RE: when a d/s relationship becomes pimp/prostitute

RE: when a d/s relationship becomes pimp/prostitute (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion

Message

Acer49 -> RE: when a d/s relationship becomes pimp/prostitute (11/13/2009 7:27:01 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: porcelain20 I'm 21, got out of a relationship with a 42 year old male a few days ago. I would like to post what happened because this relationship has discouraged me from entering another d/s relationship and would like other people's opinions. He had a job when I met him but half way through he lost his job. This was during christmas time after I told him I would like to give him gifts. Before then the relationship consisted of me having sex with other people while he watched but he and I rarely spent time playing with each other. After he lost his job, he asked me to find guys online that are willing to pay for sexual favors. I did it, and I was also giving him $100 out of my paycheck every 2 weeks. I had a quota of $400 a month to earn by having sex with other men and I went over it every month. I talked to some of my real friends and they say that I shouldn't follow someone else's rules and d/s relationships are just another form of an abusive relationship. I read an article online about a year ago that says d/s relationships are abusive relationships. This man told me when we started that a d/s relationship is just about seeing how much you can get the person to do. He did that - he knew I was naiive and much younger than him and took advantage of me. He didn't even describe himself as a dom at first. Anyway, I'm looking for the thoughts of submissives and doms on this but I don't really want people telling me to get over it because I am. I would like to see how a submissive's mind works, what their relationship with their father was, if they were abused before the d/s relationship, etc. For the doms, I would like to see how you help your submissive and what you do to control him/her. Thanks I do not believe a Dominant should ever ask a submissive to do anything that would cause the permenant damage, be mentally or emotionally damaging as well as against their moral code or illigal. You nuture, you guide and you love them

RCdc -> RE: when a d/s relationship becomes pimp/prostitute (11/13/2009 7:33:31 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: porcelain20 I also wouldn't call him a predator. At first we just started as friends with benefits. Fair enough. I personally wouldn't call him a predator either. quote: But then I had gotten raped by someone and needed someone to protect me and just help me out... You cannot get someone to protect you when you are not able to protect yourself. I know that might sound a bit strange, but it's like expecting someone to do something when you don't know what you want - does that make any sense? You have become self destructive through the rape, and then during the relationship and now you need to work through that. quote: When things started going bad for him financially he didn't plan on staying unemployed for months...this is a recession... Of course. quote: But maybe he really believes that me going and being a prostitute would not have any effect on me? He said it was just an excuse to break up with him when I did...I don't know. I doubt anyone with any sense at all would believe that prostitution would not have some kind of effect on a person. Everything we do is a lesson that we learn from. He is saying that to use as an excuse to try to blame you for his failiure. It's pretty normal, even if it is fucked up. quote: Is that possible though? Does anyone think going out and blowing or f**king men for money would not hurt a girl's self respect, self love, and self esteem? It's not what other people think or feel. How do you feel? If it felt like shit for you, then it was shit for you. You don't just submit to someone who does not have a measure of compatability with you and expect it to work out and be all flowers and roses. You left a relationship because you recoginsed the destructive pattern, so kudos for that. Now you get yourself into some sort of counselling for the rape and for the prostitution. There is bound to be a group somewhere for that sort of thing, even if you ask at one of the womens shelters or something similar. You get yourself to a doctor or clinic and have the wide range of STD tests done and get treatment if need be. And you get to a doctor and discuss whether you are suffering with some form of depression and work from there. the.dark.

