Would it be a good idea to put reference's or contacts on one's profile.

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All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Would it be a good idea to put reference's or contacts on one's profile.

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Would it be a good idea to put reference's or contacts... - 3/13/2006 1:34:38 PM

HoosierScorpio

Posts: 164
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I am wondering would it be a good idea to put people’s e-mails on your profile or journals as reference only once you get their permission of course. A way for those you are interest in could contact these peoples so they can ask them question about me or if I am for real. I figure it would be a good way to help those looking to weed out players and wannabes on the site.

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RE: Would it be a good idea to put reference's or cont... - 3/13/2006 1:51:19 PM

yourMissTress

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From: Nashville, TN
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Since you can't even put your own contact information in your profile. See the TOS. Probably not a good idea.

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"If you have to tell people that you are a lady, you are not." My Grandmother

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RE: Would it be a good idea to put reference's or cont... - 3/13/2006 2:06:01 PM

MsSonnetMarwood

Posts: 1898
Joined: 2/10/2005
From: Eastern Shore, Maryland
Status: offline

quote:

I am wondering would it be a good idea to put people’s e-mails on your profile or journals as reference only once you get their permission of course. A way for those you are interest in could contact these peoples so they can ask them question about me or if I am for real. I figure it would be a good way to help those looking to weed out players and wannabes on the site.

In a word? No.

References are something that come around sometime after you've had a few conversations and have established that you are very interested.

I don't want just anyone pestering those that would offer references for me, and I wouldn't want to be pestered by just anyone looking for a reference for someone else that they are only casually interested in.

If you want to do a version of that without naming names, list what local groups you are involved with on your profile. Someone local and "in the know" could easily take it from there to seek out opinions if they need them.

< Message edited by MsSonnetMarwood -- 3/13/2006 2:11:23 PM >

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RE: Would it be a good idea to put reference's or cont... - 3/13/2006 2:12:43 PM

JohnWarren

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From: Delray Beach, FL
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Even if it were permitted, what would it prove? The reference's screen name could well be one you created for yourself.

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RE: Would it be a good idea to put reference's or cont... - 3/13/2006 3:25:49 PM

IrishMist

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Weed out the people that WHO see as players? Yourself? Your little clique?

Bad idea, very, very, very bad idea.

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RE: Would it be a good idea to put reference's or cont... - 3/13/2006 5:12:20 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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I agree with the others, especially MsSonnet. It's not appropriate to publicly broadcast others emails, and it's not something you should be getting into (if you ever do) until after basic connections have been established.

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RE: Would it be a good idea to put reference's or cont... - 3/13/2006 5:43:12 PM

JazzDaddy

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Joined: 12/8/2005
Status: offline

Here's a negative slant on the subject of references or feedback (like E-Bay).

What if you met someone in person, and they turned out to be a total nutcase? As a result, you tell them nicely, "I don't feel a connection between us.", and they get angry at your rejection.

That person could post negative feedback just because they were mad at you for not wanting to see them anymore.

< Message edited by JazzDaddy -- 3/13/2006 5:44:28 PM >

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RE: Would it be a good idea to put reference's or cont... - 3/13/2006 5:44:04 PM

Cloudz

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I agree with John Warren, but he beat me to it.

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RE: Would it be a good idea to put reference's or cont... - 3/13/2006 5:58:33 PM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
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No, I'd say that references should be exchanged privately and only after you have been talking enough to know you are interested in pursuing things but want to be extra cautious.

In this day and age, I see nothing wrong with caution and I routinely give my slave, my husband, and former play partners and friends in the scene as references when I get to that point with someone.

That's for personal references. There are also group references -- munches, workshops, organizations, that you could mention in your profile as a sort of resume of our scene.

< Message edited by thetammyjo -- 3/13/2006 5:59:19 PM >

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RE: Would it be a good idea to put reference's or cont... - 3/13/2006 6:04:06 PM

amayos

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From: New England
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I noticed you seem to have a preoccupation with the concept of references, and I'm curious as to why it's so important. Is your integrity questioned often? Are you highly suspicious about others to a possible fault? As I mentioned in a previous thread on a very similar topic you authored, the reference system bases its efficiency upon popular reputation and clique making—and that's when it's working "right". But in a place as anonymous as the internet, references can be fabricated easily.

Outside of the obvious technical obstruction due to the Terms Of Service in this on-line community, I feel the idea would in general cause more trouble than it would solve in the long run.

