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Falkenstein -> RE: improving submission (12/28/2009 6:33:16 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: toxichearts
[sm=imnewhere.gif]I was given a task to figure out how to improve my submission to my Dom. I have tried to think of different things but i am just not coming up with anything. It is also difficult because we live some distance away from each other. I would really appreciate the help![sm=thanks.gif]
Instead of ranting about how bad you dom is, let us see what you can do in praxis.
Actually, it is quite a good exercise you dom gave to you, because it allows you to find out how much you know about him and gives you the occasion of telling him want you want to do, what your fantasms are etc.
This is a great opportunity for both of you to stake out what you relationship will contain and what not.
One major caveat: Do not put into your lists something you would really not like, because either he will use it to enforce it upon you ("Slave, you suggested electrical play...") or he will feel deceived when he comes with it and you say that it is a hard limit after all. Leave things open to discussions and always uses terms as generic as possible, if necessary precising with an example, so that he can hear what he wants.
A last warning, it is a common -- and lowly -- management trick to ask the employee what he thinks he is doing wrong. It disarm any defense argument or excuse. If you think your dom is trying to trick you that way: Dump the asshole. I read in your profile that you are sub only in the bedroom, maybe he wants you to aknowledge that you should be submissive outside of it...
As primer for your brainstorm, think of his hobbies, drinking and eating habits, TV shows, habits, mannierisms...
Perouse all his past mails to you. A last good source: which stories did he read from the BDSM library or the mind control stories archive?
When you have finished your list with proposal, : Put an introduction thanking him for the exercise, that you are ashamed not to know enough of him to find easily things that will please him, If it is some of behaviour that he want you to change (and that you are willing to change!) ask him for his help, with a practical suggestion, Present your findings in the flowery speak of the slave "Would my Master like me... Sir, would I please you if..."
The best would be if you could present the result of your findings, for example naked and kneeling in front of him, after having served his preffered drink...
I will assume that your relationship involves both long distance and F2F and that both of you are not in a dorm but can have some privacy in the bedroom and in front of the computer.
In general,
Do you show enough apparent submission? Would he like you to speak girlie slave speak? Are you always obeying? Accepting punishments without complains (maybe he wants you to protest)
Wearing certain clothes (or being nude)
In the bedroom,
think of what he likes in terms of sex and especially tried and that you have not done /accepted:
For example oral/anal sex: tell him you want to be trained in it so you may satisfy him with any of your orifices...
Bondage or orgasm control (that you will always ask him before cumming)
Do you like sex in the morning? If not, this is another skill you can learn, and improve.
In the morning, would he like you to wake up first, make the coffee and wake him with your mouth around his sex?
Outside the bedroom:
When you are together, would he care for you to wear some implement, like a remote controlled dildo? or no panties...
Would he like you to bring him his beer on a small sign of his hand or change the TV program to his preffered one whenever he enters the room?
How do you address him, how do you refer to yourself "I", this slave etc.
Away from him:
Would he like you to ask for permission to play with yourself and climax.Would you do it in front of a camera
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