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breatheasone -> RE: what is the most difficult thing (1/9/2010 9:30:30 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: kyraofMists
quote:
ORIGINAL: breatheasone
quote:
ORIGINAL: kyraofMists
the most difficult thing I had to do was let him know that choices he made were harming me and our relationship.
Yeah, this one is kicking my ass too.... i'm glad you figured it out.
In a lot of ways what was so tough was the question, 'is this really harming me or do I just hate it'. The harm wasn't coming from something he was doing per se, but was from how I perceived what he was doing. The pain and stress from my perception got me boxed in a corner that I saw no way out of; I was too busy trying to manage my own pain that I didn't work on changing my perception. He then decided to take a different path and now I am where he wants me.
When I was able to answer that going the way things were was going to harm me, then I had to get the courage to tell him. The challenge there was in not wanting to take away his authority and the fear that it would mean the end of our relationship. I didn't want to change who he was and I didn't want to live without him in my life. It was a scary thing.
Knight's Kyra
Yes, i can well understand your fear. And yes, i am sure it is i, that needs to change, Master tells me i can say anything to Him with respect, i do that. With difficult things, i even let Him know this is hard for me to say when i begin, so He has as much information as possible, about where i am as He listens to me. What i hope Master remembers, is that, even though i know i have an "open door," walking through it can be hard. Sometimes i NEED His encouragement, and/or help breaking that threshold. So my courage is going to be needed for the talking part, and its going to be needed for the Changing my perception part.
After i have spoken whats on my heart, and mind to Him, i kinda wait to see what He does, or perhaps responds is a better word. He is always glad that i came to Him. My most difficult thing is adjusting my perception of Masters actions, or inaction's to what i have told Him. i am very hesitant to bring stuff up that i have brought up before, thats also another big fear issue for me. Because part of me knows that Master may think i am bringing it up again because it wasn't addressed in a way i may have expected. So at that point i need to adjust my perception. Instead of feeling ignored, or like the issue must not have been important, except to me....i should focus on His good judgment...That He heard me, and knows how i feel... That the course of action He chose is best...even if its different than what i hope for, or wanted..... This is what i struggle with....
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