impishlilhellcat -> RE: when a d/s relationship becomes pimp/prostitute (11/13/2009 7:39:12 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: porcelain20 It sort of started out as a friends with benefits situation. We played a lot more in the beginning but as time went on, we stopped gradually stopped playing as much and I only saw him to give him money or something I bought from the store. Its possible that he wasn't a dom at all because there was no real structure to the relationship on his part. It felt like I was doing all the work and he wasn't holding down his role. I should add that right before this relationship started, I got raped and told him about it and that's when the relationship really took off. I felt like I needed someone's advice and protection. While I agree I have a lot of issues from this situation and others and that I should not be in any type of relationship at this time, I do think I learned an incredible amount from this relationship and I know I'm responsible for situations I'm in. I don't regret it at all and I wanted to please him. So I took the risks that came along with what he wanted me to do. Getting diseases, getting killed or kidnapped, or getting arrested. He had promised me a collar and that was my goal. I don't see how that's any different than a slave saying to her master yes you can kill me if you want! Okay I might be able to see where you are coming from until you stated the "Kill me if you want Master" comment. I've heard someone say I will die for you or I'll lay down my life for you. I have yet to hear (although it's not entirely impossible) someone say Master you can kill me if you want! I guess depending how a Dominant sees his submissive I would think that he would care about his/her emotional stability and well being. First of all on your part as a submissive I think you should have been concerned for your own personal safety. If something happens to you, you can no longer serve that man in the capacity that you wish. There will be no collar to achieve, since you state that this was your ultimate goal. Secondly, he should be concerned for your own personal safety. If his kink is seeing you have sex with others then so be it, but if you are his submissive/partner what if you bring home a disease to him? That also puts his health at risk. What if you are kidnapped? What if you are arrested? Doesn't that reflect bad not only on you, but him also? Thirdly, don't you think that your goal should be to find a relationship that is mutually beneficial to both partners in whatever capacity that makes you both happy? Don't you think that it should be stable and whatever other qualities you are looking for? Are you willing to sacrifice all these things just to have a collar on your neck? To say that you are owned?

porcelain20 -> RE: when a d/s relationship becomes pimp/prostitute (11/13/2009 7:39:48 AM)
You left a relationship because you recoginsed the destructive pattern, so kudos for that. Now you get yourself into some sort of counselling for the rape and for the prostitution. There is bound to be a group somewhere for that sort of thing, even if you ask at one of the womens shelters or something similar. You get yourself to a doctor or clinic and have the wide range of STD tests done and get treatment if need be. And you get to a doctor and discuss whether you are suffering with some form of depression and work from there. Counseling will be hard because I am moving to PA and my insurance is not in that state. I had tests done every 4 months and been clean everytime but I will get checked again in January because I just got checked last August. I am on anti-depressants, anti-anxiety, anti-psychotic because I have schizoaffective disorder which is a type of bipolar disorder...And I'm seeing a medicine doctor for those but everytime I go to therapy, I get a panic attack on the way there...

lusciouslips19 -> RE: when a d/s relationship becomes pimp/prostitute (11/13/2009 7:47:47 AM)
I will be killed for my master is Story of O Fiction. Submission isnt doing things that make one feel icky or put ones mental health in danger. A dominant bolsters and protects his sub. He doesnt try to break his toys. Likely he had other Subs working for him. Its possible he never had a job. The thing is even with a no limit slave, if the master hits a hard limit, the slave could walk. She should if she is being abused and her welfare is not being looked after. Nobody siphoned your brain out of your head. D's can be a healthy thing. But if you were abused and have no boundaries you can and will let yourself be abused as you seek love from someone unhealthy. Until you gain confidence and get yourself right you will be bound to be taken advantage of over and over. No is an option. Leaving is an option. Telling someone to fuck off and leaving is an option if you are mentally healthy.

porcelain20 -> RE: when a d/s relationship becomes pimp/prostitute (11/13/2009 7:48:55 AM)
quote: If his kink is seeing you have sex with others then so be it, but if you are his submissive/partner what if you bring home a disease to him? That also puts his health at risk. What if you are kidnapped? What if you are arrested? Doesn't that reflect bad not only on you, but him also? Thirdly don't you think that your goal should be to find a relationship that is mutually beneficial to both partners in whatever capacity that makes you both happy? Don't you think that it should be stable and whatever other qualities you are looking for? Are you willing to sacrifice all these things just to have a collar on your neck? To say that you are owned? We took precautions, that is why I did not stand on a street corner....I never said how much money I wanted and never touched the guy until he handed over the money. The only precaution in seeing if I am clean is asking them if they are clean. At the time I wanted to please him so much, I didn't care what he asked I would have done it. He said I had to earn my collar by pleasing him and earninghis collar meant that I belonged to him. That I wasn't just a slut that I was HIS SLUT. I wanted that more than anything

