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RE: Re: cursing - 12/12/2009 2:36:34 AM

AquaticSub

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Rednekcol

So, for anyone who is still reading, or who skipped to the end of the post, I have my own questions. While many of the dominants have expressed that they don't care, or that they expect their submissive to be themselves, how would you submissives react if your dominant did expect you to conform to some standard in regards to language? And how hard would it be for you to change, if it was so required?

If Valyraen suddenly expected me to change how I speak - and it would be a radical change - than I would do what I do with any other radical change. I would ask him why there was a sudden change in the rules as he would be changing the terms that I submitted to. Knowing him, there would be a very good reason and I would agree with it and happily submit to it. As it stands, I'm required to submit to grammar rules and not do any "U/us" and that is about it.

quote:

Also, while it would probably not be a deal breaker with someone I already cared about, especially if they were willing to change, it would likely be somewhat repulsive to me when meeting a submissive, if they were too free with colored language. Are there other dominants who feel the same? How about submissives who feel that way about dominants? And how many people would tone down the language just in case, when meeting a new submissive or dominant?

I am sure there are others who feel the same way you do. We simply don't. I'm far more interested in how a dominant intends to conduct his relationship with me and how he will relate to my family and friends than I am in his language. I expect the same from him. Particularly given my stutter and my issues with verbal speaking, I am not interested in anyone who will not grant leniency in verbal speech. For us, these are not insulting words. They are simply words that we use.

Much like how many in the lifestyle do not understand how other people in the lifestyle can have issue with the term "slave", I don't much understand people's issue with the term "fuck" other than knowing that people do have such an issue and I will make a basic attempt to respect that but will not censor myself.

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 12/12/2009 2:39:44 AM >

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Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

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(in reply to Rednekcol)

Post #: 61

RE: Re: cursing - 12/12/2009 7:14:28 AM

wisdomtogive

Posts: 636
Joined: 11/13/2009
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Rednekcol
Thank you for responding and posting some questions. The men who been a big part of my life, would not tolerate me using the F word in public, or using it as a adjective to a person's name, as a habit of every day language.. It was a rule even in my vanilla marriage. No one i know is an uptight old fashion person, since i always attracted the eccentric. When i met late hubby i swore like a sailor, and i had to omit the word. Did i lose anything from stopping, oh no not at all.

What brought this question to be posted by me, is I know beyond a shadow of doubt if i cursed , especially the F word on here, at store, in public extra as a regular habit , those i been with would not been pleased. I honestly was surprised to read from the Dominants posts they had no problem with their s-type having the habit of f'ing this and that throughout the day and night. It didn't phase them. Honestly am very surprised but not shocked.

Again i want to state that this is not a put down on any one. I just didn't understand why this was going on. Now i do understand It is related to the Dom. Some might have an issue and others don't. I didnt realize until i started this thread that 'not all Doms would be against the constant flow of F..ing this and that in public, boards and etc. This I know is faulty thinking, since I studied that in philisophy 101 decades ago.

Thanks all for shedding lite ..please continue on..as i shall too with our habit of word usage.

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Post #: 62

RE: Re: cursing - 12/12/2009 7:30:35 AM

LaTigresse

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Joined: 1/15/2006
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I guess I have to admit I am curious as to why this thread was created in 'General BDSM'.

It is more of a Ms Manners type issue than a BDSM issue, regardless of vanilla, dominant, submissive or slave. Obviously I enjoy a very colourful vocabulary and enjoy discovering, or even creating, new words to add to it. Example, getting to know a few Brits added the word 'twat' which I delight in using, while muttering under my breath, after my graphics guy's wife calls with a new "the sky is falling" drama.

So no, I don't mind a submissive using the same words I find such delight in. I agree, there is a certain flair that is almost undefinable. Aileen has it, in my opinion, as did DG and so does Ron.

I am annoyed when someone that is obviously dumber than a post, cannot complete a sentence without including a 'fuck'. Or when children do it, with the assumption that it makes them seem more grown up or cool.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to wisdomtogive)

Post #: 63

RE: Re: cursing - 12/12/2009 7:37:12 AM

mnottertail

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Thanks for the imp-------

Fuck!!!Fuck!!!!Fuck!!!