(in reply to HoosierScorpio)

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RE: Would it be a good idea to put reference's or cont... - 3/13/2006 6:53:54 PM

ExistentialSteel

Posts: 676
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Amayos, you are onto something there.

Yeah, we need cards identifying who we are and a secret handshake. We could have floggers with secret compartments to hold our list of references. Implanted chips with all our info is a possibility, too.

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(in reply to amayos)

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RE: Would it be a good idea to put reference's or cont... - 3/13/2006 7:24:08 PM

FangsNfeet

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Rather than putting contact information on in your profile, just keep them as your favoriate users. This way, you can give the names to people you think could bennifit fromt them on a individual basis by message.

When it comes to journals, the only contact info you should give out is the CM member name. If people want to explore more about the CM member, they can send a message themselves.

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RE: Would it be a good idea to put reference's or cont... - 3/13/2006 7:35:47 PM

FelinePersuasion

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Joined: 11/20/2004
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Also another thought is about spammers and hackers and robots, the more place sonline your email is listed the more robots and spiders and hackers can sign you up for shit you don't want. Like for instance on writing.com, once I used my email on one of their boards, and then bam I was flooded with tons of spam I would not of gotten had I not put my email out there.

(in reply to FangsNfeet)

Post #: 13

RE: Would it be a good idea to put reference's or cont... - 3/13/2006 7:44:32 PM

TemptingNviceSub

Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
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In some ways i kind of agree with Amayos...you do seem somewhat obsessed with the whole refernce idea ..have you had a bad experience with a stalker of some sort or..do you think with references you may have more responses from submissives?I dont know there just seems to be more here than meets the eye...be well..Tempting.

(in reply to FangsNfeet)

Post #: 14

RE: Would it be a good idea to put reference's or cont... - 3/13/2006 8:15:32 PM

JohnWarren

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From: Delray Beach, FL
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Cloudz

I agree with John Warren, but he beat me to it.

Great minds think alike

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RE: Would it be a good idea to put reference's or cont... - 3/13/2006 8:31:54 PM

OscarHargraves

Posts: 693
Joined: 8/9/2005
Status: offline

Why would a person want to let you do this? I wouldn't let someone put my info on the net for anyone and everyone to contact me. If the occasion arises, you might want to have that special person contact or be contacted by some of your friends but even then I doubt that it would be useful.

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(in reply to HoosierScorpio)

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RE: Would it be a good idea to put reference's or cont... - 3/13/2006 10:56:00 PM

amayos

Posts: 1553
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: New England
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ExistentialSteel

Amayos, you are onto something there.

Yeah, we need cards identifying who we are and a secret handshake. We could have floggers with secret compartments to hold our list of references. Implanted chips with all our info is a possibility, too.

A BDSM secret decoder ring . . . And remember to drink your Ovaltine.

(in reply to ExistentialSteel)

Post #: 17

RE: Would it be a good idea to put reference's or cont... - 3/13/2006 10:59:45 PM

truesub4u

Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: amayos

Are you highly suspicious about others to a possible fault?

Yes... but I agree with not putting references in profiles.

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RE: Would it be a good idea to put reference's or cont... - 3/13/2006 11:19:26 PM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: amayos

quote:

ORIGINAL: ExistentialSteel

Amayos, you are onto something there.

Yeah, we need cards identifying who we are and a secret handshake. We could have floggers with secret compartments to hold our list of references. Implanted chips with all our info is a possibility, too.

A BDSM secret decoder ring . . . And remember to drink your Ovaltine.

"Road Chuck to Ground Squirrel, do you copy?"

(sorry, couldn't resist)

(in reply to amayos)

Post #: 19

RE: Would it be a good idea to put reference's or cont... - 3/14/2006 6:46:04 AM

ExistentialSteel

Posts: 676
Joined: 1/18/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

quote:

ORIGINAL: amayos

quote:

ORIGINAL: ExistentialSteel

Amayos, you are onto something there.

Yeah, we need cards identifying who we are and a secret handshake. We could have floggers with secret compartments to hold our list of references. Implanted chips with all our info is a possibility, too.

A BDSM secret decoder ring . . . And remember to drink your Ovaltine.

"Road Chuck to Ground Squirrel, do you copy?"

(sorry, couldn't resist)

You guys laugh at all these secret things you can get. I going to put on my X-ray vision glasses I got in the mail and am going walking around the mall....looking.

_____________________________

For those who are like Roman Candles leaving bright trails in the night sky while the crowd watches until the dark blue center light bursts into magnificent colors and the crowd goes, ahhhhhhhhhh.

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

Post #: 20

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