Toppingfrmbottom -> RE: when a d/s relationship becomes pimp/prostitute (11/13/2009 7:50:25 AM)
First of all never involve people who don't know about bdsm and understand it in your relationship, if they're like most they will always cry domination is abuse run FLEE GET AWAY! They will naturally tell you it's abusive and sick or gross or what ever their opinion of something they do not understand and find reprehensive will be. My mom is like that and when I told her some women like being consensually dominated she said " well then they're stupid and need their head examined" And that is a direct quote strait from her mouth. And yes Domination can be used for abuse, but not all dom sub or bdsm relationships are about abuse, most of them I'd say are not. Second of all know that taking sex for money is prostitution legally, and is illegal in most places and if you e ver got caught you'd probably be subject to legal actions. and it'd be on a record forever. quote: ORIGINAL: porcelain20 After he lost his job, he asked me to find guys online that are willing to pay for sexual favors. I did it, and I was also giving him $100 out of my paycheck every 2 weeks. I had a quota of $400 a month to earn by having sex with other men and I went over it every month. I talked to some of my real friends and they say that I shouldn't follow someone else's rules and d/s relationships are just another form of an abusive relationship. I read an article online about a year ago that says d/s relationships are abusive relationships. This man told me when we started that a d/s relationship is just about seeing how much you can get the person to do. He did that - he knew I was naiive and much younger than him and took advantage of me. He didn't even describe himself as a dom at first. A

impishlilhellcat -> RE: when a d/s relationship becomes pimp/prostitute (11/13/2009 7:53:04 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: porcelain20 quote: If his kink is seeing you have sex with others then so be it, but if you are his submissive/partner what if you bring home a disease to him? That also puts his health at risk. What if you are kidnapped? What if you are arrested? Doesn't that reflect bad not only on you, but him also? Thirdly don't you think that your goal should be to find a relationship that is mutually beneficial to both partners in whatever capacity that makes you both happy? Don't you think that it should be stable and whatever other qualities you are looking for? Are you willing to sacrifice all these things just to have a collar on your neck? To say that you are owned? We took precautions, that is why I did not stand on a street corner....I never said how much money I wanted and never touched the guy until he handed over the money. The only precaution in seeing if I am clean is asking them if they are clean. At the time I wanted to please him so much, I didn't care what he asked I would have done it. He said I had to earn my collar by pleasing him and earninghis collar meant that I belonged to him. That I wasn't just a slut that I was HIS SLUT. I wanted that more than anything ASking someone if they are clean is not a precaution. People lie ALL the time. AND you can meet just as nasty people on the net as you do on the street corner.

porcelain20 -> RE: when a d/s relationship becomes pimp/prostitute (11/13/2009 7:55:48 AM)
quote: ASking someone if they are clean is not a precaution. People lie ALL the time. AND you can meet just as nasty people on the net as you do on the street corner. Thats what I was told to do.

Toppingfrmbottom -> RE: when a d/s relationship becomes pimp/prostitute (11/13/2009 7:57:33 AM)
I believe that is very poor advice because at least on here that kind of thing is against the rules, and will get you moderator smacked and maybe banned in a hot minute, in other situations he could decide to sue her for slander or libel or what ever that legal term of defamation of charachter or he said she said type business is. Secondly, it may paint her in a bad light, and make her the bad guy when she's the one who's confused. You will not be welcome around others very long if you get the reputation as the girl that goes around crying to everyone loudly how Dominant Man, mis uses subs and gets them to do prostitution. If he truly is a predator, or a concern, then she can quietly let a few people in charge in any groups their in together know her concern then step back and let GROUP LEADERS, decide what to do with this guy instead of basically going around and being a vigilante word spreader, and maybe closing herself out of opportunities she could use to grow and experience safe bdsm which is what would happen if word got out she was rather snitchy when she felt people had wronged her, they'd be worried about well what if I am around her and she feels wronged is she going to go blast any personal information about me she has all over god and country? And lastly What may be her idea ofa nightmare might be someone elses idea of a dream, so it's not her job to run around warning every one who may come in contact with him, You as a sub or as any one interacting with people have a duty to yourself to check them out properly and go ahead with eyes opened to everything, or not go ahead with it. If someone told me so and so was a bad bad man he makes women engage in prostitution and he beats them till their black and blue, I'd say thanks for the heads up but I am capable of forming my own opinions and will investigate him myself and not go or stay away based on someone's story of him. Now I may later on find out he was an abuser and I DID very much want to stay the hell away from him, but that's my job to decide, not some 1800 dom is a creep word of mouth hotline. quote: ORIGINAL: rockspider Well looking at it i first saw it as someones rather over fertile imiganition. But should the story be true it is something which makes the community look rather lousy. If it is true publish it with his name, adress and preferably picture of him of course. Maybe that helps before this kind of predator finds other victims.