Stubbed my goddamn fuckin big shit fuck cocksucking toe!!!!!!!

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Post #: 64

RE: Re: cursing - 12/12/2009 7:41:45 AM

persephonee

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Joined: 12/15/2007
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*hands Ron a bandaid*

i tend to use truly foul language when im casually talking to friends....i try to edit myself at work...but have been severely adversely affected by my use of language at work. Its not how i want things to be, but it does tend to happen.

i dont think anything of how other people speak in my private life. i tend to listen to motivations more than exact wording.

i think if Master was offended by my approach in public situations, he would bring it to my attention.

i do sometimes think about trying to change that about myself, as i do sometimes get myself in trouble with what i say and how i phrase things. And i do occasionally offend people.

i think people who really dont curse/swear sound more put together than ones who do....but my biggest pet peeve of all are those who subsitute words for the expletives.....

Ron stubs his toe and yells..."fudge!"...and im going to laugh harder than i would ordinarily.

edited to add the rest of my statement....premature sending is a problem i have.

< Message edited by persephonee -- 12/12/2009 7:49:26 AM >

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Post #: 65

RE: Re: cursing - 12/12/2009 7:45:43 AM

zephyroftheNorth

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Joined: 10/5/2009
From: The Great Frozen North
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I'm with you there LaT, it's really a lot of fun to use not just the regular common words but to discover new ones. I am proud to say that I can swear fluently in 5 different languages.

I. delight in words like fucktard, and will sometimes pepper my posts here with such words. They just seem appropriate when posting in a thread by yet another whinner or troll. The only time I really let loose though is when I'm angry, otherwise I only use a word here and there.

I do think this thread belongs either in Off Topic or P and OS, I also wonder why it was posted here.

Zeph

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(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 66

RE: Re: cursing - 12/12/2009 7:51:36 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

Thanks for the imp-------

Fuck!!!Fuck!!!!Fuck!!!

Stubbed my goddamn fuckin big shit fuck cocksucking toe!!!!!!!

It isn't a 'real and true' Ron post if cocksucker or cock sucking isn't in it........just my less than esteemed opinion of course.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to mnottertail)

Post #: 67

RE: Re: cursing - 12/12/2009 7:57:02 AM

Level

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Joined: 3/3/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: persephonee

edited to add the rest of my statement....premature sending is a problem i have.

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~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to persephonee)

Post #: 68

RE: Re: cursing - 12/12/2009 8:19:36 AM

wisdomtogive

Posts: 636
Joined: 11/13/2009
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Why did I post my question in General BDSM? I was orginally going to post in 'off topic', however my question dealt with something that confused me in a D/s or M/s relationship. I needed some insight and have received it.

I am sure most know of someone(s) and maybe including themselves, who might have met a few people of a particular, group, culture etc and concluded oh this must be how things are done. Yes, it is faulty thinking, and carries no bases. I am totally aware of it, so brought it to the boards. For instance, let's say you got interested in paganism, and met a few people who lived by the same structure. Yosu could assume these were the rules. Then you go to a message board and there are many pagans posting and do are not practing the 'codes' you had come to learn.
As most know when I was under Oceanwynds, I have only been in BDSM for 3 and half years. One 'rule' was a s-type doesn't use the F word in public, boards, chatrooms..etc. I could have jump to the conclusion that oh you guys must not be 'true' s-types, which is stupid imho. I do not believe in any true type. So i was curious as to what is going on here, and why.

If i am on a pagan board and someone got confused with something they thought was the right way, i would be grateful they brought it to the board. I been a practing witch for 35 years, and know there are many variables. I know there are many variables in BDSM, but this one did confuse me. Odd how something little can snag you at times.

Posting in general bdsm gave me the opportunity to see how Doms and s-types view this. I now understand and have gone past my own blinders on it, because of the posters here. I thank you.

wisdomtogive

< Message edited by wisdomtogive -- 12/12/2009 8:25:45 AM >

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Post #: 69

RE: Re: cursing - 12/12/2009 8:38:33 AM

lucylucy

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Joined: 3/1/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Rednekcol

For me, the rule is pretty straight forward. Say what you mean, say it precisely, and don't prevaricate. And if you know how, say it beautifully.

