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"Pussy Whipped" - 10/20/2009 3:49:45 PM

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There's a dynamic that is the butt of jokes I'm sure most have heard of - when the man in the relationship is "pussy whipped." If you are in a femdom relationship, do either of you feel this label could be applied to you - in humor or in seriousness - either by you or by outsiders looking in?

We are friends with a couple where the guy is always told he's pussywhipped, because he always has to do what she says and she's definitely more domineering with her opinions, and what they should do or not do, what movie to see, when he can go out with his friends, whatever. If he gets a phone call and he's out with the guys, and he has to go home because she's having a bad day or whatever, he gets crap for that. He doesn't really care and he admits it - and clearly, she is running the show. The kink in their dynamic? I would say there's zero chance of that, they are as vanilla as can be. I just know he gets no sex unless she is in the mood, but she probably expects/wants him to still initiate, as that's the traditional way.

If you contrast that with my relationship, where I am clearly in charge, this is a femdom dynamic, and my man really does have to do as I say -- no one, I can guarantee, has ever jokingly thought to label him as pussy whipped. I think that comes more from the way I treat him in public, and how he doesn't openly posture as following me around like a lost dog or waiting for instruction. He's more of the "think ahead" type. To some, even, it would appear he is *in control*. Whether he's carrying the bags, making the travel arrangements, helping me pick out an outfit, or running errands for me - it just appears as more efficiency. I guess, when I think about it, the reason no one would label him as "pussy whipped" is they don't see me ordering, nagging, or interfering.

Sometimes I do think some women who "pussy whip" their men (in vanilla relationships) do so, purposefully, in a semi public way. They could have that level of control, surely, without having the guy's friends all know about it. She must just get a kick out of that?

Whose pussy whipped, do you want to be, and ladies, do you want to be the pussy whipper?

Akasha

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RE: "Pussy Whipped" - 10/20/2009 3:59:21 PM

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In such a relationship I would much rather be looked upon as " thinking ahead", efficient, and punctual. Being good at what you do..serving...living...working is rewarding to all. No one who has pride in himself/herself wants to be looked upon as a pure whimp who does no creative thinking. We all want to be successful in whatever life experiences we follow

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: "Pussy Whipped" - 10/20/2009 5:06:16 PM

aidan

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It's pretty clear when Mistress and I are out in public that She leads and I follow. I carry stuff for Her, fetch Her things, and the small acts of affection that I do are very deferring and demure. When She wants to talk to me, meet Her someplace or what have you, I drop what I'm doing and get to Her.

I don't know if anybody thinks I'm pussy-whipped, and frankly I don't care if they do or if they think it's a terrible thing. I'm happy as hell. And I get lots of sex. So...*shrugs*

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RE: "Pussy Whipped" - 10/20/2009 6:43:05 PM

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From: Pyroaquatica
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Please direct me to the vagina that can break the sound barrier. Thank you.

Yes, I enjoy being pussy whipped. Frankly I do not give a damn about what others think. Friends know who I am.

Infact, they respect me for it. It takes a very special, intelligent woman to do such things and to command it from me.

^_^

_____________________________

You are what your deep, driving desire is.
As your desire is, so is your will.
As your will is, so is your deed.
As your deed is, so is your destiny.
-Brihadaranyaka Upanishad IV.4.5

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: "Pussy Whipped" - 10/20/2009 6:48:30 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: aidan

It's pretty clear when Mistress and I are out in public that She leads and I follow. I carry stuff for Her, fetch Her things, and the small acts of affection that I do are very deferring and demure. When She wants to talk to me, meet Her someplace or what have you, I drop what I'm doing and get to Her.

I don't know if anybody thinks I'm pussy-whipped, and frankly I don't care if they do or if they think it's a terrible thing. I'm happy as hell. And I get lots of sex. So...*shrugs*

Aidan,

What struck me here was how well the above sketched out the bones of the much coveted female-led relationship. Tomes of questions, rants and commentary from legions of the clueless have been unfurled over this subject, and yet, here you are, painting a picture that isn't hard to grasp much at all, just shy of one hundred words. It's refreshing to see a good example articulated concisely amid the usual whining and disaster stories. It's good to see examples that somewhere out there, female-led relationships actually work, and happily so.