RCdc -> RE: when a d/s relationship becomes pimp/prostitute (11/13/2009 7:59:53 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: porcelain20 Counseling will be hard because I am moving to PA and my insurance is not in that state. I had tests done every 4 months and been clean everytime but I will get checked again in January because I just got checked last August. That's fine. All deep breathing and the usual. Just try and work on your insurance once you have moved... or look into it now. I am not in the USA, so I have no idea how the system works, so I cannot advise (in the UK, you would get automatic access to counseling with medical referal, and as you are on medication anyway, you would be top of the list). That doesn't stop you contacting women refuges etc in the area that you are moving to and asking them for any numbers or contacts for groups or meetings that may be run by local charities etc. quote: I am on anti-depressants, anti-anxiety, anti-psychotic because I have schizoaffective disorder which is a type of bipolar disorder...And I'm seeing a medicine doctor for those but everytime I go to therapy, I get a panic attack on the way there... There is no easy way to deal with such attacks - have you spoken to your medical doctor about it? Is there someone that can go along with you, and just hang around until you come out? Maybe look into any support groups that are around in the local area that you are moving to? the.dark.

Toppingfrmbottom -> RE: when a d/s relationship becomes pimp/prostitute (11/13/2009 8:05:01 AM)
Do not take this the wrong way, but that's a very stupid risk to take. You don't know these men's sexual histories, they could very well be clean and be honest about it, but a lot of STD's that are very nasty do not show symptoms or signs in men, and you can have an std and not know it. Or you could be a complete and utter ass shat and tell a poor women you are clean and be nasty with diseases up the ying yang beause it's a joy to you to infect niaeve women. or infect as many people as you can because you're a malicious low life. quote: ORIGINAL: porcelain20 We took precautions, that is why I did not stand on a street corner....I never said how much money I wanted and never touched the guy until he handed over the money. The only precaution in seeing if I am clean is asking them if they are clean.

RCdc -> RE: when a d/s relationship becomes pimp/prostitute (11/13/2009 8:06:34 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: porcelain20 quote: ASking someone if they are clean is not a precaution. People lie ALL the time. AND you can meet just as nasty people on the net as you do on the street corner. Thats what I was told to do. And you have learned that you didn't like it and recognised the destructiveness and ended that part of your life. Again - kudos. the.dark.

Icarys -> RE: when a d/s relationship becomes pimp/prostitute (11/13/2009 8:06:39 AM)
I had a short relationship with a female recently that told me a story with a similar ring to it. She was introduced to another male friend of her Master as single and was told to get involved with him..They actually moved in together without the vanilla friend ever knowing the so called Master was involved..Talk about a love triangle. I've always said that just because you are the Master and can do something doesn't mean you should do it..Pick carefully. It amazes me how people get "caught" up in it. I would never ask someone to do something like that but do know there are people who do this for enjoyment on both sides. For me..M/s is about a deep love for each other..I can't imagine asking someone I love to do anything close to that.

RCdc -> RE: when a d/s relationship becomes pimp/prostitute (11/13/2009 8:15:38 AM)
I am also going to offer a bit of advice that you haven't asked for and you can ignore it and tell me to mind my own business.[:)] I perved you and your profile. Take off all the sexual stuff from the Love/Likes/Dislikes section. Otherwise you will risk getting the attention of people who are looking for more than friends. You don't even have to bother with a photo either, or put something fun in there instead of a full body shot. Stick with it on the forums, even if you get lame responses from some people or some sort of bitchy response and learn and grow. There are some really lovely people on the forums who can be great supporters and friends - just give it some time to get to know the boards and who posts and how they post. Have some fun over on the Polls and random board as well as posting on these boards and there is a fantastic slave support thread on the gorean board too - here http://www.collarchat.com/m_883051/tm.htm. I know that it's all a bit onesides and onliney for some, but it's a good place to start. the.dark.