I love this rule . . . and sometimes "cunt" is the most beautiful word for a particular situation.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rednekcol

So, for anyone who is still reading, or who skipped to the end of the post, I have my own questions. While many of the dominants have expressed that they don't care, or that they expect their submissive to be themselves, how would you submissives react if your dominant did expect you to conform to some standard in regards to language? And how hard would it be for you to change, if it was so required?

I would react with surprise, but I would do it. It would be very hard for me and I would expect to make lots of mistakes (fuck ups

) because I learn by trial and error, but I would do it.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rednekcol

Also, while it would probably not be a deal breaker with someone I already cared about, especially if they were willing to change, it would likely be somewhat repulsive to me when meeting a submissive, if they were too free with colored language. Are there other dominants who feel the same? How about submissives who feel that way about dominants? And how many people would tone down the language just in case, when meeting a new submissive or dominant?

I always tone down my language when speaking to someone I don't know well unless the context makes it clear that the f-bomb is preferred over more formal language. For me, the use of colorful language is very context-dependent. I generally don't want my language to make someone else uncomfortable, and I tend to use colorful language to bring the level of formality down and create higher comfort.

_____________________________

“There are those who give with joy, & that joy is their reward.” Gibran / "Those who are willing to be vulnerable move among mysteries." Roethke / "Let the beauty we love be what we do. There are hundreds of ways to kneel & kiss the ground." Rumi

(in reply to Rednekcol)

Post #: 70

RE: Re: cursing - 12/12/2009 1:06:51 PM

ranja

Posts: 2111
Joined: 11/1/2007
Status: offline

FR and nothing to do with bdsm

in Holland almost everybody can speak English and they also swear in English... even when they speak Dutch quite often they will pepper their sentences with swear words... mainly fuck and bloody ... sometimes even every other word...
when i go home to visit sometimes i am really annoyed and embarrassed by the language they use... these people swear in English instead of in Dutch... like the words mean less... they do not really feel the severity of the swearwords at all... so i'm there with my child and there are people all over the place talking about fucking this and fucking that... and the bloody fucking bastard who fucking forgot to cancel the bloody meeting, shit shit shit... and the thing is; they would never talk like that in their own language, i think it is scandalous and it embarrasses me very much.

i think it is great people swear here though... and that it is allowed...
my Husband just typed a response to someone about shares on a trading forum and ended His post with the word crap in his last sentence and the whole thing was immediately censored and He lost all His text... He swore some then...

(in reply to lucylucy)

Post #: 71

RE: Re: cursing - 12/12/2009 1:14:47 PM

breatheasone

Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: wisdomtogive

Rednekcol
Thank you for responding and posting some questions. The men who been a big part of my life, would not tolerate me using the F word in public, or using it as a adjective to a person's name, as a habit of every day language.. It was a rule even in my vanilla marriage. No one i know is an uptight old fashion person, since i always attracted the eccentric. When i met late hubby i swore like a sailor, and i had to omit the word. Did i lose anything from stopping, oh no not at all.

What brought this question to be posted by me, is I know beyond a shadow of doubt if i cursed , especially the F word on here, at store, in public extra as a regular habit , those i been with would not been pleased. I honestly was surprised to read from the Dominants posts they had no problem with their s-type having the habit of f'ing this and that throughout the day and night. It didn't phase them. Honestly am very surprised but not shocked.

Again i want to state that this is not a put down on any one. I just didn't understand why this was going on. Now i do understand It is related to the Dom. Some might have an issue and others don't. I didnt realize until i started this thread that 'not all Doms would be against the constant flow of F..ing this and that in public, boards and etc. This I know is faulty thinking, since I studied that in philisophy 101 decades ago.

Thanks all for shedding lite ..please continue on..as i shall too with our habit of word usage.

If i meant someone that it was a "constant flow" of 'cussing" that would put me off too.... i actually know NO people....not ONE that speak using the word fuck, or any other "cuss" words in a "constant flow".....Perhaps its just the people i hang around. Or maybe the OP was just using exaggeration to make a point.

