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Differences in what you want - 12/17/2009 8:28:46 PM

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I know everyone here is looking for something different. Not everyone is compatible with each other. However, that being said, I honestly feel like the odd man out.

Im an early bloomer, having discovered my submissive tendancies at a young age. Most people dont discover this side of there sexuality until they're in their 30s or 40s on average (my observation). My want is to find someone to marry, have kids, etc. A normal appearing life with the D/s relationship under the surface.

It seems like all of the women Ive met here either A: have no interest in that or B: are way past that age in the first place.

I guess what Im asking, is has anyone else wanted these things, and is it really so hard to find?

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RE: Differences in what you want - 12/17/2009 8:33:03 PM

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Have you searched for a TNG group near you? A TNG munch would be a great place to meet potentail partners near your own age, with the same goals as you.

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RE: Differences in what you want - 12/17/2009 8:37:22 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: youngsubgeoff

I know everyone here is looking for something different. Not everyone is compatible with each other. However, that being said, I honestly feel like the odd man out.

Im an early bloomer, having discovered my submissive tendancies at a young age. Most people dont discover this side of there sexuality until they're in their 30s or 40s on average (my observation). My want is to find someone to marry, have kids, etc. A normal appearing life with the D/s relationship under the surface.

It seems like all of the women Ive met here either A: have no interest in that or B: are way past that age in the first place.

I guess what Im asking, is has anyone else wanted these things, and is it really so hard to find?

That is exactly what I am looking for. You are not alone :-)

ETA: You don't have a profile here. It might help to find someone if you did!

-LA

< Message edited by LadyAngelika -- 12/17/2009 8:39:59 PM >

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RE: Differences in what you want - 12/17/2009 8:44:34 PM

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Actually, I am part of and used to lead CYPRUS, a local TNG group here in Cleveland. Again, the problem is, most Dommes arent looking for what I am.

As for my profile, I shut it down due to personal reasons I dont care to discuss here.

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RE: Differences in what you want - 12/17/2009 8:45:35 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: youngsubgeoff

Actually, I am part of and used to lead CYPRUS, a local TNG group here in Cleveland. Again, the problem is, most Dommes arent looking for what I am.

As for my profile, I shut it down due to personal reasons I dont care to discuss here.

Ok. But you asked a question of whether or not you were alone and I told you that you weren't. Isn't that what you wanted to hear?

And yes, true love mixed in with aligned objectives and the right timing can be very hard to find regardless of whether your kinky or not.

- LA

< Message edited by LadyAngelika -- 12/17/2009 8:46:40 PM >

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RE: Differences in what you want - 12/17/2009 8:48:02 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

quote:

ORIGINAL: youngsubgeoff

Actually, I am part of and used to lead CYPRUS, a local TNG group here in Cleveland. Again, the problem is, most Dommes arent looking for what I am.

As for my profile, I shut it down due to personal reasons I dont care to discuss here.

Ok. But you asked a question of whether or not you were alone and I told you that you weren't. Isn't that what you wanted to hear?

And yes, true love mixed in with aligned objectives and the right timing can be very hard to find regardless of whether your kinky or not.

- LA

yes, however, your clear in montreal, wich is a hell of a drive from where Im at (doesnt help that I hate your hockey team too).

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RE: Differences in what you want - 12/17/2009 8:51:57 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: youngsubgeoff

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

quote:

ORIGINAL: youngsubgeoff

Actually, I am part of and used to lead CYPRUS, a local TNG group here in Cleveland. Again, the problem is, most Dommes arent looking for what I am.

As for my profile, I shut it down due to personal reasons I dont care to discuss here.

Ok. But you asked a question of whether or not you were alone and I told you that you weren't. Isn't that what you wanted to hear?

And yes, true love mixed in with aligned objectives and the right timing can be very hard to find regardless of whether your kinky or not.

- LA

yes, however, your clear in montreal, wich is a hell of a drive from where Im at (doesnt help that I hate your hockey team too).

Oh no!!! Love me, loves Les Canadiens de Montréal!! Though I should spank Carey Price for his performance tonight ;-)

- LA

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RE: Differences in what you want - 12/17/2009 8:54:36 PM

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hehehe Price cowers in fear when he sees Big Z coming at him. Then again, any 6'9 dude with a 105mph slapshot is pretty intimidating

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RE: Differences in what you want - 12/17/2009 8:58:21 PM

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geoff - I don't think LadyAngelika was suggesting herself as a match per se; more like companioning you with an answer. The energy of your response doesn't seem very friendly nor open, and in fact could be taken as down right rude. This gives me the impression that there might be other reasons you may be having difficulty finding a partner.