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RE: "Pussy Whipped" - 10/20/2009 8:47:32 PM

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Pyro, there's a brand of floggers (and probably other whips) called "Pussy Whips." When my submissive and I were together, he was very deferential toward me publicly, and in our home when our friends were around. As far as I know, he wasn't teased by anyone that way, and he was proud rather than cringing over it.

(in reply to MarcEsadrian)

RE: "Pussy Whipped" - 10/21/2009 3:13:57 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

There's a dynamic that is the butt of jokes I'm sure most have heard of - when the man in the relationship is "pussy whipped." If you are in a femdom relationship, do either of you feel this label could be applied to you - in humor or in seriousness - either by you or by outsiders looking in?

In the UK we tend to call it 'hen pecked' or 'tied to her apron strings'

quote:

Sometimes I do think some women who "pussy whip" their men (in vanilla relationships) do so, purposefully, in a semi public way. They could have that level of control, surely, without having the guy's friends all know about it. She must just get a kick out of that?

I think its more likely they do it because they have lost respect for their partner. I pussy whipped my ex husband but I didn't enjoy a moment of it. I did it simply because I saw him as the weakest link.

quote:

ladies, do you want to be the pussy whipper?

Absolutely not. I have got the t-shirt and have to say those were the most discontented years of my life.
Like you I want my man to show strength, confidence, have a mind of his own regardless if he is submissive or not.

Akasha

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(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: "Pussy Whipped" - 10/21/2009 3:47:45 AM

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I have noticed in most relationships that on some level the woman is the one in charge, regardless if people want to recognize it or not. I have watched for years as my "1950's" style mother has run my parents household under the guise of being the little southern woman who stays at home being the homemaker. On the outside it appeared that dad made all the decisions but behind closed doors a hell of a lot of arguing went on and mom always got her way whether it was good for the family or not.

Now as for my relationship, they can call it "pussy whipped" or whatever they want too but the thing is this is MY relationship and I am going to run it the way that I want to and if people got an issue with it that is their problem.

Sometimes in relationships it is better if the woman is in charge, if she is intelligent, good with money and most of all a leader, then let her lead. I do not know why society has such an issue with this. It is probably because women have been and are painted as dumb, cunts on legs who need a man to lead them around. I find this almost comical considering most women have been running and leading households since the beginning of time. But who can explain why society believes what it does?

I'm happy in my female led relationship and I intend to keep it that way.

~Lashra

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: "Pussy Whipped" - 10/21/2009 6:04:03 AM

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Hmmm.... Oddly enough, I've always been 'head of household'. Everyone knows it. My husband is like a really big kid who needs direction and guidance. But he is neither my sub nor pussy whipped. He does things for me because he loves me and I say "Please" and "Thank you". It's more like a good old fashioned Southern Gentleman type thing. A man is expected to do things for his lady.

Pretty much the same thing with my boys when we are in public or not scening. I ask them, "Would you get me another drink, please?" They get thanked and rewarded with a kiss upon return. There is no overt ordering them around. They simply know that they are expected to do as they are asked. In fact, when West used to visit, he was treated as a guest in my home and I waited on him more often than not. It's more of an etique issue than a D/S thing.

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It is by the beans of Java that thoughts acquire speed,
the hands acquire shakes, the shakes become a warning,
It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.

(in reply to Lashra)

RE: "Pussy Whipped" - 10/21/2009 6:27:50 AM

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Op:

I think pussy whipped means they are unwilling or trapped in a shitty situation..

Where as in my relationship building and those such as aidans and his LADY it is a willing..loving thing that the pussy(woman )leads and rules.

Interactions are based on a dynamic agreed to by both..and based on respect and trust..not abuse and manipulation
Pussy whipped men do as they are told due to threat..low esteem etc..
PUSSY POWERED relationship men do as they are told because they LOVE the LADY and live in the secure knowledge they are cared for and and loved and well and that her leadership and authority will be wielded for the highest good.

GM

< Message edited by GYPSYMAMBO -- 10/21/2009 6:31:47 AM >

(in reply to MsStarlett)

RE: "Pussy Whipped" - 10/21/2009 6:44:23 AM

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I think pussy whipped is something that is done by women who have self confidence issue..they need constant reassurance that they are loved that they are number one and they nag.. I also think that these actions alot of times weaken the bonds of respect btwn partners.. I do not think that can be said for female lead realtionships.. there is a deep well of respect btwn the one being served and the one in service. He is aware of the expectations that she has for him thusly he goes about his business of caring for his Mistress and no one need ever know that he is owned and loving it.

