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RE: Do you think hes serious? - 10/29/2009 7:48:59 PM

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Of course he is married and never going to be a potential Dom.... sweet jesus, this thread has to be a put on. We have all been punked

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RE: Do you think hes serious? - 10/29/2009 8:00:50 PM

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If this is a real question I appologise, but in the past few days there seems to be a trend of naive young ladies "wondering" about someone they met online. And they are all the same, they ask for advice, but no matter what, these women have made up their minds and they have already decided what they are going to do, so they sit there and argue with the people trying to help, which brings up the question why did they ask in the first place....any whooo

These questions pop up every now and then, but there seems to be a rash of them lately is there a full moon or something?

< Message edited by DrkJourney -- 10/29/2009 8:03:08 PM >

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RE: Do you think hes serious? - 10/29/2009 8:03:47 PM

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I could not see any marriage signs anywhere.

bi-polar? and how are they?

it might sound crazy but he really have an ability to talk for himself, and I tend to give ppl the bennefit of doubt,
especially if we have much in common. and no hes never been allowed dominate me,hes asked me several times,
if I want him as my DOM

but I said I cant know that before we meet and later more than that.
(in the beginning he wondered why he only met 20 years old subs,and nobody elder,and I also questioned that,
but again,bennefit of doubts.. and 20 years old can be just as good enough so didnt really thought about it)
I am BAD at seeing SIGNS, my senses are blurred because of past abuse.
I AM over the abuse but Ive always been blurred about right that spot.
but Im also the type to give bennefit of doubt. and too nice. and also hes been pulling me around most of the times,
he sounded quite normal! this comes as a surprise. its obvious,he couldnt handle my emotions,for some reason. but what reason?

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RE: Do you think hes serious? - 10/29/2009 8:09:09 PM

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Im honestly very hurt by this guy. I honestly thought he wanted something with me,was interested,I cant cut out in paper how many times he made it clear he wants me, and how many times we had it exellent together. same wawelengths. His cancelations came as a surprise, but he talked so well each time, and two times I know are legitimate. anyway,he had me believe him or,give him the bennefit of doubt,which he asked for. so you can say hes used that. hes used my goodness. and I dont know him that well to judge weither he spoke the truth,or not. I cant believe he put the blame on me for expressing my doubts. he obviously couldnt handle it,but why. thats the big question. and its really hard to tell.

(in reply to monaslave)

RE: Do you think hes serious? - 10/29/2009 8:22:24 PM

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INSANITY: Doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.

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RE: Do you think hes serious? - 10/29/2009 8:58:39 PM

ChainedExistence

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Anyone can turn a blind eye to the obvious when they want a relationship so badly, but I think you ALREADY know in your heart that he's not coming and you are looking to explain it to yourself. If you're the honest type, you cannot understand how someone can say something to you on the phone and then turn around and lie to you. Unfortunately, the evidence is already in place that he's not going to live up to all those pretty words. Maybe he wanted to, maybe his intentions were good, but he simply could not leave the fantasy world for something real. Then again, maybe he's just one of those jerks who get their kicks working you like a puppeteer and seeing just how much he can get away with. In any case, don't you deserve better? A first meeting is EASY, especially for someone who is close. YES, people have to work overtime, or they get sick, or have situations that come up at the last moment and interfere with preset plans, but a meeting at a local coffee place could be arranged with virtually no advance planning and in a year's time, he couldn't even do that? If you want more than an internet boyfriend, then he's not the one for you. Anyone can tell you what you want/need to hear, but backing it up is something else altogether. Don't be afraid to say.."this is not working out." Don't let another holiday pass while you WAIT for him to be the Dom he claims to be.

(in reply to lusciouslips19)

RE: Do you think hes serious? - 10/29/2009 9:03:57 PM

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'When we were supposed to meet he canceled eight times'

Like Steven said, hes playing you. cancelling once - ok, twice, very unlikely....8 times...you're being screwed over.

'Hes told me lots of personal information..'

verifiable information? something more than his name? doesn't mean much.

'he acts jealous of me seeing others..'