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RE: Differences in what you want - 12/17/2009 9:04:58 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SthrnCom4t

geoff - I don't think LadyAngelika was suggesting herself as a match per se; more like companioning you with an answer. The energy of your response doesn't seem very friendly nor open, and in fact could be taken as down right rude. This gives me the impression that there might be other reasons you may be having difficulty finding a partner.

You dont know me at all. Yes, I gave her some good natured ribbing, but there was no rudeness intended.

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RE: Differences in what you want - 12/17/2009 9:54:44 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: youngsubgeoff

hehehe Price cowers in fear when he sees Big Z coming at him.

He probably cowers in fear when he sees LadyAngelika coming at him, too.

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RE: Differences in what you want - 12/18/2009 3:18:01 AM

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quote:

>

quote:

ORIGINAL: youngsubgeoff

Im an early bloomer, having discovered my submissive tendancies at a young age. Most people dont discover this side of there sexuality until they're in their 30s or 40s on average (my observation). My want is to find someone to marry, have kids, etc. A normal appearing life with the D/s relationship under the surface.

Just how young are you? Early 20s? I wonder how much people are just "discovering" such tendencies in the 30s and 40s and how much of it is finally being in a place in your life where you're comfortable more actively pursuing the satisfaction of tendencies you've been aware of for a long time. Part of that comfort may be that a person has already been through the early stages of raising kids and is ready to reassert more "me" time.

I'm happily childless myself, but among my friends it's pretty standard to have the experience of having kids changing things and reorienting their relationship around the children. Not to say that they stop having sex, just that young children present urgent demands on one's time and emotional reserves and part of being a responsible loving parent is putting the child's needs ahead of one's own more than one would in just about any other relationship. (even a D/s relationship).

My gut response to your inquiry is to suggest that you focus on finding a woman you love and want to have kids with and let the bdsm thing work itself out in its own time. It's not that I think there's no one out there who wants the same things you want. But that person is going to be difficult to find, and I feel like what you're looking for is borderline "having it all" territory. Great work if you can get it, but sometimes you need to make priorities or you end up with next to nothing.

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RE: Differences in what you want - 12/18/2009 3:52:45 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: youngsubgeoff

hehehe Price cowers in fear when he sees Big Z coming at him. Then again, any 6'9 dude with a 105mph slapshot is pretty intimidating

I would cower in fear if I saw Chara coming at me too :(

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RE: Differences in what you want - 12/18/2009 4:52:27 AM

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Ahhh...

Being "young". Here's the deal "most" individuals prolly know who they are at your age. In fact, the general understanding of a person and who they are at the core is formed around the age of 6 and solidified for the next 12-14 years. After that it's simply finding comfort with the rest of one's self. Sooooo...my guess is the observation is based upon when people come out, not when people say the understood what their needs were.

I'm 23. Ma'am is 40. She wants kids and my parts don't match for that. What we're dealing with right now is the comfort of the life we lead without children and the desire She has for children. I'd gather to say that Her internal struggle (as well as mine as another individual involved in this decision making process) isn't too different from your external struggle.

It takes time. Women are furtile for longer now. And as long as your swimmers work now, they should be working for the rest of your life. There's no need to rush the "family" thing. That's a social construct that's been driven into your brain (that or you're part female and need to have an offspring to stop the desire to reproduce)...to have a child at an early age. What attracts women will be that you are secure emotionally, mentally, and financially. Get all your little duckies in a row and then think about doing everything. Make sure you can fully support at least 3 individuals on a full time basis (cuz the chances of one of the adults being laid off right now is pretty high).

If ya can't do these things, then consider setting goals for yourself and focus on meeting those goals before finding the partner to match the lay of the land. You're smart, you know why all of this is important.

boi

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RE: Differences in what you want - 12/18/2009 5:01:59 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lucienne

quote:

>

quote:

ORIGINAL: youngsubgeoff

Im an early bloomer, having discovered my submissive tendancies at a young age. Most people dont discover this side of there sexuality until they're in their 30s or 40s on average (my observation). My want is to find someone to marry, have kids, etc. A normal appearing life with the D/s relationship under the surface.

Just how young are you? Early 20s? I wonder how much people are just "discovering" such tendencies in the 30s and 40s and how much of it is finally being in a place in your life where you're comfortable more actively pursuing the satisfaction of tendencies you've been aware of for a long time. Part of that comfort may be that a person has already been through the early stages of raising kids and is ready to reassert more "me" time.

I'm happily childless myself, but among my friends it's pretty standard to have the experience of having kids changing things and reorienting their relationship around the children. Not to say that they stop having sex, just that young children present urgent demands on one's time and emotional reserves and part of being a responsible loving parent is putting the child's needs ahead of one's own more than one would in just about any other relationship. (even a D/s relationship).

