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Aswad -> RE: Misogyny and BDSM (1/7/2010 9:40:24 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Psychonaut23
Who is (a) supposed to be? I get that (b) is supposed to be my dad, but (a) is the exact opposite of how I described my mother. I mean I have breakfast with her every weekend. And I'm 33. Does it really sound like my mother is detached, doesn't care, or wanted me out of the house? I think that's a remarkably poor reading of the things I've said.
And my dad cares about me. He's just got a lot of self-hatred he doesn't know how to deal with a healthy way, and it comes out as abuse. He and I are still on speaking terms, even if we're not close.
Was talking about rearing, and a model of how certain personalities tend to develop from childhood trauma..
You exhibit two traits clustered along the part of the spectrum from where parents relate to children as things and thus outright disposable, to the part where parents relate to children without particular attachment. The two being adjacent, if the model is correct, would tend to suggest either the kind of relationships I commented, or that there was sufficient variability in your upbringing to account for the gap. The latter would tend to be associated with mild sociopathic features, while the former would not, so I gave you the benefit of the doubt. I'm not married to the model, by the way.
Incidentally, given that background, I'd be careful about assessing the degree of attachment she has.
As for your father, that's not surprising, if what you said about Vietnam is correct, given that children were targets and weapons there, necessitating the internalization of an attitude that children are disposables, so that there's nothing wrong with killing them. Upon return to normal society, that obviously has the potential to cause problems if he doesn't know how to readjust and get that shit out of his system. You may suggest writing, as that has been helpful for some, or just going back there and experiencing the place without a war going on, as a form of catharsis, or maybe charity work there if he's got backlogged guilt that he needs to get out (atonement works wonders for some, apparently).
The ethics thing, the reply to that will have to wait for tomorrow. We can't all be manic.
Health,
al-Aswad.
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