RED FLAG in any situation. also shows insecurity and lack of confidence.

'he texts me alot.. he calls me.. tells me all time he likes me.. hes asked me several times if I want him and I say the same..'

red flag.

'he hasnt any wife or girlfriend what I know.. '

yeah exactly. that you know of. I know a woman that met a guy online who claimed his wife had died of cancer. suprise suprise, she was very much alive, never had cancer and ended up going on cam with her when it was clear something was off. This same guy also claimed to be a 21 year old dying of cancer, that was hitting on her best friend. a word of advice: NEVER believe everything a person tells you about themselves who you just met online. you'd be amazed how far some people will go to screw with your head.

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RE: Do you think hes serious? - 10/29/2009 9:16:48 PM

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ChainedExistense;its been some months,not a year.

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RE: Do you think hes serious? - 10/29/2009 9:20:32 PM

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I let the good upweigh the bad combined with his talkative abilities..
I took the asking me if I wanted to be his like overdrive,excitement.. wrong, apparently..
maybe ask for more information as well.. I dont know. he told me we could get a pizza if I thought it was too much work with the other foods. Then he said I got him really worried with what I said,and I said I was worried and thats it. no reply. so,I dont know where we go from here,either. I dont know if I shall give him last shot or what.

(in reply to monaslave)

RE: Do you think hes serious? - 10/29/2009 9:27:33 PM

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Why do you start these threads asking for advice or what people think if you are not going to listen and continue to go on as you always do? I have always thought you got bored and wanted attention and would start a thread. Some drama in your life that you can't work out, then justify and continue month after month.

The way I see it... go.. do... make your mistakes, get hurt be stupid, get hurt some more... no need to create threads unless you want the attention because they have served no other purpose so far. The only way you are going to learn is if you get into a real mess and then decide it is best to be smart rather than an emotional merrygoround.

The problem is not with him... it is with you!

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RE: Do you think hes serious? - 10/29/2009 9:48:26 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: monaslave
... I dont know where we go from here,either. I dont know if I shall give him last shot or what.

Make the decision and be done with it. You obviously have all of the information you need to make the decision right now... not later... not tomorrow... but right NOW.

It matters not to me whether you get together with this person who, from the description you've painted of him, is so blatantly manipulating you that perhaps it is too obvious for you to see. It matters not to me whether you say the hell with him and go on to put your life together on your own for a while. Truly, it matters not to me.

What does matter to me is how YOU have manipulated many people here into giving a damn about you and your problem. Many here have spent time, effort, and thought to giving you good advice and opinions based upon their observations and personal experiences. Yet, you disrespect these people by continuing to defend the man you are not sure about.

At this point, I don't care what the decision is you make regarding this man. Just make it and be done with it. The sooner the better. For all our sakes.

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RE: Do you think hes serious? - 10/29/2009 9:49:04 PM

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I am NOT DOING anything to make him DO that stuff. I have ALWAYS bee nice and given bennefit of doubts.

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RE: Do you think hes serious? - 10/29/2009 10:03:31 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: monaslave

I know it is stupid,right, but two out of six times I know it was legitimate reasons, he has an ability to be very convincing. you have no idea. So it leaves me not knowing what to believe. Really.
I mentioned my worries to him thinking I wanted to see his reaction, I told him I was afraid he wouldnt come,since he didnt show up so many times, I also said I didnt know,if he was ´dangerous´or so,since we havent met,and that I was nervous because we havent met,and what did I know,maybe he only want one night or sort of. I said something like that. His reply? He told me he was stunned,that he was speachless and didnt know what to say, and said things like but I could say the same about you.
First he didnt understood,at all, then when I tried to call he told me he couldnt talk in phone because his nephews were on visit,and they shouldnt be involved, then he said "you need to stop.. that Im might be dangerous.." .. then he wanted to drop it, then he told me we already talked about it, and I said you refused to talk last time, then he said "now youve made me nervous for who you really are",and then he pull it could be said the same about you possibly, then he was speachless, and I asked him about one nighter and if he really meant he liked me,like hes said so many times, then he said he couldnt say anything about the future,but if I continue doubt he will come he lose the feeling for coming, I asked do you really want one night and he said it is not his intention at all. that was the last,for now,at least.
what has he going on here? is this manipulation?
is he consiously trying to hurt me? is this some game?
or is he just emotionally not that smart?
I tried to explain my fear and talk to him about all this, and this was his reactions. Right now Im just like..