My gut response to your inquiry is to suggest that you focus on finding a woman you love and want to have kids with and let the bdsm thing work itself out in its own time. It's not that I think there's no one out there who wants the same things you want. But that person is going to be difficult to find, and I feel like what you're looking for is borderline "having it all" territory. Great work if you can get it, but sometimes you need to make priorities or you end up with next to nothing.

Yes, Im 22, and Ive been in this lifestyle for the last 4 years. Yes, Im well aware of the difficulties of raising kids, but it doesnt stop my desire to have them. The problem I have with what your suggesting is it sounds like settling for less, and I cannot do that. I cant shut my eyes to what Ive seen and experience in the last four years, and I dont want to. If I do that, I will end up resenting my wife and kids. I feel like we tell people to settle for less in this society, to take what you can get, and then sit back and wonder why 51% of marriages fail, why the majority of kids today are raised by a single parent, and why the legal system is so full of fathers that cant pay child support.

I know your trying to be helpful, but I want to have my cake and eat it too.

< Message edited by youngsubgeoff -- 12/18/2009 5:04:20 AM >

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RE: Differences in what you want - 12/18/2009 5:49:59 AM

dreamerdreaming

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youngsubgeoff:

When I was a young slave (I knew at a very young age what I was) I wanted the same things as you. I think it must be fairly common, for your age group (in the kinkster population). So, maybe take a look at your search methods? If there are good matches for you to be found, and you're not finding them or not able to get anywhere with them, see what you can do to address that.

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RE: Differences in what you want - 12/18/2009 6:22:38 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: BoiJen

That's a social construct that's been driven into your brain (that or you're part female and need to have an offspring to stop the desire to reproduce)...to have a child at an early age.

I agree there's no need to rush, but as a technical matter I must point out that as a female I don't have a female-specific biological desire to reproduce, I've got a biological desire to get fucked that coincides with my most fertile period (young ladies, you don't know horny until you're ovulating in your thirties!).

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RE: Differences in what you want - 12/18/2009 6:23:48 AM

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I'll say this. I hear your frustration. It's a frustration that's not that uncommon and I don't base that observation on any of the factors that you mention here such as age, gender, or role. Compatibility in your wants and goals isn't always as easy of a trick to pull off as some might think, especially if you're looking for some very specific things in life. I'm sure a lot of people feel that same frustration from time to time.

At your age, even if they understand themselves and what they want, most people have only been able to live as who they are fully for just a few years. I'm sure there are some out there who know exactly what that is. In the same breath, I'm sure there are others who don't. I would think that some, if interested in things like D/s, are still in the exploration stage of whether D/s or vanilla really fits them and wanting to have had an opportunity to try both. The same could be said for other lifestyle choices, such as whether a person is happier with monogamy than poly.

If you know who you are and what you want at 22, then you're ahead of the game. Yes, you may have to wait for some in your age group to catch up in that area. Not until hitting the 30's and 40's, but maybe a few years for some who are trying a variety of things in life and deciding what fits them best. I sincerely believe that people have more options and knowledge now of different lifestyle choices than they did even twenty years ago when I was your age. In My opinion, that's a good thing.

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RE: Differences in what you want - 12/18/2009 6:38:08 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: youngsubgeoff

Yes, Im 22, and Ive been in this lifestyle for the last 4 years. Yes, Im well aware of the difficulties of raising kids, but it doesnt stop my desire to have them. The problem I have with what your suggesting is it sounds like settling for less, and I cannot do that. I cant shut my eyes to what Ive seen and experience in the last four years, and I dont want to. If I do that, I will end up resenting my wife and kids. I feel like we tell people to settle for less in this society, to take what you can get, and then sit back and wonder why 51% of marriages fail, why the majority of kids today are raised by a single parent, and why the legal system is so full of fathers that cant pay child support.

I know your trying to be helpful, but I want to have my cake and eat it too.

I know you want to have your cake and eat it too. And I hope you can pull it off. :) I don't think we have a high divorce rate because people are encouraged to settle for less. I think we have it because what people want changes. That's going to be true in a D/s relationship as much as a vanilla relationship. You could find what seems like the perfect woman now, crank out a couple of kids and all of the sudden her dominant desires are sublimated into child-rearing for 5-7 years. Or, your perfect woman could say - let's have fun with us and not worry about kids until we're 30, then 30 rolls around and she's not really interested in having kids.

Sorry to be a spoilsport.

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RE: Differences in what you want - 12/18/2009 7:07:16 AM

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I started dating my former submissive who I first explored BDSM and D/s with when I was 20 and he was 21. I'd been interested in it from reading books, and he had some previous experience. We were together for 5 years, and he asked me to marry him, but it ultimately didn't work out for non-BDSM-related reasons. A lot more people are getting into this a lot younger, and I agree that TNG groups may be a good resource for you.

(in reply to Lucienne)

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