BitaTruble
Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
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I tried to write of spirit without talking about power and found I couldn't do it, so the 'power' part of this is a repost only as to bring clarity to the spirit portion. If you've read this already, please feel free to skip it. No harm, no foul. This is for Level, because he thought it would make a good thread. I would love to hear how others meld their spirituality with their M/s dynamics.
Power
Darkness, that stormy weather of the soul and the ability to harness it and unleash it with control. It's no wonder to me that some Masters who have that ability think they are Gods. To shape and dictate where the lightening strikes, when the rain falls, how fast the heart beats, such, to me, are elements of BDSM power. Without that bit of darkness, the sunshine blinds me. Without the shadows, there is no unknown and I need that because my own shadows love the dance, the touch of fear, the primal and visceral that lays within me and can't be pulled out by 'kind' or 'nice.' Kind and nice are eaten alive in the face of that power. Without the unknown, there is no journey to take, no territory to discover, no growth to be had. "Firm but gentle." How often I see those words and to my mind, they do not hold hands very well with power and control. They have their place and, indeed, gentle and tender thoughts are part of an intimate and loving relationship, but it's not the relationship I may have with another which feeds the beast. Relationships feed my humanity, but the darkness, the blood, the roar and rage of controlled power feeds those things which fall outside of my humanity. Those things I sought and which brought me to where I reside today, in BDSM. The deer makes no gift of her meat to the hunter. He takes it and eats it at his leisure. What is beautiful for me, is that there is no death when he eats my power because it remains in tact and whole within him. He digests it then utilizes it and snaps it out the end of his whip, the blade of his tongue.. he makes the rain fall in the form of my tears. He makes the Earth stand still or rotate with single words dropped from great height so that I quake with unknowing. Shall the world spin to the left or right today? Always, always, his choice. Such is why his direction and clarity are so important. Without being told right or left, I can spin out into the void, not knowing where the handholds may be. This is how it is for me.. how I wanted it, how I craved it.. how I live it .. without that.. without that darkness.. without the control of that wild.. I am lost. The ability to stay in my center is the last thing that I need. It's the edge, the very edge.. to the point where you fall or fly that brings me back again and again.. so I can dance knowing I may trip and fall .. yet still taking that chance.
Spirit
I believe in Higher Power. Something greater than myself which feeds me and gives life to my soul. That power allows me to feel a connection to Earth and humanity and no less to the Universe and when it's harnessed by one with ability and who knows it's potential, it can be used to fuel flights I never dreamed possible. I am the conduit, the cord which goes to that which is power and creates the energy within me. What's beautiful about that power is the source, which is unending, so at the same time that power is flowing from me to Himself, it is continually renewed so that I am never drained and my soul never hungers. As that Higher Power feeds me, in turn it flows from me and feeds the hungry beast which is Himself. That's not all though, because at the same time as I have the power flowing to me and then from me to him as energy ... he has his own power which flows directly to him and the very thought of it makes me giddy. The flow is, while not tangible in manifestation, opening my mind to new thoughts and ideas, enabling me to release that which would weigh me down or cause immersion into self. It allows me to become more than I am of body and mind.. it allows my spirit to reign, to seek new destinations, new understandings. There are times I watch myself and am amazed at the astral projections which are enabled through the power of spirit and the release of the spirit from the physical body which holds it. Being able to touch someone else with everything that is the embodiment of who I am, soul to soul.. it's touch in it's purest form, involving no flesh. There were days when I had not been able to release that which flows to me.. days when I wasn't been able to meditate to give it back to it's source and I felt overwhelmed by it. Those are screaming days or crying days.. and without that release, I can fall into exhaustion from trying to keep it contained. You can't just go around screaming or crying at the drop of a hat though, so there are other methods.. physical pain which is so good at releasing that soul pain and so much less damaging. Blood letting works wonders for me. Piercing gives a twofold benefit, allowing both the release from pain and a chance to speak to those who came before me and who's blood runs through my veins. Karezza, Tantra, meditation, S/m ... all hold a sacred place in my life as it relates to both my spirituality and my sexuality to help in the release of the pain when the power is overwhelming. If you have ever had a sexual ache, needing something so bad that you'll do almost anything for it.. and I get that as well, but I also have a spiritual pain that is no less but vastly different if it's not addressed. Try to bottle up grief.. and see if your soul does not suffer in time. Try to suppress joy and see how far you go. Laughter, all emotions take their due or the soul suffers the consequences. The piper needs must be paid at some point or the body is a shell holding simply.. emptiness. That power flow has allowed a complete connection with Himself that transcends humanity and we are transformed as we move from human to energy. That's when I would have to say that he is a God because it's he who guides us, keeps us safe and when needed, brings us back to the surface, back to ourselves. Such is the trust I have in him, the faith.. because it's not my life confined by this physical flesh which he takes care of in those precious moments.. it's my very soul. The flesh, being so finite in duration, so limited in capacity pales next to the spirit which is never ending, never dying, and ever evolving. Master is the guardian, the shaper and molder and the director of when and where the spirit flies. Thus is how my spirituality and the M/s S/m power dynamic, which is the path Himself and I walk, conjoin with one another, melding together and enabling us to be more than the sum of our parts. Celeste
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"Oh, so it's just like Rock, paper, scissors." He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."
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