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Post #: 72

RE: Re: cursing - 12/12/2009 1:30:50 PM

MistressKitty123

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Joined: 8/23/2009
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I feel there is way too much swearing in general these days on both ends of the spectrum.

Fuckers

(in reply to breatheasone)

Post #: 73

RE: Re: cursing - 12/12/2009 1:35:29 PM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline

I know several. I don't think it is an exhaggeration at all. But I do think it is possible that we have become so conditioned to hearing words used this way that we no longer acknowlege them as anything more than punctuation.

quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone
i actually know NO people....not ONE that speak using the word fuck, or any other "cuss" words in a "constant flow".....Perhaps its just the people i hang around. Or maybe the OP was just using exaggeration to make a point.
[/color]

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Post #: 74

RE: Re: cursing - 12/12/2009 1:43:56 PM

breatheasone

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Joined: 7/14/2007
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Missokyst, yes i agree we probably don't "hear" all of the words any more, because we have been desensitized.....but i have to say i honest to God don't know ANY one that "cusses" in a "constant flow".....

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candy posts in pink font

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Post #: 75

RE: Re: cursing - 12/12/2009 2:15:19 PM

lucylucy

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Joined: 3/1/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

Missokyst, yes i agree we probably don't "hear" all of the words any more, because we have been desensitized.....but i have to say i honest to God don't know ANY one that "cusses" in a "constant flow".....

Candy, I don't either, and I work with 18-25 year olds, who you would think would be the worst offenders.

_____________________________

“There are those who give with joy, & that joy is their reward.” Gibran / "Those who are willing to be vulnerable move among mysteries." Roethke / "Let the beauty we love be what we do. There are hundreds of ways to kneel & kiss the ground." Rumi

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Post #: 76

RE: Re: cursing - 12/12/2009 2:18:37 PM

Justme696

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Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
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quote:

the thing is; they would never talk like that in their own language

you should ignore those city people...and come to the north east were we still curse in authenthic dutch

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Post #: 77

RE: Re: cursing - 12/12/2009 2:46:15 PM

wisdomtogive

Posts: 636
Joined: 11/13/2009
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As i stated earlier, using the f word in particular for the few Dom's i have know in BDSM would not be permit coming out of their submissives or slave typing or mouth . Now, as I also stated, I sure do not know ever Dom in the world, and perhaps others think differently from those I know and late hubby. So i ventured to ask to see what is going on. It comes down to the factor some Dom;s don't see it as anything but common english language and are okay with it, while others don't. Both is fine, since i only answer to One.

I did not mean to put anyone on the spot to defend themselves or others for cussing.

Thanks again for educating me on this matter everyone, which was what i was seeking.

< Message edited by wisdomtogive -- 12/12/2009 2:49:22 PM >

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Post #: 78

RE: Re: cursing - 12/12/2009 2:54:36 PM

Lucienne

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quote:

ORIGINAL: zephyroftheNorth

I. delight in words like fucktard,

It is a fun word, isn't it?

(in reply to zephyroftheNorth)

Post #: 79

RE: Re: cursing - 12/12/2009 3:12:23 PM

Aynne88

Posts: 3873
Joined: 8/29/2008
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Fast Reply~

I have always cursed and I was raised in a very traditional square family that never ever cursed, including my father. I have always abhorred the notion that cursing was a sign of being less than educated or intellectual. Mainly because I know better. Some of my favorite literary heroes were quite proficient with the perfunctory curse words, so the education argument just doesn't fly. I also own a business and realize when to use such colorful language. I abhor it being used for shock value, that seems so trite, and common. Fuck it, I like to curse. As far as my "Dom"...I am 43 years old. He hopefully has bigger issues than my pirate mouth. Munches? That is a non-issue. I won't attend one and neither will he.

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As long as people will shed the blood of innocent creatures there can be no peace, no liberty, no harmony between people. Slaughter and justice cannot dwell together.
—Isaac Bashevis Singer, writer and Nobel laureate (1902–1991)

(in reply to Lucienne)

Post #: 80

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