hausboy
Posts: 2360
Joined: 9/5/2010 Status: offline
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I admit.... this will be a long sad rant. I admit I'm not looking for sympathy or even hugs....I just want to get it off my chest. I admit my best bud and closest friend in the fire service is in the ICU with brain tumors. I've been cleaning for him to help his wife since she's been taking care of him at home--I had to stop for a few months due to an injury I'm nursing--he was getting better. Now he's about to have brain surgery. I know I shouldn't but I feel guilt. I admit that he is the strongest, bravest, funniest, kindest man I know. He was there the first day I walked into the fire service--he helped me through my volunteer academy and any time I needed....well...anything....he was there for me. Even when I fucked up, he would tell me I was doing fine. When I wanted to quit, he'd talk me back into it. WHen I transitioned, he supported me. When my wife left me, he showed up.....helped me move to an apt....made me laugh when no one else could I admit that tonight I helped him eat. and pee. and sit up. this is a guy that could bust down a door with one kick, toss a 200 lb ladder like it was a toy....and never cried. not once, no matter what. to see him like this--I thought after my ex left me that my heart could never break again. I was wrong.
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