Well his manipulation techinques work mighty well on you.........

yes he is playing you.

gosh wish the problem i was having with my dom not knowing if he was stringing me along was so black and white like this problem here...so much EASIER.
get him out of your life..it's driving you crazy.
lol

(in reply to monaslave)

RE: Do you think hes serious? - 10/29/2009 10:24:49 PM

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everyone deserves a second chance. But I draw the line at second. I don't give third chances, and certainly not eigth chances.

Edit: response to the OP, I clicked the wrong button

< Message edited by WarKirby -- 10/29/2009 10:26:13 PM >

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RE: Do you think hes serious? - 10/29/2009 11:02:13 PM

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The doubt is long gone... eight tries gone. There is no benefit of the doubt to this. What there is, OP, is you falling into the trap of believing in a smooth talker. AND you falling into the trap of being unable to fathom a reason for him doing this, which makes you therefore believe he is telling the truth. Crazy, deception, and/or lying don't have to have a reason, other than "it's just what some people do."

Cali

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RE: Do you think hes serious? - 10/29/2009 11:09:31 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sappatoti

What does matter to me is how YOU have manipulated many people here into giving a damn about you and your problem. Many here have spent time, effort, and thought to giving you good advice and opinions based upon their observations and personal experiences. Yet, you disrespect these people by continuing to defend the man you are not sure about.

Thank you for saying this. I've come to the conclusion that the OP is a professional victim and deserves whatever she gets.

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RE: Do you think hes serious? - 10/30/2009 1:20:36 AM

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I'm gonna add onto what Cali said.

OP, you are under no obligation whatsoever to care about why the guy has been doing what he's doing. It is sufficient to recognize how unsuitable it is for you & move on . . . . .

Not only that, but the more you try to climb into his head the more you leave yourself behind. It may be that's part of the appeal, but it's also part of the problem.

You do have an obligation, OP, to take care of yourself. To exert all that care & concern towards yourself first, & everyone else after that. You can only care for others as much as you care for yourself, you can only love another as much as you love yourself.

& when you direct all that fierce questioning & interest to yourself, when you desire yourself as much as you desire that other you seek, you just might find what you're looking for . . .

Or, at least, that's what works for me . ... ..

quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

The doubt is long gone... eight tries gone. There is no benefit of the doubt to this. What there is, OP, is you falling into the trap of believing in a smooth talker. AND you falling into the trap of being unable to fathom a reason for him doing this, which makes you therefore believe he is telling the truth. Crazy, deception, and/or lying don't have to have a reason, other than "it's just what some people do."

Cali

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RE: Do you think hes serious? - 10/30/2009 3:54:18 AM

zephyroftheNorth

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quote:

What does matter to me is how YOU have manipulated many people here into giving a damn about you and your problem. Many here have spent time, effort, and thought to giving you good advice and opinions based upon their observations and personal experiences. Yet, you disrespect these people by continuing to defend the man you are not sure about.

Which is her MO. If you look at the threads she has started in the past, the same thing happens every time. She presents a situation, asks questions then argues the advice given. I can't be bothered to waste precious energy on her or her threads.

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(in reply to sappatoti)

RE: Do you think hes serious? - 10/30/2009 4:09:07 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Venatrix

Thank you for saying this. I've come to the conclusion that the OP is a professional victim and deserves whatever she gets.

:::nodding::: Venatrix speaks truth. I concur.

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RE: Do you think hes serious? - 10/30/2009 6:40:31 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DemonKia

& when you direct all that fierce questioning & interest to yourself, when you desire yourself as much as you desire that other you seek, you just might find what you're looking for . . .

That is very good advice for anyone caught up in a "but but but why did he____?" cycle.

(in reply to DemonKia)

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