PeanutTigerinBox
Posts: 1624
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quote:
ORIGINAL: sophiesback quote:
ORIGINAL: wandersalone I admit that I want to thank everyone for their warm thoughts and of course their hugs I admit that what follows is about wimmins stuff so squeamish men may want to look away now ha ha (just pretend I have added lots of I admits below.....) I went in yesterday for a minor day procedure that was going to help ease my horrific periods that go on for most of each month however due to complications they couldn't go ahead with it and I was kept in overnight. The only option now is a hysterectomy as because of a past liver tumour and a PE none of the hormonal alternatives can be tried on me (catch 22...I got the tumour because of my long term use of the pill and was on the pill to stop my awful periods). I didn't actually realise that there was a possibility that they wouldn't be able to do the procedure yesterday so I had the double whammy of waking up in recovery and hearing my specialist say sorry we couldn't do the ablation and oh by the way you will need a hysterectomy. I mean jeeze people, could ya maybe let me wake up a little first ha ha. The hysterectomy brings a lot of risks for me because of my past tumour and embolism so I need to talk to my liver surgeon and haematologist to see if they will give the ok for this surgery anyway but what is weird are my feelings about the whole not being able to have kids. I mean ffs, I am 43 and have never wanted children yet now I am all angsty because I know for sure now that it is not in my future. Man I think I just need to tuffen the hell up. blah ok I admit that I have vented and am fine now. I have my health (well in a bit of a screwed up way ha ha), I have a career that I love, I have wonderful wonderful friends who have all been checking in with me, I have a new partner who lavishes affection and care on me and I have a family back home who have already ordered me back there for when I do decide to go ahead with the surgery (my doctor said to wait about 6 months) ps. I admit that I got a card from Sunny today thanks babe it made me smile xxxx *hugs to wander* I just want to say your reaction seems pretty normal, if it helps at all. My doctor explained that it seems to affect most of us that way. When I was diagnosed with uterine cancer at 23 and told I'd have to have a hysterectomy, luckily I already had 2 children (one of which is "disabled") I didn't need or want anymore children at the time, but I still grieved for the babies I could never have if I would've changed my mind. It's been nearly 10 years and I'm now where I can hold a baby. (((((hugs))))) to sophie and wanders I admit I just woke up from the sofa as I am mentally a wreck today...as Sir A would say (if he would know about it today) I keep to rethinking about some stuff too much... I admit even my boss told me this morning (had nightshift) that I look awful (she never said this since I work for her since last year august). I admit I have a heck of a lot of a job to do at home today and the next two days with my landlord coming over. I admit I am in no motivation but on this occation I have no choice. I admit I just want the next 2 weeks to be over NOW. I admit I watched today coincidentially the show "wanted down under" where a british family had a look into it to relocate to australia (they did show potential homes for them in Darwin.) I admit that made me once again even more desperate to live this awfully expensive isle I admit that wanting and being able to is still miles apart, as my financial situation isn't quite the one from C-Dom who picked me up in his Jaguar yesterday (didn't know he has that as his 2nd car ) I admit I only recognised it to be one as it was written on his GPS sytem inside...as most cars I haven't got a clue about what they are anyway
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RIP 08/09/07 aka Phoenixpower one of my favourite songs :o) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l_CuY4nMu8c&feature=related
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