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RE: "Pussy Whipped" - 10/21/2009 8:39:36 AM

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The funny thing is that not so long ago I would have (and did) laugh at guys like that. I even told one of my friends not to be such a sap in allowing his wife to lead him around. Nowadays I'm a male sub, so that's karma for you.

Although being a male sub is a little different in my mind. It's a conscious decision to take all your strength and masculinity and laying it down at the feet of a beautiful woman. I think if I was in a D/s relationship with that my friends thought was vanilla one, and they were commenting on it, I'd just be honest about my feelings rather than furtive. I'd probably tell them that we have an old-fashioned relationship where the man puts the woman on a pedestal, protects her and does things for her.

They'd probably think I was weird, but less so than if I told them I wore her dog-collar.

(in reply to Sylverdawn)

RE: "Pussy Whipped" - 10/21/2009 9:00:25 AM

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I used to bartend and you get the good ol boys jeering when a spouse would call and the word pussy whipped was tossed out even when it wasn't what was happening. But the same one's tossing the word out would sure change their tune if it were their spouse! lol

Then there were groups of people where the men would gather for one thing or another and when a wife called... the husband would quickly exit and not one word was said but 'see ya' because they were mature and knew how important spouse and family were. One doesn't have to be pussy whipped to value family life and keeping a good relationship going and men don't have to view it as such.

When I see a woman doing what I would call pussy whipping, I can have no respect for it because it comes from a selfish, dark, unthinking place and can cause harm at some point. The man allows it for whatever reason and the woman continues and eventually you have a very unhappy man going through the motions. I also don't believe a woman who does this is happy. I kind of wish a dominant man would show her what was what and put her over his knee, but that is just my sick justice showing.

What I do is nothing like pussy whipping someone and believe me, it has nothing to do with a pussy. No one has ever called one of my men pussy whipped... although they may know I am in charge. They respect my men and they have respected me and as long as we were happy all was good. They saw that I respected my mate and that goes a long way. Some of them even defered to me when they were in my home. I think they actually liked the dynamic's of a strong woman taking charge.

Unfortunately, I think that many associate a dominant woman as one who pussy whips her man. I see the two as far different. One I can respect and the other I cannot.

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RE: "Pussy Whipped" - 10/21/2009 9:47:47 AM

subtlebutterfly

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damn it..the topic made me think of whipped cream.
Now I want whipped cream.

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RE: "Pussy Whipped" - 10/21/2009 10:58:53 AM

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Akasha,
I agree that what you describe is a very domineering woman (far from what's meant by a Dominant Woman) that's no fun for any man to live with whether he's submissive or not.

It doesn't sound like a healthy relationship when he's clearly being beaten down.

- pixel

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Chivalry isn't dead! It's for those who have it in their hearts & are willing to be taught. It's a way of life, a code of honor; this one's armor still needs some polishing!

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: "Pussy Whipped" - 10/21/2009 11:46:11 AM

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100% seriousness

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RE: "Pussy Whipped" - 10/21/2009 1:34:51 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MsStarlett

Hmmm.... Oddly enough, I've always been 'head of household'. Everyone knows it. My husband is like a really big kid who needs direction and guidance. But he is neither my sub nor pussy whipped. He does things for me because he loves me and I say "Please" and "Thank you". It's more like a good old fashioned Southern Gentleman type thing. A man is expected to do things for his lady.

Pretty much the same thing with my boys when we are in public or not scening. I ask them, "Would you get me another drink, please?" They get thanked and rewarded with a kiss upon return. There is no overt ordering them around. They simply know that they are expected to do as they are asked. In fact, when West used to visit, he was treated as a guest in my home and I waited on him more often than not. It's more of an etique issue than a D/S thing.

I liked this very much.

To me pussy whipped would describe a man that if he had a choice would not do the things that gets him labeled that way. In other words the man who enjoys and accepts who he is and the dynamic he is in does not project beaten or negativity when he spoils his woman but the love and confidence he projects does not really come off as pussy whipped but a man happy and contented.

