LillyBoPeep
Posts: 6873
Joined: 12/29/2010
Status: offline
|
i admit that i had yet another spectacular snuggly night at the hands of the snugglebed of snuggledoom, in spite of the melancholy mood -- at this rate, this thing is going to become my new best friend. =p
i admit that if Grinner needs someone to talk to, he can drop me a line any time.
-- M was 31 when he died. his death was accidental, and his best friend and i were both there, powerless to do anything. he was too young and wonderful a person to die, and it left a lot of "what the fuck is wrong with the universe" thoughts that were difficult to deal with. add that to the dreams i'd have where we'd managed the save him -- dreams that felt so real, it was more like really living than my waking life was -- only to wake up and find that we were still in this miserable version of the world WITHOUT him in it.
it was pretty awful. the guilt of "doing nothing," even though there was nothing i could do, the rage and the pain over losing him would totally consume me, sometimes the images that got burned into my head still come up and take over, but i've found ways to redirect my thoughts and deal with them.
seriously, if you need to reach out, and just vent and cry and express anything, without having a bunch of reader's digest quotes thrown at you, feel free to write me. people mean well, they do, but it's difficult to understand if they haven't been in that situation, and no amount of quoting or rationalizing or "better place-ing" fills the hole in your life where the person used to be. it really is like a wound that has to heal from the inside -- maybe it takes a month to heal, maybe 10 years, maybe it never does -- but you DO NOT ever have to apologize for anything you feel. your feelings are valid and real, you have a reason for them, no matter what they might be. what's important is finding ways to deal with them, work through them. don't try to stop yourself from feeling them because then you'll wake up 5 years down the line realizing you didn't grieve. people stop caring pretty quickly, they stop listening, and you can find yourself on an island with nowhere to turn. if you use Fetlife, there's a great group there called "Dealing with Death;" it's a wonderful place to go to for support.
*hugs* to you Grinner
i admit that cookies may be in order. =)
i admit to feeling like i can move on with my life, but i also admit that i worry that men are too territorial to deal with a chick with "Dead Master Baggage." =p like they think you will never fully move on, you'll just pine forever, and be the mopey, ice-cream-eating, Lifetime-movie-watching roommate who doesn't pull her weight.
one of the biggest things for me was realizing that i CAN and DO develop feelings for other people, and that's totally okay. i actively think about the future with other people, and that's totally okay.
|
RE: I Admit It I........ - 
Profile
New Messages
No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages
Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages
Locked w/o New Messages
Post New Thread