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LafayetteLady -> RE: Not quite sure how to continue... (12/31/2009 10:20:13 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: UnknowingMaster
I have a problem, and as you can tell from the title, I am not quite sure how to continue. Please excuse any typing errors as I am doing this from my phone. The last time I posted on here, was about 15 months or so ago and I had asked for help in becoming a better Dom. I don't know if I am doing it wrong, if I just don't have enough motivation, etc, but I just can't seem to get into the role. My wife introduced me to the d/s aspect of her sexuality while I was deployed, sent me tons of articles, talked to me on end about this and was/has been extremely enthusiastic about the lifestyle. I just don't know how to handle some situations. I am a very laid back type of person, and most of the time just don't care about what is happening in my surroundings. Don't get me wrong, I can be alert and responsive if I want, I just usually don't care to be. My main problem that I am having now is that she is burying her nose in books such as "The Story of O" or some other series that is "The Claiming of someone or other". I can noticibly tell a difference between when she is reading stuff like that or just plain vanilla romance novels. The only time that she is ever "in the mood" is when she reads the d/s stuff. I love her to death, but I can't figure out what to do. She claims that when we try a scene, she can notice that I am not that into it. There are other things that she wants to do that, again, I am not into, but I will have the common courtesy not to say because she does view these boards. I want to make her happy, but to what expense do I do that? Do I spend the rest of my life living as a person that I clearly am not, or do I just not fulfill her fantasies? Living the life as the person that I am not will obviously work in my favor sexually, but not fulfilling her fantasies will leave me initiating if I ever want sex. Thoughts, comments, suggestions, criticism? I don't know if any of this made sense or if I just seem like I am rambling.
Thank you for your help.
Can't there be some sort of "happy medium" where sometimes you do it your way and other times you do it her way? I realize mine might not be the popular answer to tell a "dom," but you really aren't one are you? Your activities in this regard seem to be, from your statements, purely because you want to make your wife happy. That's a very admirable thing. But if you aren't that "into it," I can see how it is a struggle. That's why I say there has to be a compromise. She obviously isn't into it "full time" either from what you say, so I think if you sat down and talked with her, you should be able to work it out. Seems as though she is a bit upset that you aren't as enthusiastic as she is when you play. Maybe you need to explain to her that you want to make her happy, but you really aren't up to pretending that the stuff is rocking your world the way it is hers. There's nothing wrong with that.
When she sent you all those articles, what did you think? Were you turned on by them and getting excited to come home and try them? Of course, the fact that you were deployed and away from your wife, I imagine that sometimes just thinking of her in grubby sweats could be a turn on being so far away for so long.
The point is talk to her. If "this" isn't who you are, you already figured out that trying to force it isn't going to make you happy. Remind her that while she can tell you aren't as into it as she is, she is lucky to have a man who loves her enough to step up and do what makes her happy, even if it isn't going to happen all the time.
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