schrodinger�s-rapist-or-a-guy�s-guide-to-approaching-strange-women-without-being-maced/

(Sorry if it's in the wrong group, but even though there are no CM'rs who need to read this, they may know some non CM'rs that do ) [:D]



LaTigresse -> RE: "Schrodinger’s Rapist" and meeting people online (10/17/2009 3:44:51 AM)

It is a touching and melodramatic piece but I fail to see what it has to do with BDSM



DesFIP -> RE: "Schrodinger’s Rapist" and meeting people online (10/17/2009 3:47:24 AM)

I'm not sure why you think no one here needs to get this through their heads. Considering the discussions of safety calls etc for a coffee date, it is useful.

She was very clear on if you send signals that indicate you don't accept a no, you will be viewed as threatening. Very well written.



bliss4us09 -> RE: "Schrodinger’s Rapist" and meeting people online (10/17/2009 5:43:02 AM)

Well worth reading. Thanks for sharing it.



MidMichCowboy -> RE: "Schrodinger’s Rapist" and meeting people online (10/17/2009 7:10:31 AM)

It has a lot to do with this "community". I've had guys who thought a lady should submit just because he wrote her an email telling her what a great dominant he was and how worthless she was. That is not arrogant, that is stupid.

I've had women tell me than no one else would be a better sub for me than them because of .......
That is also foolish.

Relationships need to be built on a combination of things. Attraction .. physical, intellectual and sexual (just for starters).
That determines if a relationship has a chance to grow.

If pieces of this are missing on either part, then walk away with some dignity instead of making a fool of yourself.

We are dealing with lives here, not some fantasy from a story book or dream you had last night.

As much as it might amaze you, not everyone thinks you are the end all. Be real and be human. It will work so much better.



AnimusRex -> RE: "Schrodinger’s Rapist" and meeting people online (10/17/2009 8:50:52 AM)

For any guy who wants some insight into what it looks like from the other side of the gender fence, make a female submissive profile, and then read your emails for one week.

When I see what floods Kim's account, I get a new appreciation for the crap they put up with.



Falkenstein -> RE: "Schrodinger’s Rapist" and meeting people online (10/17/2009 9:04:32 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: AnimusRex

For any guy who wants some insight into what it looks like from the other side of the gender fence, make a female submissive profile, and then read your emails for one week.

When I see what floods Kim's account, I get a new appreciation for the crap they put up with.




I have access to such an account, and I concur. Sometimes I wonder why there is still some non-lesbian submissive left.



DemonKia -> RE: "Schrodinger’s Rapist" and meeting people online (10/17/2009 1:35:17 PM)

FR, after read thru

lol . . . . . Good job, guys . .. .



Yeah, I liked that article, I thought it does an effective job of conveying the cultural gulf that can exist between some men & some women around the issue of personal safety . . . . . .

Thanks for posting it . .... .



flowerchicknz -> RE: "Schrodinger’s Rapist" and meeting people online (10/17/2009 2:40:41 PM)

quote:

the cultural gulf that can exist between some men & some women around the issue of personal safety . . . . . .


It's not just guys Kia, some women give off the Misery with a knife vibe too. Don't forget guys are rapeable too, by either sex. Bondage makes whoever's the Top unstoppable. And some tops have issues.

But you're right about "some". "Most" bad perverts are more stupid than malicious. I also know some absolute gem's of guys who I know have got my back, but all it takes is one creep and you stop feeling sexy. [:D]



DemonKia -> RE: "Schrodinger’s Rapist" and meeting people online (10/17/2009 3:25:56 PM)

Thus, the deliberate use of 'some' in my post. There's plenty of guys who've had plenty of personal experience with the unwanted attentions of the creepy . .. . . Those guys tend to 'get' what chicks are talking about when discussing personal safety . . . . . & yes, there are clueless chicks who don't understand this stuff or otherwise choose to be obtuse to other peoples' experience of personal safety . . . .. & there are predatory females, tho' they're overwhelmingly likely to prey on those close to them & to the more helpless (killing nurses, moms who prey on their children & / or hubby, that kinda thing) . . . . . .



GreedyTop -> RE: "Schrodinger’s Rapist" and meeting people online (10/17/2009 5:13:26 PM)

awesome article, thanks...



slaveluci -> RE: "Schrodinger’s Rapist" and meeting people online (10/17/2009 6:03:53 PM)

She makes some great points. Many of them were made years ago by Gavin deBecker in his book "The Gift of Fear." If you liked this article, you'll probably love his book. I recommend it to many folks and have read it several times myself. Give it a look............luci



CaringandReal -> RE: "Schrodinger’s Rapist" and meeting people online (10/17/2009 7:39:09 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: AnimusRex

For any guy who wants some insight into what it looks like from the other side of the gender fence, make a female submissive profile, and then read your emails for one week.

When I see what floods Kim's account, I get a new appreciation for the crap they put up with.



Yep. I strongly recommend this too. Try it out, Gentlemen, especially if you're one of those who do not understand the majority of submissive female responses to you.

