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MaamJay -> RE: when a d/s relationship becomes pimp/prostitute (11/14/2009 4:28:26 PM)
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Getting back to the OP - I am both D and s so I have understandings and perspectives from both sides of the kneel. I know that as both D and s, I would not have become involved in a situation like yours as it would have transgressed my moral values. So not only would i not do that as a submissive (though it is a hot fantasy for me it would never become reality), neither would I as a Domme ask this of a sub of Mine. Being involved in D/s shouldn't make anyone discard their own morals/ethics/life principles. I am only interested in consensual activities which is why I don't even play "forcing" games, and don't believe it is ethical to hold out a collar like a carrot and make a sub do something which is physically and emotionally harmful to get it.
I had a good relationship with my Dad, and miss him a lot even though he died back in 1994. I still treasure all the things he made with his own hands out of wood. I have never been abused or molested, let alone raped, though I did make a couple of bad choices of one night stands along the way. The worst was definitely the guy with a 12" cock who carried around a ruler to prove it LMAO! Gosh he was one boring fuck (in both senses of the word) and about the only one I chucked out of the house well before sunrise. However, even at the time I acknowledged they were MY freewill choices, just not good ones! I lived (because I took safe sex precautions long before AIDS was heard of! I always thought syphilis etc wasn't worth risking), and I learned.
As a sub i have lived 24/7 with Master since June 2004. He finds it hard to find permanent work because He has some physical limitations, so in one sense, He lives off my earnings more often than not. When He has had work however, He is very diligent and gives 100% of His best and what He earned ended up in the family pool of money. The recession has hit His industry hard here though, being "luxury items" that people can do without. However, He more than holds up His end of the bargain in the things He does AND, even though i have submitted control of finances willingly to Him, He never spends anything on Himself without discussing it with me. In fact, even general household purchases are usually discussed too. i have always said and He has agreed, that if it ever got to me feeling like i am being used financially, i am to express this bluntly and if things don't change, i should leave. For as others have said, rule #1 is to protect myself ... even from Him if i had to.
I do hope porcelain 20 you can come to a better understanding of yourself. If you can get to therapy, would be a good idea. It seems you have some medical issues too, which may make it harder for you to control your impulsivity and to make reasoned and balanced decisions at your tender age. Take time, get to know yourself, work out for yourself what your morals are, where your hard boundaries are. They may have been transgressed this time, doesn't mean they are gone forever, you can reinstate them. If so, you will need to forgive yourself for what has occurred and promise yourself that you will do a better job next time of protecting yourself. While most subs feel protected by their Doms, it doesn't abdicate our own responsibility for self-protection. It's almost like they add another layer around our own, rather than stripping it away.
As to responsbility ... that belongs to both people in a relationship. He was irresponsible in what he asked of you ... you were irresponsible in accepting it and doing it. No one gets off scot free here. It's not so much a matter of blame ... that is a destructive force and doesn't really do any good at all to anyone. I always remember that when you point the finger at someone, there are 3 more pointing back at you! So it's not a matter of "fault" or it always being the sub's fault, there is usually fault on both sides if you look. I think it's more appropriate to consider responsibility ... because each person owns that.
Good luck OP
Maam Jay aka violet[A]
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