I do not think there is any way around it at least with me that everyone knows in my relationships I am in charge but as Ms Starlett wonderfully wrote there are plenty of ways to control a man that shows respect and love while still being orders. Healthy and happy relationships take mutual respect and effort.

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RE: "Pussy Whipped" - 10/21/2009 3:32:59 PM

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From: Sinsinnati
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Hello A/all,

When I was a lot younger (a lot younger), with a congruent maturity level, my friends and I would throw that phrase around a lot. We used this on any guys with girlfriends and ,eventually, wives. We were too dense to see that these guys were in relationships that needed to be their primary concern.

Tending to a relationship is a two person job. If the relationship is too far out of balance in the vanilla world... WHIPPED! However in the Female Dominant world that we love, there is balance. Both parties ARE tending to the relationship.

Respectfully,
Mike
SnowRanger

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You can't help where you were born; and, you may not have much to say about where you die; but, you can and you should try to pass the days in between as a good man.
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(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: "Pussy Whipped" - 10/21/2009 4:56:04 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

There's a dynamic that is the butt of jokes I'm sure most have heard of - when the man in the relationship is "pussy whipped." If you are in a femdom relationship, do either of you feel this label could be applied to you - in humor or in seriousness - either by you or by outsiders looking in?

We are friends with a couple where the guy is always told he's pussywhipped, because he always has to do what she says and she's definitely more domineering with her opinions, and what they should do or not do, what movie to see, when he can go out with his friends, whatever. If he gets a phone call and he's out with the guys, and he has to go home because she's having a bad day or whatever, he gets crap for that. He doesn't really care and he admits it - and clearly, she is running the show. The kink in their dynamic? I would say there's zero chance of that, they are as vanilla as can be. I just know he gets no sex unless she is in the mood, but she probably expects/wants him to still initiate, as that's the traditional way.

If you contrast that with my relationship, where I am clearly in charge, this is a femdom dynamic, and my man really does have to do as I say -- no one, I can guarantee, has ever jokingly thought to label him as pussy whipped. I think that comes more from the way I treat him in public, and how he doesn't openly posture as following me around like a lost dog or waiting for instruction. He's more of the "think ahead" type. To some, even, it would appear he is *in control*. Whether he's carrying the bags, making the travel arrangements, helping me pick out an outfit, or running errands for me - it just appears as more efficiency. I guess, when I think about it, the reason no one would label him as "pussy whipped" is they don't see me ordering, nagging, or interfering.

Sometimes I do think some women who "pussy whip" their men (in vanilla relationships) do so, purposefully, in a semi public way. They could have that level of control, surely, without having the guy's friends all know about it. She must just get a kick out of that?

Whose pussy whipped, do you want to be, and ladies, do you want to be the pussy whipper?

Akasha

First of all...."Who's".

Second of all...if there's no kink....this dude needs to get a fucking spine (and straighten some things out).

Thirdly....I need to apologize....there was a time when some while back, I chastised you....you ask great questions. Truly.

Lastly.....(speaking as a sub), it's appropriate that she has him running home when she deems it so.....however...if he's neither a sub and she's not even remotely a Domme....someone needs to sit down with these two....and if it were I making the recommendations....I'd be certain to assure him that it needs to be him.

Unilaterally.

LN

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: "Pussy Whipped" - 10/21/2009 5:59:27 PM

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To be honest, I've never liked the terminology of "pussy whipped" mainly because it makes me feel like there's something insulting about how that is worded, almost as if a woman who is in charge is running counter to what she should be doing. Rather, I prefer a relationship where a woman is in charge, and it doesn't need to have any special terminology or claims that it is breaking barriers of norms. It just fits naturally in the type of relationship of which I am comfortable. I also tend to ignore people in the office who say things like "I guess she wears the pants in that relationship" because they're not being insightful; they're generally being critical to the point of insulting someone, if not several people. And they always think they're so astute for their obvious observation. The last time someone made one of those astute comments to me (and it was the infamous, "I guess she wears the pants in your relationship"), my response was "why do you care, and why are you telling me this?" For the record, not ONCE has a woman ever made one of those comments to me; it's usually been some guy who is trying to act snide and cool.

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