I think women should try out men's profiles too, for that matter. Men face a different set of challenges on a site like this, and they are real challenges. Maybe experiencing someone of them will encourage women to be a little less dismissive and a little more compassionate when some guy comes in here out of the blue to bitch about it all.

That article expressed it perfectly. The sense of being in a battle zone and having to be constantly alert for danger is exaccerbated, of course, if you've been raped or assaulted before, which, as the article said, might be as high as one in six women you email on this site.



variation30 -> RE: "Schrodinger’s Rapist" and meeting people online (10/18/2009 11:56:36 AM)

"Do you think I’m overreacting? One in every six American women will be sexually assaulted in her lifetime. I bet you don’t think you know any rapists, but consider the sheer number of rapes that must occur. These rapes are not all committed by Phillip Garrido, Brian David Mitchell, or other members of the Brotherhood of Scary Hair and Homemade Religion. While you may assume that none of the men you know are rapists, I can assure you that at least one is. Consider: if every rapist commits an average of ten rapes (a horrifying number, isn’t it?) then the concentration of rapists in the population is still a little over one in sixty. That means four in my graduating class in high school. One among my coworkers. One in the subway car at rush hour. Eleven who work out at my gym."

that's some really fuzzy math.



subtee -> RE: "Schrodinger’s Rapist" and meeting people online (10/18/2009 8:17:47 PM)

Where are you now?



einstien5201 -> RE: "Schrodinger’s Rapist" and meeting people online (10/18/2009 10:07:38 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: variation30

"Do you think I’m overreacting? One in every six American women will be sexually assaulted in her lifetime. I bet you don’t think you know any rapists, but consider the sheer number of rapes that must occur. These rapes are not all committed by Phillip Garrido, Brian David Mitchell, or other members of the Brotherhood of Scary Hair and Homemade Religion. While you may assume that none of the men you know are rapists, I can assure you that at least one is. Consider: if every rapist commits an average of ten rapes (a horrifying number, isn’t it?) then the concentration of rapists in the population is still a little over one in sixty. That means four in my graduating class in high school. One among my coworkers. One in the subway car at rush hour. Eleven who work out at my gym."

that's some really fuzzy math.



Well, if we assume that only women get raped (not true, I know, but I'm lacking in figures for the ratio of men who are sexually assaulted) and that all the rapists are men (also not true, I know), and that men and women each make up 50% of the population (also not true, but not too far off on this one), and that each man rapes ten different women and that no woman is targeted by two different rapists, then the actual concentration of people who have in the past or will in the future commit a rape will be one for every sixty men or one in every one-hundred and twenty people. The final figure here is the same if we throw out the last two assumptions, I suppose, but it made getting to it much simpler. If his initial data is correct, then she's only off by a factor of 2. This is more likely him forgetting to divide by two when going from "women" to "people" (if one in six women is raped, then one in twelve people are) then any sort of fuzzy math. Again, this does not include rapes of men.

Personally, I think it's likely that the average rapist commits well over ten sexual assaults (and I'd like to see what's included in his figures for "sexual assaults") in his/her lifetime.



Ialdabaoth -> RE: "Schrodinger’s Rapist" and meeting people online (10/18/2009 10:26:34 PM)

You know, life would be a lot easier for women if men would just remember that they are not "owed" respect, compassion, or love - from anyone. Nor are we "owed" an opportunity to earn these things, any more than we are "owed" food, or water, or shelter, the opportunity to work for them. If someone wants to be nice, awesome - if not, fuck off and die already.



EmeraldGuardian -> RE: "Schrodinger’s Rapist" and meeting people online (1/17/2010 11:58:42 AM)

I appreciate hearing from the woman's perspective. Especially in forums like this one. It's something I'm aware of as the father of three daughters (all grown up now- so the teenage stuff is past, but I still worry).

On average (I said AVERAGE) males possess an inherent physical advantage over women in realms of violence, and this mindset the OP describes is pertinent.

I think the following is an interesting dynamic:
When I was an undergrad, in a statistics seminar, the instructor organized a series of desks to make a narrow corridor. He then asked a male and female student to walk through it from opposite ends and pass each other. When the passed each other, the male turned into the female, and the female turned away from him. This happened simultaneously. To me, it demonstrated some inherent variations in how people approach, and I've seen it happen many times after wards.

They don't call it the battle of the sexes for nothing. But yet, as we connect with another, what's the battle for? Acceptance, care, concern, and about a zillion other 'things'. And I think the only way the battle's won is when both parties win.



Jeffff -> RE: "Schrodinger’s Rapist" and meeting people online (1/17/2010 12:01:58 PM)

nm



popeye1250 -> RE: "Schrodinger’s Rapist" and meeting people online (1/17/2010 12:30:04 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: AnimusRex

For any guy who wants some insight into what it looks like from the other side of the gender fence, make a female submissive profile, and then read your emails for one week.

When I see what floods Kim's account, I get a new appreciation for the crap they put up with.



Jeeze Rex, don't encourage them!
There's too many guys who do that now on this site.



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