impishlilhellcat -> RE: when a d/s relationship becomes pimp/prostitute (11/13/2009 8:18:24 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark I am also going to offer a bit of advice that you haven't asked for and you can ignore it and tell me to mind my own business.[:)] I perved you and your profile. Take off all the sexual stuff from the Love/Likes/Dislikes section. Otherwise you will risk getting the attention of people who are looking for more than friends. You don't even have to bother with a photo either, or put something fun in there instead of a full body shot. Stick with it on the forums, even if you get lame responses from some people or some sort of bitchy response and learn and grow. There are some really lovely people on the forums who can be great supporters and friends - just give it some time to get to know the boards and who posts and how they post. Have some fun over on the Polls and random board as well as posting on these boards and there is a fantastic slave support thread on the gorean board too - here http://www.collarchat.com/m_883051/tm.htm. I know that it's all a bit onesides and onliney for some, but it's a good place to start. the.dark. Just to add to that a bit and as said before you can take it or leave it but..... It might be a good idea to start to work on that self safety concept. Read, learn, and talk with people. How do you go about keeping yourself safe? What a good boundaries for you to have? Basic guidelines to follow. These are things you can talk with others about, but you yourself have to decide what's going to work for you.

Missokyst -> RE: when a d/s relationship becomes pimp/prostitute (11/13/2009 8:27:43 AM)
One more thing. New profile.. new piece of meat. You are going to get plenty of guys (and women too!) that will email you offering comfort, advice, words that tell you the guy was not a dom, ect ect ect. When you put yourself on a site looking for friends, know that there are more than a few vultures that are going to look at you like an easy wounded piece of meat. This is probably not the best time for you to listen to any "wise counsel" from strangers. Get to know yourself first, you should be your own priority. Your x may or may not have been a dominant. He was an asshole, and you will find those in every walk of life or lifestyle.

Icarys -> RE: when a d/s relationship becomes pimp/prostitute (11/13/2009 8:31:47 AM)
quote: One more thing. New profile.. new piece of meat. You are going to get plenty of guys (and women too!) that will email you offering comfort, advice, words that tell you the guy was not a dom, ect ect ect. When you put yourself on a site looking for friends, know that there are more than a few vultures that are going to look at you like an easy wounded piece of meat. This is probably not the best time for you to listen to any "wise counsel" from strangers. Get to know yourself first, you should be your own priority. Your x may or may not have been a dominant. He was an asshole, and you will find those in every walk of life or lifestyle. Good advice.

Reform -> RE: when a d/s relationship becomes pimp/prostitute (11/13/2009 9:15:43 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: porcelain20 quote: ASking someone if they are clean is not a precaution. People lie ALL the time. AND you can meet just as nasty people on the net as you do on the street corner. Thats what I was told to do. What if you were told to hack off your own arm? Would you do it because you were told? The best advice I can give you about submision is that even when you submit, you still have a brain. You should use it.

AnimusRex -> RE: when a d/s relationship becomes pimp/prostitute (11/13/2009 9:16:32 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: porcelain20 I am on anti-depressants, anti-anxiety, anti-psychotic because I have schizoaffective disorder which is a type of bipolar disorder...And I'm seeing a medicine doctor for those but everytime I go to therapy, I get a panic attack on the way there... You at least recognize that you are in no shape to be in any sort of relationship. That until you can get a handle on your psychological problems you will be unable to have a relationship that is healthy. I commend you for that bit of self-awareness. What you went through is just another version of someone having a shitty abusive relationship, and trying to make it all right by draping the label of D/s over it. You may or may not even be submissive; its entirely possible you were using the D/s framework to justify your refusal to take responsibility for your own life; I would suggest laying off any description of yourself as a submissive; right now it isn't clear that you could correctly distinguish between a health power exchange relationship and an abusive one. Being alone for a while, being self-sufficient, and learning to love yourself are good goals for the near term. I wish you well. p.s. I echo the dark's comments; very good advice.

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 4 5 next > >>

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.046875